It's hasn't even been 2 full days of NC and I'm going insane!!

[Dkp]

It's only been a 1 1/2 of NC. I know this cheater doesn't deserve another minute of my time. I just can't believe someone could be this cold and let me leave with such ease and carelessness. A part of me wants him to reach out tell me he's sorry and that he loves me and wants to be with me and only. But I know he won't and that if he did I shouldn't give in because the trust is completely gone and irreparable at this point. What kills me is that he just let me leave w/o a fight. He really doesn't love me like I do him. I did nothing wrong I wish he never did this to me. I was willing to stick around and give him the chance but he doesn't want the chance.. He has placed me last on his list. I just needed to vent because I'm really tempted to break NC and give him a piece of my mind. I would just sound like a broken record I have said everything trying to convince him why he should be w/ me and I KNOW I shouldn't have to do that but I'm so in love w/ this piece of ****. It's hard to let go and pretend that I don't care.. When I do!! : (((

[TaraMaiden]

"It's the one who cares the least who controls the most."

 

Start caring less.

if he can do it - so can you.

[na49]

Stay strong! Post here whenever you feel like contacting your ex. I feel that it helps. Read a few NC guides, read a few threads, just make yourself feel better. My ex is a cheater, who left me and didn't really seem to care right after dumping me. Almost giving off the impression that life was better without me.

 

It's probably because our exes checked out of the relationship while they were with us (had their eyes on/seeing someone else), so when they cut us off it doesn't affect them as much because they've been readying themselves for a while and have justified what they did. My ex doesn't deserve an ounce of my time, but I haven't been able to go a day without thinking of her while she probably goes weeks and weeks without thinking about me. It sucks, but we'll get through it! Time is seriously the only way to heal, don't wait for him. (easier said then done, I know) He wasn't that great and you deserve better. You can do this.

[NavyAirTraffic]

You don't love him do you, honestly? How could anyone love someone who's treated them the way this guy has treated you? I'll prove it to you...

 

Close your eyes and think of your perfect man, height, build, face... most importantly how your perfect man treats you, things he does (flowers, gifts, etc), how he looks at you, how he holds you, etc.

 

Is your ex anywhere near your perfect man? If that perfect man walked in your life today would you ever entertain taking your ex back?

 

I say this to most people but I don't know for sure "you can do better". In your case I'm 1000% sure YOU CAN DO BETTER!! Blindfold yourself and walk into a mall, I guarantee that the first guy you bump into will be better than your ex.

[Dkp]

Stay strong! Post here whenever you feel like contacting your ex. I feel that it helps. Read a few NC guides, read a few threads, just make yourself feel better. My ex is a cheater, who left me and didn't really seem to care right after dumping me. Almost giving off the impression that life was better without me.

 

It's probably because our exes checked out of the relationship while they were with us (had their eyes on/seeing someone else), so when they cut us off it doesn't affect them as much because they've been readying themselves for a while and have justified what they did. My ex doesn't deserve an ounce of my time, but I haven't been able to go a day without thinking of her while she probably goes weeks and weeks without thinking about me. It sucks, but we'll get through it! Time is seriously the only way to heal, don't wait for him. (easier said then done, I know) He wasn't that great and you deserve better. You can do this.

 

Your right, it's just the pain is unbearable at times. I know time is everything but it just sucks to kno he doesn't care!

[Dkp]

You don't love him do you, honestly? How could anyone love someone who's treated them the way this guy has treated you? I'll prove it to you...

 

Close your eyes and think of your perfect man, height, build, face... most importantly how your perfect man treats you, things he does (flowers, gifts, etc), how he looks at you, how he holds you, etc.

 

Is your ex anywhere near your perfect man? If that perfect man walked in your life today would you ever entertain taking your ex back?

 

I say this to most people but I don't know for sure "you can do better". In your case I'm 1000% sure YOU CAN DO BETTER!! Blindfold yourself and walk into a mall, I guarantee that the first guy you bump into will be better than your ex.

 

I know I can do better. I just wanted so badly for him to be that person. Idk why some lil part if me says he could be that person if he got his act together but it's clear he doesn't want to. I wish I didn't care so much and could remove my feelings and act like it doesn't bother me like he's doing.

[ReadMyThread]

"It's the one who cares the least who controls the most."

