I am not my type's type

[somedude81]

You're not COMPLETELY alone Somedude81 - you still have us .

Thanks dude.

 

*Bro fist*

 

Hey, I'm a little horny would you

 

......Never mind

[Divasu]

FYI

 

I never had flings or FWBs in my life until this year. My LTR ended badly in February. I didn't feel emotionally ready for a relationship so I had some flings instead.

 

Which is exactly what I said in my prior post...

 

I am normally relationship oriented and knowing myself, I would probably turn a fling into a relationship if the last guy was interested in that (which he wasn't). I am starting to want a relationship more and more now, but there is nobody on the scene for that. So I still have flings to ease the loneliness until the right guy comes along.

 

What is the longest relationship you've had?

[Under The Radar]

Thanks dude.

 

*Bro fist*

 

Hey, I'm a little horny would you

 

......Never mind

 

Sorry, I'm not gay yet. Although I keep asking my homosexual friends if there is a weekend workshop that could permanently alter my sexual orientation. At least that way, when I said something to my future boyfriend, it would be interpreted in the way I meant it to be interpreted .

 

All joking aside, since I can't quench your sexual appetite, you'll have to settle for the next best thing: *A HUG*.

 

Now, I'm getting the hell out of this thread before people's minds start to wander ......

[Eternal Sunshine]

Did he get a chance to see the "fire" in your personality?

 

No....He cut me off after 3 dates. I really liked him so I was very nervous around him and didn't say much (normally, I am not that bad around guys). I just couldn't think of the right thing to say. He is quite introverted himself so I thought he would understand and give me more of a chance. His reason was that he needs someone more outgoing, someone opposite of him, an that he feels more comfortable with chatty girls.

[suladas]

No....He cut me off after 3 dates. I really liked him so I was very nervous around him and didn't say much (normally, I am not that bad around guys). I just couldn't think of the right thing to say. He is quite introverted himself so I thought he would understand and give me more of a chance. His reason was that he needs someone more outgoing, someone opposite of him, an that he feels more comfortable with chatty girls.

 

So weird. I think it's flattering being with someone who is quiet and nervous around you, it's a good thing. I mean unless it's dead silence the whole date and they never say a word, some people just take a bit to open up it's not a bad thing.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Which is exactly what I said in my prior post...

 

 

 

What is the longest relationship you've had?

 

Just over a year. But it was extremely close and intense relationship and we lived together for most of that time.We were planing to get married and have kids before it all fell apart.

[ScreamingTrees]

No....He cut me off after 3 dates. I really liked him so I was very nervous around him and didn't say much (normally, I am not that bad around guys). I just couldn't think of the right thing to say. He is quite introverted himself so I thought he would understand and give me more of a chance. His reason was that he needs someone more outgoing, someone opposite of him, an that he feels more comfortable with chatty girls.

 

That sucks.. Well, if you think about it, if he REALLY liked you, he would've given you more of a chance, 3 dates is nothing.. If anything, he could've talked to you about it to see if you were just nervous or whatever.. He shot himself in the foot anyways.

[Eternal Sunshine]

That sucks.. Well, if you think about it, if he REALLY liked you, he would've given you more of a chance, 3 dates is nothing.. If anything, he could've talked to you about it to see if you were just nervous or whatever.. He shot himself in the foot anyways.

 

Yeah, I agree. I think it was just an excuse.

 

I might give dating a break for a bit and focus on other areas of my life...

[SmileFace]

I am not sure of the connection. I am just typing.

 

I have the same problem with guys I really like. I go mute - I don't say much because I don't know what to say around them. It is more me trying to figure out what to say around them that causes me to say less. However I don't have this problem around guy friends or people in general. I am introvert by nature however I have no problem socializing. Like you I go from the idea of relationship to fling to fwb. Granted I know I don't want any of that right now.

 

However I know if guys you say are your type are actually your time. I don't think we are meant to be this nervous around the right guy. I think you need to rethink your type. I need to do the same as well.

[Eternal Sunshine]

SF exactly!

 

I have no problem socializing, being chatty around other people. Even guys I date but I am not that into.

 

When I am around guys I like, I over-think every word and freeze-up. I know they are not exactly having fun because I come across as shy and awkward.

 

And I also think that around the right guy, I won't feel this nervous or at least he will find it cute.

