ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Hi all..I've been reconciling with my ex but it's been pretty bad, lots of fighting, for the last few months, and he just broke it off. He said he was tired of wasting his time on me because I'm not worth it. My question is..who says that? Who could actually find it in themselves to say that to another human being? That's probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm certainly done now, but I'm pretty devastated by that comment. My heart is hurting.
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Hi all.. He said he was tired of wasting his time on me because I'm not worth it. My question is..who says that? Who could actually find it in themselves to say that to another human being? Who says that? Someone spiteful, with the intention of putting you off further contact because he's done here, was done a long time ago, but didn't have the courage, decency, backbone or character to come out and say it. Rudeness is a weak man's show of strength. Saying something like that, says absolutely nothing about you, and absolutely everything about him. 5
Treasa Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 As usual, TaraMaiden says exactly what I'm thinking, so I don't have to type it out. 3
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Who says that? Someone spiteful, with the intention of putting you off further contact because he's done here, was done a long time ago, but didn't have the courage, decency, backbone or character to come out and say it. Rudeness is a weak man's show of strength. Saying something like that, says absolutely nothing about you, and absolutely everything about him. He just said he still loves me. I'm so confused. But I'm most definitely, 100% done with him forever. And thanks Tara..you're amazing, as always. 2
pteromom Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 He just said he still loves me. I'm so confused. But I'm most definitely, 100% done with him forever. And thanks Tara..you're amazing, as always. He has a funny definition of LOVE. Hint: When you LOVE someone, you want the best for them. You want to lift them up. You do NOT say they "aren't worth it". His declaration of love means nothing, since he doesn't know what it means. 3
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 He just said he still loves me. I'm so confused. But I'm most definitely, 100% done with him forever. Nobody can say "I love you" and "You're not worth it" and can in any way be considered to have integrity, decency or an ounce of credibility. he loves you because there is a convenience to you that fulfills a need in him. You're not worth it because - in actual fact - he can't be arsed to make the reasonable human effort anyone in love would make, in order to hold up his side of things and make this work. When he says he's wasting his time because you're not worth it, what he means is that he's too emotionally lazy to dedicate his time to doing what he knows he should be doing. Please make sure that from this moment on you behave with the dignity and pride you possess which will make him regret his foul mouth for the remainder of his days. Jerk. 3
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 He just said he still loves me. I'm so confused. But I'm most definitely, 100% done with him forever. And thanks Tara..you're amazing, as always. No I'm not. I just know my friends deserve better. In spades. 1
Jono85 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 not trying to defend the guy, but sometimes ppl say some very hurtful things when THEY have been really hurt/crushed. this is something i used to have an issue with. whenever my ex would hurt me, i'd try to get even at hurt her worse. the worst thing i ever said was when she dumped me one evening after an argument, but she did so right before my night shift at work, when she knew i'd be unable to talk to her for the next 9 hours, and b/c of the monotony of the work, it was all i'd think about all night. so anyway i texted her on the way to work, after realizing she wasn't going to call and say she was sorry or take it back before my shift started, and told her to never talk to me again, and that she was a "cold hearted b*tch". then turned my phone off. i'm not proud of what i did, nor did i feel better after doing it. but i was just so crushed and didn't know how to handle it. didn't make me feel any better when at lunch time i checked my phone and there were like 5 msgs and 10+ texts from her starting from i'm really sorry, please pick up, slowly progressing to i cant believe u wrote that and left it like that, go f*ck yourself. i ended up calling her and waking her on my break, and apologized and we kind of made up...but she'd never forget that. and probably rightfully so. point is sometimes ppl say things they don't mean when they get crushed. i'm sure he thinks you're worth it, why else has he been spending months trying to reconcile with u? he probably said it to try and hurt you b/c you're hurting him. it doesn't make it right, i'm just playing devils advocate here.
crude Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It doesn't seem all that mean to me. Women tell men all the time that if the relationship isn't leading to marriage then she's tired of wasting her time and he just isn't worth it. If the two of you are constantly fighting, and it leads to sadness and lack of fulfillment on his part, then it's just not worth it to him, and neither are you. That's not mean, just truthful in his opinion.
