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Failed dating experiences drain me

TouchedByViolet

By TouchedByViolet
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TouchedByViolet Established Member

TouchedByViolet

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After things recently didn't work out with the girl I was dating for 6 weeks it got me feeling sad and thinking. She was the first girl since my ex who I genuinely enjoyed her company.

 

I feel like it is very difficult to grow with dating experiences, it seems more like it sucks something out of me. How many women do I have to put myself out there for to find a great one who will feel the same way about me as I do her? It is so difficult to look back and feel good about the journey without considering where I stand now. In the moments of dating I am happy but when the **** breaks down I just feel drained, alone, depressed, etc. I just want a companion where we both can enjoy each others company. Timing seems to always be working against me. I know I should simply enjoy all the experiences in life and not let my mood of the day affect my outlook so much but I can't. If I am happily dating someone life is just good, and everything is a little brighter. When I am single, it's like a grey cloud follows me around everywhere.

 

I see others in happy relationships and wish I was there, but no, I'm single. It's like **** always breaks down. Anyone else feel this way?

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NiceGuyDTW Established Member

NiceGuyDTW

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After things recently didn't work out with the girl I was dating for 6 weeks it got me feeling sad and thinking. She was the first girl since my ex who I genuinely enjoyed her company.

 

I feel like it is very difficult to grow with dating experiences, it seems more like it sucks something out of me. How many women do I have to put myself out there for to find a great one who will feel the same way about me as I do her? It is so difficult to look back and feel good about the journey without considering where I stand now. In the moments of dating I am happy but when the **** breaks down I just feel drained, alone, depressed, etc. I just want a companion where we both can enjoy each others company. Timing seems to always be working against me. I know I should simply enjoy all the experiences in life and not let my mood of the day affect my outlook so much but I can't. If I am happily dating someone life is just good, and everything is a little brighter. When I am single, it's like a grey cloud follows me around everywhere.

 

I see others in happy relationships and wish I was there, but no, I'm single. It's like **** always breaks down. Anyone else feel this way?

 

Join the club! Most people here are in the same boat. If they weren't they wouldn't be on this forum.

 

It's especially bad during the Winter/Holidays, and it's very depressing. I try to catch myself whenever I get those thoughts, and try to see all the good in my life. I make a mental list of all the things I have many don't, and a list of things I wish I had. I find that I have more than most people, and "re-adjust" my attitude to be thankful than sad about what i don't have. I wish you and all the people on this forum good luck. I think most people on here are good people and it's a shame it's so difficult to find love.

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LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

Posted
Posted
After things recently didn't work out with the girl I was dating for 6 weeks it got me feeling sad and thinking. She was the first girl since my ex who I genuinely enjoyed her company.

 

I feel like it is very difficult to grow with dating experiences, it seems more like it sucks something out of me. How many women do I have to put myself out there for to find a great one who will feel the same way about me as I do her? It is so difficult to look back and feel good about the journey without considering where I stand now. In the moments of dating I am happy but when the **** breaks down I just feel drained, alone, depressed, etc. I just want a companion where we both can enjoy each others company. Timing seems to always be working against me. I know I should simply enjoy all the experiences in life and not let my mood of the day affect my outlook so much but I can't. If I am happily dating someone life is just good, and everything is a little brighter. When I am single, it's like a grey cloud follows me around everywhere.

 

I see others in happy relationships and wish I was there, but no, I'm single. It's like **** always breaks down. Anyone else feel this way?

The ups and downs of dating aren't for everyone.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Join the club! Most people here are in the same boat. If they weren't they wouldn't be on this forum.

 

It's especially bad during the Winter/Holidays, and it's very depressing. I try to catch myself whenever I get those thoughts, and try to see all the good in my life. I make a mental list of all the things I have many don't, and a list of things I wish I had. I find that I have more than most people, and "re-adjust" my attitude to be thankful than sad about what i don't have. I wish you and all the people on this forum good luck. I think most people on here are good people and it's a shame it's so difficult to find love.

