LadyAllegra Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have been with my husband for 6 1/2 years, married for 5 and we've known each other for 10, 24th November he drops the bomb that it's over, he had been being weird since starting a new job 2 weeks previously and struck up a friendship with a girl there; prior to this, everything between us was fine, I have affectionate messages from him sent totally off his own back from as recently as 3rd November and I haven't noticed any marked change in our relationship prior to him starting the new job. I knew something was off with his friendship with her and I asked him about it and he denied it, he talked about her all the time, messaged her all the time, they requested the same shifts, made sure their work stations were next to each other and I knew! he was getting more and more distant and less affectionate, I went to kiss him one day and he turned his cheek I was getting more and more concerned but tried to hide it as he said it was all in my head. Then one night he goes to bed, I go about an hour later then wake up at around 2am and he's not there, so I get up and he's on the phone to her, I asked him what he was doing and he just said "talking" and went outside, I saw on the computer that he'd been talking to her on facebook and I read the messages; he was mocking me to her, mocking my concerns about their friendship and the flirty tone of their messages, I asked him what he was doing and he flipped, said we were done and he doesn't love me, he changed his releationship profile on facebook from married to single and blocked me. He came back a couple of days later to get some of his stuff and I asked him if we could talk, I asked him if he meant it when he said he doesn't love me and he said it's not that he doesn't but the "head****s" got too much, he said he doesn' know what he wants, he said he was moving out for a while to clear his head, I said if he does want to try again he's not just moving back in, we're starting from zero. He agreed, I asked him how long he's been unsure and he said he doesn't know but when pressed he said the last time he remembers being cetain of his feelings for me if February - I told him I don't believe that as he wanted us to start working together in May as the step to owning our own business and he was really loving and affectionate all through the summer. We've had a tough year as he's developed a compete inability over the last 3 years to keep a job and not trying to get one when he was unemployed, with me doing job searches for him and writing his CV and covering letters while he sat about playing compueter games, this job is his 5th this year. So he had nowhere to stay so I let him sleep on the couch for 4 days and I've noticed how distant he is, he's looking at me differently, I asked him for a hug and he patted me on the back but he also turned around and said "everyone thinks we're goin to get back together you know." I haven't tried to talk to him further as he's not really a talker and banging on about things annoys him, I just tried to be friendly and hide my pain while he talked to me like Im an old friend. Yesterday he moved out, and the friend of ours that moved him basically told me that he's got feelings for the girl from work, a girl he's known 2 weeks, a girl he flat out told me I had nothing to worry about; he lied to my face and told me it was all in my head when he was throwing our life away for a girl he's known for a fortnight! I called up one of our friends that I knew he'd have talked to and put him in a horrible position but he basically told me that it was true without telling me anything at all so as not to betray any confidences. So, my husband, the man I love, the man I have supported for 6 and half years through massive and repeated periods of unemployment, re-training other stresses, has left me try and get together with someone that he's known for 2 weeks and I am broken; I don't know how to cope, I swing wildly between anger and periods of utter despair that make me feel as if I'm dying, my parents and some friends have been wonderful but I don't understand how he can just switch it off? he's off enjoying himself and planning to go out for loads of drinks with people, putting on facebook apparently that "life is looking up " and I don't know what I'm doing, I have to move house as I can't aford our place, I need to do all of the cleaning to get the deposit back, look after the dog, work full time and greive for the death of my marriage. I don't want to do anything, I'm trying not to over-analyse everything and trying to vent my feelings (a large part of this post, truth be told) and I cannot understand how he can just toss it all away. All our friends are in shock, they can't believe we're over, everyone always said we matched perfectly and I don't know how to be me any more How do I cope? how do I move forward? I have never known pain like this, it physically hurts and I just want it to stop...
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