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Would you get mad if your friend thought the guy you like is ugly?

ImperfectionisBeauty

By ImperfectionisBeauty
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clia Established Member

clia

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I just want to be someones gf, and I know I would be happy if I was. If things worked out the way they should I would get a boyfriend, I honestly don't care about other things that much I could do without everything else I have if I had a bf.

 

Has your therapist addressed this issue? This appears to be the root of your problem. You are seeking happiness through others -- a boyfriend or the six million babies you want someday -- rather than through yourself. It's not good for you to not care about anything other than having a boyfriend. Not only will this perspective likely drive your future boyfriend away, but it puts your ultimate happiness completely out of your control. You should try to find something else that will make YOU happy -- i.e. a career, hobbies, friends, etc. You should not be relying upon someone else -- a boyfriend or a baby -- for your happiness. It is a recipe for disaster.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Has your therapist addressed this issue? This appears to be the root of your problem. You are seeking happiness through others -- a boyfriend or the six million babies you want someday -- rather than through yourself. It's not good for you to not care about anything other than having a boyfriend. Not only will this perspective likely drive your future boyfriend away, but it puts your ultimate happiness completely out of your control. You should try to find something else that will make YOU happy -- i.e. a career, hobbies, friends, etc. You should not be relying upon someone else -- a boyfriend or a baby -- for your happiness. It is a recipe for disaster.

 

Everyone says that to me.

I don't work so I figure when I get a job that'll make me happier and occupy me I don't really have any hobbies yet. I don't know what I like to do besides shop and sleep and go to concerts and stuff like that.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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This type of desperation is probably exactly why you DON'T have a boyfriend.

 

I know but when I was with my ex I got interested in stuff he was interested in because I figured it would make him like me more but then it ended and I wasn't that interested in things he was interested in

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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I know but when I was with my ex I got interested in stuff he was interested in because I figured it would make him like me more but then it ended and I wasn't that interested in things he was interested in

 

So you're one of those girls who, like a chameleon, just transforms into whatever girl you THINK the guy wants. Do you realize that men love it when you have your own sh*t going on? You know, OUTSIDE of the relationship?

 

Men don't respect girls like you - this is why you keep getting dumped.

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pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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Where to start...

 

- Who cares what your friend's bf looks like? All that matters is that SHE is attracted to him. It doesn't matter if you are or not, and actually, it is better that you aren't. Be happy for the fact that SHE is happy. And be kind to him. You don't have to be BFFs with him, but your friend will be much happier not being put in the middle between you and her bf.

 

- Football players are just people. Some of them are nice, and some of them are a-holes. Something this silly should not be on your list of criteria for a bf. Look for integrity, values, humor, and mostly, someone who respects you.

 

- Be yourself. Don't try to be what you think a guy wants. Do you really want to spend your life putting on an act trying to conform to someone else? Be who you are, and look for someone who likes you for exactly who you are.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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I would be really mortified and annoyed if someone posted asking if I would be mad if a supposed friend of mine thought the guy I liked was ugly. Especially if it went on for this many pages with all of these justifications.

 

I think I'd find a new friend.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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So you're one of those girls who, like a chameleon, just transforms into whatever girl you THINK the guy wants. Do you realize that men love it when you have your own sh*t going on? You know, OUTSIDE of the relationship?

 

Men don't respect girls like you - this is why you keep getting dumped.

 

Like I said I'm trying to figure out what I like to do I just don't really know. Nothing interests me... I mean I can find things to do but I don't want to like learn to sew or play an instrument and I can't really do sporty things so I don't know what I'm supposed to be interested in.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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It may mean mental imperfection...teehee

 

.... Isn't everyone a little mentally imperfect? I mean come on to just try to call me out on that is BS if everyone was mentally perfect you would be in college right? And half the people on here would not be here they would be in healthy relationships or whatever.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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Like I said I'm trying to figure out what I like to do I just don't really know. Nothing interests me... I mean I can find things to do but I don't want to like learn to sew or play an instrument and I can't really do sporty things so I don't know what I'm supposed to be interested in.

 

I would do something physical if I were you. Yoga, Pilates, swimming, or even just try meditation. Things like those help you keep your center.

 

Do any of those things interest you?

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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.... Isn't everyone a little mentally imperfect? I mean come on to just try to call me out on that is BS if everyone was mentally perfect you would be in college right? And half the people on here would not be here they would be in healthy relationships or whatever.

Who told you I wasn't in college?

