bb89 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I had known J for two years, only through long distance and frequent conversation. Earlier this year he started pursuing me after I was available from another break-up, and despite my hesitation, we eventually jumped into a long distance relationship months later. We made numerous trips, skyped weekly, and called nightly. September of this year, he tells me he's fully confidant he wants me to take the 8 hour move. I've never connected with someone so well before, and I really fall for J. And at this point in time, he's in love, or so I think. Make the move in September, transfer my job, and try to get settled in. J, does start to act strangely. Less affectionate, spontaneous, and caring. I assume it's growing pains, and let it be. Besides, physically we're still being intimate, and time from time he does say the L word, offer weekly dates, got a pet, etc. Last Friday J takes me out to dinner, and I have plans for us to go bowling afterward. At dinner J has two large glasses of beer, and starts to loosen up. The tab comes for our bill, and my sprite is mistaken as a water. Jokingly he makes a quip that he saved a dollar, and I refer to a date he went on where he got a free meal once. Harmlessly saying it's similar in a sense. He proceeds to tell me how he had a good time that night with said girl, and did a lot of intimate things to her. Keep in mind, foul language can be inserted. He proceeds to ask me to get drinks too, and I shut him down each time. I figure he's out to argue, and it's best we go home, but stop off at a grocery store to get dog food. While walking to the parking garage he figures I still want to go bowling with him, and throws his car keys at me. He knows I'm annoyed and upset, but proceeds to make jokes about it. He figures out it's not going to happen, and we end up at the store. He gets the dog food, and I just want to 'look' at the Christmas decorations, considering he shut down getting a tree twice. He meets me in the aisle with a cart, and starts picking decorations out and asking for input, and I knowingly call him out, that he's not genuine about it. In one of the aisles I ask him why he's stirred the pot quite a few times, and say "Is it that you just don't like me? Am I not interesting? Or you don't want this?" and with throwing an ornament in, he throws his shoulders up and nods yes. And in that moment, I feel my heart drop. Because for the most part, he played a good facade. And besides, who breaks up with someone but wants their help in picking out decorations for their apartment? Or continues to have frequent sex, and says things they don't mean? We get back to the apartment, and I'm crying hysterically. He sits next to me, and tries to pull me in, but I push him away. I continue to cry for an hour or two, and then take a shower. He had fallen asleep on the couch, and I wake him up, because I want to talk. He said he felt no chemistry, and that he thought a committed relationship would make him happy, and that he didn't love me, but cared about me. That he doesn't know why I'm surprised, because I'm a big girl and knew the risk it might have not worked out. Only thing is, the risk was smaller for me, I guess. I mean I moved in, thinking he was just as sure. Anyway, I ask him if he wants me to drive back home the next day, and he says "That's a better idea than any." and I accept it. This doesn't give me two weeks to leave my job respectively, and I end up taking an 8 hour drive on 1 hour of sleep, crying constantly with my car packed up with bags, and a dog in my passenger seat. Now I'm home, jobless, and depressed, and in loss of a best friend. He called me two nights ago and apologized, and told me he was going to move back home, quit his job, and take less pay, etc. So he could be with his friends again and be happy. And still called me his best bud... Which is great for him, but I as a person feel like I was invaluable, lied to, and terribly mistreated. Worst of all, I still feel the same way about him, but can't fathom how someone can be so heartless? Anyway, I just need some comforting words, for a very screwed up situation.
Balzac Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I'm sorry for your misery but I am not getting your job decision. Maybe it's not a keeper job but two weeks in a hotel seems preferable to walking out. Move on, lesson learned I guess. He sounds immature at best.
Author bb89 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I had just started to get established at the job, and my income was spiking up again. But between bills, etc. It would have been hard.
Gottabestrong Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Wow, this sucks so bad. I am so sorry to hear that, I can only imagine how much pain you are going through right now. I don't know what to say, "It gets better" doesn't really seem to cover it.
Balzac Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I hear 'ya. You'll recover, it requires time and effort. It sounds as if you risked quite a bit. Tough now to adjust but you'll do it. Who got custody of the pet?
Author bb89 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 He said he liked the dog, but didn't love it, and that I could have it, because she was mine.
Balzac Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Well don't look back or rethink any of it. Move forward.
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