Moved out, wife unwilling to settle divorce, etc...

[Garymustang1977]

Hello all,

 

Argh, this is frustrating. As per my agreement, I moved out of our house which we jointly own (Texas). I've filed for divorce and the 61 day waiting period has expired, buy my wife contested the divorce. I am the petitioner. She now says she will not agree to any settlement less than 100% of the house. I told her that this is a no fault, community property state and that it's 50/50.

 

Her strategy is to obligate me to pay 1/2 the mortgage while I'm living apart (yes, I'm still the joint owner until a settlement is reached). Since she wants to keep the house she wants to keep me on the hook by not agreeing to anything, but 100% of the home.

 

She is not willing to go to mediation. An attorney I consulted suggested court ordered mediation. That seems like a good move on my part. However, even if we went and we don't come to terms, can she stall indefintely on finalizing our divorce? Do I get on the docket and if she shows up (remember, she is contesting the divorce) we go before a judge and let him/her decide?

 

I'm just wondering if anyone here has been in this position in a Texas divorce court. Obviously, I can't be held against my will, but aren't sure about how to move forward.

 

Many thanks as always,

Gary

[Balzac]

What is she willing to give up in order to walk with 100% equity?

Mediation could help with that. Absent other assets, including any retirement savings you may have, her want is not possible.

[aMguilts]

any reason why you cant move back in?

 

aM

[carhill]

War of the Roses.

 

'You don't have the equipment, honey'

 

OP, your lawyer, or the court self-help desk, can advise on procedures where the parties disagree and there is contest. If your STBXW is not amicable, you'll have to get this in front of the judge. There is a procedure to get there. Follow it. Good luck.

[aMguilts]

war of the roses is fictional

 

Next you`ll be saying the blair witch project was based on fact?

 

OP , why did you move out?

 

aM

[carhill]

I always reference quotes with where they came from, as attribution. In the movie, had you watched it, Oliver Rose did move back in, citing an old law which applied to poor people who could not afford separate domiciles.

 

In real life, the OP should, as I advised, seek the help of legal counsel, like that played by Danny Devito in the movie, and find out what next steps are for him, in Texas.

 

IIRC, there's a couple hundred grand in assets at stake so it's cost-effective to get professional help with it.

 

Myself, given the conditions the OP specified, I'd move back in.

 

'You don't know how far I'll go'

 

Another quote from the movie. My exW hated that movie, even before we got married. I still laugh hysterically.

 

'The bald avenger'

[beenburned]

Gary,

 

I'm don't know Texas law, but I can tell you what is happening with my D's divorce.

 

December has been 2 years since she filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery! (H had 2 OW for 4 years and spent lots of marital money on them)

 

Her STBXH would not agree to any kind of settlement she offered, so they had to go to court, where a judge awarded her child support and alimony. He is currently in contempt of court for not paying her money.

 

His lawyer has also dropped him because he was not paying his lawyer bills.

 

They are now trying to set up a new mediation date to finalize everything.

I really don't think they will reach an agreement to finalize because of him again. It will probably have to go to court again where the judge will decide the final ruling.(which would be in my D's best interest)

 

He has caused outrageous lawyer fees and wasted time due to his not being willing to cooperate about anything!(especially since the whole thing was caused by his long term cheating and spending fraud)

[Garymustang1977]

Hello all,

 

Thanks for all the good advice and especially Carhill's (Love the move quotes. Too, funny!). I moved out because I could not take her having every thing her way while our divorce was pending. Now she's changed the locks and said I "abandoned her." That's laughable. I agreed to move out. The attorney I consulted said that unless there's a restraining order on me it's illegal to lock me out of my own home. Of course, there's no restraining order.

 

She literally means that she will not cooperate with finalizing the divorce and wants me to continue to pay for half the mortgage unless I give her the house 100%. That's crazy, of course. I'm going to call our legal help center here in town to see how to proceed.

 

Thank you all,

Gary.

 

P.S. To the fellow in the UK, much luck to you, my friend. My journey to get out has been months in the making with no end in sight.

[carhill]

Since the OP moved out, a scenario like what happened in our D could occur, where my exW moved in another man to help pay the bills, and other things, I imagine

 

People find a way.

