itsmyfault Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You'd still date them one day again? I been wondering about this, I don't feel pain, hurt or upset any more. I do however miss her company from time to time, Though I'm not in any hurry to speak to her again. I guess it's just a feeling of indifference. We didn't have a nasty break up, I did it as best I could, As I didn't really know why I was ending it my self (GIGS) I still would date her in years to come, we always just clicked. BTW, This doesn't mean I will obviously. I am just wondering if the fact I would, Does that mean I'm not over her?
cavalier99 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 (edited) Hello Everybody, I'm posting here because I need to vent my building hurt. I am 20 years old, Three months ago I broke up with my Girlfriend. When we broke up she was distraught and told me she couldn't believe she was losing her world, that she had planned to spend her whole life with me. 3 months ago I was immature and didnt really feel what you'd call emotion. I knew I loved this Girl, but we had hugely different pasts. I when i turned 18 never went out. I wasnt looking for love or anything. Then she came along, an old school friend who had moved away. She had lived a party life and had relationships come to nothing. to cut a long story short we had a whirlwind romance and a perfect 2 years. I made some new friends early this year, we get on great, I started going out with them, She didnt like it a huge deal, she only mentioned it a few times but i know it was getting to her. In the end one day it got to much for me and i foolishly ended it. I gave her the space I knew she would need, I always hated myself for hurting her. She was never not loved or cared about. 2 months passed and it hit me, I need this girl back in my life, by this time I had grown massively as a person, I have matured and gained more confidence in myself (no involvement with any other girls) I approached her and said id made a terrible mistake, the emotion I hadn't seen in years just started pouring out of me. I tried with desperation to win her back. Alas I was to late, she was seeing another guy, So I'm guessing she had started making tracks with him quite soon. One day back a month ago now we chatted on the phone, she told me she'd love to come back to me but can't. A lot has changed since then but she said it. I am aware I have bought this on myself, I should have seen what I had. I don't know how she moved on so fast, I was her "world" after all. Its scares me how quickly she has moved on, It's easy for her, she is a beautiful young lady (same age) I now worry I will never move on from her, I long for her to contact me, to want me again. I'm so scared I will never find another person who wants me, I threw away what would have been a great life of stability and love with a beautiful girl with the perfect heart. Please help me Hi itsmyfault Im glad your doing well. I am too and am indifferent but only "occasionally" other times I'm still a little messed up. No, your probably not completely over her. Read your post above. It wasn't that long ago and is normal to still be questioning. I also run some what if scenarios in my head. I think some of it is ego. We want to know that we can still have that girl who was crazy about us by our side. My ex broke up with me (unlike your situation ) BUT for a lot of the RS she would have married me in a second. So now that she is with someone else i think it hurts knowing that i used to have that and those emotions she is probably feeling are now for someone else. I think it is our competitiveness. And we tend to idealize what we don't have sometimes I guess we will be 100 percent recovered when these thoughts and scenarios don't play out in our heads. Either way sounds like you are moving forward. And time is our friend . Edited December 5, 2012 by cavalier99
th90 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I think we are only completely over someone when we get into a serious relationship with someone else. If we get into a new relationship that we know wouldn't last, we will still think about the ex that could have been the one while still in the new relationship. Point is until we meet THE ONE we are sure to spend forever with, we will still think about our exes once in a while. Just an opinion
Author itsmyfault Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I think we are only completely over someone when we get into a serious relationship with someone else. If we get into a new relationship that we know wouldn't last, we will still think about the ex that could have been the one while still in the new relationship. Point is until we meet THE ONE we are sure to spend forever with, we will still think about our exes once in a while. Just an opinion I think I agree with you there. Before I stopped speaking with my ex she always told me she still thought about me. I don't really care whether she does or not. I've always thought she just dived straight to the next person that cared. I however never think you ever forget someone.
th90 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I think I agree with you there. Before I stopped speaking with my ex she always told me she still thought about me. I don't really care whether she does or not. I've always thought she just dived straight to the next person that cared. I however never think you ever forget someone. I still think about the first guy I dated. He comes into my mind once a while. My first relationship was obviously just a puppy love but we never really forget about someone. We even talked about how our lives would have been if we never broke up years later. I think all that's left is a friendly attraction to each other.
