Cold Aproaches, Yes they WORK

[Nightsky]

I see a lot of bashing on this forum for whats called the "cold approach." My definition of a cold approach is where you just walk up to a girl, start talking to her, and ask her out. I don't think you should relegate yourself to being introduced through friends or activities. Further the confidence and aggressiveness you build in yourself through cold approach should make you more effective for when a friend or activity introduces you to a girl. OLD is the enemy.

[tman666]

I see a lot of bashing on this forum for whats called the "cold approach." My definition of a cold approach is where you just walk up to a girl, start talking to her, and ask her out. I don't think you should relegate yourself to being introduced through friends or activities. Further the confidence and aggressiveness you build in yourself through cold approach should make you more effective for when a friend or activity introduces you to a girl. OLD is the enemy.

 

It takes a certain level of confidence and social skills (flirting, "swagger", etc.) to make cold approaches a viable option. If a person doesn't possess those skills, they're setting themselves up for a series of hard rejections. It's akin to throwing someone into a boxing ring for a full contact match without having had the chance to train or spar in a safe environment. The result is more than likely going to be a beatdown for one's self confidence.

 

The option of meeting potential dates through friends and other activities represents a step that's potentially a lot more accessible to some of the guys (and maybe gals too, but I think we're mostly talking about a few male members) on here, i.e., if they had the confidence and social skills to be able to make a cold approach work for them, they probably wouldn't be in need of the assistance of the LS community.

 

I do agree with you though that one should continually try to push their own limits and face their fears. Just not all of them at once.

 

Baby steps.

[Nightsky]

It takes a certain level of confidence and social skills (flirting, "swagger", etc.) to make cold approaches a viable option.

 

I think it only takes the ability to put yourself in action and not let any mental blocks stop you. If you limp over to a girl and stutter a few words it could still work out. You haven't actually lost anything by doing so either. If you can get past your own ego the potential is limitless. Also if you're just looking for a gf and not a batting average it shouldn't matter if it works out or not. You've just given yourself one more opportunity. Plus the skills you learn will bleed into other areas of your life.

 

If a person doesn't possess those skills' date=' they're setting themselves up for a series of hard rejections. It's akin to throwing someone into a boxing ring for a full contact match without having had the chance to train or spar in a safe environment. The result is more than likely going to be a beatdown for one's self confidence. [/quote']

 

I think the idea that rejection doesn't matter and not to take it personally is the greatest lesson you can teach yourself when it comes to dating. I mean if you spot a girl across the room and you don't know her or have any one who can introduce you but you just really want to know her, you should take a chance and not let the imaginary fear of rejection get to you. Realistically if you're respectable about it nothing bad can come of it.

 

Even if the girl screams in horror and slaps you etc. It's kind of funny if you look at it in the right light. Plus that's very unlikely situation. Their is no beat down from rejection if you don't care.

 

The option of meeting potential dates through friends and other activities represents a step that's potentially a lot more accessible to some of the guys (and maybe gals too' date=' but I think we're mostly talking about a few male members) on here, i.e., if they had the confidence and social skills to be able to make a cold approach work for them, they probably wouldn't be in need of the assistance of the LS community.[/quote']

 

Well I'm not saying don't meet people through friends or activities. I'm saying add another tool to the toolbox. I'm also saying the confidence of not fearing rejection from strangers works great even when you're being introduced by a friend or through some activity.

 

Also I agree they wouldn't be on LS asking for help if they had the confidence to cold approach regularly. Same thinking goes for if they had people and activities introducing them to other people they probably wouldn't be on LS if that was working out... I think cold approaching and the confidence not to fear rejection is a flip you can switch. It's a point you can get to on your own. Than yes of course network and meet people that way as well. Thing is when I network I don't just wait to be introduced, I cold approach... obviously a lot less nerv racking handing out your business card to a stranger you meet at the bank than asking that same stranger if they'd like to have dinner lol. Still it should be an excitement like anticipation for a roller coaster drop, not a fear.. well at least not an overwhelming fear.

 

I do agree with you though that one should continually try to push their own limits and face their fears. Just not all of them at once.

 

Baby steps.