 

Start caring less.

if he can do it - so can you.

 

This is 100% true. "the power of relationships lie in the person who cares the less.".

 

Makes no sense to me. Treat a girl how a girl is SUPPOSE to be treated and you will be the one heartbroken in the end. Treat a girl as if you never even loved her in the first place by cheating on her and lying to her, she'll love you even more.

 

Take Rihanna and Chris Brown for example. Girl got pushically abused yet they get back together and she still loves him.

 

I still don't get it. This is what makes me never want to be in a relationship again. Or if I would be, I'd be the one caring less but without cheating and lying.

[Treasa]

"It's the one who cares the least who controls the most."

 

Start caring less.

if he can do it - so can you.

 

So SO true. My ex is trying to contact me like crazy because he finally realizes he has no control over me anymore, and I'm ignoring the hell out of him. I have the power. I don't want him anymore. I can do better. He can piss off.

[sharsh]

I know exactly what you're feeling.

 

I still find myself "wishing" my ex could just grow the F up and be "that guy". It's like we see the potential in them, and we build them up, and just keeping telling ourselves, well, this time maybe he'll change. Things will be different.

 

Every other day I so badly want to break NC, to just drill into his head, and try to get him to see the guy he could be, the one I want him to be. Or just be angry, and give him a huge piece of my mind because he WON'T be that guy.

Then I come back to reality. Wtf sense does that make? He's not going to change because I WANT HIM TO. He has to want it, and it's clear he doesn't. It f*cking sucks, you just want to help them, build them up into this awesome man. But you can't mold someone into being what YOU want them to be. No matter what you say, how hard you fight, how much you try. There is nothing you can do.

That's what I'm struggling with. We just have to accept them for the person they truly are, and kick them to the curb because they are not right for us.

 

Eventually we'll get there! Keep your head up. (:

[Pinky777]

Breaking up with anyone always hurts, whatever the circumstances because no matter what happened the person you love or loved is not going to be a part of your life anymore. You get so used to talking to them every day and then there's a big empty hole. Dreams lost, all future plans gone. It's that loss of the person you thought they were that kills you, the loss of the best of them. Like me you want so much to believe the best in people and be able to trust them. When things are great you build up this idealized version of them in your head and you hold onto that so desperately that you fail to see that they're human and have their faults too.

 

He hurt you. Knowingly. Even though you wanted to work on things and gave it all you had. He took the lazy and easy way out and he's a scumbag. You know you can do better, but you have to believe it. Soon you will really get to thinking about it and get to the anger stage and rightfully so. Once that happens I"m sure it'll be a lot easier letting go.

[Dkp]

I know exactly what you're feeling.

 

I still find myself "wishing" my ex could just grow the F up and be "that guy". It's like we see the potential in them, and we build them up, and just keeping telling ourselves, well, this time maybe he'll change. Things will be different.

 

Every other day I so badly want to break NC, to just drill into his head, and try to get him to see the guy he could be, the one I want him to be. Or just be angry, and give him a huge piece of my mind because he WON'T be that guy.

Then I come back to reality. Wtf sense does that make? He's not going to change because I WANT HIM TO. He has to want it, and it's clear he doesn't. It f*cking sucks, you just want to help them, build them up into this awesome man. But you can't mold someone into being what YOU want them to be. No matter what you say, how hard you fight, how much you try. There is nothing you can do.

That's what I'm struggling with. We just have to accept them for the person they truly are, and kick them to the curb because they are not right for us.

 

Eventually we'll get there! Keep your head up. (:

 

Omg dead on! It's like I know you have it in you! Just love me!!! : ( I get like this feeling of desperation I just want to shake him and just cry! Even if he did come back to me I don't even feel special anymore and I wouldn't trust a word that comes out of his mouth. I wish he was being honest with me I hate this happened but I guess I can't so anything about as hard as it is to accept I know I have to do.. I hope one day he regrets this.

[Dkp]

Breaking up with anyone always hurts, whatever the circumstances because no matter what happened the person you love or loved is not going to be a part of your life anymore. You get so used to talking to them every day and then there's a big empty hole. Dreams lost, all future plans gone. It's that loss of the person you thought they were that kills you, the loss of the best of them. Like me you want so much to believe the best in people and be able to trust them. When things are great you build up this idealized version of them in your head and you hold onto that so desperately that you fail to see that they're human and have their faults too.