[ScreamingTrees]

SF exactly!

 

I have no problem socializing, being chatty around other people. Even guys I date but I am not that into.

 

When I am around guys I like, I over-think every word and freeze-up. I know they are not exactly having fun because I come across as shy and awkward.

 

And I also think that around the right guy, I won't feel this nervous or at least he will find it cute.

 

I don't understand what you mean, you're sort of contradicting yourself here. If he's the "right guy", you probably like him, no? Why wouldn't you feel nervous? It's normal for people to be a bit nervous, just not frozen in fear, stammering, looking like they're about to cry..

[suladas]

I am not sure of the connection. I am just typing.

 

I have the same problem with guys I really like. I go mute - I don't say much because I don't know what to say around them. It is more me trying to figure out what to say around them that causes me to say less. However I don't have this problem around guy friends or people in general. I am introvert by nature however I have no problem socializing. Like you I go from the idea of relationship to fling to fwb. Granted I know I don't want any of that right now.

 

However I know if guys you say are your type are actually your time. I don't think we are meant to be this nervous around the right guy. I think you need to rethink your type. I need to do the same as well.

 

The weird thing is with my ex at first it was just friendly I talked to her NO problem whatsoever for almost a year, plenty of good long conversations. Suddenly on the first date I was so nervous and wasn't sure what to say and kept overthinking things. When I just seen it as non threatening I didn't try to impress or anything and just said whatever. So weird how the mind works, as soon as the dynamic changes to dating, you look at them so much different.

 

The helps I find helps put you at ease is when someone brings up how nervous they are, realizing the other person is the same and laughing about it

[suladas]

SF exactly!

 

I have no problem socializing, being chatty around other people. Even guys I date but I am not that into.

 

When I am around guys I like, I over-think every word and freeze-up. I know they are not exactly having fun because I come across as shy and awkward.

 

And I also think that around the right guy, I won't feel this nervous or at least he will find it cute.

 

It is cute. I remember my ex texting me the morning of the first date saying she was so nervous and going crazy over it and I though it was so cute and felt the same way actually. Talking about it like that helps a lot I found.

[LittlePrince]

Have you ever noticed how in most romantic comedies the girl who the guy has a huge crush on(and ends up getting with) all basically have the same personality type?

 

Most of those movies are written by men, which basically seems like that's the "dream personality" guys go for.

 

Yeah, this relates back to me since I feel like my personality is holding me back more than my looks.

 

Those girls are:

 

1. Extremely outgoing and extroverted to the point of being manic

2. Leaders, female "alphas"

3. Wild and completely uninhibited

4. Impulsive with a touch of crazy

5. Emotionally detached, cold and aloof

6. Not "nice"or "sweet" by any means

7. Like to sleep around

8. Are into drugs and/or heavy drinking

9. Don't seem to give a f... about the male lead, till the very end

 

I feel like I don't have a chance in hell to get a guy to be truly into me, past just wanting to have sex. I am somewhat shy, introverted, not that chatty, emotionally warm, sweet, sensitive, caring, somewhat passive and probably too intense. If I really like a guy, I am even more shy and nervous around him and he is typically really turned off by that and doesn't even give me a chance.

 

My type of guy is pretty much the male version of myself. Those guys without fail ALL dream of girls with personalities like romantic female leads and often say stuff like "I only go for girls that are really bad for me"... I have had this happen so many times in my life that it's no coincidence.

 

The problem is, I love my personality (well my core personality) - which guys just don't seem to value or appreciate. I don't want to change and become something I hate just to get a guy.

 

Sorry for the rant....any thoughts?

I can only be interested in a woman who shows signs of interest. If she can't show any signs then it is a one-sided love affair in my head and what's the point in that?

 

I find most girls in real life are manic. Most of the time it comes off as creepy unless tempered by other qualities or she can eventually settle herself down.

 

I've never cared for number 3 but she can't be completely stiff. Boards are only good for surfing emotionally troubled waters. I don't surf. 2's just come off as bossy but a woman needs to have some assertive qualities especially since I need to know she is interested. If I have to second guess her intentions I lose interest.

 

Most women are crazy but not the right type for me.

 

How is a woman who is number 5 different from a pet rock? You'd get more love out of a cat.

