vanek26 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 So I (22 yr old male) started a new job about a month ago and saw it as a decent opportunity to meet women because it was a fresh start with new faces. There's a girl who works in my department who I took a liking to. It excited me because we seemed to hit it off really well, and physically I knew that she was certainly in my league. So I flirted with her with a lot of confidence and swagger. We got really comfortable with each other quickly and spent our shifts together just teasing each other and goofing off. I got her number a week and a half ago and we started texting a bit. She made comments to me like, "that was pretty bold asking for my number," and other things that made me feel like we were on the same page. I knew there was a risk to escalating things because I work with her often but I felt so confident that it seemed worth it. Well, I asked her out to a local bar on Saturday and she joked about not being a cheap date, but then said she couldn't. I decided to take her word that she really couldn't so I suggested Sunday night instead to which she said 'maybe'. I texted her on Sunday and brought up our plans. She kind of seemed to dance around the question so I brought it up again giving her a time to meet. She said "I don't know about that" and when I asked why, she didn't respond. It was a complete gut punch, and I didn't see it coming. Now, this completely changes the game. She probably views me as some creepy guy who tried hitting on her who she is not at all attracted to, and I may have done too much damage by being so aggressive with her. I feel ashamed for being so out of touch, angry at her for not complying, angry at myself for not properly attracting her, and just embarassed about the whole situation. I still have to work with this girl for the forseeable future, and now who knows if the rumor will get around about what I was up to. So how do I play it from this point? Luckily we haven't worked together since the incident but we obviously will at some point. She texted me today and it gave me a knot in my stomach. I get rejected by women constantly; everyday. But this is different because of the work circumstance. Part of me wants to give it another shot with her but logically I should probably just back far far off. What do you all think?
MrCastle Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Well either she lead you on, you misinterpreted her signs, or a little bit of both. Anyway, this has happened to me in the past. Not with work, but school. I just give them the cold shoulder from there on in. It depends on how it's handled though. If she gave me a legit excuse or even a fake one like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm seeing someone", then I'd back off. But if she blatantly gave me the cold shoulder and ignored my text, I would ignore her in person. Your personal case isn't as bad as what I've experienced. You could, if you wanted, play it off, wait for the little bit of awkwardness to wear off and then move on. For me though, there have been some situations that are just mind boggling to me. I really have to laugh and say "haha wow...she knows she has to see me next week...right?" It really does strike me the lack of consideration or at the very least, long term vision a lot of young women have. They will completely burn bridges with people they still have to see in everyday interactions. I think in their mind, they are in the right, and have done nothing wrong, if you show any displeasure with their decisions, that's your problem and you're just a creep who overreacted. They burn bridges but then try to avoid the awkward situations that follow. I don't give them that satisfaction. I give them the cold shoulder, and there's obvious tension between us. Sometimes people need to learn a lesson in consideration. I make both my pleasures and displeasures known. If you try to game them and act like mr. cool guy and nothing bothers you, then they'll have learned nothing. Maybe you have no shot with them, but you can give them a wake up call so the next man that comes along doesn't get the same treatment. 3
Ami1uwant Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Unless this is some sort of temp job...like working retail or something else many people because of work rules/policy and their own feelings will not date coworkers with the exception if they work for som large corporation and they work paths dont cross. She may have liked you and thought you were nice...but in responses she show hesitance in dating you but she didnt want to say no to you because she likes you.
