Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Hi we'll I been in this FWB " relationship " with a guy for the past 7 months and I stupidly have feelings for him pathetic i know but the FWB and open relationships only works on movies not in real life and I been triying to walk away from him but I just can't because I have feelings for him and I don't know if he feels something for me more than physical .im not the girl who is always calling texting when I text him and for some reasons he does not reply right away I don't make drama ... I don't act needy !! I give him space and trust me its been hard acting like this because I honestly i would love to spend hours and hours with him and make plans and all that mushy stuff but I try to behave and not to scare him He always complements me and says that I look pretty that I have a a great body that I'm amazing bla bla bla . I have never ask about us or what do u feel for me I'm really scared of his response So my question is : the other day he asked me "do you think that this connection is more than physical" ??? What does that mean ?? Sometimes I make a big mistake and I listen what I want to heard so please your honest opinion is valuable for me and the last question : Do you think that I have to be honest and talk to him about my feelings ?? Or just run as fast as I can and move on ?? I'm really scared of his response and look like a fool but deep inside of me this is really killing me so I would like to ask you your opinion Thank You
mitchell Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Perhaps his question to you is an indication that he also has developed feelings for you. How is the sex between you? Good enough to continue and advance this relationship? If so, lay it all out and ask if he has feelings towards you. If not and he has no interest in advancing your relationship, you owe it to yourself to move on. Find a man who wants a relationship and not just someone to F@#K.
Author Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Hi thanks for your reply well sex with him is amazing and he constantly says that I'm a great lover an amazing woman sometimes he calls me perfect but I'm so afraid of scare him so you think is better to be honest and ask him ?
Author Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I'm 29 I know what you are saying its just that sometimes he sends mix signals or at least that's what I think what would you do I'm really confused
Ruby Slippers Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Be honest about how you feel. Who cares about scaring him? Don't go all over the top. Just let him know that you do like him as more than a roll in bed. If he responds well to that, great. If not, just end it and find a more suitable relationship partner.
Author Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I guess your right but how do I tell him seriously whats a good way to tell him that I don't see him just as a friend with out sounding like I'm way head over heels
pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Hi we'll I been in this FWB " relationship " with a guy for the past 7 months and I stupidly have feelings for him pathetic i know but the FWB and open relationships only works on movies not in real life and I been triying to walk away from him but I just can't because I have feelings for him and I don't know if he feels something for me more than physical .im not the girl who is always calling texting when I text him and for some reasons he does not reply right away I don't make drama ... I don't act needy !! I give him space and trust me its been hard acting like this because I honestly i would love to spend hours and hours with him and make plans and all that mushy stuff but I try to behave and not to scare him He always complements me and says that I look pretty that I have a a great body that I'm amazing bla bla bla . I have never ask about us or what do u feel for me I'm really scared of his response So my question is : the other day he asked me "do you think that this connection is more than physical" ??? What does that mean ?? Sometimes I make a big mistake and I listen what I want to heard so please your honest opinion is valuable for me and the last question : Do you think that I have to be honest and talk to him about my feelings ?? Or just run as fast as I can and move on ?? I'm really scared of his response and look like a fool but deep inside of me this is really killing me so I would like to ask you your opinion Thank You 1) Youre not pathetic. You are human. But you need to walk away 2) Stop using your emotions to make dating decisions and be more rational. Stop using your emotions to make dating decisions and be more rational. 3) He most likely is saying that to keep you happy enough with him you will continue to give him sex. Men are smart and know they need to praise/emotionally connect with a woman for her to keep coming around for sex. Let that line sink in. I have had a few FWB's and some of them ended when they asked me to be their girlfriend. I refused. Why? I am not overly emotional and I am rational. While the sex was good, they did not have qualities compatible for a long term healthy mature relationship. You should start examining such qualities in your current FWB. Do not want to be in a relationship with him because youve slept with him for 7 months. Look at his personality and character and see if he is capable of being a good boyfriend. Look at it objectively and dont tell yourself what you want to hear. I would recommend just asking him since he hasnt asked you. Most likely, he is just testing the waters/feeding you lines to stroke his own ego and to keep you wanting more. Very few FWB's turn into relationships but it is possible. Its rare though, so dont get your hopes up. Ask him and if he says anything less than "I want a relationship with you" walk away. Delete him out of your life and focus your energy on finding the right guy for you who wants you emotionally as much as you want him
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Out of curiosity, how old are you? You won't find happiness if you're too frightened to be honest about what it is that you actually want from others. If you focus solely on what the other person wants and making sure he gets it even at great emotional/personal cost, not only will you not be happy, but you will end up feeling empty, used, and ultimately resentful. Why is it that you do not deserve to be a girlfriend, when from your post that is what you really want? Why would you agree to be his f*** buddy on demand whenever he needs his release if that is not a role you want? If you don't value yourself, neither will others. You owe it to yourself to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Good luck! 1
DC4 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I guess your right but how do I tell him seriously whats a good way to tell him that I don't see him just as a friend with out sounding like I'm way head over heels Pretty much just like that "I'd like us to be exclusive/more serious" and see what he says. it's totally scary and I hate that conversation because you're really putting yourself out there. Oddly enough, I was just thinking about this. I've been seeing this guy since summer and it's been "casual" per his direction. Don't have much else going on so I've been rolling with it. I started seeing someone else as well and I'm not as available. He irked the hell out of me the other night and since I have no responsibilities to him as a girlfriend, I let him know exactly what I thought. Based on the following conversation we had, I'm pretty sure he does have some strong feelings for me and I don't know what to do about that. Be careful what you wish for!
