I am not my type's type

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think this list is going to have a difficult time resonating with men.

 

Maybe that's what it appears like from the outside, but you have to remember...we're not all exactly paying attention to the girl in the chick flick...other than how hot attractive or sexy she looks, I'm not really sure that the average guy is micro-analyzing the woman's behavior, they're mostly just rolling their eyes over what the man is doing because the woman is saying "awww that's so sweet and romantic" and the guy is like "pfft...lame"...also not all men write these type of movies, some women do as well and from my point of view (so I've heard from women), when women write it's more idealized and way too unrealistic of how men would act and what they would say as if they in reality have no clue...which they likely don't.

 

Most women don't know what real man chatter sounds like and if they do to some extent, they overestimate because when a woman is not around it goes about two to three levels lower and that is never represented in movies..although probably would not be even if known

1) Outgoing and bubbly

 

If you're at a bar or some "classy venue" every weekend or other weekend with the girls, slamming down glasses of wine hanging on all over "hot guys" with your wine breathe and being overly flirtatious with your mannerisms, that's not exactly the ideal woman...other than the ideal no string lay.

 

Plus the bubbly girls are pursued because they tend to be naive as well, more gullible...kind of like the "dumb blonde" persona here, they're not taken seriously by men a lot of the time, they're just putting on a face for these women because they can't see through it and they think she's cute and cuddly or hot enough not to really matter...little brain function is required for men to sexually desire a woman.

 

2) Diffuse, superficial enthusiasm or "passion" for everyone and everything.

 

Men desire the more desirable woman for the sake of status, conquest and that oh so needed ego boost...however most men don't have the confidence to pursue a woman who looks like she needs nobody and has enough personality to entertain a room. They'll slowly make their way towards the woman to see if there is a chance but that's more for the sake of challenge than likability. They become infatuated with the persona, not the woman...it's not about feelings than it is about desire. It's essentially just charisma.

 

So of course they may gravitate towards this woman, but this is not necessarily a quality that men crave in a relationship because that means they'll feel insecure and protective over the men you interact with as "friends" which has attracted a crowd obviously due to your "glow".

 

Plus these women are rare who truly gravitate large groups of men towards them (other than just sex appeal), and most men prefer a woman they feel in control of lest they feel vulnerable. I think men would much rather prefer being the guy at the center of the room, a room full of hot women that is.

 

3) A bit crazy/nutty in a precious way

 

Some guys like the crazy and others don't. Some know how to handle it while others do not. The reason you see guys going for women who are nuts though is because they find it spontaneous and intriguing, and less predictable.

 

The even keeled calm/nice girl with no crazy doesn't add a lot of spice to life.

 

However, as endearing as it may be at first...it'll drive him crazy later on.

 

4) Emotionally detached at core but with a facade of friendliness. The kind of person who makes whoever they are with feel special in the moment but doesn't get so attached to any one person.

A lot of men like women who take it slow and know themselves and are confident in who they are (of course until they're ready for you to be into them), and don't feel like they're on a one way track with them right away. It makes them feel like you have something to offer or hold back...men desire that challenge.

 

If you're an open book it's just an easy and predictable process for many men...as if it's just another woman falls for man scenario over absolutely nothing meaningful.

 

But the biggest reason is because men are detached and more emotionally reserved and often have issues and are uncomfortable themselves in that regard, an emotionally detached woman is more risky to your own emotois but safe because you don't have to rush in and allows them to feel like the ones that are pursuing the emotional relationship rather than just the head strong woman pushing and pushing for more and asking..."what are we?" "how do you feel about me?" etc etc

 

Now they'll have the desire to do the same in reverse, but that's if you're really desirable to them and worth the trouble.

5) Nice but not especially nurturing or giving

 

Men like women with a streak of fire, someone who is nice but not a pushover, some even like women who are b!tches and feisty. The thing is men know the type of women who just rolls over and puts the man on the pedestal like he's the center of her world...like the last guy, and the last guy, and the guy before that. Men can become indifferent to that type of availability, especially when gained with no effort.

 

I think guys very much like the nurturing and giving part of women, but it's a perk not a requirement and they'd rather choose other qualities before it.

