Would you get mad if your friend thought the guy you like is ugly?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I feel like the guys who always hit on me I'm never attracted to so if I get one who I'm actually attracted to I should do what I can to make it work you know?

 

I think I'm friendly in person idk I mean I sometimes make eye contact and smile and stuff idk I don't want to me awkward either lol or embarrassing. I embarrass easily and I get embarrassed for other people easily.

 

 

And I didn't say he wasn't ugly I just said it isn't as bad as I made him out to be.. I mean he isn't shrek but he is still a gremlin . My point is my main issue isn't his looks its just I'm tired of her talking to me about him and I'm tired of not dating anyone cute while she gets all the guys all the time (even if they are ugly, it is a guy she likes and thinks is hot and they like her but guys I think are hot dont talk to me..).

[Drseussgrrl]

I feel like the guys who always hit on me I'm never attracted to so if I get one who I'm actually attracted to I should do what I can to make it work you know?

 

I think I'm friendly in person idk I mean I sometimes make eye contact and smile and stuff idk I don't want to me awkward either lol or embarrassing. I embarrass easily and I get embarrassed for other people easily.

 

 

And I didn't say he wasn't ugly I just said it isn't as bad as I made him out to be.. I mean he isn't shrek but he is still a gremlin . My point is my main issue isn't his looks its just I'm tired of her talking to me about him and I'm tired of not dating anyone cute while she gets all the guys all the time (even if they are ugly, it is a guy she likes and thinks is hot and they like her but guys I think are hot dont talk to me..).

 

Ok - well I can see that nothing we're saying is really resonating with you. I don't want to be rude, IB, but I feel like there is so much wisdom coming your way through these threads and it's just echoing into an empty space.

 

Best of luck.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Ok - well I can see that nothing we're saying is really resonating with you. I don't want to be rude, IB, but I feel like there is so much wisdom coming your way through these threads and it's just echoing into an empty space.

 

Best of luck.

 

No I am listening I just want to get it right.

I am trying to know what I can change because I feel like I'm friendly a lot. I just don't know what I need to do, after one come a person of substance because once I get the substance then what?

[clia]

No I am listening I just want to get it right. I am trying to know what I can change because I feel like I'm friendly a lot. I just don't know what I need to do, after one come a person of substance because once I get the substance then what?

 

When you become a person of substance -- a person who has interests, perspectives, opinions, thoughts, hobbies, and a life outside of boyfriends and babies -- you will naturally become much more attractive to men. Also, you will naturally put yourself into situations where you will meet men who share your interests and hobbies. (Isn't that much better than you trying to fake that you are interested in their interests and hobbies?)

 

I find it incredibly sad that you feel at 22 years old you are so old and that your time is running out and that you have no hobbies or interests other than boyfriends and babies. There is a huge world out there with thousands of different options. Now is your opportunity to explore it.

[ScreamingTrees]

And I didn't say he wasn't ugly I just said it isn't as bad as I made him out to be.. I mean he isn't shrek but he is still a gremlin . My point is my main issue isn't his looks its just I'm tired of her talking to me about him and I'm tired of not dating anyone cute while she gets all the guys all the time (even if they are ugly, it is a guy she likes and thinks is hot and they like her but guys I think are hot dont talk to me..).

 

Why don't you (KINDLY) just tell her to ease up on the discussions about him? It's so simple, instead of complaining about this guy.

[Zed]

Imperfection: Focus on figuring out your stuff not relationships. You sound lost and confused and need to find yourself first before anything else.

 

Find out what inspires you, learn to accept your own beauty (tone down on make up and hair) and find a purpose in life outside of a desperate search for a boyfriend.

 

I am afraid you will meet a douche and put up with him simply because he is dating you. Also, please don't change your mind on fundamental values just to be more popular unless gaining knowledge on the various subjects is what moves you to change.

 

You are an easy target, from your post people see an opportunity - unlike wolves or sharks - to put themselves on pedestals and look down on you. Don't take that to heart too much but you do need to work on yourself, perhaps begin by changing role models, reading more and taking active steps to bettering yourself.

