kaylan Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I don't get this impression of ES at all. Didn't she say the last guy she liked was short and had thinning hair? She has always struck me as someone who's looking for a strong emotional connection and amazing chemistry, not model looks. You clearly miss the numerous posts she has made about a guy needing to look youngish and be in pretty good shape. Or the thread concerned her fling with a 25 year old sexy male model from a foreign country. Im just saying much of her posting history doesnt sound like someone whos primary focus is finding a long term connection. Much of her posting history seems to make her sound like a woman looking for hot steamy action in the here and now. 1
somedude81 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You clearly miss the numerous posts she has made about a guy needing to look youngish and be in pretty good shape. Or the thread concerned her fling with a 25 year old sexy male model from a foreign country. Im just saying much of her posting history doesnt sound like someone whos primary focus is finding a long term connection. Much of her posting history seems to make her sound like a woman looking for hot steamy action in the here and now. Exactly. I've fallowed many of her threads. From what I've seen, she has a lot of FWB or flings with hot guys and never gets into a real relationship. The fact that this thread, where she complains that her type doesn't think that she is his type pretty much proves the point. BTW that model guy was french, and so is the random guy from the picture I linked. He showed up when I Googled french male model.
iris219 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You clearly miss the numerous posts she has made about a guy needing to look youngish and be in pretty good shape. Or the thread concerned her fling with a 25 year old sexy male model from a foreign country. Im just saying much of her posting history doesnt sound like someone whos primary focus is finding a long term connection. Much of her posting history seems to make her sound like a woman looking for hot steamy action in the here and now. The model was a fling. That doesn't even count; it wasn't like she was trying to have a relationship with him. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man who looks decent for his age. After age 30, you'd be surprised by the number of men who don't take care of themselves; I actually prefer older men, but not overweight ones with no fashion sense. I do think she should be open to men in their 40s though, if she isn't already. I think she gets lonely and that's why she settles for "hot, steamy action." I think she would welcome a relationship with the right person. 1
ascendotum Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Actually I think flings do impact on what women want in a man for a relationship. Even if the woman is not wishing that the guy fall in love with and its ends up happy ever after, I still feel the positive attributes (both physical & personality wise) in the men they get hot & sweaty with, influence what they want in a man for a LTR. I know of examples were the FWB/ONS have raised the bar in expectations (for a few yrs anyway), but also other cases where its a fling with an alpha/bit of rough, then LTR with mr predictable accountant type. I wonder if its a case of having difficulty reconciling short term desires with long term wants and getting the same mindset in the guy. 1
kaylan Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 The model was a fling. That doesn't even count; it wasn't like she was trying to have a relationship with him. The point is much of her actions (and words) dont follow what she claims to really want from a man. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man who looks decent for his age. After age 30, you'd be surprised by the number of men who don't take care of themselves; I actually prefer older men, but not overweight ones with no fashion sense. I do think she should be open to men in their 40s though, if she isn't already. The thing is she doesnt give guys her age or older as much a chance as far as I recall. Younger guys arent looking to settle down. I think she gets lonely and that's why she settles for "hot, steamy action." I think she would welcome a relationship with the right person. The thing is, I feel her pickiness regarding looks and a guys career, status, and salary, keep her from finding anyone who would mesh well with her personality wise. Theres nothing wrong with being selective....but sometimes I feel shes overly selective. 2
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I agree with some of Kaylan's points... Also, if someone is serious about finding Mr./Miss Right, I think engaging in numerous flings to "fill the gaps in-between" is not a healthy path to it. Typically, people engage in casual relationships when they aren't looking/interested in a serious relationship. I think for women, each time they sleep with a man, a small part of herself is lost if/when there are no mutual feelings of genuine emotion that consist of care and respect. You have to be almost completely removed emotionally to continue sleeping with different men casually and it not have an effect on you.
KungFuJoe Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I agree with some of Kaylan's points... Also, if someone is serious about finding Mr./Miss Right, I think engaging in numerous flings to "fill the gaps in-between" is not a healthy path to it. Typically, people engage in casual relationships when they aren't looking/interested in a serious relationship. I think for women, each time they sleep with a man, a small part of herself is lost if/when there are no mutual feelings of genuine emotion that consist of care and respect. You have to be almost completely removed emotionally to continue sleeping with different men casually and it not have an effect on you. I almost fell of my chair laughing after reading this. Don't forget that God kills a puppy everytime you masturbate as well. WOW. 1
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I almost fell of my chair laughing after reading this. Don't forget that God kills a puppy everytime you masturbate as well. WOW. What about is so funny?