 

With asking a girl out I say all at once! I think it's a step backwards to go into the war room figuratively speaking and over think this stuff and always ask for advice and introductions etc. I think OLD is a terrible thing. Finally friends while a great way to meet people doesn't always pan out. Plus I'm not a fan of friends setting people up on dates but instead just throwing a party and letting people meet naturally or what ever so it's kind of a cold approach with the added social value of knowing common people.

[tman666]

I agree with everything you've said on a personal level, as in, that's the philosophy that has worked for me. I also agree that going back to the war room to try and "plan out" asking a girl out/flirting/dates/etc. is counterproductive. My preferred approach is the "grab life by the balls and take what you want" method.

 

The problem with your (our) approach, however, is that I think some of these guys, for whatever reason, simply aren't capable of just flipping a switch, putting their egos and fear of rejection aside, and going for it. If they were able to do that, yes, they would find success sooner or later simply by chance or by learning what works and what doesn't.

 

But while throwing someone into the deep end of the pool in the hopes that they'll swim might work for some, I don't think we can assume that it will work for everyone.

 

Just my $.02.

[iris219]

I would welcome cold approaches, as long as the guys aren't creepy. Unfortunately, the kind of guys who do cold approaches tend to be creepers.

[tman666]

I would welcome cold approaches, as long as the guys aren't creepy. Unfortunately, the kind of guys who do cold approaches tend to be creepers.

 

I see people throw this term around a lot. What are some of the traits of a creeper?

[iris219]

I see people throw this term around a lot. What are some of the traits of a creeper?

 

What I meant by that would be guys only looking for sex, guys who will ask out anything with a vagina, or guys who give off a vibe that makes others feel uncomfortable.

[Nightsky]

I agree with everything you've said on a personal level, as in, that's the philosophy that has worked for me. I also agree that going back to the war room to try and "plan out" asking a girl out/flirting/dates/etc. is counterproductive. My preferred approach is the "grab life by the balls and take what you want" method.

 

The problem with your (our) approach, however, is that I think some of these guys, for whatever reason, simply aren't capable of just flipping a switch, putting their egos and fear of rejection aside, and going for it. If they were able to do that, yes, they would find success sooner or later simply by chance or by learning what works and what doesn't.

 

But while throwing someone into the deep end of the pool in the hopes that they'll swim might work for some, I don't think we can assume that it will work for everyone.

 

Just my $.02.

 

I just think it's a demon worth facing. I also think any potential damage is all made up. We create our own realities in that respect. For me rejection has made my character stronger.

 

Some of these guys never will find a meaningful relationship. The thing is they hold the key to stop worrying about it.

[Nightsky]

What I meant by that would be guys only looking for sex, guys who will ask out anything with a vagina, or guys who give off a vibe that makes others feel uncomfortable.

 

You're getting the wrong vibe from me

[Necromancer]

Depends all on the guys 1. Attractiveness 2. Charisma.

 

For some it will, some it won't.

 

Are you experienced yourself with approaching random women on the street?.

[Nightsky]

Depends all on the guys 1. Attractiveness 2. Charisma.

 

For some it will, some it won't.

 

Are you experienced yourself with approaching random women on the street?.

 

I think every guy should tackle his fears of rejection regardless.

 

Yes I've approached random women on the street, trains, and planes and any where else you could imagine. It really can work out. Even if it never did though it would keep me sharp. I'm in it for the journey.

[Necromancer]

I think every guy should tackle his fears of rejection regardless.

 

Yes I've approached random women on the street, trains, and planes and any where else you could imagine. It really can work out. Even if it never did though it would keep me sharp. I'm in it for the journey.

 

The question is, is it worth the effort you put in.

 

I have never gotten date out of cold approach, wrong numbers, flakes... yes.

 

If i would approach more often i am still sure it will work.

[MrCastle]

It works for such a small percentage of men that I've never advised anyone to do it. Forget about it being about looks or whatnot, it's just such a small chance for success with a greater probability of failure. Most men (most people) also don't possess the mental fortitude to handle a significant amount of rejections in a small period of time. Telling a man who fears one woman rejecting him to go out and face possibly 20 rejections in one day will not be conducive to helping them become successful. It's like yeah, a girl gave you her number, but it took 30 girls to get you to that point. And then from the amount of girls you actually get numbers from, how many materialize into anything.