 

I need a woman to be overly nice and sweet. When I find a woman was just faking it as they most often do I lose interest. Most women have the mindset of a child who wants a cookie and will only be good until she gets a cookie or keeps getting them otherwise she is a bitch.

 

I don't sleep or date around. I'd expect the same out of her. Unfortunately most women do both and feel entitled to do so with no qualms about it. I find that attitude repulsive and disgusting.

 

I don't do drugs whether legal or illegal. I expect the same out of a lover. Very hard to find. Most women seem to need a combination of cigarettes and alcohol to live or at least one of them. Bars and clubs are like a second home to them.

 

No one magically becomes interested out of the blue. They either are or they aren't. It doesn't change with time. Maybe decades down the road it could turn into mild interest but that is not worth waiting for.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Woah LP you are actually articulate?

[bolase]

Have you ever noticed how in most romantic comedies the girl who the guy has a huge crush on(and ends up getting with) all basically have the same personality type?

 

Most of those movies are written by men, which basically seems like that's the "dream personality" guys go for.

 

Yeah, this relates back to me since I feel like my personality is holding me back more than my looks.

 

Those girls are:

 

1. Extremely outgoing and extroverted to the point of being manic

2. Leaders, female "alphas"

3. Wild and completely uninhibited

4. Impulsive with a touch of crazy

5. Emotionally detached, cold and aloof

6. Not "nice"or "sweet" by any means

7. Like to sleep around

8. Are into drugs and/or heavy drinking

9. Don't seem to give a f... about the male lead, till the very end

 

I feel like I don't have a chance in hell to get a guy to be truly into me, past just wanting to have sex. I am somewhat shy, introverted, not that chatty, emotionally warm, sweet, sensitive, caring, somewhat passive and probably too intense. If I really like a guy, I am even more shy and nervous around him and he is typically really turned off by that and doesn't even give me a chance.

 

My type of guy is pretty much the male version of myself. Those guys without fail ALL dream of girls with personalities like romantic female leads and often say stuff like "I only go for girls that are really bad for me"... I have had this happen so many times in my life that it's no coincidence.

 

The problem is, I love my personality (well my core personality) - which guys just don't seem to value or appreciate. I don't want to change and become something I hate just to get a guy.

 

Sorry for the rant....any thoughts?

 

Don't apologize for the rant

 

But seriously. Are you comparing your real life to hollywood movies? What other parts of the movie, such as the story, are relevant to your life? ..come off it OP.

 

I see that you are worried about guys liking you only for sex. If you are making time for each other to do non sexual things then you're safe. If you then communicate well, directly and honestly, guys will be interested in getting to know you for you.

 

I'm 27 and single and share that fear sometimes, even though that has only borne out once in my early 20s but at least it was brief! and in hindsight the guy made little time for me.

[xxoo]

No....He cut me off after 3 dates. I really liked him so I was very nervous around him and didn't say much (normally, I am not that bad around guys). I just couldn't think of the right thing to say. He is quite introverted himself so I thought he would understand and give me more of a chance. His reason was that he needs someone more outgoing, someone opposite of him, an that he feels more comfortable with chatty girls.

 

Was he equally nervous and awkward?

 

What did you see in him that you liked so much?

 

Important point--shy and introverted are not the same thing. An introverted person doesn't need a lot of social interaction to be happy. That's me, for sure. Parties drain me, and I avoid them. I'm a homebody, and my perfect Friday night in on the couch, with my man and a movie rental. But I'm not shy, whatsoever.

 

Is your type shy, introverted, or both? Are you shy, introverted, or both?

[LittlePrince]

Was he equally nervous and awkward?

 

What did you see in him that you liked so much?

 

Important point--shy and introverted are not the same thing. An introverted person doesn't need a lot of social interaction to be happy. That's me, for sure. Parties drain me, and I avoid them. I'm a homebody, and my perfect Friday night in on the couch, with my man and a movie rental. But I'm not shy, whatsoever.

 

Is your type shy, introverted, or both? Are you shy, introverted, or both?

Shy and introverted are like peas in a pod.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Was he equally nervous and awkward?

 

What did you see in him that you liked so much?

 

Important point--shy and introverted are not the same thing. An introverted person doesn't need a lot of social interaction to be happy. That's me, for sure. Parties drain me, and I avoid them. I'm a homebody, and my perfect Friday night in on the couch, with my man and a movie rental. But I'm not shy, whatsoever.

