She Isnt over her ex.

[treescholar]

Hi! I really need help. Im going to try to have this as short as possible.

 

 

We started a 7 year program at uni together this august and from day one physical attraction was there. The tension was extreme and after 2 weeks og knowing each other we slept together.

 

The first time, she specifically said that she was NOT looking for a relationship because she needed to workthings out with herself, ill come to that later!

 

So the next couple of weeks we slept together during weekends and in the meantime we were really good friends, studied to together (very sexual situations a lot of touching). She called me everyday and was chasing me, of course i called her too but her level of interest was high (as far as i could see it). She trusted me alot and enjoyed hanging out with me. We exchanged fb passwords because we were trying to cut the facebook usage.

 

After each encounter though she said that we should stop sleeping together because she gets really attached BUT she came always running back and asking for more. She seemed to also be scared that I was looking for a relationship. She kept on telling me that this was the best sex she has ever had.

 

So we finally had a talk almost 2 weeks ago where she said that we should stop completely and that she really likes me (I told her that i liked her too, feel like that was a mistake) but she cant handle a relationship. She is still in love with her EX! He had talked to her recently on fb out of nowhere and she has been dreaming

about him since. Said it wouldnt be fair to go further with me because if he would come back, she would want to be with him.

 

That relationship ended a year and a half ago, on good terms though (neither wanted to end it) because she had to move away for school. That relationship is a lost cause though, he lives in another country (a foreigner) and she is stuck her for at least 6 years, and nooooo way he is moving here because he has never lived here and

doesnt speak the native language.

 

I said

"well i have no interest in a relationship with someone that is still thinking about their ex. When you are over him and ready then we can talk about something more. I think its stupid though if we become less friends after this and if you dont want to sleep together occasionally then i understand!"

 

and she followed by saying that being friends and sleeping together doesnt work, it gets too serious. She said that waiting for someone isnt a good idea, it means something will always be going on. And i aggreed but feel as if as soon as she starts thinking clearly and not hung up on her ex something could actually happen. She said we should just become Best friendS?!

 

 

Now i ask, after all this we are still studying together but its obvious she is trying to back off physically, less touching ... like everything just vanished! Does physical attraction just get cut off like that? I dont get it. What should i do to still be an option for occasional sex?

 

It isnt awkward at all, im portaying an indifferent attitude. Do you think i have a chance with her? Did she never have any feeling for me at all? I think its wierd that she shows so much interest and all of a sudden Im in a totally different catagory...

 

Is she still attracted to me but just really trying to not show it and hold off??

[justin8]

I was in a similar situation...girl had 1 year old breakup, still not over it, slept with me, then after two months or so, suddenly said she's no feelings. But still touchy at times when we're together. I told I can't just be "friends" again...minimal contact since last few weeks.

 

In retrospect, I feel I should've been decisive. Once she had the red flag out, I should've withdrawn myself from the scene before she starts "waving" the red flag. Basically, once you get hang of "uncertainty" in the girl's mind, make yourself unavailable before she says something explicitly. Let her decide instead of trying to push yourself.

 

And never buy that "best friends" logic. That would be equivalent to you playing the role she wants, when she wants.