radchencko Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have a dilemma that I'd like some help with. Backstory: For about a month, I've become good friends with this girl who I really connect with. Someone who I find attractive, interesting, and a bit mysterious. She has felt the same way--we've gone on a few road trips, we cuddled and kissed, held hands, say how similar we were to each other. I thought it was progressing into something, so when I asked, she said that she likes me, but is not ready for a relationship. I have two options. 1) More or less eliminate contact from her. Being honest, I'd only like to be her friend if I was in a relationship with her. I like her enough to where it would be frustrating to know I'm not with her and that my feels are not reciprocated. This sucks though, because while it would help me move on, I'd be losing a friend. Or, 2) Continue with the platonic flirting. Hang out with her and talk to her as much as you did before. It's obvious she likes me, and she has always been up to hang out and talk. Have fun, and not worry about whether you are in a committed relationship or not. Problem with this is the inverse--I may not be able to quench my hopes and will not really heal, but at least I wouldn't be as bored/lonely and would have fun. So, I'm not sure. Anyone have an opinion?
Under The Radar Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I can tell you what I would do: Move on. You aren't looking to be her friend; you want something more. Are you supposed to put your life on hold while she decides what she wants to do? More to the point, you say hand holding and kissing has occured. Those aren't activities that platonic friends generally partake in . Nevertheless, her response to all of this is "I like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship? That is generally "code" for I don't want a relationship with *INSERT YOUR NAME HERE*. How would you feel if she approached you one day and said she was interested in another guy for a relationship? We both know the answer to that and the emotional fallout would be unpleasant to say the least. Yeah, I say tell her in an honest and kind manner you cannot just be her friend. Explain that your feelings have grown beyond simple friendship and you won't be able to see her anymore so you can heal.
joli_doll Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 In my opinion, the best thing you can do is put everything out on the table for her so you aren't left with any questions. The worst case is that she doesn't feel the same way and you could begin to move on sooner. If you choose to eliminate contact without knowing her feelings you will find yourself constantly wondering, consequently causing you to take longer to move on. If you remain friends with her you leave yourself open to uncertainty. Whatever you choose to do, sooner is better than later.
sanjana4u Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have a dilemma that I'd like some help with. Backstory: For about a month, I've become good friends with this girl who I really connect with. Someone who I find attractive, interesting, and a bit mysterious. She has felt the same way--we've gone on a few road trips, we cuddled and kissed, held hands, say how similar we were to each other. I thought it was progressing into something, so when I asked, she said that she likes me, but is not ready for a relationship. I have two options. 1) More or less eliminate contact from her. Being honest, I'd only like to be her friend if I was in a relationship with her. I like her enough to where it would be frustrating to know I'm not with her and that my feels are not reciprocated. This sucks though, because while it would help me move on, I'd be losing a friend. Or, 2) Continue with the platonic flirting. Hang out with her and talk to her as much as you did before. It's obvious she likes me, and she has always been up to hang out and talk. Have fun, and not worry about whether you are in a committed relationship or not. Problem with this is the inverse--I may not be able to quench my hopes and will not really heal, but at least I wouldn't be as bored/lonely and would have fun. So, I'm not sure. Anyone have an opinion? Just move ahead little bit in your life and see whether it affects her life or not.
Author radchencko Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) I don't putting my feelings out there would be a good idea. She knows I like her. And I know she still likes me. It's really easy to dismiss what she said as "I'm not ready for a relationship" as just blowing me off, but I think she really means it. I think I'll just limit contact with her to see how she responds. If she still texts me without me prompting her, for example, I'll know she was really interested, but if she doesn't, well, **** her for leading me on I guess. Edited December 4, 2012 by radchencko
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