 

He hurt you. Knowingly. Even though you wanted to work on things and gave it all you had. He took the lazy and easy way out and he's a scumbag. You know you can do better, but you have to believe it. Soon you will really get to thinking about it and get to the anger stage and rightfully so. Once that happens I"m sure it'll be a lot easier letting go.

 

Yes!! I just wish I could fast forward to that time already! Where I will look back on this and laugh at myself. Like what the hell was I thinking crying and begging this piece of **** to me with me. I literally drive myself insane making up all these Scenarios in my head of what he could possibly be doing if he's not calling me. Maybe he's having the time of his life and realizes he's better of without me. I just wish I could do something about this pain in my chest I physically feel it. Why would someone to this to a person and not care smh

[Simon Phoenix]

I just can never get how someone can be so attached to someone who treats them like dirt. Makes me shake my head. This isn't a slap at the OP, just a general observation. There's a line that a person can't cross and cheating crossed that line. It happens and that's all, that's it.

[Toddbt12y1]

It's only been a 1 1/2 of NC. I know this cheater doesn't deserve another minute of my time. I just can't believe someone could be this cold and let me leave with such ease and carelessness. A part of me wants him to reach out tell me he's sorry and that he loves me and wants to be with me and only. But I know he won't and that if he did I shouldn't give in because the trust is completely gone and irreparable at this point. What kills me is that he just let me leave w/o a fight. He really doesn't love me like I do him. I did nothing wrong I wish he never did this to me. I was willing to stick around and give him the chance but he doesn't want the chance.. He has placed me last on his list. I just needed to vent because I'm really tempted to break NC and give him a piece of my mind. I would just sound like a broken record I have said everything trying to convince him why he should be w/ me and I KNOW I shouldn't have to do that but I'm so in love w/ this piece of ****. It's hard to let go and pretend that I don't care.. When I do!! : (((

 

 

It's beautiful that you love him this much, despite him cheating on you. I too know the feeling of this love. Wondering and pondering days and nights, where-ever I would go, be in constant ceaseless thoughts about the lover that tossed me away. Nights spent at a park, all alone, looking at the flickering lights dancing on the waves of the water near the park...lost in thought, not even the cold air bothered me.

 

There is nothing wrong with missing him; everyone misses the person they love. Everyone wishes that person hadn't done the things they did to them. Everyone wonders why? I have said this a lot, and the why usually isn't important; it could be an infinit number of reasons why, and getting the truth from a person who cheats, and lies, is next to impossible.

 

Really why isn't even important. It wasn't because you weren't beautiful enough, or smart enough, or having much sex or not, or how hot you sounded. It really had nothing to do with you, but him. He was the why, and he is the answer to the why. It was all about this selfish pig you love.

 

Even still, the why is never important, it only serves to keep us dwelling on something that should truly be put away. It is like wondering why we have wars, or why we have peace, or why certain people kill one-another. In the end, the finale answer, is a simple answer: they can, we can. It doesn't satisfy our need for an answer...But this is the answer..

 

People do not care; so the answer is something listless like "They can." Call it human-nature, call it sin, or whatever you want to call it. No, he didn't love you, which you know, I know. Unfortunately, we can sacrifice all that we can, making us despair, and dig deep into the nightmarish hell, that these selfish people create for us.

 

Cheating is such a sorrowful event, for the one whom loved the cheater. To them it seems like the cheater got by with killing them; is happy in a new relationship. Posts great comments or great pictures: these hurt. But truly, nothing born of a lie is ever happy. It truly does double-kill us. It leaves us in ruins, to pick ourselves up, after the mess they caused in our precious world.

 

First they victim us, then we ourselves, thus, it is a two-sworded strike at the heart and soul. I know you are tempted, but vent here, fight it off! A great person such as yourself, that could love and give a cheater even, another chance...You are just too amazing for this person -- trust me, someone will one day come into your world, and help you build onto it, brick by brick, appreciating the love you gave to this guy, that you will give to them.

 

They will equal it with their own...This guy is unworthy of you, that precious love. I understand how you feel, I am sorry. Really nothing any of us tells you can comfort you; it is just words. But by speaking, if we can keep you from that harm, we will. You must find strength and courage to stand your ground, realize the amazing woman that you truly are: Step up, and once again go claim love, from someone who loves you.

