clia Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Originally Posted by iiiii True, some guys are so ugly that almost any woman would not give them a chance. So unless you are truly disgusting looking - terrible acne, hugely obese, bad hygiene etc - chances are, there is a girl out there whose "type" you are. Yep, I'm one of those guys and I can attest women do not give us a chance. All three of those things you can do something about: 1. Terrible acne? Go see a dermatologist. 2. Hugely obese? Start working out and watching what you eat. 3. Bad hygiene? Take a shower.
LittlePrince Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 2. Hugely obese? Start working out and watching what you eat. The excess skin won't melt away that easy. 1
carhill Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I have allot of friends, that´s not the problem. i can handle myself socially. Yep, friends, and this is crucial, know you over time, share interests with you and love you for who you are. Now, if a woman you met had that style of romantic attraction where she got to know you over time and then became enamored of your total package, appearance and personality, that could be one example of the only time personality matters. However, IME, the vast majority of women I've met in life make the 'hot or ugly' decision in ten seconds, of course without my knowing about it for varying lengths of time, and then act on that; some reject immediately, some fade away, some hoover me, some remain nebulous forever. I only understand this from the tampon years when they told me all their 'stuff' with other men. Otherwise I'd have been clueless, except for the lessons of the hard knocks of experience. During those experiences, my personality certainly did matter, but it had nothing to do with sex or romance. Had it been 'lesser', there would have been nothing for them to access, as they had little/no sexual/romantic attraction. Heh, I just figured out, in those cases, the entry fee I thought I paid (thinking I was attractive enough to get in the door) was merely to fill out the contestant roster inside, rather than be involved in the active judging. Fascinating. This was most markedly seen when used as a social tool to incite competition with/from other men. Clarity. Everyone's experience will differ but IMO it's important to understand clearly what one's experience has been and learn from it to live a healthier life. I think the behaviors those ladies in my anecdotes exhibited were valid; they were doing what was best for them, respectful of their own style of prosecuting relationships. The work was seeing style incompatibilities, and that took time. It's all good now.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I have allot of friends, that´s not the problem. i can handle myself socially. There is a HUGE difference between being socially acceptable as a friend and being socially acceptable as a mate. It's not really even about how you handle yourself. It's about who and what you are and what kind of person your supposed to like. People are very judgemental about who one has sex with. (See interracial couples, gay couples, bisexual men, transgender women, intersex/hermaphrodite's, large age gaps, a blonde man with a brunette woman, shorter man taller woman.....)
maybealone Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Women don't care about your personality as long as you are good looking. The only way to be perfect to women is by having best face possible, the crappier your face is the less perfect you are. Awesome. All you have to do is get some plastic surgery and you'll be so booked with dates, you'll have no time for LS.
Necris Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 When a woman is choosing between two equally as good looking guys. If a woman can get a better looking guy than you, then you are dead in the water. Women don't care about your personality as long as you are good looking. The only way to be perfect to women is by having best face possible, the crappier your face is the less perfect you are. Honestly guys he does have a point, though personality is still important, but looks is what gets you in the door, personality will ultimately help you keep a relationship going, but a stellar personality alone isn't going to help you get a relationship unless said relationship is just a friendship, and you aren't looking for a girlfriend or wife or whatever. 1
Anela Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Honestly guys he does have a point, though personality is still important, but looks is what gets you in the door, personality will ultimately help you keep a relationship going, but a stellar personality alone isn't going to help you get a relationship unless said relationship is just a friendship, and you aren't looking for a girlfriend or wife or whatever. I just saw a guy on a dating site, who I would think about messaging if I were looking to date right now. I liked the way he looked - he wasn't "hot" but he could be if I really liked him (hot in my eyes). In his profile he sounded like someone I would get along with.. until I read his answers to some of the questions. I'm on page two, and thinking, "ugh". The opening post annoys me, because, as usual, ALL women are being labelled in exactly the same way. I'm 37, and have been rejected more than once, because I'm not pretty enough, when my personality seemed to be just fine for the guys involved - it isn't just women, and it certainly isn't ALL women. 1
IT Geek Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 All three of those things you can do something about: 1. Terrible acne? Go see a dermatologist. 2. Hugely obese? Start working out and watching what you eat. 3. Bad hygiene? Take a shower. 2. Not sure what your definition of HUGELY is but I've been doing that for 18 months have have lost a significant amount. I'm doing my first 5k in January. Still couldn't get a date to my company Christmas party. Also have 2 tickets to a huge NYE soiree and will probably be going alone to it.
KungFuJoe Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Honestly, I can't argue that. Most men I see on a daily basis are just not attractive. Period. On the other hand, pretty girls are a dime a dozen - they're everywhere. But they have the advantage of makeup and all the tools girls can use to enhance their looks. I ADORE Adele, but take a look at her with no makeup and then look at her the night of the Grammys. Night and day. But goodlooking guys? Pretty rare. It works both ways. Yes, can wear makeup but if your face is not structurally attractive, makeup won't help much. But no amount of make up can hide the fact that a woman's body isn't fit because most clothes for women that are fashionable are also very snug. For men, we can be out of shape and even fat and still wear clothes that can easily hide that.
edgygirl Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 do not agree. woman here. I prefer a less "good looking" guy who has brains.