 

I always advocate social circle above all, as the numbers are there to back it up. Most people meet their significant others from work, school, or friends than any other source. If your ego isn't easily damaged and you feel like approaching, have at it. I'm the kind of person who could ask 100 girls their numbers, get 99 and be pissed as f*** I didn't get that one girl.

[Necris]

I see a lot of bashing on this forum for whats called the "cold approach." My definition of a cold approach is where you just walk up to a girl, start talking to her, and ask her out. I don't think you should relegate yourself to being introduced through friends or activities. Further the confidence and aggressiveness you build in yourself through cold approach should make you more effective for when a friend or activity introduces you to a girl. OLD is the enemy.

 

Tell me Nightsky when was the last time you got a girlfriend from talking to a random stranger?

 

Honestly cold approaches just waste time believe me I've tried but it just doesn't work but then again I'm a special case nothing, nothing works for me, for a cold approach to work you need to be exceptionally attractive and have above and beyond the social/charisma/seduction skills of the average guy. Or you're in a bar and the girl is already super drunk already but that only works if you are looking for easy sex or something and even then you have to be attractive.

Edited December 6, 2012 by Necris

[ThaWholigan]

The problem is a lot of guys nowadays see cold approaching as "effort". It took me a while to start to loosen up and just see it as fun. Having said that, not much comes of it, although I have dated one girl recently off the back of one. But it's still should be fun, that's what I'm reframing it to be - thus I'm getting better at it.

 

I'm still wack at it though .

[Nightsky]

The question is, is it worth the effort you put in.

 

I have never gotten date out of cold approach, wrong numbers, flakes... yes.

 

If i would approach more often i am still sure it will work.

 

Well I have gotten dates and gf's out of cold approaches. I've approached women on planes, trains, and yes on boats! In the streets and off the streets. I'll tell you this, just because you happen to work with a girl or have class or what ever... it often feels no different than a cold approach. All it really gives you is some lame ice breaker.

 

Well I've cold approached plenty and let me tell you this, they don't all work, but when they do it's something else oh yeah!

 

It works for such a small percentage of men that I've never advised anyone to do it. Forget about it being about looks or whatnot, it's just such a small chance for success with a greater probability of failure. Most men (most people) also don't possess the mental fortitude to handle a significant amount of rejections in a small period of time. Telling a man who fears one woman rejecting him to go out and face possibly 20 rejections in one day will not be conducive to helping them become successful. It's like yeah, a girl gave you her number, but it took 30 girls to get you to that point. And then from the amount of girls you actually get numbers from, how many materialize into anything.

 

That's life man. I'm not saying cold approaches give you some magic power to hear "yes master" out of every girl you meet.

 

I used to get nervous and have to walk away when a guy got rejected on tv or in a movie. Heck just the guy facing rejection in a movie would make me really uncomfortable... still does some times. The thing is I grew up and found my confidence to face rejection. Now it's just like a ride. More anticipation than fear. I don't take it personal. It's better that way. Love isn't a numbers game. I don't treat it like a batting average. If I got rejected by 1000 girls I'd be looking for 1001... well really I'd be trying to end the streak but you get the point!

 

Also I've been rejected by girls only to late have them accept me. Can one person truely ever reject another unless they say "No!" and than shoot you. I say not!

 

I always advocate social circle above all' date=' as the numbers are there to back it up. Most people meet their significant others from work, school, or friends than any other source. If your ego isn't easily damaged and you feel like approaching, have at it. I'm the kind of person who could ask 100 girls their numbers, get 99 and be pissed as f*** I didn't get that one girl.[/quote']

 

I think having a happening social circle thats going to invite you to a pool party or take you out to the night club with a group of single ladies is great... but a lot of people don't have that. Plus if they do have that the confidence to face rejection will only help.

 

I don't get pissed when a girl says no to me. If asked 99 girls out and 1 said no that would be a pretty interesting night. Can you say ORGY... kidding... maybe not lol... never done that.

 

Tell me Nightsky when was the last time you got a girlfriend from talking to a random stranger?

 

Honestly cold approaches just waste time believe me I've tried but it just doesn't work but then again I'm a special case nothing, nothing works for me, for a cold approach to work you need to be exceptionally attractive and have above and beyond the social/charisma/seduction skills of the average guy. Or you're in a bar and the girl is already super drunk already but that only works if you are looking for easy sex or something and even then you have to be attractive.

