raine Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 This past weekend, my bf and I got really drunk. I was a little flirty with this other guy and he reciprocated. I was left by my group (incl. my bf) and the guy kept trying to kiss me. I would turn my head and kiss him on the cheek until finally I just gave in and gave him a kiss (open mouth but only for a second). I figured he would leave me alone after that. Then I notice my bf and his friend coming over so I immediately came clean and told my bf what happened. My bf and I go home and talk about it. To get back at me, he tells me that when he went on a work trip, one of his coworkers wanted to kiss him and told him if I ever left him to give her a call. He kept this from me for the past year and I now realize that after she did that he went out drinking for her going away party when she quit the company. I personally feel that a person should not put themself in a situation, especially drinking, without their partner after someone has made a "move" like that. He says he didn't do anything with her at all, and I believe him but I was still upset that he kept it from me. I came clean immediately and I expect the same. I find out yesterday that he was out doing coke with his friend in the parking lot while that was going on with me in the bar (kissing). I gave him plenty of opportunities to tell me about it. I have told him how I feel about drugs and he wasn't even going to tell me that he did it but I had a dream about it and specifically asked him and that is when he came clean. We both love each other very much and have agreed to forget that this past weekend has ever happened and move on. We also agreed to NEVER do anything again! That we can make this a learning experience and hope that it only makes our relationship stronger. I don't really need advice on this but I just wanted to get some input on what ya'll thought about this situation.
Pocky Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I find it amazing how many people think kissing is a serious form of cheating. If my husband told me he got drunk and kissed a woman he worked with I'd ask him if she was a good kisser and then I'd tell him that I'd prefer he not make it a habit of kissing other woman. I wouldn't have a huge dilemma on my hands and I wouldn't worry about it after the matter was closed.
Author raine Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 I personally would not have let the kissing lead to anything else. It was a stupid mistake and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't have any feelings for the guy and am not even all that attracted to him. I do find it a form of cheating but not the worst form.
UCFKevin Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Ditto. Where does it stop? "Oh, kissing's not cheating. Oh, touching's not cheating. Oh, a handjob isn't cheating. Oh, a blowjob isn't cheating. Sex, well, I guess that's cheating..." Obviously kissing is the least worst, but I sure as hell would be pissed off big time if I was seeing a girl and serious about her and she kissed some other dude, drunk or not. Screw that. That's disrespectful. There are underlying problems there.
Author raine Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 I don't think underlying problems we do both love each other very much. Maybe though it was a test for him, sort of self destruction for me. I have major trust issues and am in therapy. I agree that I would be pretty pissed off if he had kissed a girl, drunk or not. But then again, if we were out together I wouldn't leave him to go do drugs in the car and keep it from him. It is because I love him so much that I knew I had to tell him immediately no matter the consequences. I will never do it again and I hope he will not keep things from me or lie to me again. For both of us it was a matter of peer pressure. I did try to resist but didn't have anyone there to turn to for some length of time and kept looking for someone to go and talk to to get away from this guy. He is somewhat of an intimidating guy so I figured I would just do it and someone would come back soon. No excuses really but it meant nothing and I would never do it again.
UCFKevin Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Maybe though it was a test for him, sort of self destruction for me. I have major trust issues and am in therapy. Those are underlying issues.
Pocky Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Where does it stop? "Oh, kissing's not cheating. Oh, touching's not cheating. Oh, a handjob isn't cheating. Oh, a blowjob isn't cheating. Sex, well, I guess that's cheating..." That's what communication is for. You set your comfort zones. I wouldn't want the person I'm with making a habit out of it but he did kiss someone I wouldn't get melodramatic about it and think that my relationship is ruined. I'm not saying this to this thread, specifically, but just in general. Seen a lot of "Oh my god! He/She kissed someone!" Seems so trivial.
UCFKevin Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 To you, perhaps, it's trivial, but to others, it's a slippery slope. Like I said, where will it end?
Pocky Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I already answered that. Set your own comfort zone.
Firegirl04 Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Kissing is cheating, touching is cheating, so on and so forth.... I don't see anything wrong with a little flirting. Once that flirting turns into something else, then yes... it is a problem. You made a "committment" to this person when you decided to be b/f & g/f.
YellowLioness Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I was a little flirty with this other guy and he reciprocated. *sigh* This was your first mistake. That and the fact that you drank. Really, if you had your bf there, WHY were you flirting with other guys? I was left by my group (incl. my bf) and the guy kept trying to kiss me. I would turn my head and kiss him on the cheek until finally I just gave in and gave him a kiss (open mouth but only for a second). Come on, now. If you can't go to a party where members of the opposite sex are, with out making out with them, then you're not mature enough for a relationship. I'm not being rude, the signs are there with in yourself. It's not just that you kissed this guy, it's that you had no regard for your boyfriend at all while this was happeneing. He probably left you there because you were embarrassing him by flirting with another guy right in front of his face. to get back at me, he tells me that when he went on a work trip, one of his coworkers wanted to kiss him and told him if I ever left him to give her a call. Alrighty, so he's immature, too. I personally feel that a person should not put themself in a situation, especially drinking, without their partner after someone has made a "move" like that. What? If you know you are a flirty person, and you go to a party, and there are boys there, and you are drunk, and you make out with someone, couldn't you say that you put yourself in a bad position? I find out yesterday that he was out doing coke with his friend in the parking lot while that was going on with me in the bar (kissing) Why are you with this guy if he does drugs, and you don't like them? I don't really need advice on this but I just wanted to get some input on what ya'll thought about this situation. So, you want my opinion, but you don't? Huh?
Author raine Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 I'm not really trying to defend myself but in the same sense I was really drunk. Everyone flirts, I don't care who you are. My bf sometimes flirts and sometimes it bothers me and sometimes not. I can go to any place where the opposite sex is and not make out with them. I can't say that just by going somewhere and being flirty puts me in a bad situation. Any situation can be a bad situation then if there are people of the opposite sex. What he did was go there knowing already that she wanted him, he had kept in from me and didn't even invite me along. Lastly, he doesn't do drugs. He has done drugs before but hasn't since we have been together. He has a really hard time saying no to his friends though which he knows he needs to work on. The main problem I had with that is I came clean and he chose to hide what he did from me when he had every opportunity to come clean. But we both agree everyone makes mistakes and we accept each other for being human. At the same time, neither one of us are ever going to do either again. I do appreciate all of your input though. It is just nice to see what other people who are not close to the situation think. Either way, we are staying together and love each other. We will need a little time for both of us to get back to where we were before but really believe we can make it and one day get married when the time is right.
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