 

Is your type shy, introverted, or both? Are you shy, introverted, or both?

 

I am introverted but not really shy. People generally don't describe me as shy. I am shy in certain situations like when I am around a guy I really like (although that's more nervous).

 

He was also really awkward and nervous. Conversation wasn't flowing and the whole vibe was strained. Not flirty at all. He did try for 3 dates I guess, didn't give up right away.

 

I liked that he seemed to have his life together, solid career, very intelligent, responsible, planner - he seemed to be compatible in terms of lifestyle: independent, wasn't a sport nut but he liked to keep in shape by going to the gym. Identical political views. He was close to his family as am I. Couple of similar quirky interests that most people don't get. Seemed to have substance and depth. He was an introvert and preferred spending time on the couch watching a movie than at a party. Just many little things that were exactly what I was looking for. He wasn't super hot or anything...so it's not even about that.

 

The more I found out about him, the more he lined up with what I wanted.

 

It might not sound like much, but I have met 70 or so guys that don't even satisfy 50% of what I am looking for. It's so depressing.

 

But he wasn't that into me. I actually even completely put myself on the line and told him that it takes me a while to open up, that I like him and want to keep seeing him. He said that he needs to think about it but that he generally goes for very outgoing and extroverted girls as things are not awkward with them. I never heard from him again. (I guess he could have lied about the reason, oh well).

 

Similar thing has happened with few other guys that I met in my past. I also thought that they are pretty much copies of me and I loved it but they all told me the same thing, that we are too similar, that they like the opposites of themselves.

 

Guys that have been consistently into me have been extroverts, super social, popular, sport nuts, thought I was lazy if I wanted to spend an evening at home. They were bland, boring, with no edge and not much depth. Types that can't sit around and relax and read or watch TV. Types that drained me in every way. I would honestly rather be alone.

[LittlePrince]

He wasn't super hot or anything...so it's not even about that.

The words of a woman in love.

 

 

I liked that he seemed to have his life together, solid career, very intelligent, responsible, planner - he seemed to be compatible in terms of lifestyle: independent, wasn't a sport nut but he liked to keep in shape by going to the gym. Identical political views. He was close to his family as am I. Couple of similar quirky interests that most people don't get. Seemed to have substance and depth. He was an introvert and preferred spending time on the couch watching a movie than at a party. Just many little things that were exactly what I was looking for. He wasn't super hot or anything...so it's not even about that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think it's my location too.

 

I have only met couple of men here in YEARS that are truly interesting to me in the way that I would like. Even they weren't quite right.

 

I really think I am going to relocate to NYC. I did some searches on OKC - there are like 20 men that I would message right now based on their profiles. Yet where I am, I don't like a single profile.. I only met up with them because I was trying to give them a chance...and out of desperation. Australian men just lack class all around.

 

The culture of NYC seems completely in line with who I am.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The words of a woman in love.

 

 

 

Ha LP, that ship has sailed.

[mesmerized]

I think it's my location too.

 

I have only met couple of men here in YEARS that are truly interesting to me in the way that I would like. Even they weren't quite right.

 

I really think I am going to relocate to NYC. I did some searches on OKC - there are like 20 men that I would message right now based on their profiles. Yet where I am, I don't like a single profile.. I only met up with them because I was trying to give them a chance...and out of desperation. Australian men just lack class all around.

 

The culture of NYC seems completely in line with who I am.

 

Considering The ratio of females to males in NYC and the culture there, I don't think getting a man for long term would be easy if you aren't seen as a 9 or 10.

[ScreamingTrees]

The culture of NYC seems completely in line with who I am.

 

Really? How so? Are you sure it's the culture, or just that there are more compatible men there? I don't get what you mean.

 

When I think of the person you describe yourself as, I don't think of NYC.

[ScreamingTrees]

Guys that have been consistently into me have been extroverts, super social, popular, sport nuts, thought I was lazy if I wanted to spend an evening at home. They were bland, boring, with no edge and not much depth. Types that can't sit around and relax and read or watch TV. Types that drained me in every way. I would honestly rather be alone.

 

And you think that NYC will be an escape from this type?

 

Think about it. Consider other options before getting ahead of yourself, because while I could be wrong, I don't know if NY would really be the best place for you. I doubt it's any better or worse than anywhere else, but probably worse for an introverted yet not-shy person.