Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Okay I realized just now that's what I've done and am about to be burned because of it, again! I'm not really a serial dater type. I focus in on the person I like most and kind of let the others fall off the face of the earth, and now the one I really like claims to be sick, whether he is or not well that's debatable. I saw him on-line so who really knows, but he has texted me telling me he is more than once, again debatable. But now I'm dateless. Anyway the point is what do I do to avoid falling into this trap in the future? Not judge beforehand, well that gets me into trouble honestly, so then what are my options?
dexterfan Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 How long has he been sick? Did he cancel plans you guys already made prior or just declining your invitations? Going dateless for a night or two won't kill yah
Author Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 No it's one date supposed to be tomorrow that he set up with me. But what bugs me is I saw he was on-line for a really long time. I'll let it go, because I do like him and we only went out once, but I'm a jealous type (if you can't tell). Not overly but enough. He's been sick since yesterday after our 1st date. We kissed and well I work with foreigners and could be carrying some virus, also I've had the flu shot he hasn't he told me.
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 This sounds eerly like what happened to me. You need to let him make the next move. Just ask him tomorrow how he's feeling, say nothing about a date. Let him be the one that reschedules. Now he could be online for many reasons, but if he was on it for a while, he might be still trolling...which is not unusual at this stage of your situation. It's ok to throw your eggs in one basket...you are a respectable person by doing so. If this one doesn't work out, just know that another basket will be there for your eggs.
Author Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Thanks for the advice, NiceGuy. I really appreciate hearing a guys perspective.
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Thanks for the advice, NiceGuy. I really appreciate hearing a guys perspective. No prob. I'm kinda like you, I get attached very quickly and want things to work out. But you can only control yourself, and need to let nature take its course. Jealousy as you're experiencing is normal, you're human...you want the attention in return that you are giving. Sometimes that just doesn't pan out, and when it doesn't you need to let go....easier said than done...but that's what you gotta do. I wish you luck though.
Author Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 We met for the first time yesterday, but we've been talking for about a week. Phone calls, texting, etc. He let me think he was really into me so I don't really know if that was a game or true. He said he really liked me, we made out, he wanted me to come to his place which I said not on a first date too, he was just a good guy (at least I thought). Meaning he didn't date rape, been through that before. But honestly I like him.
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 We met for the first time yesterday, but we've been talking for about a week. Phone calls, texting, etc. He let me think he was really into me so I don't really know if that was a game or true. He said he really liked me, we made out, he wanted me to come to his place which I said not on a first date too, he was just a good guy (at least I thought). Meaning he didn't date rape, been through that before. But honestly I like him. Wait a minute he's a "good guy" because he didn't date rape? You're kidding right?
amaysngrace Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Don't cancel all your options until you become exclusive. You freaked him by doing that.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 We met for the first time yesterday, but we've been talking for about a week. Phone calls, texting, etc. He let me think he was really into me so I don't really know if that was a game or true. He said he really liked me, we made out, he wanted me to come to his place which I said not on a first date too, he was just a good guy (at least I thought). Meaning he didn't date rape, been through that before. But honestly I like him. This guy wanted a ONS with you and lost interest when you turned him down, and is now coming up with excuses not to see you again unless he feels like you might be open to having sex with him (and if he wants to go on a "date" with you for that, it doesn't mean he wants to date you). He may really be sick, but I've heard this excuse before, and eventually the guy just disappeared on me.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 OK, here's the thing. Something just happened to me like 2 seconds ago, which makes me say this: if you're not going to put all your eggs in one basket, that's understandable. However, make sure to do that beyond a certain point, when you zoom in on one person and focus on them. Do NOT, at the same time, set up dates with other people, once you've been seeing another person on and off. A guy who I met online set up a date for next Saturday, and today just told me the following: "I've been seeing someone on and off for some time. I saw her today and we talked about things. We both have feelings for each other. So now that you just told me what a ****ty day you've had, I feel like the biggest prick alive for needing to cancel Saturday." Really? Seriously? Seeing her on and off, was at the point where you had feelings for her, and STILL set up a date with another chick? That's the epitome of douchebaggery, IMO, whether it comes from a guy or a girl. 1
NiceGuyDTW Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 OK, here's the thing. Something just happened to me like 2 seconds ago, which makes me say this: if you're not going to put all your eggs in one basket, that's understandable. However, make sure to do that beyond a certain point, when you zoom in on one person and focus on them. Do NOT, at the same time, set up dates with other people, once you've been seeing another person on and off. A guy who I met online set up a date for next Saturday, and today just told me the following: "I've been seeing someone on and off for some time. I saw her today and we talked about things. We both have feelings for each other. So now that you just told me what a ****ty day you've had, I feel like the biggest prick alive for needing to cancel Saturday." Really? Seriously? Seeing her on and off, was at the point where you had feelings for her, and STILL set up a date with another chick? That's the epitome of douchebaggery, IMO, whether it comes from a guy or a girl. That sucks. But at least he was honest. Now you know, and can make a clean break.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 That sucks. But at least he was honest. Now you know, and can make a clean break. How was he honest? Setting up a date with another girl while he was "realizing" he had "feelings" for another chick he had been seeing? That to me is typical player behaviour. And he had the audacity to suggest being friends with me? I sent him the following message: "To be honest, I think your behaviour was unjustifiable. If you were at a point where you were about to realize you had feelings for her, you should not have set up a date with another girl. If I were that girl you're seeing, I'd be equally upset. I hope you are at least honest with her about what you did. She deserves better than the way you treated me. Anyway, I have lots of friends, and I am not here to find friends, or be friends with men who treat me poorly. If you can't treat someone you're interested in well, I don't think you'd treat me any better as a friend. " I was not that interested in him anyway, but that hurt like a bitch. Not the rejection, but the fact that I was played like that.