 

I may mention that I don't like school but I am Computer Information System/Business major with a 3.4 GPA. Now do I plan to stay in school... that is a different story. My choice of education or anyones for that matter will have no bearing on their mental "perfection".

 

Everyone is imperfect - so obviously my response was tongue in cheek.

Edited by SmileFace
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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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I would do something physical if I were you. Yoga, Pilates, swimming, or even just try meditation. Things like those help you keep your center.

 

Do any of those things interest you?

 

Yoga, and Pilates I would love to have a private instructor I never feel like I'm doing it right. Or swimming all of it seems good to me. I know that I can do that too because I used to swim when I was younger and it helped me a lot

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bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

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I don't like to ever call myself jealous of anyone because I shouldn't be.. I have a lot of stuff and being jealous makes you look weak and stupid. I mean I guess I am over the situation because 1. I'm just tired of hearing about him in general 2. I'm annoyed by how easy it all comes to her, like I love love love my friend and we have a good friendship, but she doesn't have to work to date at all like I have to do online dating and wear 50 pounds of makeup and spend 3 hours on hair and find the tightest jeans or leggings or yoga pants I own to get even a slight amount of attention. You know how she met this guy? In class, a class that I am in too mind you! Like she just added him on fb (we both did because she was scared) and he messaged her to hang out. I don't want him I honestly don't but it would be nice to be rewarded for all the effort I put in. Not from him but from some cutie guy in my class. You know the one before him that she was talking to (even though he was a douche) she met him in class and he was pretty decent looking, and a FOOTBALL player! She was almost a football players girlfriend! That is huge.. That's like ideal. I do a lot, I am sociable, I'm not a super bitch beyond here because I can vent here but I'm actually pretty nice in real life.. I don't show all my issues.. **** I deserve to be ****ing rewarded! This whole situation is utter bull****

 

 

And here you have it in her own words.....nothing new to see here.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Just wondering? My friend is liking this guy and they have actually been talking and hanging out a lot, I think he is super ugly and she knows lol but it is like every time she brings him up I just have nothing to say about him beyond how unattractive he is.. I mean I'm sure he is nice, I talk to the kid every now and then in class but he is like too talkative about pointless things I don't care about and I just have no real interest, most of the time I keep the convo going because she is there and she just loves talking to him. I don't think she is bothered by the fact that I think he is ugly, but I don't want it to eventually be a problem if she starts dating him.. OMG if she dates him then does that mean I have to hear about him ALL THE TIME (shoot me!), or he is going to come hang out in the library with us all the time.. ew. :sick::sick: I can't see my friend being mad about this because it is jokingly but I don't really know? Would it be something that could really upset her?

 

 

I think it is quite rude, if you were to tell your friend how ugly you feel he is....obviously she is the one who likes him and not you and you dont have to like the guy......but respecting yrou friends opinions and likes is important..if i were your friend and you belittled someone due to physical appearance......it would actually make me look at you harder for being judgmental........i would start to notice your flaws not the other persons.....judgmental people who talk about others behind their backs.....not an attractive trait for a friend.......you should be happy for your friend if she is happy in my opinion or you aren't really her friend..I have had people say this crap about me and to me at different points in my life.......i tend to look deeper than outward appearance and i am defensive, and go into protection mode of people i care about or like.....be careful you pushing your friend might just push her away..from you....best wishes.....deb

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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I've already acknowledged that. Do you have a solution for jealousy or do you just want to nit pick? I'm not kidding either if you know how to get over being a jealous person I would love to know because I hate being so upset.

 

There is no solution for jealousy because it is an innate and instinctive response. You can't cure jealousy any more than you can stop your heart from beating.

 

But at the core of jealousy, is low self esteem. Which you obviously have. THAT can be worked on. But you're also young and immature and sometimes a lot of that fixes itself just with age and experience.

 

But anyways...work on your self confidence. Find out what you have going for you (whatever that may be) and present that in front of you as much as you can. The stuff you're not so happy about, you try to work on.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Breeding is not an accomplishment. Even a dog can do it.

 

I know but having a baby carrying to term, being a good mom it's an accomplishment and its my goal. Now I do know I need more goals than just that and I'm working on it. I know that my big goal right now is get a job in the court system, take an lsat class, take the lsat

rainfall Established Member

rainfall

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I've already acknowledged that. Do you have a solution for jealousy or do you just want to nit pick? I'm not kidding either if you know how to get over being a jealous person I would love to know because I hate being so upset.