Under The Radar Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 The point is much of her actions (and words) dont follow what she claims to really want from a man. The thing is she doesnt give guys her age or older as much a chance as far as I recall. Younger guys arent looking to settle down. The thing is, I feel her pickiness regarding looks and a guys career, status, and salary, keep her from finding anyone who would mesh well with her personality wise. Theres nothing wrong with being selective....but sometimes I feel shes overly selective. I agree with some of this, but consider that she was "burned" in the past. I remember ES posting how in her 20's, she was less selective with men costing her much time and heartache. Even her last committed relationship (detailed in other threads and touched upon here) left her fearful of replicating those same issues in a future LTR. I, myself, am reticent to become exclusive ATM because of these same concerns. I simply stated do not want to repeat history. I don't want to be abused, used, disrespected, or have my valuable time wasted. I agree that we should all be very selective in who we choose to enter relationships with. However, sometimes the process can become significantly obscured because of the baggage we carry and the resulting "walls" we put up to guard ourselves. I believe this has a lot to do with the challenge ES faces in the dating world. 4
KungFuJoe Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 What about is so funny? Umm...the part I bolded, maybe?
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Umm...the part I bolded, maybe? No duh. But you didn't explain why as it relates to the OP. Whatever.
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Perhaps that you are putting women on a pedestal like they are some noble being when in fact they are just human? Not what my comment meant and I certainly wasn't suggesting that of the OP.
Divasu Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Well it was the way it came out. No worries. But, maybe you should stick to your "Don't bang too many girls" thread. That sounds more up your alley...
ScreamingTrees Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I had a more thoughtful post and the computer died out on me JUST before I was about to send it.. So **** it, I'm just gonna make it short and sweet this time and get to the main point rather than venturing off. ES, I don't know how much we're actually alike, but every post I'd read from you in this thread has basically left me thinking "huh, wow, these words could've come from my mouth.." There're definitely guys like you out there.. It's just difficult, finding them and all.. You're obviously attractive.. I'd approach you if I felt there was a chance, at least. If I got to know you and you were as you say are are, I'd be interested for sure. I wouldn't find you boring, and I don't find any of the things you'd attributed to the "ideal" attractive. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 FYI I never had flings or FWBs in my life until this year. My LTR ended badly in February. I didn't feel emotionally ready for a relationship so I had some flings instead. I am normally relationship oriented and knowing myself, I would probably turn a fling into a relationship if the last guy was interested in that (which he wasn't). I am starting to want a relationship more and more now, but there is nobody on the scene for that. So I still have flings to ease the loneliness until the right guy comes along.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 I had a more thoughtful post and the computer died out on me JUST before I was about to send it.. So **** it, I'm just gonna make it short and sweet this time and get to the main point rather than venturing off. ES, I don't know how much we're actually alike, but every post I'd read from you in this thread has basically left me thinking "huh, wow, these words could've come from my mouth.." There're definitely guys like you out there.. It's just difficult, finding them and all.. You're obviously attractive.. I'd approach you if I felt there was a chance, at least. If I got to know you and you were as you say are are, I'd be interested for sure. I wouldn't find you boring, and I don't find any of the things you'd attributed to the "ideal" attractive. Thanks, it makes me feel better that someone relates to what I am saying. Last guy I was seeing was like that and I really thought we were the perfect match. But to him, we were "too alike" and he wants someone that has a different personality to him aka the wild girl I described earlier. 1
joli_doll Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 FYI I never had flings or FWBs in my life until this year. My LTR ended badly in February. I didn't feel emotionally ready for a relationship so I had some flings instead. I am normally relationship oriented and knowing myself, I would probably turn a fling into a relationship if the last guy was interested in that (which he wasn't). I am starting to want a relationship more and more now, but there is nobody on the scene for that. So I still have flings to ease the loneliness until the right guy comes along. I think the best thing is to keep doing what you are doing but when starting something new should avoid having a relationship in mind. Sometimes relationships work themselves out along the way--whatever kind of relationship it turns out to be, but at least you won't be bothered. I tend to avoid investing my feelings early on, I can't see myself wanting a relationship with a guy I don't know well enough to figure out if there will be a connection on another level.
