Mandos Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 A month after being dumped and left for another guy (ex-friend) I feel much stronger. I've learned a lot. I know what to improve in my next relationship. I know the person my ex became is not the person I was in love with for almost three years. I know she has no respect for me and I dont believe her lies. She told me things just to justify herself, e.g. She had no clue she loved him until the day she dumped me. What a coincidence! LOL And he played it on me very well too. They are a good match - both cheaters and dishonest people with way too big ego. But maybe this is the best thing that could possibly happen to me. I got rid of two people who hurt me so much. Ive got my friends who I can trust and I see lots of other girls interested in me. People like me because of who I am and I think I really am a good person. Too good for my ex who perhaps wants someone to treat her badly. And then...I believe that what you do will come back to you someday. Thank you LS for giving me strength to look on things this way. 3
spaniard Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Finally a positive approach to break up. Kudos, man!
lakerman34 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Man, the same thing happened to me. I'm a senior in college, and my friend sat next to me in my 3 hour lab course (thank goodness he dropped the course early on in the semester). We've been friends all 4 years (not close friends, but friends), and I KNOW FOR A FACT that he knew I was dating the girl I was dating. She cheated on me for him, and now they have been casually dating for the past 2 months (relationship started 18 days after our breakup). I should have dumped her ass as soon as she started refusing sex, but I was 'in love.' Just remember, it was HER that cheated on you, not HIM. No, you don't have to be friends with him (and you shouldn't), but don't do what I did. I went around telling people I wanted to kick his ass. Don't do this. Now, we say 'hi' to each other but I make sure to keep it short whenever I see him. I think he feels like he has this weird upper hand on me (kinda like a guy who thinks he's just a better man), but I'm above all that. I would NEVER sleep with a girl if I knew she had a bf, even more so if her bf was one of my friends. It's so scummy. This, of course, was a lesson I learned the hard way. About a year and a half ago, I slept with a cheerleader two nights in a row knowing she had a bf on the football. He is an offensive linemen, 340 lbs., 6'3", Division I. He found out. I was scared FOR MY LIFE, but he ended up doing nothing. I laughed at the idea of karma catching up to me. Well it did. Let me tell you something. I'm not a superstitious guy AT ALL, but karma is a real thing. Things come full circle. Karma will get my ex and her new lover, and karma will take care of things for you too. Just be above it all, if she or her friends say anything about it, say you're happy for her and excuse yourself from the conversation, and TRIPLE your efforts to NC. Make sure there is NO chance that you run into her. DON'T SNOOP SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES EITHER. Ignorance is truly bliss in this situation. IDK if yours is a rebound relationship, and I'm not entirely sure mine is, but I'm PRETTY sure they both are. Weak girls rebound. You don't want a weak girl, do you? Also, when her honeymoon stage is over with this new guy, she'll be in a MUCH larger emotional hole than she was in the beginning of post-breakup. She may even give you a call and say she's sorry. But don't count on it. Do whatever you can to move on. I doubt my ex is going to call, but I kind of STILL hope she does (even though I'm over her) so I can turn her down. I'm a STRONG believer in if a relationship can be rekindled with an ex, AT LEAST 6 months of STRICT NC is necessary. She had to be something REALLY special though. Just date (but don't 'relationship') other girls. Talking with other beautiful women helped me A LOT post-breakup. Facebook has changed the reconciliation game. Maybe in 5/6 years, she shows up again in your life and meets up with you for coffee. Maybe. My advice, even if her friends tell you that she still has feelings for you (at first, this happened to me ALL THE TIME, and just yesterday her roommate told me some of her feelings are still there), don't listen to it. It's girly gossip BS. Workout everyday HARD, get into hobbies, and stay NC. Your current attitude is GREAT, I wish some other posters on this forum could share the same attitude. Some days will still be rough, but that's normal. It's how the brain functions. You'll get through and come out stronger in the end. I, personally, have raised my standards and have already turned down 3 girls. Breakups are hard, but also beautiful in their own ways. Take advantage of it. You're doing great! 1