 

6) Wild side with occasional drug/alcohol use

 

Men pretty much like freaks in the sheets...someone who is good looking, sexy and likes to party with a penis inside of her.

 

But the girl who's wild, doing drugs and slamming down hard drinks isn't that type of girl a man is traditionally looking for in the long-run, that may attract him initially because he finds that woman sexy (which it is) and sees a potential lay, but the wild girl is typically for fun, the kind that will hold her drink up with a group of girls screaming "wooo" half hammered with a glazed over fog in her eyes so he has a chance of taking one of them home or maybe several if he's lucky....other attributes for a relationship are more desirable because then it's not just about having fun...but men like women who are fun too, especially if they are reserved themselves a bit.

 

The wild girl also is presumed to have been around, not something a lot of conservative men would want to call their long-time partner or wife since she may have conflicting values/morals.

 

So I think you've basically described attributes that men are attracted to in women they want to sleep with, and if these women that you know were like this ended up married or in a relationship, it was far more likely due to their physical attractiveness, their sex appeal and the fact she did something for this guy that made him feel like he got one of the "hot" ones, more than it was for other qualities or attributes.

 

I don't think a lot of these things men desire from women in a relationship necessarily, but then again how many men you see looking for one of those? exactly...you have to always remember, what a man looks to have sex with, is not the same as the girl that he's looking to wife up...when it comes down to it though, a man ends up doing that with a woman he can't pull away from and finds himself having strong feelings for, everything else pretty much goes out the window.

[Ross MwcFan]

I am somewhat shy, introverted, not that chatty, emotionally warm, sweet, sensitive, caring...

 

I'm the same and I would really like a girl like that.

[Mme. Chaucer]

One of my closest friends, with whom I travelled the world, had the "manic pixie" thing going on and she was very pretty, too. I often just disappeared next to her, even though my looks were comparable. It was kind of painful.

 

BUT - there were still those guys who were more attracted to me. Sometimes it was hard for them to see me through all the "noise" of her ebullience. Which was not obnoxious like the movie character you described; she was and still is a truly lovely and magnetic woman.

 

The general population seems to love girls like that. They do embody a lot of what is culturally considered to be captivating and feminine. So do certain body types and hairdos. Oh well. Those of us who don't feature those things just have to stay true to ourselves - without going so far with that as to undermine ourselves - I mean, if you're sullen, negative or deathly shy, it needs to be worked on - but anyway, the "right" guy(s) will see something they like. They'll just be fewer and more far between.

 

Honest.

[ThaWholigan]

I think a lot of people don't really know who their type is, truly. I still have doubts about who mine is. Having said that, girls like the one described in the OP seem to have a growing interest in me for some reason, if recent events are anything to go by. However, I'm not even sure that's the bulk of who I will attract.

[carhill]

9. Don't seem to give a f... about the male lead, till the very end

 

All of the other stuff is superfluous to this.

 

My 'type' is a very rare bird whom actually shows proactive and sincere interest in others. Asks questions and remembers answers. Very rare. The loud ones? Almost never are that type. They're too wrapped up in their world. I came up with a saying for them many years ago: 'Their world is small and they fill it completely.' Yeah, they're good for a shallow, generally inebriated time, but fuggetabout it as a friend in a crisis, lover, or life partner.

 

The quiet ones? How does a guy know if she's his 'type' if she's sitting there like a lump on a log? I'm always reading on these forums how men need to show confidence to be attractive to women. Well, that's a two-way street, presuming one 'likes' the guy. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering. Start with a simple question. Speak. Listen. Remember. It works.

 

I had the same issue as a young man. The ladies were blowing by me to get at the loud, opinionated, self-involved males. Slay a few dragons and the ladies take notice. Sit back and don't 'put it out there' = solitude. You won't have that because men pursue women and you'll always be pursued, but evidently by people who are not your 'type'. Same difference. Be proactive. Slay some dragons. Good luck.

[mesmerized]

I don't agree with ninja that men only want feisty women for sex. These women can be addicting. The shy boring girl will bore him and make him look around for a better thing sooner or later. I think for a woman to be able to keep a man, she has to have some fire in her. That doesn't mean abusing drugs and alcohol but just some exciting element to keep the guy on his toes.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't agree with ninja that men only want feisty women for sex. These women can be addicting. The shy boring girl will bore him and make him look around for a better thing sooner or later. I think for a woman to be able to keep a man, she has to have some fire in her. That doesn't mean abusing drugs and alcohol but just some exciting element to keep the guy on his toes.