 

Let me tell you this, my father met my mother on what we could call a cold approach. They were both on vacation and he spotted her on the beach or something like that. He didn't know her friends. They didn't have a class together, and there was no online dating.

 

I've gotten plenty of girls off cold approaches. It's not that hard really, you just do it. Remember guys I wouldn't be existing right now had my father not had the balls to cold approach my bikini babe of a mom on the beach. I guess it's the romantic in me that cold approaches. And damn straight it can work!

 

The problem is a lot of guys nowadays see cold approaching as "effort". It took me a while to start to loosen up and just see it as fun. Having said that, not much comes of it, although I have dated one girl recently off the back of one. But it's still should be fun, that's what I'm reframing it to be - thus I'm getting better at it.

 

I'm still wack at it though .

 

I try to see dating as fun. I'm not all MUST HAVE SEX... I mean yes I kind of am MUST HAVE SEX!! but I also have fun with it.

 

I don't really see much of a difference between a cold approach and "oh that girl knows some people I know so it's ok for me to approach her." I mean I understand there is a difference, I just don't see a meaningful one.

[Sith Apprentice]

It's the 2nd worst method for trying to meet women behind online dating. Yes, it can work, but you have to approach women in bulk and in my experience you'll get flat out rejected 90-95% of the time doing it. IMO it's too much work to approach 20 women hoping 1 will go out with you. Most men's ego's can't handle that.

 

None of the guy's I know cold approach women. I have not once had a friend say "I was walking through the grocery store and saw this cute gal and I knew I had to talk to her and get her number" Nope, they're all hooking up with women from school, work, and friends of friends.

[MrCastle]

The thing is I grew up and found my confidence to face rejection. Now it's just like a ride. More anticipation than fear. I don't take it personal.[/Quote]

 

Well, but it is personal though. Unless the girl has a boyfriend, she's rejecting you because she's not attracted to you. I don't believe this idea that once you face a certain amount of rejections you become numb to it. Getting rejected sucks and it's a terrible feeling, and something you can avoid while having better success with a social circle. Plus the basis under which you're approaching these women is purely physical. You know nothing about her personally, even if she finds you physically attractive, she can have totally different beliefs that keep you from pursuing anything real, whereas social circles, you're bound together by similar interests, beliefs, lifestyles, etc.

 

Also I've been rejected by girls only to late have them accept me. Can one person truely ever reject another unless they say "No!" and than shoot you. I say not![/Quote]

 

Guess we're different in this sense. If you reject me the first time you don't get a second chance. I don't care if you're Jessica Alba.

 

 

I think having a happening social circle thats going to invite you to a pool party or take you out to the night club with a group of single ladies is great... but a lot of people don't have that.

 

But they can have that. If they focus on improving their personality, being more social and making more friends, their circle will grow. Not only does this help in your dating life, but life overall. You meet cool people along the way that can become friends for life, network and make connections that better your career, etc. Social circles help to better your life period, not just dating, which is all cold approaching does and by a much slimmer margin.

[maybealone]

I hope guys still do cold approaches. I'd much rather meet a guy at Lowe's or Home Depot than try OLD.

 

Telling a man who fears one woman rejecting him to go out and face possibly 20 rejections in one day will not be conducive to helping them become successful.

 

Well, if a guy cold approaches me I hope it's because he finds me attractive and that we've shared some witty banter over the drywall screws rather than because he's desperately asking out as many women as possible in a day to get a date with anyone.

[jcrew11]

It's the 2nd worst method for trying to meet women behind online dating. Yes, it can work, but you have to approach women in bulk and in my experience you'll get flat out rejected 90-95% of the time doing it. IMO it's too much work to approach 20 women hoping 1 will go out with you. Most men's ego's can't handle that.

 

None of the guy's I know cold approach women. I have not once had a friend say "I was walking through the grocery store and saw this cute gal and I knew I had to talk to her and get her number" Nope, they're all hooking up with women from school, work, and friends of friends.

 

So never talk to any female strangers ever? That's a frightened way to live.

 

If I see a cute girl at a bar, at a concert, or at the gym. I'll chat her up and figure out if she's single. Its called knowing how to flirt.

