Would you get mad if your friend thought the guy you like is ugly?

[SmileFace]

What if I just changed my views? I mean I change my views a lot so I can research more and then maybe my views will change. I just feel like something has to change about me because I can't keep doing things that cause me to be dumped or rejected. I would have loved to do all this self discovery like 5 years ago but now it is getting to be crunch time for me. So maybe I can meet a guy (the big issue is meeting the guys lol) and listen to their opinions then I can give a little bit of my opinion? I just can't give too much because to get dumped over something dumb like Penn State, or immigration laws is just stupid to me.

No... your views are your views. I will not say don't research more and learn about viewing things in another way to be more open minded but don't change who you are for a relationship.

 

I have got dumped more than once for bein agnostic. You think I am going to change that? For the chance of more relationship choices ... no. My beliefs are me.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I don't think political differences is something stupid. I could never date a conservative because we would differ on many things.

One of my good friends is gay and would love to one day marry her girlfriend. I would be offended if a guy I was dated decided to tell me they shouldn't be allowed to be married.

 

There is also the issue of government assistance for me while I am in school and then we would probably disagree over reproductive issues...

 

What do you consider moderate views?

 

Well when I was dating this one guy I was pro-choice, interning with PP and he had a son so he was totally against abortion, I was kind of for the ACA but I didn't like that it would raise premiums, he HATED the ACA he hated that he had to pay for irresponsible peoples contraception. I was kind of liberal-ish when I met him and he was a total Darwinist and I don't know he changed from the time we met until it ended, he HATED welfare and any kind of government aid. Pretty much I think if I could win him back now he would love me because my views have totally changed.

[SmileFace]

Well when I was dating this one guy I was pro-choice, interning with PP and he had a son so he was totally against abortion, I was kind of for the ACA but I didn't like that it would raise premiums, he HATED the ACA he hated that he had to pay for irresponsible peoples contraception. I was kind of liberal-ish when I met him and he was a total Darwinist and I don't know he changed from the time we met until it ended, he HATED welfare and any kind of government aid. Pretty much I think if I could win him back now he would love me because my views have totally changed.

....no words.

[xpaperxcutx]

Umm no I don't think ill do that. I don't want to adopt. I would get pregnant by a random person and be a single mom before I go for being 40 and adopting.

 

What if I just changed my views? I mean I change my views a lot so I can research more and then maybe my views will change. I just feel like something has to change about me because I can't keep doing things that cause me to be dumped or rejected. I would have loved to do all this self discovery like 5 years ago but now it is getting to be crunch time for me. So maybe I can meet a guy (the big issue is meeting the guys lol) and listen to their opinions then I can give a little bit of my opinion? I just can't give too much because to get dumped over something dumb like Penn State, or immigration laws is just stupid to me.

 

Disccussing political and social issues allows others to view your person and your characters. You are allowing others to see your base. People have more respect for the beliefs you fight for, rather than someone who shows wishy-washy opinions and can't stand behind everything s/he says.

 

You don't have a strong base. You don't even have a strong character of the kind of person you are. The kind of presence you emanate is someone who is fake, like a plastic barbie doll who thinks looks will get you somewhere and someplace. You ever think that sometimes people actually like a person with a " personality"?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

....no words.

 

They didn't change because of him I swear.

[SmileFace]

They didn't change because of him I swear.

If you say so.

 

You need to find yourself right now and not a boyfriend.

[MyPoutine]

Imperfection: Focus on figuring out your stuff not relationships. You sound lost and confused and need to find yourself first before anything else.

 

Find out what inspires you, learn to accept your own beauty (tone down on make up and hair) and find a purpose in life outside of a desperate search for a boyfriend.

 

I am afraid you will meet a douche and put up with him simply because he is dating you. Also, please don't change your mind on fundamental values just to be more popular unless gaining knowledge on the various subjects is what moves you to change.

 

You are an easy target, from your post people see an opportunity - unlike wolves or sharks - to put themselves on pedestals and look down on you. Don't take that to heart too much but you do need to work on yourself, perhaps begin by changing role models, reading more and taking active steps to bettering yourself.

 

I wish you luck, there is hope for you yet and I believe you can be a better you and that the current you isn't so bad. Stay positive, we all go through bumps in life. **hugs**

[SmileFace]

If you say so.

 

You need to find yourself right now and not a boyfriend.

 

I am not dating right now for this reason alone. I did this with the last guy I dated. He wasn't super religous but came from a religous family- however this was barely discussed and never came up with our distances. However it was obvious we had differing views but I decided to keep things light with him to help keep our hopes at a relationship going. I am happy it ended when it did because I was to in love with the idea of him and ignored our differences and even big red flags. You need to love a guy and not the idea of him. I learned that the hard way.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

If you say so.

 

You need to find yourself right now and not a boyfriend.

 

They honestly didn't, I had lost him WAY before my views changed. I'm sure now though he would love me too bad it's too late I guess.

