Cold Aproaches, Yes they WORK

[Necris]

What if the guy "just looks handsome" or he's wearing a suit, or maybe he's running with his shirt off.

 

There are ways to attract a woman's attention without "shouting at her." He could just be a good-looking guy walking or standing on the sidewalk.

That might be a "reverse cold-approach" where you entice a woman to approach you."

 

What if you just happen to make eye-contact and smile at her on the subway? There are ways of "progressing a cold-approach" into signs of interest.

 

See that ties into my other point the only way a cold approach would be successful is if you are highly attractive or highly skilled in seduction with alot of charisma. If you don't have these things its not happening. Also what you described isn't a cold-approach for the guy its a cold-approach for the girl which is even more unlikely.

[MrCastle]

Life isn't as cut and dry, and doesn't always fit into your strictly defined situations. Once you leave school and start working 10 hour days, you'll quickly realize your social options have shrunk. The most common "cold approach" is at a bar, and men get rejected at bars all the time. I'm not saying cold approaching is easy, or should be done in high volume. I'm purely saying that "cold approaches/meet cute" can happen anywhere/anytime, and a guy has to be ready to talk to a girl if the opportunity presents itself.

 

There are ways to improve a guy's chances of a "cold approach" such as wearing nice clothes, possibly a suit, or showing off his biceps/abs. Using props like a dog. Smiling at the woman, using non-verbal communication. Making the woman notice you and come to you first.

 

Of course it happens. But not often. I never said don't do it under any circumstances ever, but the success is so low, you're better off focusing your attention on building a circle. If a chance encounter happens, it happens, but I'm not gonna tell guys to go out and "sarge" (as the pua community says) and approach a high volume of women, especially for those already unsuccessful. The rejections may make them even more bitter and they walk away with it not having learned much about women. Getting to know them better, engaging them in social settings and taking note of their social behavioral patterns is going to help you. Hitting on a bunch of randoms in the street will not give you the insight. Of course you leave your house with the mindset that anything is possible when it comes to love, but I'm not going to actively seek it out, go out of my way to do it, especially since it's so unsuccessful.

 

And as far as confidence goes, I doubt any members who know me well on here would say I'm lacking in that department. It's not even about confidence, it's about what works vs what doesn't. I know people on here (op) and a few others try to paint a picture of a scared girly man afraid to talk to women but that's not it. The failure of a cold approach is nothing, because you never have to see her again if you fail. The rejection part sucks, but the aftermath isn't nearly as bad as being rejected by someone you have to see in your social circle.

 

So somehow a man who approaches a woman on the street with no consequences afterwards has more confidence than a man who asks a girl in his class or job out on a date with the risk that things will be awkward or forever tainted if she rejects him? I'm not buying it.

[dasein]

My favorite cold approach is from underneath a car or hidden in the bushes. People just kept telling me "be yourself," and I guess I'm just an under the car kind of guy.

 

Seriously, being able to cold approach well requires some adjustment to feel comfortable doing it. Start with nodding and smiling at all people you see around you, then to a simple "hello." Once you are comfortable engaging strangers, some of those are going to be women and some will be single women you find attractive. I think setting out to go and "sarge" women on the street by someone who isn't used to engaging strangers naturally is skipping some important steps. Agree with OP that cold approaches can work.

 

A related anecdote with a message for guys thinking of cold approaching: There was a panhandler who used to hang out near the subway. Every day he would approach me with "Wait don't tell me, Bill? Ohhh yeah dasein. I used to be a doorman in your building. How have you been? That's great. My mom is in the hospital again." I would stop him at this point with, "Cmon man, you did this yesterday, and the day before." He would just smile and walk off. Then the next day he would come up and do the same thing. This went on for over a week. Finally I gave him a $20 and said "This should get me off the list for awhile." It did. He would just smile when he saw me as opposed to starting the patter up. I wonder how much money that guy made every day? probably more than me.

[yongyong]

To be very honest, you sound very idiotic. Do you have mental issues?

 

You sound like you went casino one day, made some money, told everyone they should go to casino to make money. Second time, you lost money and you are telling people not to go there.

 

First of all, it's not going to work in your favor all the time. How about everything else in life? you expect you just throw several shots and it will be successful?

 

 

Why tell others not to do it because you are a Failure?

'hey man, never do this because I failed and you will too' :lmao:

 

Just admit, you are a mentally weak man. you got really hurt by that girl's reaction. you cried under the blanket. now you are afraid of even making eye contacts with a female stranger. whatever you decide to do, it's not my business.