 

Some times there are no opportunities at school, work, or through friends. Maybe a guy just wants to talk to hot women, and date hot women he doesn't know.

 

You can meet women anywhere in public, its not a scary thing. Go to Church, go to the mall, go to business events. Get out there and meet new people. Introduce yourself, ask her how her day is going, smile. Its called learning how to "network" in the real world, before "online networking" made everyone rely on their computers.

[MrCastle]

So never talk to any female strangers ever? That's a frightened way to live.

 

If I see a cute girl at a bar, at a concert, or at the gym. I'll chat her up and figure out if she's single. Its called knowing how to flirt.

 

Some times there are no opportunities at school, work, or through friends. Maybe a guy just wants to talk to hot women, and date hot women he doesn't know.

 

You can meet women anywhere in public, its not a scary thing. Go to Church, go to the mall, go to business events. Get out there and meet new people. Introduce yourself, ask her how her day is going, smile. Its called learning how to "network" in the real world, before "online networking" made everyone rely on their computers.

 

There's a difference. Sitting next to a girl at a concert for 3 hours, of course conversation is going to happen, and you already have an in, you both like the same band. Bars are somewhat similar, you're usually with a group of friends and if you get shot down, you just go back with them and let it roll off your back.

 

I'm talking specifically in terms of picking random women on the street, and stopping them in their tracks to talk to them. The success rate of doing that is comically small and if you're choosing that over developing a social circle well good luck to you.

[jcrew11]

Guess we're different in this sense. If you reject me the first time you don't get a second chance. I don't care if you're Jessica Alba.

 

A lot of girls will just reject guys out of habit because they "are scared of strangers" and you don't look like Brad Pitt.

 

Most girls need "social reinforcement" before dating a man such as approval from her friends, or if the guy has a good job.

 

Girls will reject men if they are having a bad day. Some women just take time to gain trust and attraction. If you catch her off-guard, she might not be interested at that time or moment; but a few months later and she is lonely and desperate, she'll ring up your number.

[aed]

First A true cold aproach works rarely, and it's more luck then skills or delusion of the men aproaching.

 

You are in club:

 

If you walk up to a girl in a club, how do you know it's a cold aproach? Maybe she saw you, was already interested in you and that's why she pop's up your 'space'.

 

 

But just aproaching and talking with allot of different women and having just fun with them, can be really fun to do. Most women won't reject you when you are in that kind of zone. But the hookups that come out of that are not results of cold aproaches. They are the result of the girl letting you seduce her.

 

Also the more you interact with strange people and pick their signs you will spot the girls that are more open for a hookup then those how are not, so you will get more results out of your 'cold aproaches'.

 

if you would put it in a cost benefit analysis: I don't think it will become a lucrative business.

[jcrew11]

There's a difference. Sitting next to a girl at a concert for 3 hours, of course conversation is going to happen, and you already have an in, you both like the same band. Bars are somewhat similar, you're usually with a group of friends and if you get shot down, you just go back with them and let it roll off your back.

 

I'm talking specifically in terms of picking random women on the street, and stopping them in their tracks to talk to them. The success rate of doing that is comically small and if you're choosing that over developing a social circle well good luck to you.

 

Here's a scenario, a nice guy is out walking his dog, and some girls come over and start to play with the dog. Or the guy is sitting outside a starbucks with his dog on a leash.

 

Gimme 3 hours outside that starbucks, and I'll be talking to at least 5 women and getting 5 numbers.

[MrCastle]

A lot of girls will just reject guys out of habit because they "are scared of strangers" and you don't look like Brad Pitt. [/Quote]

 

True.

 

Most girls need "social reinforcement" before dating a man such as approval from her friends, or if the guy has a good job. [/Quote]

 

True.

 

Girls will reject men if they are having a bad day.[/Quote]

 

True.

 

Some women just take time to gain trust and attraction. [/Quote]

 

So I don't understand, what are you saying exactly? Because the points your making are much more pro-social circle and are probably even better than my reasons for it.

 

If you catch her off-guard, she might not be interested at that time or moment; but a few months later and she is lonely and desperate, she'll ring up your number.

 

If you catch her off guard on the street and she's not into you, you're done. There is no number, there is no second chance. If she is in your social circle, she can grow to like you, and a few months down the road if she's feeling lonely and desperate, that's when you come in.