MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Here's a scenario, a nice guy is out walking his dog, and some girls come over and start to play with the dog. Or the guy is sitting outside a starbucks with his dog on a leash. [/Quote] This is a girl approaching you, so you already know there is interest there. This is not what we're talking about. Gimme 3 hours outside that starbucks, and I'll be talking to at least 5 women and getting 5 numbers. And of those 5 numbers, how many lead to anything? I'm willing to bet very few. One if you're lucky.
aed Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Girls will reject men if they are having a bad day. Some women just take time to gain trust and attraction. If you catch her off-guard, she might not be interested at that time or moment; but a few months later and she is lonely and desperate, she'll ring up your number. And you are okay with that: the girl is lonely and desperate, and she calls you. Why the hell would you want a girl like that, even when it is just for a FWB situation or ONS? Or maybe i misread this comment. Or do you mean: you aproached a girl, but she wasn't responding (bad mood, grandmother died, etc) and a few weeks later she is aproaches you and things work out? But knowing she is desperate and lonely.... and that is the primairy reason she wants me.... Never (not even when I was head of heels for the girl)!
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 If you catch her off guard on the street and she's not into you, you're done. There is no number, there is no second chance. If she is in your social circle, she can grow to like you, and a few months down the road if she's feeling lonely and desperate, that's when you come in. In some cases, you run into a girl again, or you realize you know similar people, or work in the same industry. She sees you again, and she gives you a second chance. Some times girls even have boyfriends and reject you, but when they break up they craw to you. This is a girl approaching you, so you already know there is interest there. This is not what we're talking about. And of those 5 numbers, how many lead to anything? I'm willing to bet very few. One if you're lucky. It beats sitting at home crying into your pillow. For the guys complaining about never meeting women, its very easy to meet women. All you need is to find the right one out of hundred. How many guys wish they could date that hot waitress or hot coffee shop girl? Its not impossible. 1
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 And you are okay with that: the girl is lonely and desperate, and she calls you. Why the hell would you want a girl like that, even when it is just for a FWB situation or ONS? Or maybe i misread this comment. Or do you mean: you aproached a girl, but she wasn't responding (bad mood, grandmother died, etc) and a few weeks later she is aproaches you and things work out? But knowing she is desperate and lonely.... and that is the primairy reason she wants me.... Never (not even when I was head of heels for the girl)! LOL, what a snob. I've changed my mind on girls, and have gotten back together with girls I've rejected. Some times its about the "long game" and planting the seeds of attraction. Girls have "anti slut" defenses and won't jump into bed with a sketchy stranger. It takes time to woo them.
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 In some cases, you run into a girl again, or you realize you know similar people, or work in the same industry.[/Quote] At this point, you file this under "social circle interaction", it's no longer a cold approach if you see her again or know people who know her. It beats sitting at home crying into your pillow. [/Quote] Not by much, and I assume this is what some guys do after an unsuccessful day of cold approaching For the guys complaining about never meeting women, its very easy to meet women. All you need is to find the right one out of hundred. Quite literally a hundred though. I'm following a guy's approach journal on a pua site, I think he's up to approach no. 145, has landed 5 numbers out of those 145 and 0 dates. Look, bottom line is, I'm about results, and success. Maximizing it, and getting the most out of what I can. Conceivably, that old tale about "your dream girl isn't gonna come knocking" can be proven wrong. A hot, single mail woman can have your house on her route, and after a few short chats, you can ask her out and hit it off and start dating; but I'm not gonna tell all men to sit at home and wait for that to happen. Just like I'm not gonna glorify the cold approach. My guess is most men use it to puff their chest to show that they aren't afraid to approach women, and use it to self ego stroke and show off their fearlessness. Truth is, it just is not statistically successful. I'm very much a numbers guy when it comes to dating. The numbers just simply aren't there in a cold approach. You overwhelmingly meet more people through your social circle. I'm about results. The minute my social circle expanded, the more girls I met, the more dates I had. Had I spent that time instead approaching random women, I wouldn't be anywhere near as successful in dating as I am now. Cold approaching is a dead end. You can hit the lottery, but that doesn't mean you should play the lottery.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Most dateless wonders on here seem to lack friends and social circle. It makes them not only socially awkward but also unlikely to meet anyone. Really when you approach a stranger, all she has to go on are your looks. Not only that, but when I am cold approached, I think "Meh, I am probably 10th girl he approached today". I have a hard time feeling anything for a stranger or even being bothered with talking to him. My friends feel the same way. Your only shot is being in the top 10th percentile looks wise and hoping that some shallow girl gives you a shot. Otherwise, a complete waste of time. If only guys on here were a bit smarter and actually focused on building friendships with men, they would be infinitely more successful. 1
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The other thing I want to add--this idea that your odds get better the more you do it. Your odds stay the same no matter what. It will be 50/50 every single time. Whether you approach 10 girls or 100 girls, whether you've been doing it for one day or one year. Your nervousness may be gone, but your odds will never change. It's not like "well the first 7 said no so I'm bound for a yes!", every girl, every situation is different. If you approach a girl who only dates x type of guys, and you are not x guy, it doesn't matter how experienced you are or how many girls you approached before her, it's still a rejection.