[carhill]

What will likely happen, since neither party wants to spend a bunch of money on legal help, is that one or the other party will quit making the mortgage payment, perhaps both, and their equity, about 40K IIRC, will be lost to foreclosure. One or both could/would file BK and discharge potential remedies, or simply not pay any judgments. The legal costs of collections/enforcement would exceed any potential payoff, especially due to limited attachable assets/income (if they're smart) so the net effect would be a long-term credit hit.

 

In our case, I made sure I was not on the mortgage and quit-claimed any interest in the property *before* I moved out and we filed for divorce. All part of the PlanB I paid my lawyer a bunch of money for.

 

Based on my read of his past threads, this is going to come down to who cares the least and is willing to do what they need to do, regardless of what is right or legal, to get what they want. In his shoes, no way would I have moved out, but he did. That has consequences. Scary version? He could continue to pay his portion of the mortgage and obtain a temporary order requiring her to do the same. She could simply refuse the order of the court. It happens. It's then up to him to adjudicate that refusal. The mortgage, in the meantime, goes sideways, in arrears and fuggetabout getting that caught up. It's also highly probable that, once such a choice is made, non-recourse debt payments are also stopped (why wouldn't they) and cash hoarding begins. IIRC, they have about 55K in non-recourse debt (maybe a recourse car thrown in).

 

Back to the movie:

 

'You don't know how far I'll go'

 

Amen.

[Garymustang1977]

Hey there Sadintexas and Carhill,

 

I will continue to pay my share of the mortgage so that the house won't go in default and all that I've worked for goes down the drain. No way will I let that happen. I only moved out for peace of mind and I'm sleeping much better. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I haven't slept in a year when I first asked my STBXW for a divorce.

 

I'm going to file a court ordered mediation and go from there. The reality is that my wife cannot afford the home on her own income. She has to wake up to the fact that selling is the best idea. She asked for 100% of the house, but can't answer as to how she's going to pay for it. She doesn't know the law in Texas or is refusing to acknowledge that it's a 50/50 scenario.

 

I'm just not clear what happens if we both don't come to an agreement in mediation. Will we be able to just go before a judge and let them decide how to split our assets? I've made a good faith effort to get her to mediation, but she's refused when I've asked verbally. I can't imagine that she'd be able to keep our divorce in limbo forever. There have got to be laws in place to help the petitioner (me) get out of a miserable marriage. She's actually offended that I've had enough of her and want to leave, but she's hanging on to me like a dog on a bone.

 

Thanks for all of your good comments,

Jack

[sadintexas]

Best to ask your court that. I can only speak to the way it's structured in my county.

 

I'm assuming your W was served or signed a waiver of service.

 

You go to mediation, or she refuses to go, but you still set it up.

 

Then you request a court date. You'll have to draft the decree you want and file it with the courts in advance.

 

She's served a notice of a court date and time. The judge determines whether or not to hear your case or send you back to mediation.

 

I got stuck in my process representing myself so I hired an attorney part way through. It was worth it to me.

[Garymustang1977]

Hi Sadintexas,

 

Since you were the last respondent I'll reply to you about what I found out today. I went to our legal library and had the mediation forms emailed to me so that I could look at them and fill them out myself. That was early in the afternoon. Later in the evening I went to our free county attorney advisory meeting that's open to the public.

 

I spoke to a nice attorney who advised me that I should skip court ordered mediation, and go fill out a decree proposal with the court as well as get a court date and send my STBXW those papers by certified mail. He thinks that the judge will hear the case and if he sees that she's way off base with her demands - and she is by wanting 100% of the house for no other reason than to punish me for filing for divorce - then the judge may order the sale of the house. My STBXW cannot afford the house on her income, so I don't get how giving it to her she'll be able to pay for it.

 

The worse case scenario is that the judge order us to mediation, so the attorney I spoke with is thinking that getting a court date is the fastest route to getting the divorce settled. I agree. My wife has already told me numerous times she's NOT going to mediation, so I'd likely be wasting more time and it's time wasted by being married even longer.