 

What might be boring to one person might not be boring for others...

[FitChick]

Having met a number of film writers and their wives and girlfriends, none of them were like the CHARACTERS in a movie. It's called ENTERTAINMENT.

[carhill]

Having met a number of film writers and their wives and girlfriends, none of them were like the CHARACTERS in a movie. It's called ENTERTAINMENT.

If the audience didn't identify with the content offered, then the entertainers and their supporting industry would be unemployed.

[plainjane79]

Dang hijacked this thread accidentally!

 

Can't edit for some reason. :-/

 

Will start my own post now....

[iris219]

I feel similarly to ES, not in that I don't attract my type, but that men generally prefer women who are very different than I am.

 

I've often felt like I had friends who attracted more male attention, even though I was prettier, by being everything I don't admire or desire to be. I like who I am and don't want to change, but I would have had more options if I did. The women who were loud, silly, ditzy, superficial, self-centered, bitchy, and unpredictable garnered lots of attention. I remember the time my friend from back home and I met two guys one night and it was clear they both liked her. She's cute, but nothing special, she's a high school drop out, a waitress, and can't hold an intelligent conversation (they thought it was adorable that she didn't know how long a presidential term lasted). These guys were not impressed that I was in grad school. I swear, as soon as men realize how dumb she is--which is quickly because she has a loud, bubbly personality--they love her.

 

I sit back and listen. I pay attention to people and show a genuine interest in them, but men lose interest in me when they realize this. The last guy I dated said he didn't expect me to be so nice and I don't think this was a compliment. I've been described as serious, but I'm also really funny, which I like about myself, but guys I've met don't seem to value a sense of humor in women. I don't do drama, so men who like bitches won't like me. On the other hand, because I have a lot going for me, some guys feel like they have to prove they're worthy and many don't want to do this, so guys with any insecurity won't want me either.

 

The type who would be interested in me seems to be very rare, and it sounds like that's the case with ES. It looks like we just have to quit being so awesome

Edited December 4, 2012 by iris219

[Lonely Ronin]

The type who would be interested in me seems to be very rare, and it sounds like that's the case with ES. It looks like we just have to quit being so awesome

 

You just need to move to a larger city in the north...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Those "manic pixie" type of girls can be exciting, and that's infective. And they relieve all social responsibility from those around them, because they're occupying all of that particular kind of space. Less work.

 

It's probably vaguely comparable to the popularity of the so-called (erroneously, IMO) "alpha males" that is so often bemoaned upon these hallowed boards ...

[Chillinight]

Hey ES - the guy I'm dating is a shy/dark/quiet type HOWEVER thing is, they hide what they are up to behind the scenes....then they are not so shy / introverted etc as you would like to think....just dark and deceiving....

 

They are so quiet that you would think they do not have any issues. My experience with my current dark/introverted/quiet guy are as follows;

 

1. Extensive porn watching

2. Stalker-ish behaviour (he created a FB account just so he can stalk exs etc)

3. Very set in their ways and hard to adapt to another person's like / interests

4. Very little constructive communication.

 

I do believe the opposites attract approach can work (you learn so much more when you are out of your comfort zone) but ultimately chemistry has to be in the equation.

[charlietheginger]

Im shy and introverted....

 

When a girl is shy and introverted

It don't work becuase talking to

A shy introverted women is

Like pulling teeth

 

I have to have the crazy extrovert girl

Becuase she brings me out if my shell

[Under The Radar]

I feel similarly to ES, not in that I don't attract my type, but that men generally prefer women who are very different than I am.

 

I've often felt like I had friends who attracted more male attention, even though I was prettier, by being everything I don't admire or desire to be. I like who I am and don't want to change, but I would have had more options if I did. The women who were loud, silly, ditzy, superficial, self-centered, bitchy, and unpredictable garnered lots of attention. I remember the time my friend from back home and I met two guys one night and it was clear they both liked her. She's cute, but nothing special, she's a high school drop out, a waitress, and can't hold an intelligent conversation (they thought it was adorable that she didn't know how long a presidential term lasted). These guys were not impressed that I was in grad school. I swear, as soon as men realize how dumb she is--which is quickly because she has a loud, bubbly personality--they love her.