Yeah, agreed. It can be especially bad during the winter. I don't even try. I don't go out, because it's too cold where I live, and I'd rather stay in and watch a movie on my own. After a while, you get used to it, though, and it's no longer depressing. It's just that the switch from summer/autumn to winter can be a bit tough.

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TouchedByViolet Established Member

TouchedByViolet

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Join the club! Most people here are in the same boat. If they weren't they wouldn't be on this forum.

 

It's especially bad during the Winter/Holidays, and it's very depressing. I try to catch myself whenever I get those thoughts, and try to see all the good in my life. I make a mental list of all the things I have many don't, and a list of things I wish I had. I find that I have more than most people, and "re-adjust" my attitude to be thankful than sad about what i don't have. I wish you and all the people on this forum good luck. I think most people on here are good people and it's a shame it's so difficult to find love.

 

I agree. I am definitely fortunate for many things and if it wasn't for them I would probably be a complete wreck. Still I have so many challenges and things that I have no control over, it can all be overwhelming to think about.

 

One of my buddies has been seeing a girl for 4 months now and I swear he is like a new person since they have been together. I am absolutely happy for them both and wish I had something similar (especially this time of the year).

 

In time the desire for companionship keeps bringing me back into the dating world.

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
Posted

TouchedbyViolet-

 

I am a woman who feels the exact same way about men. I now have a nonchalant dating attitude and dont get invested in people until Ive been dating them for at least two months. The vast majority of men I have dated are just pretending to care about you to get sex or are stringing you along until they find something better (aka hotter). Some put up this facade for a long time. It gets easier over time

DC4 Established Member

DC4

Posted
Posted
TouchedbyViolet-

 

I am a woman who feels the exact same way about men. I now have a nonchalant dating attitude and dont get invested in people until Ive been dating them for at least two months. The vast majority of men I have dated are just pretending to care about you to get sex or are stringing you along until they find something better (aka hotter). Some put up this facade for a long time. It gets easier over time

 

I don't think a lot of men are this malevolent. I've found many of them do like like me and do care about me somewhat, but just don't want the responsibilities of being an exclusive item.

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
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I don't think a lot of men are this malevolent. I've found many of them do like like me and do care about me somewhat, but just don't want the responsibilities of being an exclusive item.

 

Thats called stringing you along dear. Theyll find someone eventually they care about enough to manage those responsibilities. But theyll keep you along for the ride for as long as youll put up with it

 

I dont want a relationship = I dont want a relationship badly enough with YOU. I ignored this advice often when I was younger due to my ego...but it is the truth. All the men that used this line on me committed to someone else after

DC4 Established Member

DC4

Posted
Posted

Well, dear, it's not "stringing me along" when I know the score and we're on the same page. It's all relative.

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
Posted (edited)
Well, dear, it's not "stringing me along" when I know the score and we're on the same page. It's all relative.

 

My statements were from the perspective Im looking for something more. Tons of men do the same thing when they know the woman theyre doing it to wants something more.

 

I have had arrangements like you describe, but I had a different attitude. What you described is not being "strung along" because you are doing the same to him.

Edited by pbjbear
DC4 Established Member

DC4

Posted
Posted

We'll have to agree to disagree. I just don't think the "string along" thing is applicable unless it's plainly clear to the man the woman is expecting a relationship and he has zero intentions on giving her one.

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
Posted (edited)
We'll have to agree to disagree. I just don't think the "string along" thing is applicable unless it's plainly clear to the man the woman is expecting a relationship and he has zero intentions on giving her one.

 

 

YouI agree with you- that is what stringing along is. But what you described happens more than you think. Its happened to me several times and its happened to many of my female friends several times. There are also many posts on this forum where a girl is being strung along literally...meaning she said shes interested in a relationship and he feigns interest to get sex but doesnt want to commit.

 

Im dating someone now casually and I have no intentions of making him my boyfriend so far. Im pretty sure he feels the same for me. Hes not stringing me along. However if I said "I want you to be my boyfriend eventually" and he said "Oh ok me too" but knows he doesnt want a relationship but said he did to continue seeing me, thus not having to "be alone"...thatd be him stringing me along. It does happen. Lots of men will say what they need to to not be alone or get sex

Edited by pbjbear
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TouchedByViolet Established Member

TouchedByViolet

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In most cases I don't think anyone is intentionally being deceiving to reach a certain end but that after awhile the interest level just isn't there.

