golk Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I can tell you that social media is a b****! Saw her twitter last night from a friend (not intentional) and it sucks so bad but once I saw it I had to look. Temptation got me. I was feeling so much better the last few weeks but now at square one again. Well she seems to be doing just fine according to her social media. Just living the happiest life ever, having so many great days, how seeing me over Thanksgiving break and HER talking to ME made her break awkward lol, apparently couldn't love life without me more! To top it off her going on dates with her guy "friends" and her taking one of them to the restaurant that I used to take her for her birthday for years, splitting drinks, deserts. But no it's not a date at all! She has no feelings for anyone! HA Her going to her friends to study for her quiz apparently means a hot tub party with lots of alcohol! LOL It's pathetic in a way because she has told me continually that she hasn't moved on at all (1 week ago) and misses me and thinks of me everyday. I mean I'm a pretty intelligent guy. Now how can someone be so selfish as to say those things? It doesn't matter I suppose. Well anyway went 2 weeks without a word to her and was decided that I wouldn't hear from her ever again but saw her on Thanksgiving at a local bar which restarted everything. Then two Sundays ago I saw her and made it clear that we shouldn't talk and I wished it could have worked out and I felt like I was starting to be OKAY. But she texted me almost everyday this past week even after me ignoring her everytime. It's pretty hard to let go when the person you love keeps contacting you even if it breadcrumbs. So I txted her last night and kind of called her out on it and said I was done. She wanted me to explain so I called her and of course she goes cold and distant. Saying how I'm just too emotional and freaked out by everything, blaming me and just says idk why im hot and cold, i dont like anyone blah blah. So I told her that I don't want to be her friend (what she wanted) and I don't want to hear from her anymore in any form, text, call, in person. AT ALL. She got freaked out because I don't think she was expecting that. So I said I was absolutely done playing these games with her and I need my space too beacuse I'm not in a healthy place. I want to get back to who I am, not this emotional wreck of a man. I said that if she wants to leave for another guy or party or be single or whatever go ahead, I'll hold the door open but I'm not going to be there anymore. She wanted me out of her life, well she's getting what she asked for this time. I put myself through extra pain and agony for her and I've done it for much too long. She got really upset when I told her that I didn't want her to contact me for a long time until I've healed or cleared my head and asked how will she know when it's okay. I told her I really only want her to contact me if it's something really important to her/us and she will know if the time comes. She was about to cry is sounded like. She got really sad and said she hasn't been herself in a longtime and I'm not the only one whose noticed. Friends and family especially have noticed this change. She said she's not sure why and wants to get back to the real her but I know why. Shes CHANGED and the loving. caring, sweet, innocent, best friend I had isn't ever coming back. Then she said that she wanted to be on good terms and it felt like we were on bad terms. I told her I didn't hate her but didn't like her right now either and that I needed to do this for myself. We wished each other good luck. She asked me if it was forever? I said who knows only time will tell. Then she said I'm not ready for this but have a good break and all that. Hopefully this will help me actually get past this. Her still contacting me was too much for me and I feel like ripping the band daid off is the best thing to do now. Sorry for the rant. I'll probably be posting here a bit!
na49 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Checking up on her definitely doesn't help. I haven't done it in a month but I am so scared that I will have a setback and look and see something that I don't want to. I stopped myself before I saw her with a new guy or anything to crazy. My ex also still texts me (well one text once a week for the past two weeks) I haven't responded to either. I kind of want to tell her why, but I don't think that will do anything for me. Her contacting you definitely won't help you to heal. You get a message from her and play twenty questions with yourself to find out "what it means". When it really doesn't mean anything! I'm having trouble blocking my exes number to make sure that she won't be able to text me anymore, but for some reason I'm waiting for it to become a problem. You know what's best for you, her contacting you just isn't good if you aren't over her.
sharsh Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Don't just go by what she's put on twitter. A lot of times we only post the good things, want everyone to think our lives are just so great. Who wants to see miserable posts all the time on social media? Or wants everyone to know they're lives are sh*t? Who knows how she's truly feeling. I think it's best though that you do go NC, because keeping contact, and looking at her things are only going to make things worse.
plee61 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I am wondering is it possible still be "friend" after BU.