 

But just because you are like this, you want other to be like you?

 

To be honest, I see a lot of people like this here.

 

They are drowning in the water and want to take others with them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATE: Cold approaches do not work...

 

I'm sad to say I met a girl at the place I buy my candy. I didn't know her or her friends, really I had no connection what so ever to her. But she was hot and caught my attention. I said "hello" to her and she was all "why are you talking to me, do I know you?" I replied "I noticed you like gummy worms and red Swedish fish, so do I!" that's when it happened, she responded with "can you please just leave me a lone." It was just so cold. I'M NOT A CREEP!

 

Guys it was like a punch, a kick, and a shotgun blast to my heart. I dropped my candy and ran out of the store in fit of rage and tears. I'm humiliated and still shaking as I type this. I don't think I can go back to that mall. I sat on a bench while I tried to calm down before the short drive home. A little boy came over and said "excuse me Mr. but are you some kind of bitch?" than him and his friends laughed at me and ran away.

 

Save yourself the humiliation and do NOT... DO NOT! Cold Approach.

 

Really I think we need a new thread. Warm Approaches only please. Nothing too cold. You need to have some kind of in, you know where they can't reject you because they know they may or probably will see you again. Some reason they shouldn't hurt your feelings. A friend connection or the fact that you both frequent the same rotary club works as an example... None of this cold sht for me any more, no thank you!

 

Sorry I made this "Cold" thread, save your egos boys. Also that poor sexy assed woman shopping for candy. I totally had no connection to her and intruded in her life with out so much as an indicator of interest. Men let the girl say hi or smile at you first. Than unless it is undeniable and even then... don't proceed. Well if it's like really obvious like a big smile than maybe say "hi" and see if she asks you out... use your common sense and be very timid.

[Necris]

To be very honest, you sound very idiotic. Do you have mental issues?

 

You sound like you went casino one day, made some money, told everyone they should go to casino to make money. Second time, you lost money and you are telling people not to go there.

 

First of all, it's not going to work in your favor all the time. How about everything else in life? you expect you just throw several shots and it will be successful?

 

 

Why tell others not to do it because you are a Failure?

'hey man, never do this because I failed and you will too' :lmao:

 

Just admit, you are a mentally weak man. you got really hurt by that girl's reaction. you cried under the blanket. now you are afraid of even making eye contacts with a female stranger. whatever you decide to do, it's not my business.

 

But just because you are like this, you want other to be like you?

 

To be honest, I see a lot of people like this here.

 

They are drowning in the water and want to take others with them.

You know this could be a joke, just putting that out there.

[Nightsky]

See that ties into my other point the only way a cold approach would be successful is if you are highly attractive or highly skilled in seduction with alot of charisma. If you don't have these things its not happening. Also what you described isn't a cold-approach for the guy its a cold-approach for the girl which is even more unlikely.

 

You sir sound Highly attractive. From what I know about you you're some super tall white dude who could be the boy next door. Is there something I'm not understanding. Just being a tall guy puts you in the top 1%. Thats right. I'm not even sure if I'm as tall as you and girls will always tell me "oh you, you're so tall."

 

The only reason I know short guys can get girls too is because I see it every day. Though I know what an advantage being tall is. Time for you to understand just how tall you are. You're over 6'2 aren't you? Embrace that. Stand tall.

 

To be very honest, you sound very idiotic. Do you have mental issues?

 

You sound like you went casino one day, made some money, told everyone they should go to casino to make money. Second time, you lost money and you are telling people not to go there.

 

First of all, it's not going to work in your favor all the time. How about everything else in life? you expect you just throw several shots and it will be successful?

 

 

Why tell others not to do it because you are a Failure?

'hey man, never do this because I failed and you will too' :lmao:

 

Just admit, you are a mentally weak man. you got really hurt by that girl's reaction. you cried under the blanket. now you are afraid of even making eye contacts with a female stranger. whatever you decide to do, it's not my business.

 

But just because you are like this, you want other to be like you?

 

To be honest, I see a lot of people like this here.

 

They are drowning in the water and want to take others with them.

 

You know this could be a joke, just putting that out there.

 

Correct it was a joke, meant to be taken as seriously by those who would other wise take it that way.

 

The part about me going into a crying fit and being called a "bitch" by some kids is true but completely unrelated to a cold approach.

[yongyong]

We are not the same individual.