 

~Best of wishes, Steven!

Edited December 6, 2012 by Toddbt12y1

[Dkp]

It's beautiful that you love him this much, despite him cheating on you. I too know the feeling of this love. Wondering and pondering days and nights, where-ever I would go, be in constant ceaseless thoughts about the lover that tossed me away. Nights spent at a park, all alone, looking at the flickering lights dancing on the waves of the water near the park...lost in thought, not even the cold air bothered me.

 

There is nothing wrong with missing him; everyone misses the person they love. Everyone wishes that person hadn't done the things they did to them. Everyone wonders why? I have said this a lot, and the why usually isn't important; it could be an infinit number of reasons why, and getting the truth from a person who cheats, and lies, is next to impossible.

 

Really why isn't even important. It wasn't because you weren't beautiful enough, or smart enough, or having much sex or not, or how hot you sounded. It really had nothing to do with you, but him. He was the why, and he is the answer to the why. It was all about this selfish pig you love.

 

Even still, the why is never important, it only serves to keep us dwelling on something that should truly be put away. It is like wondering why we have wars, or why we have peace, or why certain people kill one-another. In the end, the finale answer, is a simple answer: they can, we can. It doesn't satisfy our need for an answer...But this is the answer..

 

People do not care; so the answer is something listless like "They can." Call it human-nature, call it sin, or whatever you want to call it. No, he didn't love you, which you know, I know. Unfortunately, we can sacrifice all that we can, making us despair, and dig deep into the nightmarish hell, that these selfish people create for us.

 

Cheating is such a sorrowful event, for the one whom loved the cheater. To them it seems like the cheater got by with killing them; is happy in a new relationship. Posts great comments or great pictures: these hurt. But truly, nothing born of a lie is ever happy. It truly does double-kill us. It leaves us in ruins, to pick ourselves up, after the mess they caused in our precious world.

 

First they victim us, then we ourselves, thus, it is a two-sworded strike at the heart and soul. I know you are tempted, but vent here, fight it off! A great person such as yourself, that could love and give a cheater even, another chance...You are just too amazing for this person -- trust me, someone will one day come into your world, and help you build onto it, brick by brick, appreciating the love you gave to this guy, that you will give to them.

 

They will equal it with their own...This guy is unworthy of you, that precious love. I understand how you feel, I am sorry. Really nothing any of us tells you can comfort you; it is just words. But by speaking, if we can keep you from that harm, we will. You must find strength and courage to stand your ground, realize the amazing woman that you truly are: Step up, and once again go claim love, from someone who loves you.

 

~Best of wishes, Steven!

 

Steven, Thank you do much for your feedback. This person has literally scarred me. I don't think cheaters really know what it does to a person how this will effect any future relationship I have and how low my self esteem is now. I feel that I wasn't good enought to not only be told the truth but to not fight for in the end. I know what I have to do I have to just accept that this person isn't who I thought they were. I need to let go because I kno what I can give a person and what I deserve in return. This is not fair to me at all and I get angry w/ myself because I'm letting this person have so much power over me. I know I have it in me I just have to actually do it!!! Thanks again.

[Dkp]

I just can never get how someone can be so attached to someone who treats them like dirt. Makes me shake my head. This isn't a slap at the OP, just a general observation. There's a line that a person can't cross and cheating crossed that line. It happens and that's all, that's it.

 

I'm attached to the person I thought he was. Even though he hurt me I can't just make all the feelings I invested go away. : /

[Treasa]

I get being in love with who you thought they were. However, I've never been in love with a guy once he's started liking someone else. That kills it for me immediately.

 

Honestly, you have to love yourself more than anything. If your happiness is based on someone else, you'll always be at their mercy. It'll be up, down, up, down...and then you'll be seen as unstable because you aren't the one controlling your own emotions.

 

My ex is being obnoxious and constantly contacting me. I'm ignoring it and even laughing at it because I feel damn good about myself. Occasionally I get lonely, but it passes pretty quickly.

 

Bottom line: No one gets to make me feel bad. I'm in control, ultimately, of how I feel. It kind of terrifies me now to think about someone else controlling my emotions. I may fall in love again, but I'm never giving anyone that power again.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm attached to the person I thought he was.