Author golk Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Yeah telling her to stop contacting was the best option for me. And no you can't be friends with an ex while one of you still has feelings. Well I can't anyways and I think most people can't. It's like being demoted from loving partner to just "friend". If your okay with that then I guess you could try. I could be friends with my ex from 4.5 years ago because there's no feelings at all anymore between us, but after you completely move on then you don't really care about being friends.
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Don't just go by what she's put on twitter. A lot of times we only post the good things, want everyone to think our lives are just so great. Who wants to see miserable posts all the time on social media? Or wants everyone to know they're lives are sh*t? Who knows how she's truly feeling. I think it's best though that you do go NC, because keeping contact, and looking at her things are only going to make things worse. Well, it's one thing to put the positives in your life on twitter, but when she's telling him that she's going to a study group then find out later through twitter that it was actually a co-ed hot tub party; I can see where he would be upset. Yeah, NC is your best option. However, I can tell you by what you posted, this isn't the last time you're going to hear from her.
Author golk Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Well, it's one thing to put the positives in your life on twitter, but when she's telling him that she's going to a study group then find out later through twitter that it was actually a co-ed hot tub party; I can see where he would be upset. Yeah, NC is your best option. However, I can tell you by what you posted, this isn't the last time you're going to hear from her. Yeah I think I'll hear from her in the future again but hopefully down the road a bit so I can have some time to fully come to terms with it and just have my time. It's Guna suck not hearing from her but looking at the big picture it's for the best. Day 2
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 nothing good will ever come from you stalking your ex 2 months after a breakup and then "calling her out" on her behavior.
Author golk Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Yes I know this. I let my emotions and a weak time get the best of me. I've been really working lately at letting things go because its never been my strong point. This was a failed attempt but I'm going to keep working at it. I was just soooooo pissed I let it get the best of me.
flitzanu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Yes I know this. I let my emotions and a weak time get the best of me. I've been really working lately at letting things go because its never been my strong point. This was a failed attempt but I'm going to keep working at it. I was just soooooo pissed I let it get the best of me. oh i know dude. been there done that. learn from the mistake and from all our mistakes. it sucks, but nothing you do or say at this point is ever going to change anything, that's why the resounding advice is for you to simply "be silent". NC. keep going.
Author golk Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Well day 4 and I feel totally fine at times, like this is all for the best and that I can live easily. Then not ten minutes later, I feel like I'm getting physically ill and feel like sh*t. This rollercoaster of emotions realllllly blows. Knowing I won't hear from her does come with some relief I will admit because I'm not on edge on whether or not she'll text me. Overall it's getting easier though. Just not knowing what/where/who she's doing is the norm for me now. But the day I do find out she banged somebody or is dating someone (very soon) is going to suck for a bit. I try to tell myself that she is now just to get it over with but I know that I don't know that forsure and it'll be worse when i actually hear it. That's what keeps me feeling the worst is the physical side of things. That everything we did together she is doing with someone else. That really fu**in hurts. That she WANTS another guy to do that.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Wow. I actually cried reading your posts. I am so sorry. I wish I had some magic wand or pill to give you to help you through. It just takes time. You know though, you're actually a very strong person. Stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. You're doing better than most by knowing what to do and being tired of it all. I'm proud of you. I know you care about her, and this is probably the wrong time to bring it up, but she doesn't sound like she was as nice as you may think. She sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not relationship material at all. Hugs. 1
Author golk Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Wow. I actually cried reading your posts. I am so sorry. I wish I had some magic wand or pill to give you to help you through. It just takes time. You know though, you're actually a very strong person. Stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. You're doing better than most by knowing what to do and being tired of it all. I'm proud of you. I know you care about her, and this is probably the wrong time to bring it up, but she doesn't sound like she was as nice as you may think. She sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not relationship material at all. Hugs. Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me! Yeah hopefully with time I can start to gather myself again. THis weekend has been nice actually, hungout with a lot of friends and even got physical with a different girl for the first time in 4+ years. That was a nice ego booster. But yes, that's definitely what she wants and I'm sick of that. Being demoted to "friend" after 4 years of being a loving partner isn't going to work for me.
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