Lambix Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 So, the girl from my last thread ended up getting back in touch with me. (Basically, it was a cold approach on which resulted in a number, we set up a date and she flaked on me the day-of.) We set up to meet tonight and we did. We had dinner and she was great. I liked her outlook on life and her hobbies and thoroughly became increasingly attracted to her as the night went on. She had A LOT of the qualities I wanted in an ideal girl. I was in awe of some of the things she had done in her life. She even wanted to hang after we ate dinner. Eventually I dropped her off at her car and she told me she had a great time. I tell her I really think she was cool and that I like her and ask if we can hang out again soon. Then the bomb, she says "I'm seeing someone". I was floored. We have been texting and trying to set up this meeting for almost a week now. I was never overly flirty when we've talked on the phone but I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I liked her. I really don't understand how she could've thought otherwise. She told me about five times afterwards that she wants to be 'friends'. I'm not really down with being friends with a girl I really like and has a boyfriend. I told her that I wish she'd told me earlier and just said 'ok' when she said she wanted us to be friends. I dunno, it just seems like she was deliberately hiding the fact that she was seeing someone. I definitely wouldn't have seen her if I knew otherwise. I'm pretty pissed about this, did some light screaming in the car when I got home. Why would someone do this!? When I asked for her number initially she seriously could've just told me 'I have a boyfriend' and I would've never had to go through this! Anyway, she just texted me saying he had a 'great time' and wishing me a 'good night', everything that'd you'd except from a post-date text. It kinda seems like she wants me around as an option in case things go sour with her current someone. I'm not responding.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Some people will say otherwise but here is my humble opinion. One of the great things about not being engaged or married is that you aren't engaged or married. This means one can change their mind about who their dating or a relationship without it being a moral issue. She does in fact like you otherwise she wouldn't act the way she is. As far as her seeing you as an option, well, yeah. You might be a better option than whoever she's seeing now. Her telling you she's seeing someone could well be a test to see if you would be scared off / scared of her BF. She could be telling you that because she wants a fling with you and dosen't want to get your hopes up for a relationship. It's also possible she's using you to make someone else jealous. Ideally everyone would meet only after at least three months of singleness. Everyone would have matched baggage, and it would be simple and easy. That's not real life. 1
CptSaveAho Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 No offense but you hooked yourself... She "flaked" on you on the first date... this is a huge red flag, typically means theres someone else in the picture... or not that interested Set up some personal boundaries... Present behavior is indicator for future behavior... If shes flakey day 1, shes going to be flakey day 720 3
MrCastle Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Regardless of whether or not she's interested in you, or is keeping you around as an option, or whatever--is that really the kind of woman you want to be associated with? Lets you take her out on a date and then drops that bomb on you? Who's to say she won't do the same to you down the road with you as her bf and some other sap as the new guy? Dead this chick. Even if she tells you she left the guy she was with, she's bad news. Good women don't do this. Shame on her. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 She sucks and you are right to be pissed. Wonder how her bf would feel about her going on dates...
KungFuJoe Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 She's just not that into you. It happens. Time to move on.
truth_seeker Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Seems like she was testing you out on the date to see if she liked you more than the current guy... or the "current guy" was made up as an excuse. Still, what a loser to say that to you right after the date! If she calls you again - no dinner. Just meet her and get sex out of her. Immediately ditch her right after and say: "We're done. I've had better. There's the door." Roll over and sleep.
phineas Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Regardless of whether or not she's interested in you, or is keeping you around as an option, or whatever--is that really the kind of woman you want to be associated with? Lets you take her out on a date and then drops that bomb on you? Who's to say she won't do the same to you down the road with you as her bf and some other sap as the new guy? Dead this chick. Even if she tells you she left the guy she was with, she's bad news. Good women don't do this. Shame on her. THIS! If you actually like the chick, forget her. Tell her to call you when she is single. But, if you can friendzone her, tell her about your conquests ect I guarantee you will eventually tap it because she will start wanting what she can't have. 1
Author Lambix Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 No offense but you hooked yourself... She "flaked" on you on the first date... this is a huge red flag, typically means theres someone else in the picture... or not that interested Set up some personal boundaries... Present behavior is indicator for future behavior... If shes flakey day 1, shes going to be flakey day 720 Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with you and no offense taken. I probably should have just let it go after she ditched the first meeting. But... on the other hand, at least this way I'm not wondering "what-if?" and knowing me, I would've wondered that for awhile. So, at least I took that chance. Maybe I could've been friends with her had she let me know that she was in a relationship from the get-go. But judging from that fact that she had managed to avoid mentioning it until I literally had to tell her I liked her, it definitely seems like she wanted me around for something more than friendship either now or sometime in the future. I'm not entertaining the idea. Trust me, I don't want to be that 'other' guy. I've been victim of 'other guys' before and it's a pain I don't want to put some poor guy through. Damn, I'm probably going to be pissed about this for awhile. Despite everything, she was virtually the coolest girl I've ever met and I really don't get a lot chances to date. Oh well. Moving on.
FitChick Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 A lot of women, including me, say we are going back with an ex or have a boyfriend because we are not interested and don't want an argument.