 

Anyways, I am trying, I am still doing the therapy. It is just hard, all my friends are dating and having boyfriends and I'm just not doing anything. I'm obviously a pretty jealous person so I have a really hard time with that. I always say "ok I am done dating" and I mean it but then I am like "oh I'm bored I will join POF" and I do and get a ton of numbers and am happy because I have boys to text me all day, then I start freaking out because I can't handle it, I can't trust any of them and I don't like the stress so then they fade out and I'm sad and then I say "well I am really done dating" then it last a little while and the same thing happens. I have been doing really good this time, I am off of POF, I don't use OKC much and I am trying to focus on other things but it is so hard! One good thing though I haven't hooked up with ANYONE in 2 months! I'm proud because I was just getting out of control after that whole hotel ordeal. I'm would LOVE to be in a relationship though so I can have some regular sex... but whatever.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I am not dating right now for this reason alone. I did this with the last guy I dated. He wasn't super religous but came from a religous family- however this was barely discussed and never came up with our distances. However it was obvious we had differing views but I decided to keep things light with him to help keep our hopes at a relationship going. I am happy it ended when it did because I was to in love with the idea of him and ignored our differences and even big red flags. You need to love a guy and not the idea of him. I learned that the hard way.

 

I suck at ignoring red flags. I ignore HUGE things that shouldn't be ignored, like alcohol issues, and domestic violence probation.. I'm getting better at that though too. I told a guy no I would not send him sexy pictures or come to his house or anything! That was a proud moment for me AND I stuck with it and ignored him because he wouldn't take no for an answer.

[MyPoutine]

Get an activity buddy or join a bunch of extra curriculum clubs. Reward yourself with a spa treatment or something nice for every month you stay off dating sites ...try a sport if you find yourself bored and horny.

[SmileFace]

I suck at ignoring red flags. I ignore HUGE things that shouldn't be ignored, like alcohol issues, and domestic violence probation.. I'm getting better at that though too. I told a guy no I would not send him sexy pictures or come to his house or anything! That was a proud moment for me AND I stuck with it and ignored him because he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Small steps.

Believe me they work.

Good for you.

 

For example I have been trying to get a guy(my ex) I dated 3 years ago out of my life - since he returns when it works for him , I do the same to him as well. However today I finally told him I wasn't interested in having him in and out of my life. This has been going on for months and took me this long to get there. Small steps - I know he isn't good for me but some times it is harder to put things in action. Just remember you goal. Don't allow yourself to ignore red flags but I really think you need to figure out who you are. I am not saying this will be the golden ticket but it will help you level out.

[bentnotbroken]

if you say so.

 

You need to find yourself right now and not a boyfriend.

read this again...back up, rewind...read it again.....lather, rinse, repeat.

[Nyla]

Really shallow on your part and overall just disappointing behavior. Stop judging the man by his appearance and let your friend enjoy the time she spends with him.

 

This. I also think that you are making nasty comments because you are jealous.

 

You have posted ad nauseam about wanting to meet a "cute boy." Now that someone else has what you want, the mudslinging starts. Happy and well adjusted people don't have to insult others to feel better about themselves.

 

Unhappily single mothers often try to put down me or my husband. I'm not saying all single moms are unhappy, just the ones who like to take shots at my much easier life.

 

I know they are just green with envy, because they are stuck raising children alone and the fathers are deadbeats.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

This. I also think that you are making nasty comments because you are jealous.

 

You have posted ad nauseam about wanting to meet a "cute boy." Now that someone else has what you want, the mudslinging starts. Happy and well adjusted people don't have to insult others to feel better about themselves.

 

Unhappily single mothers often try to put down me or my husband. I'm not saying all single moms are unhappy, just the ones who like to take shots at my much easier life.

 

I know they are just green with envy, because they are stuck raising children alone and the fathers are deadbeats.

Ok well first of all he isn't a "cute boy" he's a boy that's pretty much the only criteria that he fits into out of that description. Secondly you don't know how those women became single mothers so who are you to brag about you "much easier life"

Edited December 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Nyla]

I just know my friend and I don't think it will. She isn't liking him for the right reasons to eventually marry him. But if it did go that route then that's cool for her.

 

 

Do you think that by wearing tons of makeup and tight clothes, you are giving men the "right reasons" to like you?

 

I can spot a jealous woman miles away. Maybe men flock to your friend because she is friendly, mature and non-judgmental. You may want to think about developing those qualities..not just to meet a man, but for yourself.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

 

Do you think that by wearing tons of makeup and tight clothes, you are giving men the "right reasons" to like you?

 

I can spot a jealous woman miles away. Maybe men flock to your friend because she is friendly, mature and non-judgmental. You may want to think about developing those qualities..not just to meet a man, but for yourself.

 

Obviously if I look pretty and feel pretty guys will be more drawn to me so wearing make up and cute clothes makes me feel pretty. If I wore my hair in a messy bun and sweats and no makeup who is going to look at me and think "wow that girl is pretty I would love to know her"? No one that's who. We have already established the jealous thing so...