veggirl Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Not only that, but when I am cold approached, I think "Meh, I am probably 10th girl he approached today". Really? I must be really stuck up or something. When guys hit on me Im like "well, I am awesome, of course they are coming over"
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Quite literally a hundred though. I'm following a guy's approach journal on a pua site, I think he's up to approach no. 145, has landed 5 numbers out of those 145 and 0 dates. Look, bottom line is, I'm about results, and success. Maximizing it, and getting the most out of what I can. Conceivably, that old tale about "your dream girl isn't gonna come knocking" can be proven wrong. A hot, single mail woman can have your house on her route, and after a few short chats, you can ask her out and hit it off and start dating; but I'm not gonna tell all men to sit at home and wait for that to happen. Just like I'm not gonna glorify the cold approach. My guess is most men use it to puff their chest to show that they aren't afraid to approach women, and use it to self ego stroke and show off their fearlessness. Truth is, it just is not statistically successful. I'm very much a numbers guy when it comes to dating. The numbers just simply aren't there in a cold approach. You overwhelmingly meet more people through your social circle. I'm about results. The minute my social circle expanded, the more girls I met, the more dates I had. Had I spent that time instead approaching random women, I wouldn't be anywhere near as successful in dating as I am now. Cold approaching is a dead end. You can hit the lottery, but that doesn't mean you should play the lottery. To me, relying on social circle, means you need your friends to hand-hold you at parties, and introduce you as the "lonely single friend who can't talk to women on his own." Are you one of those guys who begs his friends to find him hot women, or who tries to steal his friends girlfriends? I'm just saying that you don't have to rely only on your friends to help you find women. Cold approaching doesn't have to mean "man on the street" - its about having the balls to talk to women anywhere at anytime, with or without your friends. Mix in some hobbies to meet women using cold approach. 2
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Most dateless wonders on here seem to lack friends and social circle. It makes them not only socially awkward but also unlikely to meet anyone. Really when you approach a stranger, all she has to go on are your looks. Not only that, but when I am cold approached, I think "Meh, I am probably 10th girl he approached today". I have a hard time feeling anything for a stranger or even being bothered with talking to him. My friends feel the same way. Your only shot is being in the top 10th percentile looks wise and hoping that some shallow girl gives you a shot. Otherwise, a complete waste of time. If only guys on here were a bit smarter and actually focused on building friendships with men, they would be infinitely more successful. REally? I'm sure there are quite a few women who "Never" get hit on. But I suppose they aren't very attractive either.
Author Nightsky Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Most dateless wonders on here seem to lack friends and social circle. It makes them not only socially awkward but also unlikely to meet anyone. Really when you approach a stranger, all she has to go on are your looks. Not only that, but when I am cold approached, I think "Meh, I am probably 10th girl he approached today". I have a hard time feeling anything for a stranger or even being bothered with talking to him. My friends feel the same way. Your only shot is being in the top 10th percentile looks wise and hoping that some shallow girl gives you a shot. Otherwise, a complete waste of time. If only guys on here were a bit smarter and actually focused on building friendships with men, they would be infinitely more successful. They don't lose anything from trying. Except according to some here the rejection will drive them mad. Now my argument is they shouldn't be focused on anything but enjoying themselves. You make friends to make friends. If these guys try to make friends as some girl getting tool it probably would work. Often these same guys can't seem to get friends either. The cold approach takes no effort though. You just do it. Really? I must be really stuck up or something. When guys hit on me Im like "well, I am awesome, of course they are coming over" Excuse me miss I really dig the Santa hat, not often you find a girl so in the Christmas spirit. Can I come over to your place for milk and cookies.
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 To me, relying on social circle, means you need your friends to hand-hold you at parties, and introduce you as the "lonely single friend who can't talk to women on his own." Are you one of those guys who begs his friends to find him hot women, or who tries to steal his friends girlfriends? I'm just saying that you don't have to rely only on your friends to help you find women. [/Quote] I've never asked a friend for dating help, looked at his girlfriend, or had a friend make introductions for me, so no. It's really very simple what I do. Pretty much what you do only in a social setting. So instead of approaching a pretty girl on the street where her guard is up, I approach her in class, where she feels more comfortable. Or work, or at a party, or whatever. I'm not approaching her on the street where the last thing she wants is a guy to come up and hit on her. I flirt in class, ask for the number at the end of class, boom. In. The numbers speak for themselves and the numbers are on my side. It's not even close. Cold approaching doesn't have to mean "man on the street" - its about having the balls to talk to women anywhere at anytime, with or without your friends This is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post. This idea that the men who approach are ballsy, and fearless, and more confident--even if that's true (it isn't) it's not landing them any more dates.