Author Lambix Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Yeah, I've thought about that. But say I did take up her offer to be friends (which she really seemed keen on doing) wouldn't that become aware to me eventually that she was lying? In any case, I'll never know.
truth_seeker Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 A lot of women, including me, say we are going back with an ex or have a boyfriend because we are not interested and don't want an argument. I had a girl tell me she had a boyfriend. I got the hint. Some time passed and she came around and no longer had a "boyfriend". I told her I had a girlfriend. 2
Falcor Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 This was on a Seinfeld, and they described it perfectly. She called "an audible". She didn't like the look of the defense, so she changed the play (great episode by the way, called "the soup"). Most likely she is "seeing someone else", but it is most likely very casual or early and she is just using that as an excuse to avoid an issue (FitChick is absolutely right here). If it makes you feel any better, it was a date, and she was most likely open at one time to seeing you but has decided she is not interested. No sweat, it happens to everyone. 1
Treasa Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 As a woman, I admire you for having the balls to ask her out. A lot of guys wait nowadays for the women to do all the work. That being said, she isn't worth your time unless you do indeed just want another "friend."
Author Lambix Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Well thanks, it is the first time that I've gotten the number from a virtually random girl and while I didn't get the results I hoped I would I can still learn from it an potentially pull it off again. And, I have plenty of friends right now, so I think I can live without her as one. 1
vanek26 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 First of all, nice work getting her number and actually roping her into meeting up with you. That is impressive. But it's pretty clear to me that she just doesn't like you. She actually met up with you so she was probably interested, but something over the course of the date turned her off and once a girl sours on you like that, you're done for. Who knows if she is seeing someone. I really doubt it, to be honest. It just seems like an easy way out where she doesnt feel like she's insulting you.
phineas Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 First of all, nice work getting her number and actually roping her into meeting up with you. That is impressive. But it's pretty clear to me that she just doesn't like you. She actually met up with you so she was probably interested, but something over the course of the date turned her off and once a girl sours on you like that, you're done for. Who knows if she is seeing someone. I really doubt it, to be honest. It just seems like an easy way out where she doesnt feel like she's insulting you. More than likely, what soured her on him was the fact she could have him after the first date.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 More than likely, what soured her on him was the fact she could have him after the first date. Exactly. Thanks bro. That must be it. Thats definitely most of it. You have to make her wonder if you like her, and not care if she does. Otherwise you'll appear too eager and not much of a challenge. But that really depends...on the conversation you had with her on the cold approach, and the first conversation before she flaked on you. She flaked on you because she wasnt that excited to see you again, so you have to do better gauging her interest on the cold approach. That way you dont have to waste your time chasing her just to flake on you. Also, on the date, you have to see how curious she is about you and how she is reacting to your answers. If she is doing alot of talking but not asking too many questions about you, then you can really see if she is interested in who you are. Im not talking an interrogation, but generally. At some point she was faking the date and you didnt pick up on it.
Shaun-Dro Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 So, the girl from my last thread ended up getting back in touch with me. (Basically, it was a cold approach on which resulted in a number, we set up a date and she flaked on me the day-of.) We set up to meet tonight and we did. We had dinner and she was great. I liked her outlook on life and her hobbies and thoroughly became increasingly attracted to her as the night went on. She had A LOT of the qualities I wanted in an ideal girl. I was in awe of some of the things she had done in her life. She even wanted to hang after we ate dinner. Eventually I dropped her off at her car and she told me she had a great time. I tell her I really think she was cool and that I like her and ask if we can hang out again soon. Then the bomb, she says "I'm seeing someone". I was floored. We have been texting and trying to set up this meeting for almost a week now. I was never overly flirty when we've talked on the phone but I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I liked her. I really don't understand how she could've thought otherwise. She told me about five times afterwards that she wants to be 'friends'. I'm not really down with being friends with a girl I really like and has a boyfriend. I told her that I wish she'd told me earlier and just said 'ok' when she said she wanted us to be friends. I dunno, it just seems like she was deliberately hiding the fact that she was seeing someone. I definitely wouldn't have seen her if I knew otherwise. I'm pretty pissed about this, did some light screaming in the car when I got home. Why would someone do this!? When I asked for her number initially she seriously could've just told me 'I have a boyfriend' and I would've never had to go through this! Anyway, she just texted me saying he had a 'great time' and wishing me a 'good night', everything that'd you'd except from a post-date text. It kinda seems like she wants me around as an option in case things go sour with her current someone. I'm not responding. This is one of the reasons why I don't do relationships. Who wants to deal with wondering if their partner is being faithful all the time? Not me.
Author Lambix Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Also, on the date, you have to see how curious she is about you and how she is reacting to your answers. If she is doing alot of talking but not asking too many questions about you, then you can really see if she is interested in who you are. Im not talking an interrogation, but generally. At some point she was faking the date and you didnt pick up on it. I dunno, the conversations went well. And she did often stop her talking to ask me things. She seemed genuinely excited about some of the stuff I was talking about as well. By all means, and I'd like to think I could tell, the conversations seemed very good. Honestly don't think I messed up anywhere. Not entirely convinced that she was lying, but it's wasted energy to dwell on it. Thanks for the advice man, will keep it in mind next time around.
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