[Stephanie]

Let's keep this on topic and leave the snipes and insults off this thread or take the infraction without complaining.

 

Thanks

[Nyla]

It is not about what you wear. A real man will be attracted to your attitude and natural physical features.

 

A woman who is truly beautiful can still be sexy without makeup and fancy clothes.

 

Work on your jealousy because it is at the root of your problems with your friend.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

It is not about what you wear. A real man will be attracted to your attitude and natural physical features.

 

A woman who is truly beautiful can still be sexy without makeup and fancy clothes.

 

Work on your jealousy because it is at the root of your problems with your friend.

 

The thing is when you look at someone you don't see their personality so a guy is going to look at me and think wow she's pretty I want to know her, not wow she seems like a good person. I have a lot to make up for so if I am not attractive then really what is there? I know I have to work on the jealousy though.

[stillafool]

Guys are going to eventually find out what you look like without makeup so why put 5 pounds of makeup on your face, weaves and such only for them to find out later you don't look like the girl they thought they were dating. It's best to be more natural if you can.

 

Your first post stated that your friends bf was super ugly. Glad you finally told the truth that he is not ugly but that you were just jealous.

[Nyla]

A person's facial expression and demeanor can be seen immediately.

 

I have attracted many men with my megawatt smile and open body language.

No folding my arms or frowning for me!

 

Even when I was not interested in men who approached me, I was very polite about it. Men appreciate that.

 

The other day a man was hitting on me. I showed him my rings and told the man that I was happily married; no need to be rude or insulting. He graciously told me that my husband was lucky and wished us all the best. Sweet guy...hope he meets a nice single woman.

 

It is healthy that you are admitting your jealousy. To attract love, you have to put out loving and caring vibes. Based on what you post here, I see too much judging others while being envious of them, black and white thinking and too much focus on finding a man. You also come across as very angry and confused. Counseling would be a great place to start, What about your education or career goals?

 

Look honestly at your own issues. Get yourself into counseling if you can. A man will come along when you are not looking and you don't desperately crave a relationship. I met my husband when I stopped taking dating so seriously.

[Drseussgrrl]

Honey you've got this all wrong.

 

You don't need a ton of makeup - in fact most men don't like a ton of makeup on a girl. You're completely fixated on your worth as far as your outward appearance. You might be a pretty face but from what we see here, there isn't much depth there. What makes you, you? What are your fears, your opinions, your goals, your dreams (and I'm not talking about snagging a baby daddy)? With your approach you're not attracting quality guys, as evidenced by your history with men thus far. The attention from a douchebag does NOT define you.

 

My grandmother always said, "Pretty is skin deep, but beauty goes all the way to the bone." I really believe this to be true.

 

I really fear that with the path you're headed down, you'll find yourself alone, heartbroken, perhaps with a baby you're not prepared for and a dad nowhere to be found. I have seen this happen to insecure, vulnerable girls like you.

 

Please think long and hard about this.

[MyPoutine]

On makeup:

 

"Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can't put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you're doing it from a position of correction."

 

I am sure you are just as stunning without makeup and weaves, learn to love yourself as you are then build from there. Also trying to find love when you are currently a "work in progress" will do nothing but attract men who prey on women such as yourself, you need to make peace with being with and loving yourself first then look for someone else to add to your life.

 

If you are not sure what you like then try different things, do you read? I read a lot and can recommend some books to check out if you like.

[bentnotbroken]

Obviously if I look pretty and feel pretty guys will be more drawn to me so wearing make up and cute clothes makes me feel pretty. If I wore my hair in a messy bun and sweats and no makeup who is going to look at me and think "wow that girl is pretty I would love to know her"? No one that's who. We have already established the jealous thing so...

 

 

:bunny::bunny:That would be me. I don't wear a bun but a ponytail. I wear sweats more than I dress up. I wear make-up maybe a couple of times a year. My old butt gets hit on a lot by many age groups:D. Granted I inherited my parents ageless genes so no one is actually quite sure of my age(especially when I keep my gray dyed.). My attractive qualities are self confidence, knowing who I am and being comfortable in my own skin. Yes that takes years. I am not a raving beauty...men won't drop and do my bidding(nor would I want one who did) but I am not hard on the eyes.

 

There comes a point in life where those looks fade(or can be taken by an accident or disease) and one must be a person of substance to survive. If you aren't (which I do see you are struggling with) you will be eaten alive by this world. The things you throw out to others typically identify the things that you do not like about yourself (general you) and the things that you most desire, whether those things are life controlling is up to the individual. You are allowing your issues to perpetuate the cycle you so desperately want to get out. You will be alone if you continue to project all your insecurities onto others. No one wants to be around someone who will use them to boost there own confidence or who is only a shell of a real person. You have got to get a grip on yourself by finding out who you really are without anyone else...BF or child.