 

Some guys might decide to do cold approach tomorrow and they will have good results.

Some guys might take several years to see the results.

 

I remember when I started going out, I got excited just because I was able to Talk to girls.

 

 

If you really are not afraid of talking to girls especially in public, I think you will eventually succeed. People become a failure not because they are stupid but because they quit after a failure.

 

 

 

Never worked for me, and no I'm not afraid to do it, since I actually do make the effort to cold approach women, nothing ever comes of it though.

[ScreamingTrees]

Yongyong, you can't be that slow. That was a blatant satire (Is that an appropriate word for it?)

 

 

Even this guy got it.

[yongyong]

Yes sometimes I am slow. because I just pay attention to the words to understand the meaning as a foreigner.

 

Sometimes, I miss the sarcasm girls throw at me. it's vice vera though. I use sarcasm all the time and they miss it too.

 

What you say doesn't affect me though.

 

Can you imagine going to other country, learn their local language (not spitting some B.S 'excuzzzzz me, can you speak english?') and pick up a woman in front of local guys?

 

While other perfect English speaking guys are complaining about attracting their own kind (they know the culture well too), I keep trying hard. that's all I can say.

 

 

Yongyong, you can't be that slow. That was a blatant satire (Is that an appropriate word for it?)

 

 

Even this guy got it.

[dasein]

Can you imagine going to other country, learn their local language (not spitting some B.S 'excuzzzzz me, can you speak english?') and pick up a woman in front of local guys?

 

I have a lot of respect for you and people like you, you will end up doing very well here.

[MrCastle]

 

While other perfect English speaking guys are complaining about attracting their own kind (they know the culture well too), I keep trying hard. that's all I can say.

 

Yeah if there's one thing American women hate it's guys with accents.

 

I know when American men travel abroad they have a hard time finding women.

[dasein]

Yeah if there's one thing American women hate it's guys with accents.

 

Those are English speaking and European accents, not so much Asian.

[MrCastle]

Those are English speaking and European accents, not so much Asian.

 

 

(10 characters)

[scratch]

Those are English speaking and European accents, not so much Asian.

 

Luckily the reverse isn't true. Try this cold approach when abroad:

 

"Me big American man, me have ten dorrah."

 

(Hopefully someone will ROR at that.)

Edited December 6, 2012 by scratch

[ScreamingTrees]

Yes sometimes I am slow. because I just pay attention to the words to understand the meaning as a foreigner.

 

Sometimes, I miss the sarcasm girls throw at me. it's vice vera though. I use sarcasm all the time and they miss it too.

 

What you say doesn't affect me though.

 

Can you imagine going to other country, learn their local language (not spitting some B.S 'excuzzzzz me, can you speak english?') and pick up a woman in front of local guys?

 

While other perfect English speaking guys are complaining about attracting their own kind (they know the culture well too), I keep trying hard. that's all I can say.

 

I probably could. Who gives a **** about the local guys, anyway? I'm not trying to get with them. What could they do to me? What could they possibly say to me that would make me give a **** for even a minute? "Oh, wow, look at that dumb foreigner talking to that girl, what a schmuck! He's such a dork! Ha ha ha!"

 

Your post has nothing to do with OP's point, I simply found it quite ironic that you can't detect VERY obvious sarcasm in his caricaturistic post. If OP wasn't being sarcastic, you should at least feel terribly sorry for how pathetic a person he'd have to be..

 

But then again, some of the posts you make are pretty warped in their own right, no offense.. Wouldn't surprise me that someone could register what most other people would see as a troll account and you'd actually take them seriously. You express some weird beliefs for whatever reason it may be that I don't really see playing out in reality.

[jcrew11]

And as far as confidence goes, I doubt any members who know me well on here would say I'm lacking in that department. It's not even about confidence, it's about what works vs what doesn't. I know people on here (op) and a few others try to paint a picture of a scared girly man afraid to talk to women but that's not it. The failure of a cold approach is nothing, because you never have to see her again if you fail. The rejection part sucks, but the aftermath isn't nearly as bad as being rejected by someone you have to see in your social circle.

 

So somehow a man who approaches a woman on the street with no consequences afterwards has more confidence than a man who asks a girl in his class or job out on a date with the risk that things will be awkward or forever tainted if she rejects him? I'm not buying it.

 

Just imagine if you went to school with all men in your classes or you worked at a mostly male company. How are you going to meet women now? Its not that guys don't want to use social circles to get dates, its that there current job or school doesn't have any single women.

