Author PurpleGal Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I'm not bitter, and I'm not a BW, but I have seen the effects of infidelity on people that I am close to, so I'll admit to being not a fan of it. It's good that you left your husband rather than stay in a marriage where you would be cheating, but what about your MM's marriage? I guess that doesn't bother you, the damage your actions do to his wife and family? I guess the thought of giving your MM a Christmas gift, of all things, triggered some bad memories of when my sister's cheating husband received a Christmas gift in the mail from his OW, and the devastated call I got from my sister that day when her and her husband had been trying to reconcile. I do think about those things. When I'm ready to date openly (I'm very recently separated), I'll reassess. If he can't be with me properly, I'll move on. For the time being, I enjoy our relationship. I'm not "proud" of it, but have enough self-worth to not let it define me. 1
Author PurpleGal Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Deceit. Lies. Betrayal. Broken promises. The inevitable sh*t storm that will befall all of you once this comes to light. Gosh don't women look out for each other anymore? He is not yours - HE IS HER HUSBAND. Yeah, he sounds real "great". Well, lord knows the worst thing we've ever done in our lives is the ONLY thing that matters! And no person belongs to another. 2
MissBee Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 If you got him something before and it raised suspicion, and you want to keep your A a secret, then I'd just avoid getting him any mementos. I don't think he needs to look at an item to think of you... 1
Author PurpleGal Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I know it goes against your heart, but do not go out of your way financially. If it's extensive, don't buy it. Let the man do the most effort. Trust me, he's getting the best deal. You could also ask if he has any sexual preferences, some holiday themed lingerie or fantasies you can help with. He can show up with the items, and you can be his gift. You're already giving him the gift of yourself, he should be satisfied and eternally greatful. This is good advice, and important to keep in mind. I'm just pretty excited about sharing this season with him! Thanks, cutedragon.
Author PurpleGal Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 If you got him something before and it raised suspicion, and you want to keep your A a secret, then I'd just avoid getting him any mementos. I don't think he needs to look at an item to think of you... You know, I hadn't really thought about that side of it. And you're right. Thanks, MissBee!
underwater2010 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 A tshirt that says "I am home with my wife and kids for xmas, but thinking about my girlfriend." That should fit in this forum right?
Tenacity Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 A tshirt that says "I am home with my wife and kids for xmas, but thinking about my girlfriend." That should fit in this forum right? Sometimes true, but frankly, it never bothered me because of the last part of the phrase on that t-shirt and because usually the first part wasn't true either, in my case. Lots of people work on the actual holiday these days anyway, so the exact date of a celebration isn't what makes it a holiday. Nicely said! 1
Summer Breeze Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 DMM and I bought gifts for each other quite often. I bought him several first edition books from his favorite authors. I bought tickets to shows that we went to together. I bought him clothes and trinkets for his desk as well. When I buy something for someone it becomes theirs. If they throw it away or keep it, that's their choice. I wasn't going to curtail my giftgiving because he might have to explain it or hide it away. I went to his place recently (place as in the place he started renting almost a year ago when he left his xW) and everything I'd given him is there. We were on a mini cruise and took a cooking class. He hated cooking so I figured I'd do it to wind him up. We had such a great time! I think the thing to keep in mind is what Miss Bee said. Gifts or not, the actual day or not, if you're in an R with him and you care about each other he will be thinking of you, as he probably does a good portion of his time away from you. 1
scatterd Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have heard of OW giving them a CDs of music they like.
JamesM Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I am a man...probably obvious. I am not in an affair nor have I been betrayed. My comments are from a masculine POV. I would lean towards a memento that can be put in his office. (If you want levity here, then my suggestion of a plaque with the 10 Commandments would provide that, yes? ) A plague or picture frame or letter opener or something that isn't something that a woman would buy. For me, a special item would be better than a cooking class or something else. How does a guy tell his wife that he is going to a cooking class if he never liked cooking? The other suggestion I have is a book that is somehow applicable to the two of you. Say if you both like Paris France and have discussed it as a wonderful place for a vacation, then you could give him a picture book or another book that would remind him of those fun times you have discussed. I would prefer an object that I could relate to you and not some gift certificate or even that would be over and gone. If you want something like that, then plan a very sexually charged evening. This memory will linger for a long time. Good luck. 1
cocorico Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I'm thinking this topic comes up each year. I kind of thought it might be nice to bring a little levity to the board. Does anyone have an idea of what I can get MM for Christmas? It has to be something that he might have bought for himself, as a small item I got him for his birthday a few months ago caused some suspicion. He has pretty varied tastes. I'm planning the romantic day/dinner thing, but would like to also get him something that he can look at and think of me. Any suggestions? I bought my H a watch, during the A. Every time he looked at the time, it reminded him of me. I guess though if his BW is observant or interested enough to become suspicious over a small birthday gift, she may notice a new watch. Beside that, I'd suggest books, music, an experience you could share, or something more risqué like a book of vouchers he could cash in from you for sexual favours that are fun, naughty or slightly out of the ordinary, that you think (or know) he might like. 1
skylarblue Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I was in the position that gifts for xMM had to be very inconspicuous. I always had to think "is it something she'd think he bought himself or could explain easily". I would get him gift certificates from his fave cigar lounge or hobby place or a nice, upscale bottle of his fave spirits. A couple of times I've gotten him something that he needed for work or had mentioned he'd lost, needed, or liked during an ordinary conversation in the past.
