Is it normal for guys to make his girlfriend the "only source of his happiness"?

[LostInLove13]

Is that what he told you?

 

That being with you is the only thing that brings him happiness?

 

If he did, that is pretty lame.

 

When/if I get a girlfriend, I would definitely love spending time with her, but there would be other things in my life that would make me happy.

 

Yup, basically. Said he only plays video games or goes out with buddies to take his mind off of not being with me, or when he's single to take his mind off of that. He "enjoys" them, but not his preference, and its basically just a time killer.

[LostInLove13]

The only time a guy really makes his g/f the only source of his happiness s because she forces him to. I've always felt it's up to the guy to set boundaries when it comes to clinginess. I think it's great that you are an independent woman with outside interests.

 

I also think I love you.

 

I don't necessarily agree that it's always up to the guy... but then I am a very motivated independent girl. I don't understand someone that would want their partner to only take joy in them, how is either party supposed to "grow" and how are they supposed to "grow" as a couple? Makes no sense to me..

 

And I wish I could find a guy like the ones on here who says they have other interests, I only ever attract the same type of guys..

[LostInLove13]

unfortunately, too many men and women seriously cannot find their inner happiness, so they try to get someone to be their happiness. Not healthy.

 

I know life changed for me when i found inner happiness.

 

HERE HERE!!! Agreed!

[CptObvious]

go tell him to get a hobby, like football or bodybuilding.

[mortensorchid]

I have encountered something like that. I have gone out on a few Internet dates where the man has said to me that he wants to get his social life moving again so he wants to get a gf. I also encountered someone in the recent past (yes it was an Internet date) where he said that all he needed was a gf and that was all the social life he had. When encountering guys like that (especially the second one), I now have pause when I hear something along those lines.

 

If you encounter someone who doesn't have a social life (with the exception of having just moved to a new city and you don't know anyone yet), you are subjecting yourself to someone who is somehow void of basic social skills. They don't have a social life or friends for some reason, and they will rip yours apart even if you come in as an innocent bystander. WHy? Because they have nothing to loose. You, on the other hand, as the one with the social life and friends, have almost everything to loose should you let this person in. I didn't believe that was true, until I met that one person in particular. Then in one of those moments of clairvoyance, it all made sense.

[Pink Princess]

it's not "stereotypically normal"

however, it's not bad, unless you're not digging it.

[edgygirl]

You guys talk as if everyone in life had to behave the same or want the same things out of a relationship. People are different and there are no rules.

 

Some people are not into meeting friends all the time. Why would that make them abnormal? Just because they are different than you / your beliefs / what you like / what you want to do?

 

It all also depends on your age. When I was a teenager and up to my mid thirties I loved to hang out with friends all the time. It just doesn't do it for me anymore and it's not as necessary as before for my soul.

 

These days I would give everything to find someone who doesn't NEED things out of a relationship. They might WANT it as well, to make their lives varied, but not as in a necessity. Why wanting to be with someone is clingy versus NEEDING to be with friends? Why isn't that considered clingy?

 

It would be nice to see on the left corner people's age. I think it is very different in each decade of your life. I.e., I never understood why my parents slowly stopped having friends to hang out with. Now I do. It's just the reality of life for most people. Things change over time, and my darlings you won't want the same thing you want now forever. Another example: standing in a noisy, crowded club at 20 is awesome but believe me, it's less so when you're 40. It's not that our parents are old and boring. They've done the same things you're doing and like now, but over time it's just not fun to do them anymore. You get different priorities and taste as life passes.

Edited December 9, 2012 by edgygirl

[RogerWallace111]

You guys talk as if everyone in life had to behave the same or want the same things out of a relationship. People are different and there are no rules.

 

Some people are not into meeting friends all the time. Why would that make them abnormal? Just because they are different than you / your beliefs / what you like / what you want to do?

 

It all also depends on your age. When I was a teenager and up to my mid thirties I loved to hang out with friends all the time. It just doesn't do it for me anymore and it's not as necessary as before for my soul.

 

These days I would give everything to find someone who doesn't NEED things out of a relationship. They might WANT it as well, to make their lives varied, but not as in a necessity. Why wanting to be with someone is clingy versus NEEDING to be with friends? Why isn't that considered clingy?