 

That'll be my next move for tomorrow.

 

Thanks for asking,

Gary

[Garymustang1977]

Hello All,

 

I was at my STBXW's house today which is actually still 1/2 mine until we're divorced. I live elsewhere (totally worth it for peace of mind!) and she's demanding that I give her the house 100% - which if you've kept up with my saga - you'll know is a crazy idea in a community property state like Texas, but she's also demanding I continue to pay for the credit card debt. I told her that's completely out of the question. Even if I gave her the house, which I won't, I told her that I'd be free and clear of my responsibilities for the balance of the mortgage and any outside debts because my equity in the house more than covers it with a leftover of about 40K even.

 

I asked her how she intends to pay for the house and her only answer is that she'll find a way. Oh, sure. She'll end up defaulting and will be forced to sell. Meanwhile, she'll keep all my equity. No way.

 

She claims she's got my email exchanges to a couple of my lady friends who gave me good advice which she thinks was an "inappropriate" relationship with them. Absolutely not! I just confided in them. They've been through the divorce proceedings themselves. My wife hacked into my emails twice and I told her to stop the first time. She did it again. My question is: Are email exchanges admissible in a Texas court if they were gotten without my permission? I've nothing to hide, but am just wondering.

 

If I've not mentioned it before, she changed the locks on our house after I moved out, and there's no restraining order on me. I have never raised a hand to her and never would to a woman. That's unconscionable to me. Never. I told her that changing the locks is likely "illegal," but assured her that I want nothing out of the house and just want to move on with the clothes on my back and the few personal belongings. This woman just will not let go. It's as if she's punishing me for not loving her.

 

She's refused mediation, like I've mentioned before in an earlier post. I feel like a prisoner and trapped in a legal situation whereby I'm still obligated to pay for 1/2 my mortgage and credit card debt until this is resolved.

 

I told her that we just need to set a court date for a hearing and she said she'd hire an attorney for that. Okay. Does anyone here based on what I've told you feel that she stands a chance of getting the house even if she painted me as some sort of "womanizer" (which I'm not and never have been!) and has "emotionally abused" her for a year now? She's serious when she uses that term. Uh, hardly not. It's her not coming to the reality that I want out and she's hanging on to me financially ever way she can.

 

Thanks for your patience with my long post and valuable advice,

Gary

[Mystery2Me]

I have no advice to offer, sorry she's being so difficult. My situation is the complete opposite, STBXH legally relinquished any interest in the house. He just didn't want the responsibility.

 

Overall if you know there are no damaging emails it should a mute point. Sounds like she is just trying to distract you from actual issue at at hand.

 

You may be doing so now, but I would stop the emails AND if possible get a new email account.

 

Best of luck!

 

Stay calm and focused.

[Garymustang1977]

Hey there Mystery2me,

 

I no longer email my friends about any of our divorce matter in case she hacks my account again. It's pointless, really. She's clearly read our exchanges, and it'd be a stretch to prove anything inappropriate. I have nothing to hide except that she knows exactly how miserable I've been with her for many years. She's read that and still she refuses to let me go.

 

It's about security and I understand that completely, but in a community property state you don't get 100% of anything. She thinks by hiring an attorney (don't know how she's going to pay for one since she can't even afford the mortgage and bills without my help) she'll prove "whatever."

 

I told her this is a no fault state, so good luck trying to prove anything. In the long run it'll only cost us money neither one of us has and it'll bring division and heartache in both of our families if family members are asked to testify. A complete waste of people's time and money. She's operating emotionally right now. I'll continue to live alone and press on in the new year. The holidays are not a good time to be stressed about such things.

 

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. They're appreciated. I'm glad your situation was worked out amicably. Hopefully, you're on good terms with your ex if there are children involved.

 

Happy holidays,

Gary

[Oberfeldwebel]

First thing you need to do is take a deep breath. Secondly, quit negotiations with her, it won't work at this time. She has nothing to gain by divorcing, that is what you want. You need to develop your plan and then execute that plan. The attorney gave you great advise, take her out of the position of power and take it to the court. The Judge will make a decision and then that is the way both of you have to proceed. Limit all contact with her and concentrate on moving forward.