Sugarkane Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would've said that's great because obviously you aren't worth it either. 1
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 not trying to defend the guy, but sometimes ppl say some very hurtful things when THEY have been really hurt/crushed. this is something i used to have an issue with. whenever my ex would hurt me, i'd try to get even at hurt her worse. the worst thing i ever said was when she dumped me one evening after an argument, but she did so right before my night shift at work, when she knew i'd be unable to talk to her for the next 9 hours, and b/c of the monotony of the work, it was all i'd think about all night. so anyway i texted her on the way to work, after realizing she wasn't going to call and say she was sorry or take it back before my shift started, and told her to never talk to me again, and that she was a "cold hearted b*tch". then turned my phone off. i'm not proud of what i did, nor did i feel better after doing it. but i was just so crushed and didn't know how to handle it. didn't make me feel any better when at lunch time i checked my phone and there were like 5 msgs and 10+ texts from her starting from i'm really sorry, please pick up, slowly progressing to i cant believe u wrote that and left it like that, go f*ck yourself. i ended up calling her and waking her on my break, and apologized and we kind of made up...but she'd never forget that. and probably rightfully so. point is sometimes ppl say things they don't mean when they get crushed. i'm sure he thinks you're worth it, why else has he been spending months trying to reconcile with u? he probably said it to try and hurt you b/c you're hurting him. it doesn't make it right, i'm just playing devils advocate here. He dumped me..I wanted to make it work. I didn't do anything to him..I honestly didn't. Even he couldn't come up with anything I'd done wrong..I asked. He has some serious emotional problems but he refuses to acknowledge them so he shunts the blame over to me for everything.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 It doesn't seem all that mean to me. Women tell men all the time that if the relationship isn't leading to marriage then she's tired of wasting her time and he just isn't worth it. If the two of you are constantly fighting, and it leads to sadness and lack of fulfillment on his part, then it's just not worth it to him, and neither are you. That's not mean, just truthful in his opinion. I pity the poor woman who ends up in a relationship with you. Telling someone they're not worth it is never ok. Ever. It's fine to say that you think being in a relationship is a waste of time but telling a person that THEY aren't worth it is cruel. I would never say that to anyone, I think it's disgusting. I have ended relationships before but never like that. He also told me that everything is my fault and that I deserve to be walked away from, not just by him, but by everyone.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 TaraMaiden, marry me. Me too..... 1
Jono85 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I pity the poor woman who ends up in a relationship with you. Telling someone they're not worth it is never ok. Ever. It's fine to say that you think being in a relationship is a waste of time but telling a person that THEY aren't worth it is cruel. I would never say that to anyone, I think it's disgusting. I have ended relationships before but never like that. He also told me that everything is my fault and that I deserve to be walked away from, not just by him, but by everyone. i honestly don't believe that you haven't seen evidence in his OBVIOUS character flaws until now. good ppl, don't just dump girls, and then while trying to reconcile say all these really crappy things. there's obviously a history here. so really i think it's finally time to cut this scum out of ur life forever. for whatever reasons u've looked past this side of him before, but it's time now.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 i honestly don't believe that you haven't seen evidence in his OBVIOUS character flaws until now. good ppl, don't just dump girls, and then while trying to reconcile say all these really crappy things. there's obviously a history here. so really i think it's finally time to cut this scum out of ur life forever. for whatever reasons u've looked past this side of him before, but it's time now. I did see it..I was just scared that I would never meet anyone else, and I do love him (the stuff he said is not normal for him, he's never done anything like that before). I also realized that he is damaged and I thought I was helping him by sticking around. He has seriously low self esteem and I was trying to show him that I loved him unconditionally and that I thought he was worth it. I put him before myself. But he refuses to acknowledge any of his issues or get any help for them so he just blamed me for anything that went wrong. I'm in therapy, but he doesn't believe he needs therapy (even though he's on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs..yes, clearly someone who needs that stuff doesn't need therapy..it's also had a serious effect on his libido, and I know he's embarrassed about that).
