britnee13 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I was on here last week...seeking advice because of the cheating ex-husband. My post was called cheated on off and on for four years. I am doing good and I have managed to stay away from him. Its been about 5 days. He has begged me back, but i took the advice of everyone and just stayed away. I am writing today because it is just hard, Im still really sad...but Im being SMART...I know I cannot waste any more time on this JERK. I've been trying to spend my time with friends and family..Ive been working...& spending time alone. I just dont know how long I am going to be in this funk??? Ive been in a bad mood at work... I am angry at myself for going back to this guy after we were apart for 8 months....Im angry at him for everything he has done to me. Im just angry. I have been talking with my counselor...I think anger is a normal part of the greiving process. I wanted to thank everyone, especially GeeGirl, for the advice. I cant wait until I am completely over this whole ordeal! What has everyone done to get past their anger/sadness after their break up?
Treasa Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Anger is a good thing. It was my favorite phase of all of them when my ex broke up with me a few years ago. In fact, I liked it so much that it happened three recurring times. I can definitely understand why you're hurting and upset. However, you are doing amazingly. You are being EXTREMELY strong and doing all of the right things. Are you working out every day? Exercise does wonders for the mood. And are you having time to just have fun? Spending time with your friends, not just family? Your ex is an assclown.
Author britnee13 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Thank you Treasa....I have not been working out like i should...but I am going to!! Yeah I went with my friend this weekend and we had fun just hanging out at her house. I went to a cook out at my sisters too. An yes..he is an assclown haha I think I need a vacation!
Treasa Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 You do!! And I love seeing strong women!! I don't even know you but I'm very proud of you. You're going to find much better, I promise.
Author britnee13 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 awww your so sweet! I think that is the positive thing from all of this, soon I will be one of the strongest women I know. & now i know what signs to look for when dating... 1
Treasa Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 And we're always here to talk sense into you if you make a wrong move. Hopefully you'll do the same for me if I ever decide to go for a dickhead again. *hugs*
Author britnee13 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Yes I will do the same for you Treasa! Can you believe this...last night I get the texts: "You are making this so hard on me, I miss you!" "(his daughters name) is sad because her mom and You both seem like you dont care about her" **he is using his daughter now to make me feel guilty, I love her so much and she loves me but i dont think i should stay and put up with his crap because that teaches her that its okay for men to treat you bad. "You are being F'd up" I did not respond to any of those messages....I decided that responding would only feed into it... even though it was really hard for me and made me sad that he is using his little girl to make me feel guilty. I think not having any contact with him is the best thing. He is probably going to continue to bug me but I am just going to ignore it. Its funny because the time he left me, he could have cared less to text me, but I leave him and he wont leave me alone. More and more, everyday, I see how my decision to leave was good. I am started to feel less stressed out...and I know that he was the source of all of my stress, even though at times I wanted to be with him... I know now that it would have been more difficult to stay and never trust him..then it is for me to move on. Im so glad I came to this website that day for guidance, it made me stronger in my decision!
geegirl Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 STAY STRONG BRITNEE. It's called gaslighting. Turning it around to make you question yourself and therefore inflict guilt. Before you know it, you feel like the bad guy, you struggle, you cave and then you give in. The cycle starts all over again. It speaks volumes as to who he is as a person and a parent. What kind of person uses their own child as a pawn to get what they want? Now that he cannot get what he wants and has LOST CONTROL, he sends you messages, and messages that are manipulative in nature. I can guarantee you that once he has you in his grasp, he will step away because control is now in his hands again. I know it is hard and the temptation is strong. We want to give in thinking that maybe they mean it and things will change. It does not change. If he was contacting you from a place of remorse and empathy, the message and content would be much different. It's coming from a place of motive and manipulation. "When you recognize that rejection opens the door to new opportunities, you'll also see that it steers you away from things that further down the line would have created far more pain for you." I got that from someone's signature line. You spent 4 years on this man with zero return. Time to start investing elsewhere...let's start with you. You're doing great, Britnee! Keep looking forward. He is your past. You are your future. So no more looking back and over your shoulder.
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