I have a new boyfriend and I thought I was over my ex, but I still feel the pain.

[realchange93]

Brief overview. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a really amazing guy (we've been together two months now). He's the greatest, and I really care for him, and I can totally see the potential for something long-term with him.

 

Now, a year ago I dated someone who completely destroyed me. He was my first love, and I loved him deep and genuinely in ways I had never loved anyone else. He didn't care for me (despite saying otherwise), and he took me for a ride, abusing everything I had given to him till he drained me of everything inside, and then kicked me to the curb.

 

It completely devastated me, and I noticed with him the pain "lessened" more than "went away." The other day, I was at work minding my own business, and I ran into his Twitter account. Curiousity and impulse took over, and next thing I knew, I was reading all about him and his current girlfriend. The pain I thought had left me just... came back. I dont know how to explain, it's as if I was reliving the pain of him leaving me and treating me like crap. It was a mix of... anger and hurt. Emotions I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt the anger towards him for having a girlfriend and being kind and loving towards her, while he treated me like crap and cheated on a constant basis while we were together.

 

I don't know, I guess I'm more so frustrated that emotions were still triggered in me. I thought I was happy in my current relationship, finally finding someone who treats me well, and I just can't believe I still managed to feel some sort of CARING for my ex, who I haven't had contact with in over a year.

 

I just thought I'd always reach a point where I'd stop caring about him 100% and truly get over what happened (which is why I gave into the curiosity impulse of cyber stalking him, cause I thought I wouldn't care), but clearly that's not the case if these emotions were still triggered inside me.

 

I dunno, I guess I still feel hurt that this happened to me. I realize rationally this is dumb to go back and dwell over, considering it's all in the past and happened a long time ago. I KNOW this, so why did I feel the hurt and anger I did? I thought I was OVER him.

 

A little bit of insight for people who have gone through this helps... thanks so much...

[Toddbt12y1]

Memories stick. You may still love him or even if not that at least remember all he did to you and seeing him hurts

I was the same way over my ex. I cannot even begin to tell you how she destroyed me over a year and some days ago we broke up. For a while I'd look at her profile and be hurt.

 

I stopped. But she sometimes pops up on suggestion list...as she has five profiles. Everytime I remember what she didn't.mi see her smiling it hurts nd I get angry. Best approach is to block them.

 

Less you see the better you can be.

[realchange93]

Memories stick. You may still love him or even if not that at least remember all he did to you and seeing him hurts

I was the same way over my ex. I cannot even begin to tell you how she destroyed me over a year and some days ago we broke up. For a while I'd look at her profile and be hurt.

 

I stopped. But she sometimes pops up on suggestion list...as she has five profiles. Everytime I remember what she didn't.mi see her smiling it hurts nd I get angry. Best approach is to block them.

 

Less you see the better you can be.

Thanks for your post. I suppose I'm frustrated moreso because I thought I'd always reach a point where I wouldn't care about him. Like I said, with time it's like the pain lessened moreso than left me fully. I always thought I'd reach a point where I'd be able to think of him or see his name and feel nothing towards him. In a way, I feel as if I'm holding back or not giving my current boyfriend the fullest if a part of me is still holding onto my ex... Which is why I'm more so frustrated, because I don't want this to impact or sabotage my current relationship.

 

But you're right, the less I see, the better. Silly me for cyber stalking and giving in to the impulse.

[frederickkk]

yes silly you, dont let the curiosity get the better of YOU unless YOU want to get back with HIM.

 

seen this time and time again.

[Lexie82]

It's horrible to see your ex with someone new, especially when you loved them so deeply and they treat you as disposable. You've said that he treated you badly but is kind and loving towards his new girlfriend. Do you know this for sure? Generally the best indication of current and likely future behaviour is past behaviour. If he was an arse to you, its likely he is going to treat the new girl the same way, if not at first then eventually. I know my ex was full on and seemed loving at first but then the infatuation and lust wore off and the 'jokey' insults and backing off started to creep in and he dumped me twice. I found out that the previous girlfriend he'd had he dumped 3 times so its likely that this behaviour isnt going to magically change just because he's moved on to someone new. The other thing is people are never honest on sites like Twitter and Facebook. Nobody ever goes on there and says 'I was a total selfish b******d with my girlfriend today, made her cry and everything'. They always make out everything is great and what a great time they are having etc. etc.

 

It sounds as though the guy you have now actually treats you right as you deserve to be treated. Don't let someone you know who isnt worth the air they breath to have any effect on you just because you are creating an image in your head of how great you think they are treating someone new because the reality of the situation is probably very different. I know how much it hurts though so I hope this helps a little