 

Get over your petty jealousy and learn how to be a true friend...? If you want to find a boyfriend and stop being single and miserable maybe you should stop judging people based on their looks. 50 years from now even the hottest guy that you know right now is going to be a wrinkled old man and it won't matter how hot he once was.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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In *my* defense, my post wasn't particularly hurtful, I merely pointed out how immature some of the things that she said were, albeit in a humorous manner that netted me a good 5-6 "likes" by (even several female) regular members who're not ones to "pick".. So I must've been on to something.

 

I'm sure that if she's anything like she presents herself here in real life social situations, she probably doesn't have a lot of good friends. She sounds like she'll eventually have a bone to pick with the wrong girl and nothing but trouble'll come from it. It's a shame.

 

I don't fight people and if you knew the people who liked your post you would see they are some of the rudest people to me all the time so its no surprise they liked your post. And I have friends I just don't get super close with people

ScreamingTrees Established Member

ScreamingTrees

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I don't fight people and if you knew the people who liked your post you would see they are some of the rudest people to me all the time so its no surprise they liked your post. And I have friends I just don't get super close with people

 

But I barely see them "picking" on anyone else. Going by my own gut feeling, I figure they must regularly call you out for saying what they feel are ridiculous statements. I'm personally have nothing against you, I just think some of the things you say are silly, some of your beliefs will hold you back in finding a boyfriend.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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But I barely see them "picking" on anyone else. Going by my own gut feeling, I figure they must regularly call you out for saying what they feel are ridiculous statements. I'm personally have nothing against you, I just think some of the things you say are silly, some of your beliefs will hold you back in finding a boyfriend.

 

You're allowed to think what you want about me. I am not going to stop TRYING to get a boyfriend though. I don't have time to not try to get a boyfriend I mean come on I'm almost 22 time is not standing still for me. Anyways I wouldn't be too proud of getting a few likes from the few people who liked what you said, they are rude and yes they do PICK on people.. ME.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I will of course put up with the dog... duh you have to make sacrifices for love :D

Don't you want a guy to love you for you?

Don't you want to be your own person?

 

Not the perfect wife, or perfect mother, or soccer mom but the perfect you?

 

Don't you want a guy to love you for you and not what you can be for him?

 

Don't you love yourself enough for that?

Do you even know who Imp is?

 

Why should a guy be with you?

 

You doing what will make him happy isn't a good enough answer, just so you know.

 

Sacrifices for a relationship. You don't make those before the relationship you know?

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ScreamingTrees Established Member

ScreamingTrees

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I hate dogs. Unless they are cute little yorkies who cares about them, their loyalty, any of that.

 

In your reply to me, I don't really think much of you, and I don't mean that in a negative way, I mean that I don't know you other than the posts that you make, so I have no agenda, I have no bone to pick with you, I could care less. But maybe you could see that your way of thinking is going to make it harder for you to find a boyfriend.

 

You basically only care about yourself and what you like and want, and anything else is irrelevant and lame and ignorable. You could care less about anything that doesn't benefit or serve you in some way, be it a boy who isn't boyfriend material because he's ugly/taken or one of those un-cuddly hairless japanese dogs or whatever..

 

You're never going to find someone who you can truly completely accept, because you're extremely close minded.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Don't you want a guy to love you for you? Of course I do, but the thing is when I am too much of myself then guys don't like me. My most recent "dumpings" (me being dumped" have been over stupid things like political differences.. I didn't even act like the crazy super conservative that you all think I am. I expressed moderate views and he was like "I can't date you". So I would love if a guy loved me for me but I want to get him first and then I can be me because if I am me too early he might not like me and then dump me. My ex got mad at me for telling him I disagree about Penn State sanctions, he told me I disgusted him.. so I definitely feel like wow, maybe I should just agree so I don't have to deal with arguing over something so dumb.

 

Don't you want to be your own person? Yes.

 

Not the perfect wife, or perfect mother, or soccer mom but the perfect you? I mean I am none of those things now, I am working towards eventually being a good wife and mother etc.. not perfect but good. I have to get in the position to be those things though.

 

Don't you want a guy to love you for you and not what you can be for him? Yes, ideally that would happen.

 

Don't you love yourself enough for that? I don't understand the whole concept of "loving yourself" I mean I'm ok, I like some stuff about me and I don't like others.

 

Do you even know who Imp is? I don't know. I mean I am a good person (despite what mostly everyone on here thinks lol) I have a good heart and I know it I'm just in a really bad place right now. I know some stuff about me, I know what I want to do with my life (beyond being a wife and mother) I just don't know how to get there. Everything for me right now is kind in the air, I don't know what is going to happen at all. I've done pretty much everything to meet guys, everything, every job I had I did it to meet guys, college was to meet guys, joining a sorority to meet guys, taking an internship.. everything and it still hasn't worked. I put a ****load of effort in too.