 

No one is to blame but the result is crappy. When it starts happening a lot well then, it can leave you feeling pretty terrible.

pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

Posted
Posted

I agree with that not everyone goes in with the intention of deceiving and loses interest. But if a person loses interest they should stop seeing the other person that wants a relationship.

 

I did that when I was young- I dated a guy I really liked and after a month realized he was not right for me and lost attraction towards him. I hung on for too long after that

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TouchedByViolet Established Member

TouchedByViolet

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The women you're dating are too attractive! That's the problem. Date fatter or uglier women and they'll stick around longer. The key to lasting relationships is leverage. If you enter a relationship where you have no power at all (because the woman has way more dating options than you) then of course things will fall apart. You'll feel insecure and become clingy and she will lose interest and run.

 

When I date women more attractive than myself, I do so with a strong emotional detachment. I basically assume the relationship is temporary. Only after the woman becomes very attached to me will I let my guard down at all.

 

I will not start dating women I am not attracted to.

 

Anyways the real burn for me is when you get to know someone, get a long really well, and genuinely enjoy their company to have it fall apart.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
I will not start dating women I am not attracted to.

 

Anyways the real burn for me is when you get to know someone, get a long really well, and genuinely enjoy their company to have it fall apart.

 

 

....and then have to start all over again with the next person.....ugh. dating can certainly be a major drag.

zebracolors Established Member

zebracolors

Posted
Posted

I feel like it is very difficult to grow with dating experiences, it seems more like it sucks something out of me. How many women do I have to put myself out there for to find a great one who will feel the same way about me as I do her? It is so difficult to look back and feel good about the journey without considering where I stand now. In the moments of dating I am happy but when the **** breaks down I just feel drained, alone, depressed, etc. I just want a companion where we both can enjoy each others company. Timing seems to always be working against me. I know I should simply enjoy all the experiences in life and not let my mood of the day affect my outlook so much but I can't. If I am happily dating someone life is just good, and everything is a little brighter. When I am single, it's like a grey cloud follows me around everywhere.

 

I see others in happy relationships and wish I was there, but no, I'm single. It's like **** always breaks down. Anyone else feel this way?

 

You're not alone there. But as long as you hold onto the lonely feelings, and wistful feelings when you see other couples, its just going to eat you up inside. Im currently trying to follow my own advice here, but maybe take a break from actively seeking companionship. Not saying that if you stop looking, a good match will fall in your lap;) Just that it can give you time to collect yourself and hopefully get a more positive outlook on dating.

 

Believe me as a woman I find men, who have a cheerful outlook despite life problems that we all have, attractive. More than one who seems exhausted and even frustrated with dating. I hope this makes sense and wish you happiness.

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted
The women you're dating are too attractive! That's the problem. Date fatter or uglier women and they'll stick around longer. The key to lasting relationships is leverage. If you enter a relationship where you have no power at all (because the woman has way more dating options than you) then of course things will fall apart. You'll feel insecure and become clingy and she will lose interest and run.

 

When I date women more attractive than myself, I do so with a strong emotional detachment. I basically assume the relationship is temporary. Only after the woman becomes very attached to me will I let my guard down at all.

 

Your advice is amazing. You could write a book with all your ideas and opinions on how dating works. All a person would have to do is read it and then do the absolute opposite, and he/she would find the perfect mate.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
Posted

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

The women you're dating are too attractive! That's the problem. Date fatter or uglier women and they'll stick around longer. The key to lasting relationships is leverage. If you enter a relationship where you have no power at all (because the woman has way more dating options than you) then of course things will fall apart. You'll feel insecure and become clingy and she will lose interest and run.

 

When I date women more attractive than myself, I do so with a strong emotional detachment. I basically assume the relationship is temporary. Only after the woman becomes very attached to me will I let my guard down at all.

 

:lmao:

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