cavalier99 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I think we are only completely over someone when we get into a serious relationship with someone else. If we get into a new relationship that we know wouldn't last, we will still think about the ex that could have been the one while still in the new relationship. Point is until we meet THE ONE we are sure to spend forever with, we will still think about our exes once in a while. Just an opinion Ohh God I'm doomed to forever think of this girl. I knew it. WHEN WILL THIS END! Just kidding...sort of. And this string of a couple hookups meaningless hookups...isn't anything but diversion. I even have a date for next Friday. She wanted to go out to lunch and i pushed for a friday night. And we all know why. Because the chances of getting laid go up exponentially in this scenario! Believe me.... the chances of breaking this girls heart are lower than getting a STD from here. What what the F am i looking for? Im just going to cancel i think. Rock on! Hi Ho Silver
cavalier99 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 (edited) When i cancel what do i say? If i was 100 percent honest id say. "Sorry I really wanted to go out and get laid and have fun but right now I'm just a emotional mess and i think having sex with you would be to traumatic for me and would make me think of my ex..plus im not even that attracted to you and just want to get laid" And Shed probably still want go out with me. Oh. G-d i one messup pup right now. ..but im looking great and am exuding confidence. Outwardly that is: lol. This breakup stuff is so hilarious. Cant wait until normal again! Edited December 5, 2012 by cavalier99
th90 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 When i cancel what do i say? If i was 100 percent honest id say. "Sorry I really wanted to go out and get laid and have fun but right now I'm just a emotional mess and i think having sex with you would be to traumatic for me and would make me think of my ex..plus im not even that attracted to you and just want to get laid" And Shed probably still want go out with me. Oh. G-d i one messup pup right now. ..but im looking great and am exuding confidence. Outwardly that is: lol. This breakup stuff is so hilarious. Cant wait until normal again! Haha Like I said, hooking up is not the way out. So what after the sex? You go back being emo nemo about your ex again. That's why I'd prefer to spend time by myself and find inner peace. Plus you can never be sure about STDs unless you use protection. When you are over this, all you will think about is how messed up you let yourself be by sleeping around. You don't want that.
cavalier99 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Haha Like I said, hooking up is not the way out. So what after the sex? You go back being emo nemo about your ex again. That's why I'd prefer to spend time by myself and find inner peace. Plus you can never be sure about STDs unless you use protection. When you are over this, all you will think about is how messed up you let yourself be by sleeping around. You don't want that. Your right! ....I'm thinking prayer and meditation Monday thru Friday (inner peace part) ...and hedonistic destructive behavior on Weekends I need to take a balanced approach. And ALWAYS REPEAT ALWAYS use heavy duty condoms especially with this girl! Fyi im just joking for the most part Trying to find humor in all of this lol
Author itsmyfault Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 mmmm.... Its up to you, If you need to scratch an itch why not? At the end of the day you've said yourself, It's not going to help you. You know that. But who says you can't have a bit of fun? that's all it is right?
na49 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I wonder about this too. I'm much better than I was right after the BU, but I have a hard time figuring out if I am "over her" or not. I would love to date her again, but realize that I won't and that I need to find someone new and experience new things with a new girl and using what I know now that I didn't know then. I hope that dating someone else isn't the only way to get over someone.. I don't know when I'll be ready to date again, but I'd like to be over my ex before that happens.
Author itsmyfault Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I wonder about this too. I'm much better than I was right after the BU, but I have a hard time figuring out if I am "over her" or not. I would love to date her again, but realize that I won't and that I need to find someone new and experience new things with a new girl and using what I know now that I didn't know then. I hope that dating someone else isn't the only way to get over someone.. I don't know when I'll be ready to date again, but I'd like to be over my ex before that happens. I kinda think you can be over someone and still want to date them.. Only because she is the type of person I'd want to date. (if that makes any sense) I guess this is only valid if in years down the line you reconnect and the spark is still there. By the time this happens you'd have to get to know the person all over again. Meh it's weird, Atm, I think I'd turn her down if she all of a sudden decided to come back. This is mainly because I'm enjoying my life and having fun. I get to be selfish. In 5+ years... who knows.
na49 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I kinda think you can be over someone and still want to date them.. Only because she is the type of person I'd want to date. (if that makes any sense) I guess this is only valid if in years down the line you reconnect and the spark is still there. By the time this happens you'd have to get to know the person all over again. Meh it's weird, Atm, I think I'd turn her down if she all of a sudden decided to come back. This is mainly because I'm enjoying my life and having fun. I get to be selfish. In 5+ years... who knows. I don't even know if she is the type of person that I would want to date anymore. She got a new group of friends and they must have an impact on her. (They impacted her to dump me and justified her cheating on me) The impact wasn't a good one for my sake so that's why I don't really know if she is "my type" anymore. The idea that I have or had of her in my head is the type that I want to date, but I guess I'm trying to realize that she has changed and that I need to change too. I don't know what I would say IF she ever wanted to come back although I would love it if she did I won't expect it though because it's not about her anymore.
cavalier99 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 (edited) mmmm.... Its up to you, If you need to scratch an itch why not? At the end of the day you've said yourself, It's not going to help you. You know that. But who says you can't have a bit of fun? that's all it is right? Agreed! I think the issue is not hooking up with a girl or even sex.. no problem there. It is actually going on a date. I'm not really excited about it a knew it the second she agreed. Could be because i realize I'm not that interested? Looks like its bar girls for the next few month! I'm going to stick to having fun i think. EJECT EJECT! Edited December 5, 2012 by cavalier99
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You'd still date them one day again? I been wondering about this, I don't feel pain, hurt or upset any more. I do however miss her company from time to time, Though I'm not in any hurry to speak to her again. I guess it's just a feeling of indifference. We didn't have a nasty break up, I did it as best I could, As I didn't really know why I was ending it my self (GIGS) I still would date her in years to come, we always just clicked. BTW, This doesn't mean I will obviously. I am just wondering if the fact I would, Does that mean I'm not over her? you'll be over her when you don't have to ask the question of "will i be over her?". 1
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