Author Mandos Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Just remember, it was HER that cheated on you, not HIM. No, you don't have to be friends with him (and you shouldn't), but don't do what I did. I went around telling people I wanted to kick his ass. Don't do this. Now, we say 'hi' to each other but I make sure to keep it short whenever I see him. I think he feels like he has this weird upper hand on me (kinda like a guy who thinks he's just a better man), but I'm above all that. I would NEVER sleep with a girl if I knew she had a bf, even more so if her bf was one of my friends. It's so scummy. Agreed. I want to kick his ass too, but fortunately I haven't met him since the BU. Also I tell myself what good would come from it. I am better than that. He's the kind of guy who pisses everybody at the first sight. A bit of narcist in him, I would say. Strong words, everybody is inferior to him. And that's what my ex likes about him. I'm rather introverted and hate this kind of behaviour from a person like him because I know that it's just hypocrisy. He is weak inside. I hope she'll find out...I still wish good for her. IDK if yours is a rebound relationship, and I'm not entirely sure mine is, but I'm PRETTY sure they both are. Weak girls rebound. You don't want a weak girl, do you? Also, when her honeymoon stage is over with this new guy, she'll be in a MUCH larger emotional hole than she was in the beginning of post-breakup. She may even give you a call and say she's sorry. But don't count on it. Yup, she's never been a strong person. I can tell. I don't mind a weak girl as long as she loves me. And she indeed did except for the last months. I hope that by the time the honeymoon stage is over, I'll have already got over her. I don't consider breaking NC for a long long time. I've learned my lesson (god the first two weeks were pure hell, i couldn't eat, sleep, focus on anything), now it's her turn. I still dream of her, think of her and am sad from time to time but everyday it takes less and less time. I work out, have fun with friends, and my two sisters helped me A LOT. I love them. cheers
lakerman34 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You, sir, are handling this like a boss. Kudos. Keep it up.
Author Mandos Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 You, sir, are handling this like a boss. Kudos. Keep it up. I'm not sure if I'm handling this like a boss, but after these weeks of desperation, sadness and constant analyzing I am beginning to realise things. Without doubt I made many mistakes in our relationship but I know I did my best and loved her so much. I can't blame her for falling out of love but I do blame her for acting like a child and ignoring me during the last two months and leaving me for him so quickly. That hurt me very much because I know I am going to heal for months and she just deleted me like that. I'm sad whenever I think of her but hey life goes on (we are both 20 y.o. lol). Party tonight!
lakerman34 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I'm not sure if I'm handling this like a boss, but after these weeks of desperation, sadness and constant analyzing I am beginning to realise things. Without doubt I made many mistakes in our relationship but I know I did my best and loved her so much. I can't blame her for falling out of love but I do blame her for acting like a child and ignoring me during the last two months and leaving me for him so quickly. That hurt me very much because I know I am going to heal for months and she just deleted me like that. I'm sad whenever I think of her but hey life goes on (we are both 20 y.o. lol). Party tonight! Yeah man. I'm 22 and my ex is 19. Your mind will want to rethink and analyze everything, but the absolute BEST thing you can do is instead of trying to pick up all the pieces from the floor and trying to put them together, just keep them on the floor and move on. Breakups don't make sense and girls don't make sense. Don't bother analyzing, just say F it and move on. It's for the best.
jwhite Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I wish I could find some friggin parties. I havent done that in years...ironically about the time my ex and I hooked up...she peed in my front yard! That was a red flag for sure
Author Mandos Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Yeah man. I'm 22 and my ex is 19. Your mind will want to rethink and analyze everything, but the absolute BEST thing you can do is instead of trying to pick up all the pieces from the floor and trying to put them together, just keep them on the floor and move on. Breakups don't make sense and girls don't make sense. Don't bother analyzing, just say F it and move on. It's for the best. Very well said! Yeah that's what I really want. But sometimes I still catch myself thinking and trying to find sense in the BU even though I know there is nothing more I can find out. It just takes time to move on. Eventually I will get there and then I will be healed .
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