Mimosalover Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Hi, I'm hoping someone can give me some insight into my recent breakup because i'm really confused by my ex boyfriends behaviour. He broke up with me just over a month ago. It was pretty nasty. He said some really horrible and unnecessarily cruel things about wanting to sleep with other women, not caring about me, never wanting to see me again and just being relieved that it was over. When he walked out of my house I left it. I didn't contact him at all for 2 1/2 weeks. Eventually I decided I needed to sort out swapping over our stuff so I sent him a text asking if he could post my stuff to me and i'd do the same for him. He replied with a lovely apology about the way he'd behaved and the things he'd said, I told him not to worry and it was arranged that he'd collect his stuff the following week. The text me the day he was coming over to say he'd be there at 11 but he wouldn't be stopping so could I have all his stuff ready, which I did. When he arrived we started chatting and he ended up staying for over an hour. It was really nice. We had a good chat about what we had both been up to, had a laugh. It was fun. Neither of us brought up our relationship, it was just light hearted and fun. I told him i've decided to move back to the area I grew up in to be closer to my family (i'm currently a 4 hour drive from them). It was something we'd talked about when we were together so he knew it was on the cards. When he left he kept hugging me and saying how nice it had been to see me. Then he'd walk off, come back and hug me some more. It almost looked like he was going to cry. He told me he was really pleased we were friends and that it'd be nice to go for a drink sometime. Then he held me, looked into my eyes for ages and gave me a big kiss on the mouth and left. It was so nice and easy being with him again and it reminded me of how much I like him as a friend. I didn't feel like I was tempted to sleep with him or flirt with him, I just liked hanging out and catching up and I felt really pleased that we could be friends. I text him 4 days later to say it'd been really nice to see him and to not be a stranger, but he didn't reply. I sent a group email out today regarding a christmas get together i'm having which some of our mutual friends will be at, and again no reply. I'm just confused. He finished things, he knows i'm leaving so its not as though i'm pretending to be his friend while secretly hoping for more. He seemed to enjoy us spending time together but now he's disappeared off the face of the earth. I feel really sad about it as I had really hoped we could continue to be in each others lives but i'm also utterly baffled and I was hoping someone could help me.
itsmyfault Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 If he can be nasty once, he can be nasty again. Cut your loses.
Gottabestrong Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Dear mimosalover, I am really sorry to hear that. I am in a similar situation and the not knowing is the worst part. Together with the fact that he just walked away and does not seem to care enough about you to even reply to a text, which would be the polite thing to do. He knows you accept the breakup, he seemed happy to see you and he talked about being friends. Yet he totally ignores your message. It sounds like he was just relieved when he saw you and you did not make a scene. Judging from the mean things he said when he ended your relationship and the fact that he wanted you to have his things ready when he came by, I think he expected you to be upset and and tell him off. But when you were so nice and friendly, he felt really relieved and happy. He is not really interested in being friends with you, he just said that because it alleviates his guilt and makes him feel that he is not the bad guy and things are good between you. Unfortunately it sounds like he got closure and is not interested in staying in your life anymore. I know this is really painful to hear, and unfortunately I don't have any wise words to help you feel better. Read movingon12's thread about how to get over your ex, it really helped me. My advice is to do whatever it takes to get through the next hours/days and weeks and hopefully in a few weeks and months, you will feel better. Stay strong!
KatZee Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 "He said some really horrible and unnecessarily cruel things about wanting to sleep with other women, not caring about me, never wanting to see me again and just being relieved that it was over. " This is the definition of "friend" to you? The above things he said are the reasons he is not contacting you. He's not your friend. He doesn't care about you or about being your friend. He was harsh and an a.sshole but if he's so relieved it's over and is glad to be rid of you, why are you chasing him? 2
Author Mimosalover Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 KatZee, you rock! You have a knack of saying exactly what I need to hear and making me give myself a kick up the ass. You're all right. He is not interested in being my friend. I think a lot of his behaviour when I saw him was actually based on guilt because he knows he behaved like a total knob. I can't force him to be friends with me and I don't need someone who doesn't care about me in my life. I suppose that if i'm being honest with myself i'm finding the fact he doesn't want to be friends with me hard to deal with partly because its another rejection from him and partly because it reaffirms that he DID mean all the horrible things he said to me. Gottabestrong, you're right. I think you hit the nail on the head with him being relieved that I didn't make a scene and also about the fact that he has now got his closure and moved on. It is hard, but I suppose over time it will get easier. And better to focus my time, love and energy on the people that deserve it. Not the ones that are too rude and ignorant to even reply to a text. I hope you're bearing up OK with your break up. It's never easy is it? Thanks for all the advice. I feel a lot clearer about things now. I'm chasing a 'friendship' with a man who has spoken to me like dirt and doesn't even WANT let alone deserve me in his life. 1
KatZee Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It'll def get better, and believe me once a few months pass you'll be asking yourself what you saw in him in the first place. Meet some new girl friends and bring good people into your life. One you get a new circle going and start getting out there you'll wonder why you wanted your ex as a "friend."
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