Author Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Okay here's the deal I did not contact him today in case he was blowing me off and he sent a text saying "He needs to reschedule, he is still not feeling well." Which I responded by saying something like sorry to hear it, that's fine, let me know when you want to reschedule. Now I wait basically. I heard on the news all over that the flu epidemic is bad this year, I have the flu shot (about 2 weeks ago got it) and he probably now has the flu. I say that because I work closely with a lot of people and could be carrying something but not sick myself.
todreaminblue Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 OK, here's the thing. Something just happened to me like 2 seconds ago, which makes me say this: if you're not going to put all your eggs in one basket, that's understandable. However, make sure to do that beyond a certain point, when you zoom in on one person and focus on them. Do NOT, at the same time, set up dates with other people, once you've been seeing another person on and off. A guy who I met online set up a date for next Saturday, and today just told me the following: "I've been seeing someone on and off for some time. I saw her today and we talked about things. We both have feelings for each other. So now that you just told me what a ****ty day you've had, I feel like the biggest prick alive for needing to cancel Saturday." Really? Seriously? Seeing her on and off, was at the point where you had feelings for her, and STILL set up a date with another chick? That's the epitome of douchebaggery, IMO, whether it comes from a guy or a girl. I totally agree I am not the type to have feelings for someone and go on a date with another that's where confusion comes in you like certain things about someone and certain things about another and you get to the point where you go crap now i am going to hurt someone......I wouldnt like it done to me and I dont like doing it to others.If i were to date, its putting all my eggs in one basket....i dont want to carry seven baskets and drop all the eggs....would rather concentrate on carrying one basket well and devoting my time to gettign to knwo one person if it doesnt work out ....then you go get another basket and make an omelette to share with someone new...groan....cheesy....deb
NoMoreJerks Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I totally agree I am not the type to have feelings for someone and go on a date with another that's where confusion comes in you like certain things about someone and certain things about another and you get to the point where you go crap now i am going to hurt someone......I wouldnt like it done to me and I dont like doing it to others.If i were to date, its putting all my eggs in one basket....i dont want to carry seven baskets and drop all the eggs....would rather concentrate on carrying one basket well and devoting my time to gettign to knwo one person if it doesnt work out ....then you go get another basket and make an omelette to share with someone new...groan....cheesy....deb Yeah -- well, he had not met me yet (i met him online) -- but he set up a date. In fact, he was the one pushing for it, kept asking me when I could make it, I said I wasn't free until Saturday, and then 2 days later he pushed even more, suggested the location and the time.. It would've been this coming Saturday afternoon. It was weird that he said Saturday afternoon, now that I think about it. It's almost like he has multiple dates in one day. Maybe he had another date on Saturday evening, a woman who is higher up on his list? And all this, while he had actually been dating someone "on and off" (meaning, at least a couple of dates, right?)... or enough dates for him to realize he has "feelings" for her... I am guessing it's more than 4-5 dates, if it's reached the point where they have feelings for each other... And yet, he still set up a date with another chick??? I mean, I am guessing he didn't start having feelings for her overnight after a Eureka moment.. This is just disgusting behaviour. And then he had the audacity to claim he felt "guilty" for it... really? Feeling guilty for being a jerk? Since when did jerks started feeling guilt for their behaviour? And then the whole friends thing was the icing on the cake. **** off, *******, I do not need friends, certainly not of your calibre! 1
Author Kristine Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Well I don't normally date around, I got asked out by two guys the same day for different days. But the guy I really liked asked 2nd, so of course I said yes. Turns out we ended up going out on the day the first guy asked me because he baulked for some reason (probably because I made it clear I wouldn't sleep with him on a first date). We may have chatted but that doesn't mean we know each other well enough for sex. Anyway that is how I ended up with multiple dates.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I must say, I am not against dating multiple people at the same time (but not in the same day, that's just disgusting pig-like behaviour!)... But going out with several people in 1 month is fine. You're just testing the waters, and it saves some time.. But if you're starting to get more and more interested in someone, you should simply stop doing the multi-dating thing. Anyone who doesn't stop that at that stage is, IMO, a pig.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 NoMoreJerks- I love the text you sent him 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 (edited) NoMoreJerks- I love the text you sent him Thanks -- I think he was expecting that I would go bat**** crazy on him. Instead I gave him a nice and short comeback that put him in his place (IMO anyway) and accused him of being a douchebag and a player, without even using those words. Plus, I did it without even giving his ego a boost -- in his message, he was clearly acting like he was hot stuff that was being snatched up, and almost implying that I'd be shedding tears over the "loss" I experienced.. He thought I was so crazy about him (without even having met him!) that I'd want to be "friends" with him with the "hope" that things would not work out between him and his new-found "love." Ahhhhh. Disgustingly self-centered and self-obsessed. A modern-day Dorian Gray. Edited December 5, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Tara247 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 This guy wanted a ONS with you and lost interest when you turned him down, and is now coming up with excuses not to see you again unless he feels like you might be open to having sex with him (and if he wants to go on a "date" with you for that, it doesn't mean he wants to date you). He may really be sick, but I've heard this excuse before, and eventually the guy just disappeared on me. I'm sorry, but this is what it sounds like to me too, Kristine.
dasein Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 In this case you just have to wait and see. It's suspicious, true, but people get sick this time of year. Try not to dwell on it, and see if he contacts you later. I see no jerky behavior in this fact pattern at all yet, no idea what post others read that I didn't. In the future, try to resist emotional involvement before several dates are under the belt, and you have a greater idea that the other person is on the same page. Good luck.
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