 

You say that meeting a woman on the sidewalk is bad. What about at the dog park? What about at the beach? What about the mall? There are lots of places that women are in a good mood, socialable, and friendly. Its up to the guy to be "confident in himself, in his life, and in the direction his life is going in" to meet a girl who thinks "this is a cool successful, interesting guy who has a lot going on and is going places, and I want to be a part of his life."

 

What if you just happen to live or work next to a tanning/hair salon and you see all these hot women walking by you every day?

 

Life is not about a yes/no rejection. What if you see that girl again at a club, and she remembers you as the "funny guy" that said hello to her one day. Cold approaches can just be about "meeting new fun platonic friends" as it is about just meeting women for sex. Its about being friendly to neighbors and expanding your network.

 

There can be a combination of "cold approach" becoming "social circle" if you do things in a fun, friendly manner.

[Necris]

You sir sound Highly attractive. From what I know about you you're some super tall white dude who could be the boy next door. Is there something I'm not understanding. Just being a tall guy puts you in the top 1%. Thats right. I'm not even sure if I'm as tall as you and girls will always tell me "oh you, you're so tall."

 

The only reason I know short guys can get girls too is because I see it every day. Though I know what an advantage being tall is. Time for you to understand just how tall you are. You're over 6'2 aren't you? Embrace that. Stand tall.

 

I'm actually Black. Though you are right I'm tall at 6'3" and solidly built, but personally my height hasn't helped me at all in the dating arena. I can be friends with women but they don't feel attracted towards me.

 

Honestly the only people I know that actually has cold approaching working for them are the exceptionally attractive (women generally approach them or flirt with them in public), charismatic guys. While I'm of relatively average attractiveness and have 0 seduction skill and not charismatic.

[MrCastle]

Just imagine if you went to school with all men in your classes or you worked at a mostly male company. How are you going to meet women now? Its not that guys don't want to use social circles to get dates, its that there current job or school doesn't have any single women.

 

You say that meeting a woman on the sidewalk is bad. What about at the dog park? What about at the beach? What about the mall? There are lots of places that women are in a good mood, socialable, and friendly. Its up to the guy to be "confident in himself, in his life, and in the direction his life is going in" to meet a girl who thinks "this is a cool successful, interesting guy who has a lot going on and is going places, and I want to be a part of his life."

 

What if you just happen to live or work next to a tanning/hair salon and you see all these hot women walking by you every day?

 

Life is not about a yes/no rejection. What if you see that girl again at a club, and she remembers you as the "funny guy" that said hello to her one day. Cold approaches can just be about "meeting new fun platonic friends" as it is about just meeting women for sex. Its about being friendly to neighbors and expanding your network.

 

There can be a combination of "cold approach" becoming "social circle" if you do things in a fun, friendly manner.

 

I'm not sure how many different ways I can keep saying the same thing.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't be open to the idea of cold approaching but the people that go out with the specific intent of talking to 50 women a day in an attempt to get a few numbers is lame to me.

 

If you don't have women in your social circle, there are ways to get them. Somedude just joined a dance class and there were quite a few good looking women in his class.

 

Cold approaching should not be your only means of trying to meet women because the odds are not in your favor.

[ScreamingTrees]

If you don't have women in your social circle, there are ways to get them. Somedude just joined a dance class and there were quite a few good looking women in his class..

 

And he struck out with the few of them that he actually managed not to talk himself out of approaching, for whatever reason, unfortunately.

[MrCastle]

And he struck out with the few of them that he actually managed not to talk himself out of approaching, for whatever reason, unfortunately.

 

Unfortunately; but if he improves his interactions, he'd be able to pick them up.

 

The bottom line is (I feel like I'm discussing math with republicans) is cold approach is statistically the lowest way to find a date.

 

Social circle is the largest (I want to say 75% or more relationships are formed through this but I forget the exact number).

 

Followed by online dating if you can believe it. We all know what a crap shoot that can be, but it's (a distant) second.

 

Finally is chance encounter/cold approach.

 

So if I'm giving a man advice on how to get dates, first thing I'm asking him is "do you have a strong social circle?", and I'm not the only one. This is the first thing 99.9% of members ask when a man makes an "I can't get any women" thread.

 

Why would anyone suggest to someone unsuccessful to go with the lowest statistical chance for success? If I would have followed that advice in my unsuccessful days I would be a very bitter, very tainted, (still unsuccessful) young man.