 

I wish you luck, there is hope for you yet and I believe you can be a better you and that the current you isn't so bad. Stay positive, we all go through bumps in life. **hugs**

 

Agree. I recall seeing your photo and you are pretty--you don't have to try so hard with all the extra stuff, especially at your age. You need to really figure out what you really want within yourself as others have stated. Don't make it chore, see it as an adventure worth having. Best of Luck.

[MikeyBe]

Good grief OP. This thread went in a ton of directions. If this is how you really feel in life then I really suggest you try and get a better outlook on things. This one will continue to eat away at you!

 

To answer your question, if it was the question you really wanted to ask, yes if I were your friend I would be very annoyed. (but if I knew you were jealous I wouldn't say anything)

 

 

Like I said I want a cute bf and I want it to come easy, I shouldn't have to put all this effort in to date.

Putting in effort shouldn't bother you in this way. Something else stresses you out about it and it sounds like its your self-image, which is the most stressful and difficult thing we will ever deal with. You're also type-casting every guy into a mold. You should decide on a bf after you've gotten to know each other and know you are at least somewhat compatible. (meaning he's more to you then just a cute bf) And it may come easy or not, but you cannot predict those things. Remember, winners make their own luck!

 

And there's nothing wrong with wanting a hot, football player or whatever it is that you're infatuated with. You'll learn one day the difference between love and attraction and I hope it comes easy for you.

 

 

If I wore my hair in a messy bun and sweats and no makeup who is going to look at me and think "wow that girl is pretty I would love to know her"? No one that's who.

Obviously you want to dress accordingly for the occasion but every single guy that would hit on you for looking good, also notices you when you're just in sweats and no make-up. The only difference is how approachable you look. People assume a girl is dressed up for a reason and wants attention. Most guys assume a girl in comfy clothes is just chilling and doesn't want to be hit on randomly. (this is at a glance, not guys you already know) And they'll still try to hit on you but probably in a less obvious way you don't notice.

 

Since you sound like the jealous type, don't get mad at others if guys hit on them when they're in their sweats either. You already implied you don't feel pretty when you're not dressed up, thus you won't be perceived as approachable as them. (except for very predatory guys)

 

As a guy, I absolutely love seeing my girl in casual, comfy clothes. And its always nice to reassure her that she's always just as beautiful to me regardless. (plus its easier to cuddle up with a girl in sweats and a hoodie)

 

 

Like I said I'm trying to figure out what I like to do I just don't really know. Nothing interests me... I mean I can find things to do but I don't want to like learn to sew or play an instrument and I can't really do sporty things so I don't know what I'm supposed to be interested in.

Things interest you, you're just thinking about it too much. It doesn't have to be something so productive or something commonly seen as a hobby. Surely you have favorite TV shows, like to go to movies, like to find interesting places to eat, like to party... Coffee and tea maybe? Music? Fashion? Hell, dating seems to interest you plenty. There's an entire professional world there; workshops, singles activities/events, hotlines, forums - lol - , etc.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

And I didn't say he wasn't ugly I just said it isn't as bad as I made him out to be.. I mean he isn't shrek but he is still a gremlin .

 

You don't have the right or get to call oher people names or deminish them simply because you are you. Calling someone a "gremlin" or other degrading names because of the way they look is no different then someone calling another person a degrading name based on their race or making anti-semantic comments. It's hate pure and simple. It's hate that is inside of you that you really need to explore.

 

You have a lot of growing up to do because you show an amazing amount of of entitlement and belittlment to others in combination with lacking tons of self-awareness. You claim you aren't a bitch and that you're a nice person. And maybe you are on the surface when you have to be on your best behavior. But how much of that runs deep into the person you are? People might not be able to place their finger on it but they can pick up on vibes. It appears that your friend just might give out more sincere vibes.

 

Maybe you don't like to call yourself jealous but if you are a part of the human species, then you most likely have felt jealously before. And realistically acknowledging exactly what you are feeling, even if it isn't the prettiest emotion, can help you explore why you feel that way and get you that much closer to fixing what is really going on. Creating a fake "I'm so tough" shell isn't going to be what helps you. That doesn't make you stronger or more smart. And admitting feeling a certain way about something doesn't make you automatically weak and stupid. Being more honest with yourself and facing it, no matter what it isn, makes you stronger.