Under The Radar Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I had a more thoughtful post and the computer died out on me JUST before I was about to send it.. So **** it, I'm just gonna make it short and sweet this time and get to the main point rather than venturing off. ES, I don't know how much we're actually alike, but every post I'd read from you in this thread has basically left me thinking "huh, wow, these words could've come from my mouth.." There're definitely guys like you out there.. It's just difficult, finding them and all.. You're obviously attractive.. I'd approach you if I felt there was a chance, at least. If I got to know you and you were as you say are are, I'd be interested for sure. I wouldn't find you boring, and I don't find any of the things you'd attributed to the "ideal" attractive. I can understand and respect what you are saying . I wouldn't consider myself shy, but I do tend to keep to myself. I don't have problems being social or engaging strangers in unfamiliar settings. However, I generally like to remain quiet and somewhat "withdrawn" when I'm "out and about". As another poster mentioned earlier it is rather difficult for "shy people to meet shy people". I can use my Personal Training business as an example. Years ago, when I first started my business, I had no clue how to market myself. I thought that because my technical proficiency was high, had "state of the art" equipment, and "good people skills" it would be a snap to get clients. How wrong I was. Until I learned how to MARKET my effectiveness as a Personal Trainer, nobody would even know I existed. Once I started to get trainees signing up for sessions then my retention rates remained high because people knew I was "a good catch". Well, it's the exact same thing in the dating world. You could be "amazing boyfriend material" and if women are not meeting you, it doesn't much matter. Guys like us just have to put ourselves out there so we become "known". Obviously, it is going to be more difficult for men at first because we are expected to pursue. So, a more introverted individual will be forced to leave their comfort zone in order to "market" himself to the opposite sex. 2
ScreamingTrees Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 (edited) Thanks, it makes me feel better that someone relates to what I am saying. Last guy I was seeing was like that and I really thought we were the perfect match. But to him, we were "too alike" and he wants someone that has a different personality to him aka the wild girl I described earlier. Umm, I still wouldn't care for the wild girl. I don't care how other people see her, and I think a wild girl would get frustrated with me, because I'm just not a crazy party kind of guy. Not because I can't be, but because it's not in me. I think in my case, I want someone who's like me, but genuinely so.. Not just someone who listens to say, Enrique Iglesias and Justin Bieber and suddenly LOVES some weird indie band just because I do when they'd otherwise never heard of or bothered with them, or basically agrees with everything I say about how I feel about relationships or politics or this or that just so it seems like we have more in common.. I'd want her to already be her own person who JUST SO HAPPENS to share a lot in common with me. The latter could also end up disagreeing with me on a lot of things as we get to know each other.. But at least what we do have in common is genuine, and they're not TRYING to be something that they aren't just to try to present themselves as more "attractive"... That's a turn off. EDIT: I really wish the internet didn't crash before I sent my last post.. It was worded perfectly and addressed the points in your post, Radar.. Edited December 5, 2012 by ScreamingTrees
xxoo Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Thanks, it makes me feel better that someone relates to what I am saying. Last guy I was seeing was like that and I really thought we were the perfect match. But to him, we were "too alike" and he wants someone that has a different personality to him aka the wild girl I described earlier. Did he get a chance to see the "fire" in your personality?
SJC2008 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Nope, sorry guy. She only goes out with guys like this though it's always more of a FWB type thing. Because she isn't those guys real type. Like what? A wannabe 80's greaser? lol!
somedude81 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 So I still have flings to ease the loneliness until the right guy comes along. Guess that's better than being completely alone. Which you could always try doing if you wanted to know how much it really does suck.
grkBoy Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 ES, I've skipped passed the 7 pages of what is probably drama and am focusing on your OP. My fiancée has had me watch a handful of chick flicks, and I too have noticed how much the lead is some beautiful workaholic control freak. I believe Hollywood writes this mainly to please their viewing audiences. The educated professional women who frown when they see a guy pick a hot trashy sex toy over the "high quality" woman. I do remember one though, "The Ugly Truth" where the leading male literally mentors Katherine Heigl into not being the typical workaholic control freak in order to win the heart of some Doctor she was drooling over. In the end, I get the vibe you feel like your personality will not appeal to the men you really want...but based on topics you've had here, I still feel like you're more trying to nudge the "top echelon" guys to pick you over the sex toy they might usually pick, or to choose commitment when they want to be bachelors-4-life. You should add into your "type" definition that he would want someone like you, wants commitment, and would pick you. 1
Under The Radar Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Guess that's better than being completely alone. Which you could always try doing if you wanted to know how much it really does suck. You're not COMPLETELY alone Somedude81 - you still have us .
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Did he get a chance to see the "fire" in your personality? Oooo stop it xxoo you're getting me all hot-n-bothered...::plays with nipples::
Recommended Posts