IT Geek Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 do not agree. woman here. I prefer a less "good looking" guy who has brains. Too bad more women aren't like you. I might have been able to get a date to my company's Christmas Party. 1
mesmerized Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 It works both ways. Yes, can wear makeup but if your face is not structurally attractive, makeup won't help much. But no amount of make up can hide the fact that a woman's body isn't fit because most clothes for women that are fashionable are also very snug. For men, we can be out of shape and even fat and still wear clothes that can easily hide that. I dunno where you're from but loose fitted clothing is in right now way more than snug ones. I always wear fitted cloth and this is getting on my nerves. Sure, women are shallow but men definitely are more shallow when it comes to looks. I guess drinking your own medicine isn't much fun ha?
Els Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 2. Not sure what your definition of HUGELY is but I've been doing that for 18 months have have lost a significant amount. I'm doing my first 5k in January. Still couldn't get a date to my company Christmas party. Also have 2 tickets to a huge NYE soiree and will probably be going alone to it. I see that you did not respond to the shower advice. That is a given, dude!
dasein Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 "Personality" is a nebulous term that should be replaced in dating discussions for men with the terms "social value" and "seduction skills" which are both very important in attracting women. Whereas it's true that if there is no foundation for attraction at all, these things don't matter, but if there is any attraction on her end, they are extremely important. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 "Personality" is a nebulous term that should be replaced in dating discussions for men with the terms "social value" and "seduction skills" which are both very important in attracting women. Whereas it's true that if there is no foundation for attraction at all, these things don't matter, but if there is any attraction on her end, they are extremely important. Exactly. You left out the most important trait, the one that's inheritable and separates Homo Sapiens Sapiens from every other animal on Earth. 1.)Demonstrable intelligence - when you open your mouth you don't sound like an idiot. You don't act like an idiot. Furthermore you solve problems of some kind that perplex others or create art that others cannot. In short you don't act like a shaved chimp. 2.)Social value - you have friends, family, professional connections, and/or money. You can marshal the efforts of others to achieve your goals. 3.)Seduction skills - you know how to reveal the above traits in a way that teases your target and makes them want to know more. You sell yourself over the initial objections (not rejections, there's a difference). You read body language and actions accurately.
GirlontheLam Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The right personality makes any guy hotter actually. 1
Woggle Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I have known many ugly people who plenty of dates. In fact I have known many people with seemingly no redeeming qualities at all who get plenty of dates. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Says the bottom of the barel crew. 0oo... Ouch... A faceless idiot on the internet insulted me. 2
dasein Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Exactly. You left out the most important trait, the one that's inheritable and separates Homo Sapiens Sapiens from every other animal on Earth. Agree on this, but not sure intelligence comes under the purview of personality. Probably deserves it's own category. Of course if we are talking personality as everything that's not looks, then it fits.
KungFuJoe Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Good looks are akin to having an impressive resume. It gets you in the door. But if you can't pass the interview (and this is where personality comes into play) then you don't get hired. That works for everyone, men and women.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Agree on this, but not sure intelligence comes under the purview of personality. Probably deserves it's own category. Of course if we are talking personality as everything that's not looks, then it fits. Really? The person who said this was really intelligent. I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. This statement demonstrates that intelligence in a way that would make an intelligent woman think good things. It also shows a bit of personality as well. Intelligence leads to good humor, good art, and good food. It is what makes humans human and it came into being because we pick mates who are more intelligent over ones who aren't. People who didn't do this eventually died out.
dasein Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The reason I hesitate on intelligence as an important component of personality when meeting women is that I had that in abundance from day one, and it didn't do squat diddly for me until I effectively masked it under social value and seduction. I actually thought, "you are so cerebral" was a compliment in my callow youth, would usually think that just before going to bed alone and jerking off. Have had women tell me they want to f-ck my brain, but found out later that was just a polite way of saying "mindf-ck."
Mrlonelyone Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The reason I hesitate on intelligence as an important component of personality when meeting women is that I had that in abundance from day one, and it didn't do squat diddly for me until I effectively masked it under social value and seduction. I actually thought, "you are so cerebral" was a compliment in my callow youth, would usually think that just before going to bed alone and jerking off. Have had women tell me they want to f-ck my brain, but found out later that was just a polite way of saying "mindf-ck." Your forgetting the second half of that equation. To recognize the value of intelligence in a mate one has to be intelligent themselves. The women who said that to you either weren't smart enough to realize the true value of what you had to offer. Or the found you absolutely unattractive for some other reason. As for social value and intelligence. Let me ask you this. Who's social value is greater a man who can figure out how to design and build a house or a car from scratch....or a man who can perform the physical labor? Between the two of them which is typically more intelligent? Between the two of them which would have the more intelligent wife? Honestly. 1
dasein Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) Your forgetting the second half of that equation. To recognize the value of intelligence in a mate one has to be intelligent themselves. Actually the intelligent on paper ones are the biggest pains in the ass IME. Lots of experience with both sides of the bell curve backing that opinion. I like em within one standard deviation to the right these days, no further. Else we are in perma SSRI land. Those tend to like me less but piss me off less too. As for social value and intelligence. Let me ask you this. Who's social value is greater a man who can figure out how to design and build a house or a car from scratch....or a man who can perform the physical labor? Between the two of them which is typically more intelligent? Between the two of them which would have the more intelligent wife? Honestly. Trick question, the most intelligent men avoid marriage today, at least in the U.S. C'mon you knew I was gonna say that! thanks for the softball though. Edited December 6, 2012 by dasein
maybealone Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 The right personality makes any guy hotter actually. This is so true for a lot of women. There is a very small percentage of men that I look at make an immediate "yes" or "no" decision regarding sex. Most fall in the "hmm, maybe" category and then if they have a great personality, I end up wanting to jump them.
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