So you're attached to an imaginary friend....?

 

Harvey the Rabbit will do just as well. And probably treat you better....

 

Even though he hurt me I can't just make all the feelings I invested go away.

 

Feelings are not who you are.

Feelings are a construct, where Mind and body meet. Feelings are in your mind, but affect you physically, because they steal your appetite and make you cry.

But they're in your head.

Letting 'feelings' for someone else over-ride you knowledge and common sense, is like believing the Emperor actually HAS clothes on.

 

We're all pointing out his ugly nakedness....

You just have to see it for yourself.

What's more, you have to believe it, because right now, much as we're telling you - and you're telling yourself - you don't.

[geegirl]

So you're attached to an imaginary friend....?

 

Harvey the Rabbit will do just as well. And probably treat you better.....

 

Tara, you say the funniest but most poignant things! It's going in my book of favorite lines!

[geegirl]

I'm attached to the person I thought he was. Even though he hurt me I can't just make all the feelings I invested go away. : /

 

Dkp, I had my world torn apart by a cheater. I had the pleasure of seeing him doing the deed with a look-alike Snooki. The next morning, when he said it wasn't what I thought it was, for a second I nearly bought it. My brain was not functioning. Understandable that you're holding on to an image because your emotions are dictating your thoughts.

 

It will take time until you begin to stop romanticizing and idealizing the assclown. I know you're waffling from spitting nails at him to weeping on the floor for losing what you think was your perfect man.

 

It's a process that you will have to endure. Only way to get past this is to go through it. Up and down, back and forth. Part of it is also your ego. You can't stand the fact that he didn't choose you. Add insult to injury.

 

If you are consumed by an image, make a list of all the bad. It's when I would moan the loss of that "special" guy, that this list would help me snap back to reality. He's not so great after all, eh! Your thought process is not going to change overnight, but you will be able to start re-routing those thought patterns to keep yourself attached to reality.

 

When you place him on a pedestal, read that list. Slowly but surely, you will pull him down.

 

It hurts to accept that they never loved you. I went to a comedy show last night and this made me laugh, "It's better to have loved and lost than to have wasted your life being with an a*sshole." While this may seem hopeless, you'll look back one day and let out a sigh of relief that you dodged a big, f'n bullet.

 

Stay strong.

[TaraMaiden]

There was a list in a UK paper some time ago, about the 10 top things people regretted: Number 8 was "wasting too much time being with the wrong person".

 

To be perfectly honest, knowing this website as I do, I'm astounded it was so far down the list.

Knowing broken hearts as I do, I strongly suspect that all too often, it jumps to pole position, though.

[geegirl]

There was a list in a UK paper some time ago, about the 10 top things people regretted: Number 8 was "wasting too much time being with the wrong person".

 

To be perfectly honest, knowing this website as I do, I'm astounded it was so far down the list.

Knowing broken hearts as I do, I strongly suspect that all too often, it jumps to pole position, though.

 

Guilty of staying for far too long even when every fiber of my being was screaming to get out. Lack of self-esteem, fear of being alone, co-dependency...most likely checked every box. But yes, personally, it would be up there on my list.

[KatZee]

Steven, Thank you do much for your feedback. This person has literally scarred me. I don't think cheaters really know what it does to a person how this will effect any future relationship I have and how low my self esteem is now. I feel that I wasn't good enought to not only be told the truth but to not fight for in the end. I know what I have to do I have to just accept that this person isn't who I thought they were. I need to let go because I kno what I can give a person and what I deserve in return. This is not fair to me at all and I get angry w/ myself because I'm letting this person have so much power over me. I know I have it in me I just have to actually do it!!! Thanks again.

 

I was exactly where you are about 7 months ago. If you're bored you could check my past threads and see the anger and the pain I had in me for my ex.

 

He pulled the same things with me. At first he was amazing. Got me to fall in love with him, I thought he was so great, and 2 years into our relationship I find out he had cheated with his ex.

 

Everything about our relationship became a lie to me but I stayed anyway. I loved him that much. I gave everything to him. Was an amazing girlfriend. Treated him like gold. Never in a million years would I ever have treated him the way he treated me. Lying all the time. Cheating on me. Putting everything and everyone before me. Being super critical of me, becoming emotionally abusive.