Author Nightsky Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 This is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post. This idea that the men who approach are ballsy, and fearless, and more confident--even if that's true (it isn't) it's not landing them any more dates. Yes but the approach itself can make you seem confident. You also have nothing to lose. Finally it can take more energy some times to hold back.
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Yes but the approach itself can make you seem confident. You also have nothing to lose. Finally it can take more energy some times to hold back. Outside of being rejected a significant amount of times I guess you have nothing to lose, but it still doesn't make statistical sense, that's all I'm saying. I'm not saying it's always gonna be 0% chance no matter who you are or what you do, but on the overall scale, the amount of success stories are so few and far between that the risk (tons of rejections you could have otherwise avoided or used the time building your circle) outweigh the payoff (phone numbers that may or may not lead to anything). If you're swimming in vagina like some men, you probably don't care either way, and if you do cold approach and fail, it's no sweat off your back because you have other vagina resources to tap into. But telling someone (a considerable amount of men on here) unsuccessful to go out and face rejection is only going to harden their stance and make them more bitter. They need positive reinforcement not negative.
Necris Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) I think having a happening social circle thats going to invite you to a pool party or take you out to the night club with a group of single ladies is great... but a lot of people don't have that. Plus if they do have that the confidence to face rejection will only help. Let me tell you this, my father met my mother on what we could call a cold approach. They were both on vacation and he spotted her on the beach or something like that. He didn't know her friends. They didn't have a class together, and there was no online dating. I've gotten plenty of girls off cold approaches. It's not that hard really, you just do it. Remember guys I wouldn't be existing right now had my father not had the balls to cold approach my bikini babe of a mom on the beach. I guess it's the romantic in me that cold approaches. And damn straight it can work! Having a really good social circle could help, the people in my social circle and my friends don't help at all in getting dates and such. As for cold-approaches not impossible but still you need to have greater than average skill or looks for it to happen a guy like myself with below average charisma, seduction skills, and maybe even looks does terrible in cold approaching, I can't even do the social circle thing as well. And meeting people through social circle is supposed to be easier than cold-approaching. Its not like I'm afraid to cold-approach I've cold-approached women before but nothing ever comes of it, you maybe just different, or maybe I'm just different. Edited December 6, 2012 by Necris
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Having a really good social circle could help, the people in my social circle and my friends don't help at all in getting dates and such. As for cold-approaches not impossible but still you need to have greater than average skill or looks for it to happen a guy like myself with below average charisma, seduction skills, and maybe even looks does terrible in cold approaching, I can't even do the social circle thing as well. And meeting people through social circle is supposed to be easier than cold-approaching. Its not like I'm afraid to cold-approach I've cold-approached women before but nothing ever comes of it, you maybe just different, or maybe I'm just different. This is the bulk of people. That's why most romantic movies or novels start with a chance encounter, because it's rare, so it's romanticized. When OP was talking about his father cold approaching his mother, I'm sure it generated an "awww" response from some of the readers, because it's a nice story. If he said his dad met his mom when they were in school, people are just gonna say "ok, and?", because it's common. And that's my whole argument. I assume most men on here are like me and are looking for proven methods that work. That work effectively and work now. People want results now. It's easier to get comfortable with a girl in class, flirt via text for a little, and ask her out, than it is to approach a woman on the street, spit some lines at her, and possibly get a number. My method is proven to work more. Like I've said before on this topic, I'm 25, live in New York, with a pretty large and varied social circle, and am still waiting for me or one of my buddies to produce a "chance meeting" success story. It just does not happen very often.
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 This sounds like a cold approach to me. A "social circle" approach is where your friend introduces you or talks you up and plays matchmaker. If you have no pre-existing contact with a woman in class, at a party, or at a bar, then that is a cold approach ("stranger to stranger"). Most guys can't even get this right. They can't talk to women at bars or at parties or at the gym. Guaranteed cold approach success - Farmer's market/trader joes, you talk to friendly organic hippie chicks, and you get their number. I've never asked a friend for dating help, looked at his girlfriend, or had a friend make introductions for me, so no. It's really very simple what I do. Pretty much what you do only in a social setting. So instead of approaching a pretty girl on the street where her guard is up, I approach her in class, where she feels more comfortable. Or work, or at a party, or whatever. I'm not approaching her on the street where the last thing she wants is a guy to come up and hit on her. I flirt in class, ask for the number at the end of class, boom. In. The numbers speak for themselves and the numbers are on my side. It's not even close. This is exactly what I was referring to in my previous post. This idea that the men who approach are ballsy, and fearless, and more confident--even if that's true (it isn't) it's not landing them any more dates.
