hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months so our relationship has barely begun. Unfortunately a bad habit of mine (jumping to conclusions too quickly) has caught up to me. A bit of background on us: I’m 19, he’s 20. Both in University, he’s in his last year and I’m in my second year. Basically what happened is we were in the bus and as we were walking towards the back, I saw his ex-girlfriend. I had assumed he saw her and simply didn’t mention it. Now I waited till we got off the bus and went our separate ways to text him and ask him why he didn’t tell me he saw his ex on the bus. At first he thought I was joking which ticked me off and caused me to say he was dishonest. I thought he was pretending it was a joke so that he wouldn’t have to admit he saw her (I know, completely far-fetched and paranoid). Bottom point, he said he didn’t see her and I’m now realising that in fact I jumped to conclusions and he may have in fact not seen her. Now he says he feels betrayed because he’s worked so hard to be completely honest and transparent with me. It’s been 4 days and he’s still not over it. Now he says maybe we should stop talking on the phone/texting till he feels better. Were both in the middle of exams and he works on top of it all so it’ll be hard to meet up and talk any time soon. What should I do? Should I give him his space? I’m scared that if I ‘’let him go’’ this early in the relationship he’ll get used to the distance and not come back… This situation is ridiculous, I know, but it’s the situation I’m in. This could have been avoided if I had simply tackled the issue then and there, but I didn’t.
naviis Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Basically what happened is we were in the bus and as we were walking towards the back, I saw his ex-girlfriend. I had assumed he saw her and simply didn’t mention it. So? Even if he had seen her, what does he need to do, put a sign up? Now I waited till we got off the bus and went our separate ways to text him and ask him why he didn’t tell me he saw his ex on the bus. Why? If something bothers you, don't tell them over the phone, and for pete sake's don't TEXT them! Be a grown up and talk about it face to face. It’s been 4 days and he’s still not over it. Now he says maybe we should stop talking on the phone/texting till he feels better. Were both in the middle of exams and he works on top of it all so it’ll be hard to meet up and talk any time soon. What should I do? Should I give him his space? I’m scared that if I ‘’let him go’’ this early in the relationship he’ll get used to the distance and not come back… You're going to have to respect his wishes and endure whatever silence/distance he needs -- you screwed up, he's entitled to be pissed. This situation is ridiculous, I know, but it’s the situation I’m in. This could have been avoided if I had simply tackled the issue then and there, but I didn’t. I'm tempted to say WHAT ISSUE??? 1
veggirl Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 yeah I am with naviis. Why would he have to tell you his ex is on the bus even if he did see her? yes you should give him his space. you apologized, it's up to him to accept it or not. tbh he is likely thinking he has now seen your true colors and that you are insecure, dramatic, etc, and he is deciding if he wants to deal with that. Your best bet would be to remain calm and quit bugging him, let him come to you and then STOP bringing it up.
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Alright, that's exactly what i'll do...
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Thank you for your input ! Gosh, you have no idea how stupid I feel... And you are right, this was a non-issue from the beginning. I just made it into something it was not. The things insecurities can do to you is mind boggling. Hopefully this incident won't ruin something that could have been great..
Falcor Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I don't want to sound like I am piling on, but if I were him the fact that you didn't bring it up while I was there, but instead texted me after I couldn't do anything about it would be a bigger red flag for me than that you were jealous or uncomfortable or whatever. The fact is jealousy and things like that are natural to feel in relationships (within reason), it is how we deal with these and other kinds of issues that will establish success in relationships. One of the things I think is most important in a relationship is finding someone who is able to deal with issues directly rather than passively. It was a mistake though, you have acknowledged that, the most important thing to do now is to learn from it.
DC4 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 This situation is silly on both sides. You obviously realize you overreacted but now he is being a giant baby. Four days for a misunderstanding that minor? Come on.
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 That's what the big issue was for him. He said that I was fake with him and that now next time he sees me he will be wondering if I'm not hiding something again. I told him this was an isolated incident fueled by pure stupidity. I'm usually pretty straight forward when dealing with issues. I don't know what came over me this time. And don't worry about piling on, I'm not into sugar coating anything.
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 He's very rancorous... What I think is if he keeps a grudge for something this little, how will we get through the bigger things in the future...
DC4 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 He's very rancorous... What I think is if he keeps a grudge for something this little, how will we get through the bigger things in the future... Um, yeah. You apologized, took ownership for the mistake. He needs to move on. What happens when there is an actual issue?
naviis Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Um, yeah. You apologized, took ownership for the mistake. He needs to move on. What happens when there is an actual issue? Normally I'd agree, but they've been dating 2 months. If a guy pulled some crap like that on me so early on I'd be assessing whether I'm willing to find out how he acts, like you said, when there is an actual issue.
naviis Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Um, yeah. You apologized, took ownership for the mistake. He needs to move on. What happens when there is an actual issue? I also missed the part where she apologized.
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I also missed the part where she apologized. I did apologize. We talked about it on the phone, I explained my side of the story etc. He told he still wants to be with me and that he still he still feels the same way about me. Yet again, he's not over it.
naviis Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I did apologize. We talked about it on the phone, I explained my side of the story etc. He told he still wants to be with me and that he still he still feels the same way about me. Yet again, he's not over it. You said you both had exams right? Patience, let him come to, and then you can kick his balls for being a baby.
SJC2008 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I did apologize. We talked about it on the phone, I explained my side of the story etc. He told he still wants to be with me and that he still he still feels the same way about me. Yet again, he's not over it. What side of what story?? His ex was on the same bus as yall and he didn't tell you?? Regardess if he seen her or not why did he have to tell you? Hell if he did see her like you said you should be happy he didn't talk to her! I'f I was him I'd be so weirded out, no offense, but look at what you did. It's a non issue.
Author hopelessromantic123 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 You said you both had exams right? Patience, let him come to, and then you can kick his balls for being a baby. Will do !!
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