 

I saw the good that was hidden so deep inside him so I stayed. I wanted him to be the person I married. I saw his potential. In the end he left like I was nothing. 3 years like I was nothing to him but a piece of garbage. He became nasty, vindictive, cruel.

 

I had this anger stage for maybe 2 months and it was horrible. I actually had the pleasure of giving him a piece of my mind because he wound up texting me saying really nasty crap. So I gave him nasty back x 1,000. It was THAT which made me start moving on. I finally wasn't a doormat anymore. I finally told him what I really thought of him. I told him what a piece of s.hit he had been to me and what a piece of s.hit he would always be.

 

I know some people like to say that you should be the bigger person and silence is better... but I couldn't release that anger until I told him how I felt about him. I had been far too nice, far too kind, far too accomodating. I had give up too much for him, I had bent over backwards too far, I had let him walk all over me too many times, I could not stay quiet a second longer.

 

I tossed him out of my life and burnt that bridge to the ground and I made sure he knew it.

 

I haven't had contact with my ex in almost 7 months and I doubt I'll ever hear from him again. I couldn't care if he lived or died. Just know that time will heal all these s.hitty emotions you have.

 

I remember how crappy I felt. And how low you feel. You feel worthless. Like how can someone cheat on you like that and act like you're disposable?!?! Just know that it has nothing to do with you. There is something fundamentally wrong with cheaters, they are lost, and broken on the inside. They lack empathy, they are sick and they don't care about anyone but themselves. It sucks that you love one of these people, but know this: even though i've been through so much pain with my ex, i don't regret it because he's made me exactly who I am today. A stronger, and must wiser person of what I had been. Now I know exactly what to look out for, and what to stay away from. Now I know exactly what I deserve. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with you.

 

Your self-esteem will come back. Mine, along with my confidence actually came back 10-fold. It's crazy. I see how much taller I walk without my ex. How much higher my head is held. I'm sure if you look back on the relationship you'll see signs and times where he didn't make you feel all that great as a person. My ex was so insecure with himself that he made it a point to always knock me down and bring me down to his level. I was always insecure with my ex. I had no confidence. I didn't like myself. I always walked on egg-shells.

 

I can't believe how much happier and healthier I am without my ex... you will get here too!

[Embersflame]

I was just dumped by my BF about a month ago. He was acting very strange. Verbally aggressive. Would snap or yell at me at the drop of a hat. Then one day all hell broke lose and he wouldn't talk to me. So I called his ex looking for answers. I thought he was treating me with resentment, like I was in his way. She said they hadn't been talking at all. He cheated on me with her back in July and when I found out he cut all ties with her. But since I called her she decided to call him. And he's still talking to her on a daily basis. He says it was all the fighting but we fought because of how he was treating me. I would accuse him of doing drugs or cheating. When I explain that he then finds other reasons for the his decision. Including that he's not good at relationships and doesn't want the responsability of someone else or their feelings. It's like he's grabbing at the air for more excuses to keep things the way they are now. But he keeps on insisting being friends. Well more than friends. He also said we need to work on each other and maybe down the road we can work things out and try again. But things keep getting worse. My jealousy and anger are out of control. I found out he was doing drugs at the same time I found out they were talking again. It's all too much. We have the same birthday and so much in common it's rediculous. We were best friends before we decided to make it more. And as a result from this I'm seeing a therapist and trying to get on medication. I'm 38 and he's 46. Could all of this be a midlife crisis on his part? I feel used and abused, mentally. I lost everything this summer because of him. My home, my freedom. I have nothing to give now. Perhaps that is the real reason. I just feel like this was all out of the blue, but maybe not. Like I said, he was acting very hostile and mean 2 weeks before he decided to end it. I'm being told by my friends and my therapist to end it completely. To not call him or allow any contact. It's so hard. He was my everything, or so I thought. This is all driving me insane. I know if I keep contact with him I will end up in jail or hurting myself or that other woman. I don't have many friends and the ones I do are sick to death of hearing about it. How do I get over this and move on??? My heart is so broken.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm attached to the person I thought he was. Even though he hurt me I can't just make all the feelings I invested go away. : /

 

Yes you can. You know he's not that person. You are basically attached to a fictional character.