 

It would be nice to see on the left corner people's age. I think it is very different in each decade of your life. I.e., I never understood why my parents slowly stopped having friends to hang out with. Now I do. It's just the reality of life for most people. Things change over time, and my darlings you won't want the same thing you want now forever. Another example: standing in a noisy, crowded club at 20 is awesome but believe me, it's less so when you're 40. It's not that our parents are old and boring. They've done the same things you're doing and like now, but over time it's just not fun to do them anymore. You get different priorities and taste as life passes.

 

 

It's called "clingy" in a romantic relationship, vs in relationships with friends, of course, because there is a co-dependency that happens with couples that doesn't happen with platonic friends. Your friend not telling you they love you before they go on vacation without you isn't gonna make you insecure or worried. Funny part is that the people who spend all their time with their significant other are perceived as being the most in love with eachother, etc, yet they're the one's most quickly/desperately looking for a replacement when it ends (at least among those in the first half of life).

 

I do agree age has a lot to do with it, and that yes, of course- everyone can do exactly what makes them happy and if you see spending all your time with one other person as fun/cool/interesting/enjoyable, more power to you ! I have lots of friends who have "embraced boring" for periods of their lives, I don't have any less love for them. Note that I am in my mid-twenties am talking mostly highschool age to late thirties in my following thoughts. But I don't believe a person benefits any less from friendship with age. I personally think it stays just as important, and in certain ways more.

 

Sooo, the thing you ignore is that you're severely limiting the scope of mental stimulation you'll receive by primarily interacting with only one person. Only one sense of humor to enjoy, only one set of beliefs to bounce your thoughts off of, only one persons thoughts to absorb and get a kick out of.

 

I have a buddy from highschool with social anxiety disorder. It's more comfortable for him to be alone, or just around someone like me who he already knows. That's the easiest and least stressful way for him to operate. Yet, he's told me he wants to be sociable, admires outgoing people who attract friends easily, and doesn't at all like the way things are going for him as a result of his hermit-like ways. I think some of the couples who only hang out with eachother are in a similar boat. Anxiety aside, they get into a routine where the easier, more simple, thought/stress free way to live from day to day is- go to work, hang out with the significant other; go to work, hang out with the significant other, and so on.

 

And I can't help but see that as a bit of a cop out. Because I know how it feels to have someone you love, and more importantly who loves you around, and it is easy to just hang out with them all the time. It's comfortable. But do you think, should their relationship end, that many of these people are gonna say "well, guess I'm hanging out alone for a while..."? No, theyre either gonna look for support from the friends/family they haven't been paying attention to, or theyre gonna start searching for a new s.o. Which to me is an indication that the issue is more a fear of being alone and a need for self-validation through affection, than simply "I don't really like friends, theyre over-rated."

 

I can't think of anyone I've encountered, even middle to old-aged people, who legitimately seem happiest not having friends. Even the ones who choose to go day to day all hermitish-like just strike me as being like the cold-hearted childrens' movie characters who deep down would love some friendship, whether they consciously know it or not. Like the Grinch .

 

So basically I think what I'm getting at is that there's often an insecurity at play in these couples who can't leave eachother's side. The friends aspect of it is almost a non-issue. If a person who truly is and has chosen to be a rogue loner gets in a relationship and starts spending all their time with that person, it's different than when someone who used to have friends before discovering the comfort of having a significant other starts to need that re-assurance.

[RogerWallace111]

And this is coming from someone who, I will proudly say, has managed to maintain balance in this department. I've been deeply in love, spent day after day with my "lover", but never neglected my friends, lost touch with them, or went more than a week without hanging with them. I feel quite sorry for these people spoken of who "honestly just don't like having friends," even if it's completely true.

[RogerWallace111]

And, last thing, I've been in love where I didn't think I could ever go on without the person. I'm not some super-independent broes-over-hoes guy. I deeply love my friends and family, and have/will again love a girl on the same level. Having friends but never romantic love would be terrible- it's not that any one of those is more important than the other. It's that neglecting any of them is squandering awesome opportunity for beautiful moments/experiences.