blue_jay_bird Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 So iv followed the NC rule and it has always seem better then the alternative. But I question it the more time that passes. Because as more time passes i thought he would at lest try to contact me. We had a 7 year relationship. The Break-up was 6 months ago. He couldn't commit, couldn't see us getting married. The one time i did break NC was at 3 months. When we got together I was accepting of his decision ( inside no). Did the whole letting him go. Said i was dating, happy ext. Told him i was working on my faults, saw how i messed up, became very dependent, and unmotivated. Kind of cracked in the end called him up emotionally saying i can't be your friend (he wanted to be friends?) only contact me if you want a second chance. What do the second chance believer's think? I have NC blanket this situation. And he now have a new girlfriend. And im dating. Seems like the only thing i can do is go on my hot date on thursday with this guy i really like. Seems like the only thing i can do is let go... I don't see how being friends would help. For me this situation of being friends would go as thus. Me always excited for "date". Go on "date" have good time want more... People always say your second chance depends on how it ended. To me it ended with me heart broken and a look of im sorry and pity on his face. It ended very abruptly. I was in complete shock. I guess im asking. I'm I doing the right thing with NC. It's not like he contacts me and i have to tell him not to.. I don't think i should contact him. But like everyone on here i do hope that one day.... Advice.
mammasita Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I think you're approaching NC in the wrong way and doing it for the wrong reasons. I've read this many times here and believe it 100% that any chance of reconciliation will only happen once you have moved on. When you are at that point, you may not even want him anymore. 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Well you can't be friends and he doesn't want to be with you so question, why would you even think of contacting him, what good could come of it (especially if he's got a new gf)? One thing I've learned from LS and all the posts is, once your ex utters the words "I don't want to be with you" any time you spend (1 sec or 1 year) hoping for them to come back, doing things to not hurt a possible reconciliation (not going on dates etc.) are a complete waste of time. You don't/can't control other people's desires so forcing yourself to move on from the second they break up with you is your only real/controllable option. Everything else is out of your hands.
Stanza Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 NC is for healing. If you want him back you have to reach out at some point....rebuild connections. 1
MissBee Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) I think you're approaching NC in the wrong way and doing it for the wrong reasons. I've read this many times here and believe it 100% that any chance of reconciliation will only happen once you have moved on. When you are at that point, you may not even want him anymore. Ditto. I came here in 2009 (had a different username then though) because I was distraught over a breakup and was hell bent on getting back together and attempted to use NC as a way to get him back. Long story short: that wasn't the point. NC is for healing and moving on. I have healed and moved on, my ex got married to someone else, and I'm in love with someone else (who I also was NC with years ago and we've reunited quite unexpectedly, and yepp I also was not thinking anything at all about reuniting with him when it happened) and I'm waaaaaay over it. It took me 2 YEARS to move on though! All because I didn't stick to NC. If you're supposed to reconcile...you will. NC doesn't make you reconcile...it just helps you to move on. It's hard to believe right now that you'll ever get to a place where you no longer want to be with him; but it's possible! No one could have told me back then that I wouldn't have died without my ex and no one could have told me I'd be so far removed from him and quite happy. But I am . It didn't work out for a reason and most break ups are meant to stay that way. You were together for 7 years...he can't see himself marrying you..that's very disappointing but if after 7 years he doesn't know, you're probably better off breaking up. Right now it definitely won't seem like the right thing, but stick to NC and time and distance do help. Edited December 6, 2012 by MissBee 1
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