 

Negative reinforcement is not the way to go. You need positive experiences to get you over the hump. Facing numerous rejections in a day is not going to make a man feel good about his dating future.

 

Now if you're already successful, it's whatever. You can approach, or not. Your choice. You have other means of getting dates so it's not a big deal. Or even if you're not successful, you can just have the mindset of whatever happens happens, but to intentionally go out with the sole purpose of approaching x amount of women and hoping for x results, especially if the woman has given you no signs to approach, is not going to work out more often than not.

[jcrew11]

Finally is chance encounter/cold approach.

 

Now if you're already successful, it's whatever. You can approach, or not. Your choice. You have other means of getting dates so it's not a big deal. Or even if you're not successful, you can just have the mindset of whatever happens happens, but to intentionally go out with the sole purpose of approaching x amount of women and hoping for x results, especially if the woman has given you no signs to approach, is not going to work out more often than not.

 

You don't understand, there are ways to improve the "Cold Approach."

The guys like you who don't know how to 'cold approach' or 'flirt' with a woman are the ones who are failing.

 

The guy can put himself in the right situations to create attraction from a previously disinterested woman.

 

Some cities or towns don't have much "social circle" activities. If they did, don't you think single men would be running to join churches, and aerobics classes?

 

Women always ask, where are good places to meet men? Men ask where are good places to meet women? The answer is: Everywhere is a good place to meet anyone.

 

You meet people by geolocation - If you are jogging in the park, then talk to other people in the park. If you are shopping in the mall, then talk to other shoppers. You physical location on the street, at the bar, on the bus, or at the mall determines how you meet women, if those are the only places available to you and where you hang out.

[jcrew11]

I'm actually Black. Though you are right I'm tall at 6'3" and solidly built, but personally my height hasn't helped me at all in the dating arena. I can be friends with women but they don't feel attracted towards me.

 

Honestly the only people I know that actually has cold approaching working for them are the exceptionally attractive (women generally approach them or flirt with them in public), charismatic guys. While I'm of relatively average attractiveness and have 0 seduction skill and not charismatic.

 

Yeah, If you have no ability to talk or flirt with women then cold approaching is not going to work with you. Or maybe you are picking up women out of your league. Lower your standards to anything you can get.

 

If you want a guaranteed match, go to a Catholic church, and ask the priest to set you up with some of the single women. Priests are really into matchmaking because they want more married couples.

[MrCastle]

You don't understand, there are ways to improve the "Cold Approach."

The guys like you who don't know how to 'cold approach' or 'flirt' with a woman are the ones who are failing.

 

Wrong on several fronts:

 

-I know how to flirt with women and have no problem meeting women/hooking up with them

-You can't improve cold approach success, you can only improve your nervousness, but even when the nerves are gone, it's still up to the woman to decide if she likes you or not. If she likes tall black guys and you're a short white guy, doesn't matter how good you think you are at cold approaching.

 

The more you do it, it doesn't make you better. Nerves are the only thing that improve, not success rate.

[MrCastle]

Lower your standards to anything you can get.

 

Great advice, jcrew.

[Nightsky]

I'm actually Black. Though you are right I'm tall at 6'3" and solidly built, but personally my height hasn't helped me at all in the dating arena. I can be friends with women but they don't feel attracted towards me.

 

Honestly the only people I know that actually has cold approaching working for them are the exceptionally attractive (women generally approach them or flirt with them in public), charismatic guys. While I'm of relatively average attractiveness and have 0 seduction skill and not charismatic.

 

You're tall that a lone is worth all the charisma you need. Don't underestimate the power of being 6'3.

 

Not to mention I have short, boring friends who are good at not being scared and that fact alone gets them girls! It's all in having the balls to just do it I tells ya. Believe in yourself.

 

Now if you don't want to meet girls as you some times say that's fine too. Maybe you're not ready yet. No rush.

 

Yeah, If you have no ability to talk or flirt with women then cold approaching is not going to work with you. Or maybe you are picking up women out of your league. Lower your standards to anything you can get.

 

If you want a guaranteed match, go to a Catholic church, and ask the priest to set you up with some of the single women. Priests are really into matchmaking because they want more married couples.

 

Well Necris has said he's religious maybe a match maker would be the way to go. It certainly wouldn't work for me.

 

As for lowering standards... when ever it can be done it should be done. You still have to find the girl totally sexy, pretty, cute etc. though or whats the point... I mean unless she's a hot face bad body... or the inverse.... that can... work... maybe