Ruby Slippers Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I guess your right but how do I tell him seriously whats a good way to tell him that I don't see him just as a friend with out sounding like I'm way head over heels the other day he asked me "do you think that this connection is more than physical" "Remember the other day when you asked me if I think our connection is more than physical? Well, I've been thinking about it, and yes, I do. What do you think about going out on a date? I would love to ______ with you." (a fun date activity you will both enjoy)
Author Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Yes I'm going to be honest with him and what ever is going to happen will happen right ?
Author Ale khun Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Hi everyone thanks for your opinions so here's the second part of the story after reading all the post I decided to be honest and ask him about us and we'll I called him and asked him about us and i also asked him to be honest he said that well he does have feelings for me that I'm not a booty call that we do have a great connection and that he wants to spend more time with me .... I didn't react sooo exited I was more in shock honestly but I also said " we'll with this I'm not saying that I love u or that I'm in love with u but I do have feelings for you " and he said well "I think we are in the same page " so what do you think now please all the comments are welcome and thanks for reading my story
DC4 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 One of my casual guys says "we're on the same page" all the time. I don't mean to be a butthole or anything, it just doesn't relay much information other than he likes you-which you already knew.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 One of my casual guys says "we're on the same page" all the time. I don't mean to be a butthole or anything, it just doesn't relay much information other than he likes you-which you already knew. I agree. His actions will tell you how he really views the relationship.
ja123 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I also said " we'll with this I'm not saying that I love u or that I'm in love with u but I do have feelings for you ". I think this was a mistake to say. Now you're telling him to calm his emotions, instead of opening the door to expressing something stronger. That is if he does have stronger emotions for you. You sound confused. Don't let the fear get to you, so that you end up shooting yourself in the foot.
Author Ale khun Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I think this was a mistake to say. Now you're telling him to calm his emotions, instead of opening the door to expressing something stronger. That is if he does have stronger emotions for you. You sound confused. Don't let the fear get to you, so that you end up shooting yourself in the foot. I think your right but trust me I was terrified !!! I was shaking I felt so embarrassed asking him "what do u think about us " and honestly I didn't wanted to sound so desperate like : yes I love you I'm not really good at mushy stuff jajajaj
Author Ale khun Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I also want to share something with you guys after the conversation with him I felt happy (a lot) because i felt that i was capable to inspire someone and be something more than a booty call I wasn't expecting that reaction but I think it went well !!! Now I'm just going to behave the same way I don't want to over react and call him everyday and text him all the time I have a strong feeling that guys get annoyed with all that honestly I can't wait to see him and do something special for him like cook something or just have a great time . Now I think I have a chance to make it official and I'm going to try my best to make it work it may not sound like much but for me that was the boost of energy that I needed
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) I think your right but trust me I was terrified !!! I was shaking I felt so embarrassed asking him "what do u think about us " and honestly I didn't wanted to sound so desperate like : yes I love you I'm not really good at mushy stuff jajajaj I think you really need to work on your self-esteem. What is desperate about telling a guy "I've fallen in love with you, and I no longer want to be just your FWB. Do you have similar feelings for me? I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?" I'm not trying to rain on your parade of happiness and gratitude to this guy, but why not see if he actually takes you out on dates consistently and puts some effort into the relationship? That's what boyfriends do! You're rewarding him for doing nothing differently. Sorry, but you're just setting yourself up to become his chef and FB by doing this. Who knows what his words meant? He had free sex, and you were going to take that away from him if he didn't give you the "right" answer. Whether he truly shares your feelings or not is an unknown. His actions and how he treats you consistently will give you an idea of where he really stands. Edited December 6, 2012 by Cutiepie1976
Author Ale khun Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I I'm not trying to rain on your parade of happiness and gratitude to this guy, but why not see if he actually takes you out on dates consistently and puts some effort into the relationship? That's what boyfriends do! You're rewarding him for doing nothing differently. Sorry, but you're just setting yourself up to become his chef and FB by doing this. Who knows what his words meant? He had free sex, and you were going to take that away from him if he didn't give you the "right" answer. Whether he truly shares your feelings or not is an unknown. His actions and how he treats you consistently will give you an idea of where he really stands. That really hurt Cutiepie1976 hahah but that's why I'm here because I have my head really confused and I need an advise You are totally right only his actions will show if he has feelings or not .