 

And honestly, all of us get jealous at some point and time. Hello, you are a human being right. I use to get little twinges of jealously over my one friend. Which was actually really confusing for me because I loved her dearly and wanted her to be happy! I wanted her to have the things she had. So I beat myself up a lot when those twinges of jealously would creep up on me. But once I just allowed myself to feel what i was feeling, I was able to be more honest all around and explore those feelings more accurately. I was able to get down to why I was feeling that way. And I practiced feeling more sincerity and genorcity in being happy for her. I didn't change over night. It took some practice and some self forgiveness to get there.

 

Instead of looking at this from the perspective of what she has and how easy you think it is for her, sincerely practice just being happy for her and maybe even learning from her. She doesn't have to work at it, you said. Then don't work at it so hard. Be more natural, down to earth. Explore who *you* want to be. If you don't want to wear tight pants, don't! Life isn't about men. It's about being the best person you can be.

 

You might not outwardly show all your issues or your mentality about others but it can seep through just the same. You could very well be giving off vibes that keeps people away.

 

**** I deserve to be ****ing rewarded! This whole situation is utter bull****

 

You deserve nothing. No one in this world deserves anything. Kate Middleton didn't *deserve* to become a princess. Adriana Lima didn't *deserve* to be so gorgeous. Warren Buffet didn't *deserve* to make tons of money. The woman in my office that lead a healthy lifestyle and did triathlons and was always bringing healthy snacks to the office didn't deserve to have an aneurysm that left her barely able to walk. My 34 year old brother that is active and eats healthy didn't deserve to have double bi-pass surgery recently. So get that attitude right out of your head about what you think you deserve. Because stuff happens everyday, both good and bad that people don't deserve. Some people are born without any legs. Some children have to battle cancer, some women have to get both breasts removed because of cancer, some kids get the crap beat out of them in high school for no reason at all and others get hit by drunk drivers and die. You don't deserve to be reward for jack. The world oews you nothing at all. And it's actually a huge turn off when people hold the idea that they deserve things.

 

I want you to try an exercise. I want you to keep a journal and everynight before bed write down 5 things you feel grateful for. Big or small. Things that seem stupid or don't. And do this for aleast a month. And at the end of the month go back and read what you wrote. It's going to get you a lot of further then what you are doing now.

 

If things worked out the way they should I would get a boyfriend, I honestly don't care about other things that much I could do without everything else I have if I had a bf. When I was with my ex I was SOOO happy!

 

Yeah, I remember thinking like that too! It's because you place too much value on guys. Especially on the idea of having a boyfriend. Which is actually pretty normal and common for someone your age and understandable. But you are not going to find happiness through a guy. You might for the short term. But that will quickly where off. Stop over valuing your ability to have a boyfriend and start really working on yourself. Because I promise you.. I PROMISE, that even if you do get a boyfriend, and your happy for a time being, this ultimately isn't what is going to bring you what you are really seeking on a personal level. Don't let your behavior and how you feel be dependent on whether you have a boyfriend or not. It's simply not right.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I wonder if her ex is with a nice girl now.

 

He isn't with anyone... Unfortunately I still check up on him.. But not a lot.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

The fact that the comment sailed right over your head tells us all about a certain level that resides within, and it ain't high.

 

OMG EWWWW

 

I'm sure this, too, will sail right over your head, but the guy is probably VERY nice, which is why your friend likes him. I know that isn't something you aspire to or even most likely understand.

 

I understand why she likes him. Originally it started because he looks like her ex then she got to know him and he is nice. I know that he is a nice guy so far that doesn't stop how I feel. So if you're just going to lecture me about it I'm sorry. I feel like this post is beyond how he looks at this point.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

She definitely just hooked up with him... -_-

But I'm happy she is happy -_- I guess.

[ScreamingTrees]

She definitely just hooked up with him... -_-

But I'm happy she is happy -_- I guess.

 

Unless she's stupid enough to let your wacky opinions influence her, it doesn't matter if you're happy that she's happy or not.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Unless she's stupid enough to let your wacky opinions influence her, it doesn't matter if you're happy that she's happy or not.

 

I'm saying that because I am good friend get off my back.