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Having a really good social circle could help, the people in my social circle and my friends don't help at all in getting dates and such. As for cold-approaches not impossible but still you need to have greater than average skill or looks for it to happen a guy like myself with below average charisma, seduction skills, and maybe even looks does terrible in cold approaching, I can't even do the social circle thing as well. And meeting people through social circle is supposed to be easier than cold-approaching. Its not like I'm afraid to cold-approach I've cold-approached women before but nothing ever comes of it, you maybe just different, or maybe I'm just different. You should try going to comic-con. There are a lot of easy Anime girls that are into Warcraft, Comic books, and fantasy games. They love nerdy guys. It helps if you have a good costume too.
MrCastle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 This sounds like a cold approach to me. A "social circle" approach is where your friend introduces you or talks you up and plays matchmaker. If you have no pre-existing contact with a woman in class, at a party, or at a bar, then that is a cold approach ("stranger to stranger"). Most guys can't even get this right. They can't talk to women at bars or at parties or at the gym. Guaranteed cold approach success - Farmer's market/trader joes, you talk to friendly organic hippie chicks, and you get their number. There are different levels. Then everything would be a cold approach because we all have to meet someone for the first time. We're not born knowing people. I define a cold approach as approaching a woman you would otherwise never see again, making your pitch to her, and either getting accepted or rejected. Even if she's just a chick at your local coffee shop, it's still a warm approach to me because you can come in and see her multiple times and establish a rapport before going in for the kill. Cold approach is a chance meeting. You see a girl on the street, you may never see her again, so you need to go in, get the number, and get out. The success for that like I said, is comically low.
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 This is the bulk of people. That's why most romantic movies or novels start with a chance encounter, because it's rare, so it's romanticized. When OP was talking about his father cold approaching his mother, I'm sure it generated an "awww" response from some of the readers, because it's a nice story. If he said his dad met his mom when they were in school, people are just gonna say "ok, and?", because it's common. And that's my whole argument. I assume most men on here are like me and are looking for proven methods that work. That work effectively and work now. People want results now. It's easier to get comfortable with a girl in class, flirt via text for a little, and ask her out, than it is to approach a woman on the street, spit some lines at her, and possibly get a number. My method is proven to work more. Like I've said before on this topic, I'm 25, live in New York, with a pretty large and varied social circle, and am still waiting for me or one of my buddies to produce a "chance meeting" success story. It just does not happen very often. So you can't talk to girls at the Jersey shore? No hooking up with the hotties at the beach? A lot of people are out of school or take engineering classes. What you are doing is actually a cold-approach, that you are calling a social-circle approach. A lot of guys live in the real world and don't have "social circles of friends" to get them dates.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 It's like when people toss a coin and think that now there is more chance of getting tails because they got heads first 3 times...Every coin toss is independent and the chance of either outcome is always 50/50 1
jcrew11 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 There are different levels. Then everything would be a cold approach because we all have to meet someone for the first time. We're not born knowing people. I define a cold approach as approaching a woman you would otherwise never see again, making your pitch to her, and either getting accepted or rejected. Even if she's just a chick at your local coffee shop, it's still a warm approach to me because you can come in and see her multiple times and establish a rapport before going in for the kill. Cold approach is a chance meeting. You see a girl on the street, you may never see her again, so you need to go in, get the number, and get out. The success for that like I said, is comically low. Well, if you ever sit next to a hot girl on the subway, and she's giving you flirty looks and smiles, just run away like a scared boy! 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Well, if you ever sit next to a hot girl on the subway, and she's giving you flirty looks and smiles, just run away like a scared boy! Uh, that's not what he said. If a girl is making eye contact and smiling at you then it indicates interest and that's different. A cold approach to me is approaching a random girl you think is hot with no signs of interest from her. 2
ThaWholigan Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Does it really matter what method is better? Really you should be trying both of them simultaneously when opportunities present themselves. I also tend not to think of "results" nor do I approach loads of women. I see who I like, if I'm feeling it I go and talk to them - whether I know her or not. Simples .
aed Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Uh, that's not what he said. If a girl is making eye contact and smiling at you then it indicates interest and that's different. A cold approach to me is approaching a random girl you think is hot with no signs of interest from her. This Is a cold approach. When she is making eye contact and smiling. She is inviting you and making the approach for you.
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