[road]

First thing you need to do is take a deep breath. Secondly, quit negotiations with her, it won't work at this time. She has nothing to gain by divorcing, that is what you want. You need to develop your plan and then execute that plan. The attorney gave you great advise, take her out of the position of power and take it to the court. The Judge will make a decision and then that is the way both of you have to proceed. Limit all contact with her and concentrate on moving forward.

 

 

You need to lawyer up or give her the house. Crying in your beer here is not being texan.

 

Time to man up and be Texan.

[GorillaTheater]

First the disclaimer: Gary, I'm a lawyer in Texas, but I don't have any specialized knowledge of Texas divorce law beyond the basics. What I can tell you is that adultery and claimed abuse, based on the scanty evidence your wife apparently has, isn't going to make any difference at all.

 

But you seriously, maybe even desperately, need to find a way to get the money to hire a lawyer to guide you through this process, if only because you have a big asset (the house) at stake. If I recall your story correctly, you don't have any kids, so you're mercifully free of the biggest headache when it comes to divorce, but you need some expert advice on the division of assets. Credit card, family, second job, selling your TV, whatever it takes get the money for a lawyer. Shop around and get the best deal you can, weighing cost against how good the lawyer is (like any good consumer decision), and get the expert advice you need to get this deal done. Don't be penny wise and pound foolish.

[Enema]

Echoing the others when I suggest you move ahead with all speed getting a lawyer and moving forwards.

 

It seems rather pointless to keep having these conversations with her as she won't budge and may just get more obstinate.

 

I'm glad you didn't tell her that she can't lock you out of your house unless she has a restraining order, don't want to give her any ideas.

[Garymustang1977]

Hello,

 

It's been awhile since I posted and many of you have given me great advice during the long divorce process I've been going through. I filed for divorce in Texas late last year, but my wife contested it. Okay, I thought I'll give mediation a first try because a judge is likely to order us to mediation if we went to court first. Our first mediation talks got us nowhere and we agreed to a second meeting. Fine.

 

The day before the second mediation meeting she cancelled. I went to see her a couple of days later to offer her more incentives to go back but she refused. Okay, I had no other choice, but to go and file for a court date in front of a judge. If you've read some of my previous posts you'll see that I'm the petitioner, and my wife wants 100% of the house. Texas is a community property, and no fault state.

 

We are both financially strapped and I cannot afford an attorney. She cannot either. We have no children and only own one property - our main house with a mortgage and credit card debt. It seems pretty cut and dry although my wife wants to claim mental cruelty which is ludicrous since I'm the one who filed, and that begs the question why is trying to prevent me from divorcing her? So I can stay with her in misery?

 

She's stalled long enough and I'm ready to move on. I moved out six months ago into an apartment and have been very happy on my own. I've realized that I've been on my own, anyway, during our years of marriage. My wife never felt like participating equally. I did most of the work.

 

Okay, now to the question: does anyone have advice on whether I should bring witnesses (my friends) to court to vouch for my character, or is that not helpful in front of a judge? Considering the property involved in our case (very little) is doing this pro se advisable?

 

I just want to "cash out" with my fair share of the equity, but my wife doesn't have a cent to pay me and she can't afford to live there so she's fighting tooth and nail for the house. I've been telling her that reality for years that we can no longer afford to live there, but she won't hear of it.

 

Thanks for any good input. This has been a long road and I just want some closure. I feel like I'm in the home stretch.

 

-Gary :rolleyes:

Edited April 25, 2013 by Garymustang1977
typo

[carhill]

It's nuts and bolts, dollars and cents. The judge could/would generally care less about anything other than behaviors/proof relevant to those dollars and cents. Save your friend's and the court's time and move on the facts of the case. If STBXW wants to do a Perry Mason rant, let her. Judges deal with that stuff every day and can see right through it.

 

If I had such a question, it would take a five minute phone call to my lawyer and cost about 30 bucks to get a legal answer. If you're in doubt, make the call.

[Garymustang1977]

Thanks, Carhill, as always. I think she might give in to one more mediation session before the hearing, but never the less, your advice is good.

 

-Gary.