flsgirl Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Hi everyone, I actually am seeking advice regarding a woman that I have been "friends" with since February. She tried to pick up a friend of mine at bar when we were all at one night. It turns out we're from the same state. She seemed nice at the time. I ran into her a few other times and we eventually ended up exchanging phone numbers. This woman became very clingy and called me everyday. I know she's lonely because she doesn't know many people here. I thought I'd try to incorporate her into my group of friends, but none of my friends can stand her. She's the most negative person I've ever met in my entire life. All she ever does is unload her problems on me and tell me how much her life sucks. She kinda talks "at" you rather than "to" you. I can't deal with this. I'm going through a rather tumultous time myself and am trying to get through it and can't be around someone who is so miserable all the time. At this point, I don't even like her. I feel like it's a chore to be her friend. My friends tell me to drop her, but I can't do that. I keep thinking she'll snap out of it, but she hasn't. I know other people have told her that she's pesimistic and she just becomes defensive. I don't want to start a fight. I know mental illness runs SEVERELY in her family. My own personal opinion is that she's manic depressive. I've suggested therapy, but she claims she doesn't need it. For example: She just turned 26 and thinks she's so old and is never going to find anyone and thinks she's going to die before she's 40. I don't know how to handle this. Any suggestions?
HokeyReligions Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 You are NOT responsible for her. You do not have to be her friend. You can't 'save' her. Tell her that you are sorry a friendship didn't work out, but that you don't feel there is a foundation for a friendship and that your lives are on different paths. Wish her well and tell her that you don't want to see her anymore. Then change your phone number.
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Be as upfront and honest with her as you can. Tell her that only she can change and be happy with herself before she finds someone. It's obvious that you care about her, but she is draining you of your energy. Keep suggesting therapy, but be positive about it! She may re consider, who knows!! If you really don't want her in your life then let her down easy and just say you have alot going on in your life right now and feel horrible but you can't take on anyone else's stuff right now. I don't know what I would do in that situation either but I think i would start of being as honest as I could. Avoidance hurts and us being gals, we do need closure. It isn't fair for either of you...You seem to be quite open and stuff and you know her well enough that if you just up and end it she's gonna hound you to find out why! Good luck! WWIU
faux Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I'm going to agree with Hokey on this one. You aren't responsible for her. You don't have to help her, and if she is going to do something unsound because you cannot stand associating with her, it is not your fault. Do what is best for you. Be as polite as you wish with her, but definitely be quite blunt at the same time.
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