 

I sit back and listen. I pay attention to people and show a genuine interest in them, but men lose interest in me when they realize this. The last guy I dated said he didn't expect me to be so nice and I don't think this was a compliment. I've been described as serious, but I'm also really funny, which I like about myself, but guys I've met don't seem to value a sense of humor in women. I don't do drama, so men who like bitches won't like me. On the other hand, because I have a lot going for me, some guys feel like they have to prove they're worthy and many don't want to do this, so guys with any insecurity won't want me either.

 

The type who would be interested in me seems to be very rare, and it sounds like that's the case with ES. It looks like we just have to quit being so awesome

 

The guys I know (including me ) would much prefer a woman with your description (for a LTR) than your friend who can't hold an intelligent conversation. Only guys with "short term goals" would be interested in a girl like that. You are either targeting the wrong men or really do live in a very small town.

[xxoo]

I agree with mesmerized that men are attracted to women with some spark or fire.

 

Beyond that, I disagree that it must also come with a host of bad qualities (shallowness, ditziness, stupidity, etc).

 

Could it be as simple as being drawn to the woman who is openly showing interest?

[EasyHeart]

I realize I may have been to extreme in my OP. To be more specific and accurate, here is a list of traits universal dream girl has:

 

1) Outgoing and bubbly

2) Diffuse, superficial enthusiasm or "passion" for everyone and everything.

3) A bit crazy/nutty in a precious way

4) Emotionally detached at core but with a facade of friendliness. The kind of person who makes whoever they are with feel special in the moment but doesn't get so attached to any one person.

5) Nice but not especially nurturing or giving

6) Wild side with occasional drug/alcohol use

I think those first three items are a fair description of a type of woman that many men (including me) find very attractive. Positive energy is always attractive. So is creativity.

 

But the second three items in your list don't mesh with the first three in my mind. In fact, the latter three --- emotional detachment, phony facade and substance abuse --- sound more like mental health disorders than any personality traits that a (healthy) man would find attractive. I've met women with the first three attributes, and I've met women with the latter three. But I've never met a woman who has all six of those (unless she's faking it somehow).

 

And may I say that I find it deeply, deeply (deeply) disturbing that there seems to be some sort of pseudoscientific analysis of romantic comedies? Have we really sunk so low?

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Could it be as simple as being drawn to the woman who is openly showing interest?

 

The sparkly bubbly types certainly put others at ease and reduce social pressures. They naturally pick up all the slack!

 

I do think it's a mistake to attribute bad qualities to them just because they are bubbly and social butterflies. It does not necessarily mean they're superficial or a lush.

[xxoo]

One thing that intelligent men have consistently be attracted to in me is quick and bold wit--with emphasis on bold.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I don't agree with ninja that men only want feisty women for sex. These women can be addicting. The shy boring girl will bore him and make him look around for a better thing sooner or later. I think for a woman to be able to keep a man, she has to have some fire in her. That doesn't mean abusing drugs and alcohol but just some exciting element to keep the guy on his toes.

 

No that definitely is not what I meant...I was speaking as a whole picture of this combination of attributes equating to one girl and really how they were described or perceived, rather than these qualities being combined with other qualities as a balance. I realized that typing that post it may be taken too literally and without any kind of exception because I made it seem like all those things were very bad and negative things or at least that was the light they were being shined under, and there wasn't any different type of variable, because the way ES described those things was the main focus of my analysis, I pictured that girl in the romantic comedy she was talking about or that sex and the city type of girl, rather than this is how I'm speaking from my perspective in general in terms of what qualities I like for example, whatever she was describing felt off to me, I couldn't really relate to it...I felt like her labeling or definition of these things were a bit shaky, but I knew what she was implying so I wanted to address that argument in regards to why men would like this "type" of woman she was describing rather than keep things in this state of equilibrium outside of it.

 

For me feisty is a very appealing quality, especially that fire. I think a guy definitely wants a woman to keep him on his toes, I like difficult women because I'm retarded as well but I also like very open and expressive women...because I find that even if you are extroverted or "outgoing" doesn't mean they're the same way with their feelings or don't have the highest walls up.