Arabella Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 @Ale khun: My boyfriend and I started out as friends, then I initiated sex and turned it into FWB. We both kept telling each other we didn't want a relationship and that we had no feelings, blablabla... Pure denial lol. Four months later, I told him I wanted more. He agreed. We've been official for a couple months now... so far so good. Stop beating around the bush. You got yourself into this mess and you gotta be the one to get yourself out. It doesn't matter what he says about having feelings for you... actions speak louder than words. Whatever feelings he may have don't mean a thing if he refuses to be your boyfriend. No risk, no gain... be direct! -A 1
NXS Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I think you should test this change in relationship by asking him to do something he wouldn't normally want to do.
ascendotum Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) I'm 29 I know what you are saying its just that sometimes he sends mix signals or at least that's what I think what would you do I'm really confused Did you set out at the beginning to just have an fwb instead of a proper relationship, for whatever reason? Why did you not want a relationship with him...just curious. If so, he likely keeping himself detached and playing it cool, because he does not want to cross the boundaries and fall in love or even give you that impression he has strong feelings for you in case he scares you off. He might think of you as just a sexy girl to screw on a regular basis (along with maybe 1 or 2 others) or you could be the only woman in his life and like you and has developed a strong emotional connection and would like to get more involved in your life. When he asked you "do you think that this connection is more than physical", you did not say how the conversation progressed. To me this would have been a perfect opportunity for you to say yes, and subtly let him know you wouldn't mind if the scope of the relationship expanded. In fact I don't see why you cant let him know, after 7 months, unless you both made specific rules for the fwb at the start. The fwb has served its purpose and met both your needs at the time...no? You have not signed a binding agreement that locks you in to this situation where you just respond with sex when he calls up. How long are happy to not be in a relationship for and to just be a booty call (as an attractive women you should have a lot of currency in the dating market to get what you want? Edited December 6, 2012 by ascendotum
Author Ale khun Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Did you set out at the beginning to just have an fwb instead of a proper relationship, for whatever reason? Why did you not want a relationship with him...just curious. If so, he likely keeping himself detached and playing it cool, because he does not want to cross the boundaries and fall in love or even give you that impression he has strong feelings for you in case he scares you off. He might think of you as just a sexy girl to screw on a regular basis (along with maybe 1 or 2 others) or you could be the only woman in his life and like you and has developed a strong emotional connection and would like to get more involved in your life. When he asked you "do you think that this connection is more than physical", you did not say how the conversation progressed. To me this would have been a perfect opportunity for you to say yes, and subtly let him know you wouldn't mind if the scope of the relationship expanded. In fact I don't see why you cant let him know, after 7 months, unless you both made specific rules for the fwb at the start. The fwb has served its purpose and met both your needs at the time...no? You have not signed a binding agreement that locks you in to this situation where you just respond with sex when he calls up. How long are happy to not be in a relationship for and to just be a booty call (as an attractive women you should have a lot of currency in the dating market to get what you want? When he asked you "do you think that this connection is more than physical", you did not say how the conversation progressed. To me this would have been a perfect opportunity for you to say yes, and subtly let him know you wouldn't mind if the scope of the relationship expanded. It's just that at the moment I didn't knew what to say the only thing that came out of my mouth was "sometimes " and he said "just sometimes" and then I had this conversation in my mind for days and days regretting my answer and wishing saying something different
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