awkward Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 What types of things does he typically buy for himself and what things does his wife buy for him? That would give us a general idea of what category your gift could be in. Don't buy him a bottle of wine ... I'm just sayin'.
tryingto Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I would frequently buy a graphic tshirt about a topic that MM and I joked about. Or tickets for us to his favorite band. Or small electronic things (bluetooth earpiece, small navigation system, etc) that would make his life easier as he drove so much for his job, making them easy to explain... The items that were personal and reminded him of many of the jokes we shared are the ones that I know meant the most... I never spent much on him but were very easily able to find things that were small and full of sentimental value! 1
frozensprouts Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I am a man...probably obvious. I am not in an affair nor have I been betrayed. My comments are from a masculine POV. I would lean towards a memento that can be put in his office. (If you want levity here, then my suggestion of a plaque with the 10 Commandments would provide that, yes? ) A plague or picture frame or letter opener or something that isn't something that a woman would buy. For me, a special item would be better than a cooking class or something else. How does a guy tell his wife that he is going to a cooking class if he never liked cooking? The other suggestion I have is a book that is somehow applicable to the two of you. Say if you both like Paris France and have discussed it as a wonderful place for a vacation, then you could give him a picture book or another book that would remind him of those fun times you have discussed. I would prefer an object that I could relate to you and not some gift certificate or even that would be over and gone. If you want something like that, then plan a very sexually charged evening. This memory will linger for a long time. Good luck. I'm probably the last person who should ever point out a typo in a post, but this was too funny! according to this, you can give him the plague! ( now there's a gift that keeps on giving:laugh:) 5
justcantletgo Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Now, I haven't posted much but I've read quite a bit here. When did this become the "BW Support Forum"? Is it because things for us are really good right now, and I'm NOT crying my eyes out? Is it because I'm not sitting around sad that he has a wife? I'm seeing a married man. Get over it, and yourselves. Don't you inflammatory posters have anything better to do? Glass houses, people...odds are pretty good that at least one person who posted has some effed up skeletons in their closet. The truth is, I am married, but separated from a man who didn't cheat, didn't abuse, just didn't make me happy. Any of you lovely ladies in a less-than-happy-marriage? Where's that courage these MMs supposedly lack? You all sound really bitter, and it's just...sad. Thanks, 2sure, for being helpful. And Olive Garden? Really? Yikes. I've been attacked by these bitter BS all the time! And to think I was an unknowing AP! I didn't know he was married. So just try to ignore them. My gift to my xMM last year since we were faraway from each other were sexy/nude pics of myself (that he didn't save, thank God for that) It made him very happy since his BW has let herself go and he was not attracted to her body anymore lol. Here comes the bitter bettys
goldengirl11 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I'm in a similar position myself, but at the same time don't want to go overboard for two reasons. 1). He might be worried it will be found so will throw it out and 2). It might look that I'm too keen too soon (which I have done and never again). So I'm considering buying a gift wrapped big box of chocolates (e.g Thorntons) and possibly a nice bottle of wine (which if spotted he could say were gifts from people at work), or perhaps a gift card for one of his favourite stores, which would be discreet. Not decided yet though!
2sunny Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I have heard of OW giving them a CDs of music they like. This would tip off most wives to the cheating. Also - any new coffee mug would be a red flag for me as well. How about some handcuffs and a c@ckring?
Decorative Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I've been attacked by these bitter BS all the time! And to think I was an unknowing AP! I didn't know he was married. So just try to ignore them. My gift to my xMM last year since we were faraway from each other were sexy/nude pics of myself (that he didn't save, thank God for that) It made him very happy since his BW has let herself go and he was not attracted to her body anymore lol. Here comes the bitter bettys Are you sure he didn't save them? my spouse kept them, though he told her he didn't. He kept them as insurance against her during a breakup. So sweet. Am I a Bitter Betty, too? if I was in better shape than the OW? Does that make me a Bitter Hottie? LOL I was going to suggest a tattoo. She got one for my spouse. I always wonder how that feels now to see it. Huh. Oh well.
Recommended Posts