Imajerk17 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 So I (22 yr old male) started a new job about a month ago and saw it as a decent opportunity to meet women because it was a fresh start with new faces. There's a girl who works in my department who I took a liking to. It excited me because we seemed to hit it off really well, and physically I knew that she was certainly in my league. So I flirted with her with a lot of confidence and swagger. We got really comfortable with each other quickly and spent our shifts together just teasing each other and goofing off. I got her number a week and a half ago and we started texting a bit. She made comments to me like, "that was pretty bold asking for my number," and other things that made me feel like we were on the same page. I knew there was a risk to escalating things because I work with her often but I felt so confident that it seemed worth it. Well, I asked her out to a local bar on Saturday and she joked about not being a cheap date, but then said she couldn't. I decided to take her word that she really couldn't so I suggested Sunday night instead to which she said 'maybe'. I texted her on Sunday and brought up our plans. She kind of seemed to dance around the question so I brought it up again giving her a time to meet. She said "I don't know about that" and when I asked why, she didn't respond. It was a complete gut punch, and I didn't see it coming. Now, this completely changes the game. She probably views me as some creepy guy who tried hitting on her who she is not at all attracted to, and I may have done too much damage by being so aggressive with her. I feel ashamed for being so out of touch, angry at her for not complying, angry at myself for not properly attracting her, and just embarassed about the whole situation. I still have to work with this girl for the forseeable future, and now who knows if the rumor will get around about what I was up to. So how do I play it from this point? Luckily we haven't worked together since the incident but we obviously will at some point. She texted me today and it gave me a knot in my stomach. I get rejected by women constantly; everyday. But this is different because of the work circumstance. Part of me wants to give it another shot with her but logically I should probably just back far far off. What do you all think? What did her last text say? Her behavior was rude. And I considered the possibility that she gave you her number in the first place only to avoid an awkward situation. If that was the case, then exchanging flirty texts with you was leading you on. Unless there is some sort of explanation or apology on her end, I would freeze her out. It is what a woman would do to a guy who treated her that way. 3
tman666 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 As the Hodge Twins would say: "she about dat bullsh*t!" Judging just by how you described the situation in your post, I think she led you on a little bit. Definitely the best thing to do is bring ALL non-work essential/"professional niceness" communication to an abrupt halt. There's a good chance she will notice this and possibly even start making flirty comments to you to illicit some sort of reaction. Some people's egos thrive on stringing people along, even if they never have any intention of ever having a relationship or fooling around.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 The advice to give'er the cold shoulder is sound advice. They deserve that. Just for the sake of alternatives you could try this if you haven't already. Send one more text, just one more text, after a couple days to try and extend that olive branch. This does a couple things. I makes you look like the adult that I assume you are. It gives her an in for continuing dialog, she may not think you still want to talk to her. One other wrinkle. If your going to date in the workplace don't act like you are cold approaching a woman at a club, party or where ever. You and her will have to deal with each other for a long time. This gives you a chance to see each other in a much more realistic light. Take your time. If you make an enemy of her, then say a couple years latter a new woman shows up ... do you want to worry about someone with an axe to grind poisoning the well?
zebracolors Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It really does strike me the lack of consideration or at the very least, long term vision a lot of young women have. They will completely burn bridges with people they still have to see in everyday interactions. I think in their mind, they are in the right, and have done nothing wrong, if you show any displeasure with their decisions, that's your problem and you're just a creep who overreacted. They burn bridges but then try to avoid the awkward situations that follow. I think I know about burned bridges, And the regret still eats at me sometimes. But unlike some women I understand the actions I did for one case that likely caused someone to think I wasn't interested. But I stand by my reasoning which was to protect him. But not to digress.. As to this girl. Well, technically you still didn't have confirmed plans as of the time she responded with a "maybe" to your offer to take her to a bar. Just to look at this from another angle, maybe she was hesitant because to her, it seemed you kind of rushed things along and she didn't know how to tell you that she isn't interested in you the same way. By the way we still don't know what "flirty" things she said that might lead someone to think she was interested, do we? You mentioned that you and her "got really comfortable with each other quickly", but are you sure she was that comfortable with you by this point, enough to start going out together? Im just saying that without knowing her POV, how do we know she was?
Author vanek26 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 She texted me today asking about how my shift was at work. I gave her a few one word responses and then I think she got the picture and stopped. 1
MrCastle Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 She texted me today asking about how my shift was at work. I gave her a few one word responses and then I think she got the picture and stopped. Boss
Author vanek26 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Except I don't feel like a boss, I feel like a chump lol.
MrCastle Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Except I don't feel like a boss, I feel like a chump lol. I actually feel pretty good when I've been exposed to a person's true character, especially in the case of women. When you take the blinders off and see her for who she really is, and her looks no longer cloud your judgement, it's a good feeling. It makes me feel manly. Makes me feel like I'm not a slave to the vagina.
phineas Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 She texted me today asking about how my shift was at work. I gave her a few one word responses and then I think she got the picture and stopped. Good job. It feels crappy but lets be honest here, she knows why you asked her number. She knows what you wanted. Personally I would of stopped texting her when she said "maybe" & proceeded to freeze her out over the phone until she was offering at time for that drink. Why feed her ego? I also would act like nothing happened at work to show her I could care less about her because let's be real, she's given you no reason to actually care about her.
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