pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 When a woman commits an act of infidelity it is rarely about just getting her rocks off but that there are deeper problems she is having with the relationship. Those guys are probably getting some on the side. Once someone cheats and gets rewarded for it they continue doing it. I know plenty of women who cheat to get their "rocks off" Maybe you should stop seeing the world in black and white? A guy who cheats is just as bad. A guy who cheats because he felt like it is a selfish person who needs to work on his impulsivity. Guys like that do not make good LTR partners. This isnt cheating- the OP's situation. This is about having sex when you are SINGLE and getting judged for it 1
LittlePrince Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 OP- Stop judging her. If you had the opportunity to have sex with another woman, you would have taken it. If you say you wouldnt, I do not believe you. There is no 20-year-old guy who wouldnt do that. You need to let this go. Many men would desire to do it but not all men would. There is a difference between desires and actions.
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Forgot to mention, I'm curious as to why OP became negligent during thier relationship. OP have you given any thought to that? Did you find yourself falling out of love with her or was it something else... 1
LittlePrince Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 This isnt cheating- the OP's situation. This is about having sex when you are SINGLE and getting judged for it Since she wants to get back together she never was truly single. She had a lover's tiff during which she was intimate with multiple men. She admits to this. This isn't solid ground to continue building a relationship on. 1
pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Being broken up for 3 months isnt being single? Sounds to me it is. Doesnt sound like she wanted to get back together within those months...when someone breaks up with someone its generally to be single. She didnt ask for a "break" she broke up with him. Sleeping with one guy isnt sleeping with multiple men.
Author tito1501 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Forgot to mention, I'm curious as to why OP became negligent during thier relationship. OP have you given any thought to that? Did you find yourself falling out of love with her or was it something else... Divasu, I know I have failed a lot after this two years, in the last 6 months before we break up I wasn't so present as I used to. I always kept saying that I prefered to be with the guys , that I was wasting my life dating her because we were always doing the same stuff. Going to the same places and bla bla bla. At a certain day, she discovered that I went to a rodeo party and nevertheless she stayed beside me as much as she could stand. I threw my dating rings away two times and she never forgets that Shi***. Guys I'm not here to pretend I am an angel, I did A LOT of wrong things but I know she did as well, but not as much as I did She apologized me for everthing but I can't forget the " sex part" lol. ps: Thank you for all the answers and help !
Lonely Ronin Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 They werent trolls. They were members that post on this site all the time I checked their posting history. Yes, and some trolls on LS have thousands of posts.
Emilia Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Since she wants to get back together she never was truly single. She had a lover's tiff during which she was intimate with multiple men. She admits to this. This isn't solid ground to continue building a relationship on. I truly wonder whether you have ever been in a relationship??? When people break up they go through a wide range of emotions and a lot of the time they DON'T want to get back together initially, even if it ends up being the case eventually. She just wanted to move on, so what? I agree with the posts about double standards. If it was a guy, everyone would be slapping his back telling him 'you need to be under a few girls to get over her' but because we are talking about a girl, she is a whore Pathetic. OP, you are both so young. She is moving away to a university - maybe she has moved away already - you haven't mentioned what you argued about. You didn't explain why you stopped having sex exactly. Maybe the two of you are not compatible?
Author tito1501 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I truly wonder whether you have ever been in a relationship??? When people break up they go through a wide range of emotions and a lot of the time they DON'T want to get back together initially, even if it ends up being the case eventually. She just wanted to move on, so what? I agree with the posts about double standards. If it was a guy, everyone would be slapping his back telling him 'you need to be under a few girls to get over her' but because we are talking about a girl, she is a whore Pathetic. OP, you are both so young. She is moving away to a university - maybe she has moved away already - you haven't mentioned what you argued about. You didn't explain why you stopped having sex exactly. Maybe the two of you are not compatible? Emilia, I just posted ( two posts above) a short answer for why we were stopping having sex and what I was arguing about. She is no longer leaving my city because she wasn't accepted in the university here in Brazil. She is now decided to stay in São Paulo for the university she aims. I'm not sure about anything yet. The problem is that we have met yesterday and everything seemed to be "as in the old times ". She swore to me that she only broke up because of my attitudes and because her father was threating her to stay away from me because he realized how I was treating her. He wasn't even paying food for her to work at the mall ( that's true guys , just because he wanted her to break up with me ) I am not judging him but now she said she want's to stay beside me but her father doesn't accept that. I don't know if the SEX part is so serious if we weren't even dating anymore. I am just confuse lol , but not sad.
pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It is sickening. No 20 year old boy would not take advantage of a sexual opportunity after getting out of a relationship, ESPECIALLY after a relationship in which he was deprived of sex. VERY few men who are 20 would resist such an opportunity. The people who have tried to argue with this double standard are sickening and one of the reasons Im not so much into dating anymore. Women apparently arent allowed to explore their needs and are degraded when do so, yet when a man does it he is praised and encouraged.
mesmerized Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You were broken up. Get over it. If you can't then good for her. Shes 18, no need to waste her life on some insecure boy. And lets face it, you guys are so young and most possibly wont last anyway.
mesmerized Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It is sickening. No 20 year old boy would not take advantage of a sexual opportunity after getting out of a relationship, ESPECIALLY after a relationship in which he was deprived of sex. VERY few men who are 20 would resist such an opportunity. The people who have tried to argue with this double standard are sickening and one of the reasons Im not so much into dating anymore. Women apparently arent allowed to explore their needs and are degraded when do so, yet when a man does it he is praised and encouraged. Most men who post here can't get a woman in real life, so they hate women who get laid. Ignore the losers, you'd never want to date them in real anyway.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Women apparently arent allowed to explore their needs and are degraded when do so, yet when a man does it he is praised and encouraged. O please that's such BS.... Would you take a guy back that you had been with for 2 and a half years, if you found out that within 3 months of breaking up he had already slept with another woman?
pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 O please that's such BS.... Would you take a guy back that you had been with for 2 and a half years, if you found out that within 3 months of breaking up he had already slept with another woman? Nope. I dont have double standards. I wouldnt if that happened to me. However, many women in this situation are called insecure, bitchy, judgmental and told "sex is sex to a guy" and to just "get over it." On this site all the time. It is a double standard whether you want to believe it or not. However, sex is just sex to most men in their 20's. My personal views are often not congruent with what society tells me to do however. Im not the norm
truth_seeker Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You were broken up. Get over it. If you can't then good for her. Shes 18, no need to waste her life on some insecure boy. And lets face it, you guys are so young and most possibly wont last anyway. I never understood how anyone can be in a serious relationship, especially in 2012, from the ages 18-25. Heck, lots of people are still partying up until 30. You're expecting an 18 year old girl to be steady with you? Sorry, but lol. She isn't a whore. She's young and she made sure to break away from you before hooking up with other guys. It just hurts because you still have feelings for her. In time, you will get over her and fall for another girl.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Nope. I don't have double standards. I wouldn't if that happened to me. I wouldn't take a woman back in this case as well, and i don't have double standards either. However, many women in this situation are called insecure, bitchy, judgmental and told "sex is sex to a guy" and to just "get over it." On this site all the time. Well as mesmerized said, a lot of the men that post on this site have a hatred for women, because they can't get the women they want. They are not accurate representations of the male gender as a whole. It is a double standard whether you want to believe it or not. Yea, to trolls and losers. However, sex is just sex to most men in their 20's. Sex is just sex to most people in general in my opinion. However after being with someone for a period of time, it take on a deeper more significant meaning. hence the reason most normal people are single for a while after a long term relationship. They need time to heal woulds, and sever the bonds they had with the other person, both physical and emotional.
pbjbear Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Opinions posted on this site tend to be what I find in the real world. No, not every man just views sex as sex and doesnt believe in double standards. But the majority do. The vast majority of the men I have dated, work with, are friends with, have seen my family and friends and coworkers date, do view sex as sex and believe in the double standards. Ive met some who didnt, but well over 50% did.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I feel sorry for you then, because you are rolling with the wrong crowed.
dasein Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 OP it's natural for there to be some stress and even breakups accompanying going off to college. It's also natural for people to experiment sexually in college and have partners. What's important here is what has changed in your lives? If it's just missing the good times, that's not enough. Have you worked on yourself to be a more appreciative, affectionate BF? even when things aren't perfect? You can't just shut down on a GF romantically and sexually and expect them to put up with it, especially when they are headed to college. It's not likely that 3 months is enough time apart for you to truly change, so would suggest being apart for awhile longer, working on yourself so that you will be a more attentive BF with whomever you are with. Then once you feel you can behave differently, and she is on the same page, revisit the possibilities. Good luck whatever you decide. 1
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