 

Why should a guy be with you? Still trying to figure that out. I'm really nice, and I'm a dedicated gf, I have some stuff going for me... and that's good right?

Edited by ImperfectionisBeauty
SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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Don't you want a guy to love you for you? Of course I do, but the thing is when I am too much of myself then guys don't like me. My most recent "dumpings" (me being dumped" have been over stupid things like political differences.. I didn't even act like the crazy super conservative that you all think I am. I expressed moderate views and he was like "I can't date you". So I would love if a guy loved me for me but I want to get him first and then I can be me because if I am me too early he might not like me and then dump me.

 

Don't you want to be your own person? Yes.

 

Not the perfect wife, or perfect mother, or soccer mom but the perfect you? I mean I am none of those things now, I am working towards eventually being a good wife and mother etc.. not perfect but good. I have to get in the position to be those things though.

 

Don't you want a guy to love you for you and not what you can be for him? Yes, ideally that would happen.

 

Don't you love yourself enough for that? I don't understand the whole concept of "loving yourself" I mean I'm ok, I like some stuff about me and I don't like others.

 

Do you even know who Imp is? I don't know. I mean I am a good person (despite what mostly everyone on here thinks lol) I have a good heart and I know it I'm just in a really bad place right now. I know some stuff about me, I know what I want to do with my life (beyond being a wife and mother) I just don't know how to get there. Everything for me right now is kind in the air, I don't know what is going to happen at all. I've done pretty much everything to meet guys, everything, every job I had I did it to meet guys, college was to meet guys, joining a sorority to meet guys, taking an internship.. everything and it still hasn't worked. I put a ****load of effort in too.

 

Why should a guy be with you? Still trying to figure that out. I'm really nice, and I'm a dedicated gf, I have some stuff going for me... and that's good right?

 

I want you to reread your response. Don't you see a problem with it.

First things - you can't fake your way into a relationship. Do not, as much as I think your political views are ****, don't you dare hid them or anything about your self and think that you can later spring that on a guy. You need to be ok with being you - that is where the love part comes in. We all have things that we can fix about ourselves but that doesn't make me love myself any less. Believe me it took me a while for me to say "I love me".

 

Being a dedicated girl friend -- you can't be that without having a boyfriend so that answer doesn't count

 

You need to understand that you can't fake your way into a relationship. Because guys will leave you when they see different or you will start resenting the guy.

rainfall Established Member

rainfall

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Don't you want a guy to love you for you? Of course I do, but the thing is when I am too much of myself then guys don't like me. My most recent "dumpings" (me being dumped" have been over stupid things like political differences.. I didn't even act like the crazy super conservative that you all think I am. I expressed moderate views and he was like "I can't date you". So I would love if a guy loved me for me but I want to get him first and then I can be me because if I am me too early he might not like me and then dump me.

 

 

 

I don't think political differences is something stupid. I could never date a conservative because we would differ on many things.

One of my good friends is gay and would love to one day marry her girlfriend. I would be offended if a guy I was dated decided to tell me they shouldn't be allowed to be married.

 

There is also the issue of government assistance for me while I am in school and then we would probably disagree over reproductive issues...

 

What do you consider moderate views?

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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I want you to reread your response. Don't you see a problem with it.

First things - you can't fake your way into a relationship. Do not, as much as I think your political views are ****, don't you dare hid them or anything about your self and think that you can later spring that on a guy. You need to be ok with being you - that is where the love part comes in. We all have things that we can fix about ourselves but that doesn't make me love myself any less. Believe me it took me a while for me to say "I love me".

 

Being a dedicated girl friend -- you can't be that without having a boyfriend so that answer doesn't count

 

You need to understand that you can't fake your way into a relationship. Because guys will leave you when they see different or you will start resenting the guy.

 

What if I just changed my views? I mean I change my views a lot so I can research more and then maybe my views will change. I just feel like something has to change about me because I can't keep doing things that cause me to be dumped or rejected. I would have loved to do all this self discovery like 5 years ago but now it is getting to be crunch time for me. So maybe I can meet a guy (the big issue is meeting the guys lol) and listen to their opinions then I can give a little bit of my opinion? I just can't give too much because to get dumped over something dumb like Penn State, or immigration laws is just stupid to me.

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