 

So yeah I think this thread has a hard time gaining it's footing because I think some of us are on a different page and perspective of this. There's definitely two sides to a coin and it would take a lot of time explaining thoroughly, but in the context of it, I still feel pretty confident in my argument.

Edited December 4, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas

[Under The Radar]

Why would any guy want a "difficult" woman?!?!? I don't understand this; could someone PLEASE enlighten me ?

[Lonely Ronin]

Why would any guy want a "difficult" woman?!?!? I don't understand this; could someone PLEASE enlighten me ?

 

Some of us have very dominant personalities, and can easily crush a woman's spirit/will whatever you want to call it even if we don't mean to. While I have been told I'm super nice, I do much better with woman who are strong willed/difficult. As one female friend put it, you need a woman who will smack you around every now and then but in a playful kinky kind of way.

[Under The Radar]

Some of us have very dominant personalities, and can easily crush a woman's spirit/will whatever you want to call it even if we don't mean to. While I have been told I'm super nice, I do much better with woman who are strong willed/difficult. As one female friend put it, you need a woman who will smack you around every now and then but in a playful kinky kind of way.

 

 

Well, count me out . On the "Difficulty Scale" I enjoy woman who are BELOW a 5. Now, when it comes to sex ... I'll go with the 10 on the "Crazy Scale" (at least in the short term) .

[TheFinalWord]

 

Most of those movies are written by men, which basically seems like that's the "dream personality" guys go for.

 

Not for me!

 

1. Extremely outgoing and extroverted to the point of being manic

2. Leaders, female "alphas"

3. Wild and completely uninhibited

4. Impulsive with a touch of crazy

5. Emotionally detached, cold and aloof

6. Not "nice"or "sweet" by any means

7. Like to sleep around

8. Are into drugs and/or heavy drinking

9. Don't seem to give a f... about the male lead, till the very end

 

1. I like women that are confident in themselves, but noisy, loud women that want to be the center of attention are not for me. I would be very turned off. There's a proverb, that living with a noisy or argumentative woman is like having a continuous flow of water dripping on your head (Chinese torture).

 

2. I like a leader, but that is someone that people gravitate towards, naturally b/c they are a good person that has a lot to offer. I wouldn't want to date a hardcore alpha feminist though or someone I have to compete against. Major turn-off.

 

3. No, I like a more conservative woman. Fun, but not foolish with no inhibitions. There's another proverb, that a beautiful woman without discretion is like a ring of gold through a pig's snout

 

4. I like some impulsiveness. I mean you need some variety to have fun together, but someone that is all over the place won't have any focus. But then again I'm procrastinating working on my dissertation, so maybe I'm a hypocrite I definitely don't want a crazy woman that has no grounding or that has to be constantly entertained and amused.

 

5. I would not want to be with anyone that is emotionally detached. What this may mean is that she is not attached to me. When that happens, that means she won't have any empathy towards me and my opinions, dreams, etc. won't matter to her. Not attractive.

 

6. I really like sweet girls! I want to move south actually, b/c the women there have that southern hospitality.

 

7. For me a woman that sleeps around would not be appealing.

 

8. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't want to date anyone that does either. Part for religious reasons. Also b/c alcoholism runs in my family and I've watched it destroy too many lives. So I abstain.

 

9. I am more traditional, so I like when a woman allows me to pursue. Of course you want reciprocation, but if she doesn't care about allowing me to be a gentleman, than we probably won't go past one date.

 

Now granted, I'm probably more religious, but I think a lot of those things most sane men (not boys) would not want most of those traits in a woman. At least not a woman that they would see as relationship material.

 

Men want women that are beautiful to them. A women doesn't have to be a universal beauty queen to satisfy this and men's tastes differ. From a man's perspective, a beautiful woman is much more than just being a perfect 10 model; it's her clothes, they way she carriers herself, her inner confidence, they way she makes her man feel (like a champ or a chump?), the way they show that they are interested in their man's passions for life. For example, a woman can be a supermodel, but if she mocks what a man does for a living she is basically telling him that he isn't a man. From a personality side, most guys want women that are kind, caring, intelligent, forgiving, and believe in them.