my body is a cage Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Hi thatjusthappened, sorry to bump and old thread but I've been reading your threads and they resonate with me. The type of person who would say something like that and then say he still loves you is volatile, erratic, and incapable of loving. I don't understand the concept of "wasting time" on a person. To me, relationships are not a mean to an end but rather about loving and growing with another person, whether or not it ends up working out. I would never consider any of my past boyfriends and lovers as a waste of time, no matter how much trouble they gave me, because I learned something from each relationship. I recently broke up with my boyfriend too because he was so depressed and unhappy about his own shortcomings in life - although he never called me a waste of time, would call this and that a waste of time and called me 'time consuming and a distraction." Someone who calls another person a waste of time is first of all objectifying that person, and not giving them credit for their own needs and emotions, and also profoundly unhappy and confused with the state of his or / her own current life. 1
Samilia Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Hi all..I've been reconciling with my ex but it's been pretty bad, lots of fighting, for the last few months, and he just broke it off. He said he was tired of wasting his time on me because I'm not worth it. My question is..who says that? Who could actually find it in themselves to say that to another human being? That's probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm certainly done now, but I'm pretty devastated by that comment. My heart is hurting. You have to understand his goal was to be mean, don't let him succeed. Who gives a f what he thinks of you? Is he the "know it all" we've all been waiting for? If so let me know, Id love the numbers to the next powerball 1
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Hi thatjusthappened, sorry to bump and old thread but I've been reading your threads and they resonate with me. The type of person who would say something like that and then say he still loves you is volatile, erratic, and incapable of loving. I don't understand the concept of "wasting time" on a person. To me, relationships are not a mean to an end but rather about loving and growing with another person, whether or not it ends up working out. I would never consider any of my past boyfriends and lovers as a waste of time, no matter how much trouble they gave me, because I learned something from each relationship. I recently broke up with my boyfriend too because he was so depressed and unhappy about his own shortcomings in life - although he never called me a waste of time, would call this and that a waste of time and called me 'time consuming and a distraction." Someone who calls another person a waste of time is first of all objectifying that person, and not giving them credit for their own needs and emotions, and also profoundly unhappy and confused with the state of his or / her own current life. I'm sorry you're going through a break up. Just an update..we still text occasionally but we haven't seen each other and we probably won't. It's been hard I had a brief fling with a different ex but seeing as he's still the same d-bag he always was, that's not going anywhere, haha. I don't believe he's incapable of love..I just think that he doesn't love himself right now and so he can't love anyone else either.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 He bought me a Christmas present. Why?
crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Hi all..I've been reconciling with my ex but it's been pretty bad, lots of fighting, for the last few months, and he just broke it off. He said he was tired of wasting his time on me because I'm not worth it. My question is..who says that? Who could actually find it in themselves to say that to another human being? That's probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm certainly done now, but I'm pretty devastated by that comment. My heart is hurting. I'm sorry for your pain but consider this: My ex wife cheated on me and when I confronted her, her ACTUAL reply was, and I'll never forget this "I'm sorry, but I can't promise I won't do it again." Sure, I've broken up with girlfriends before, but I ALWAYS made a point to explain why, and then list a few things about them that I really liked. sort of like this "It hurts me to say so, but I just don't think we are compatible. I am deeply sorry for the pain this must cause you, but know that its not something you did or didn't do. In fact, I think you are quite special in a lot of ways, and that you will make someone VERY happy." I ALWAYS made a point of trying to let them walk away with their dignity and self esteem intact. There's NEVER a reason good enough to try and kick someone when they are already hurting by insulting them.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 He bought me a Christmas present. Why? That's irrelevant. What they do is never the question. What do you do now - is.
Author ThatJustHappened Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 That's irrelevant. What they do is never the question. What do you do now - is. You're right. What I want to do is different from what I should do though. I still love him and I still want to be with him..how effed up is that? By the way, I misread the email he sent me with the original comment he posted. He said he wasn't worth it..not that I wasn't..don't know if that makes a difference though. I know I shouldn't, and I know we're both messed up, but UGH..I still love him so much. Break ups suck..they really really do. Even old ones.
KraftDinner Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You're right. What I want to do is different from what I should do though. I still love him and I still want to be with him..how effed up is that? By the way, I misread the email he sent me with the original comment he posted. He said he wasn't worth it..not that I wasn't..don't know if that makes a difference though. I know I shouldn't, and I know we're both messed up, but UGH..I still love him so much. Break ups suck..they really really do. Even old ones. It actually does make somewhat of a difference, yeah. Like he wasn't being as callous as you'd thought!
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