David84 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Argggh. It's been 5 months since she left. Im 28 her 26. She left me for another guy she lined up while living with me for 3 months. Had just had our two year anniversary. Together on and off for a year prior and were flirty texty buddies for a few years before that. 6 years total I guess. When she left I was lost and devastated. I loved her terribly, we rarely fought but I could feel a divide and lack of effort on her side. I would have never gave up on her and always expressed my issues. When she moved in I suspected her stealing change from me on a few occasions, I also caught he lying about having days off work yet pretending she had worked. Not enough to leave someone but my heart knew she was lying even though she denied angrily. It's been 5 months and I've been seeing a girl who is absolutely amazing. Treats me amazingly like I never knew I deserved and I very much feel is a major upgrade in ALL areas. I'm lucky to have met such a beautiful person but the timing is sucky. She knows about my ex. My ex constantly throws me breadcrumbs. I've gone NC for a few weeks then break then back a few weeks then break. The last run was 5 weeks. I was feeling good but I still spend a ton of wasted energy wondering if she misses me. She will always try and contact me on week days after a few weeks no contact. I've told her I'm moving on and am happy and to just leave me. She gets all sad in texts telling me she misses and needs me and can't just not talk to me. She is with the guy she left me for. If I don't respond to her texts she starts block calling me once a day. Sometimes sighing on my voicemail I guess so I know it's her. After five weeks I gave in again because it was her birthday. She asked to see me and walk her dog who I adore and miss. I resisted at first but I gave in and went to see her. During our hour together she acted as though we were together, flirty, touchy, really touchy, arm around my waist walking weird. At the end of the walk she hugged me long and hard, kissed my cheek and looked like she wanted to kiss me. I evacuated the situation. Anyways, i hadn't heard from her in a few days so stupid me messaged her asking, what was all that? I haven't heard back for a few days. I don't want her back. I would never trust her. She shortly after the end admitted she stole and had lied. She has said she is a bad person and is really ****ed up. She said after 6 years she will never be able to let me go and hasn't been able to accept I can't be involved in her life. Clearly I am as messed up through all this because my mind and heart tell me it will never be the same. The relationship was dead and I wasn't being treated well and it's just the tip of the berg I'm certain. Ive met an amazing girl, better looking, never had such chemistry physically, all signs point to being stable with an end game in the future and she is absolutely crazy about me. I need to resolve my hang up on my ex so I can open myself for new and healthy love. I can't change my number, I've tried blocking her with apps. It's a lost cause, she will call blocked, which I can block or she will call via friends numbers or email. She has prided herself on being able to find me. I clearly have low self esteem deep down and it truly is my ego that is longing to be with her. Not my head or heart. I'm not even interested in sex because it was never good to be honest and like I've said I've been having the best of my life. I tell myself to be a man, grew some balls, let her new guy deal with crazy. Her crazy keeps bringing me back and I keep letting her. Edited December 3, 2012 by David84
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