arex09 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm a first time poster and typically don't post on forums, but I'm very curious to hear the input of others, that don't know me personally, on a particular situation. So lets get down to it! I met this wonderful (or so I thought) guy when I was at work one day (to clarify, he was at work but does NOT work with me). We would talk occasionally and he was very sweet and shy. One day we were at a mutual event when he approached me and we began talking for hours until the end of the event. After that, we began texting continuously and finally got together late one night and just talked. Everything was going very well. We went on our first date about a week later. Things were so natural and it felt as if we had known each other far longer than we had. We kissed and it was a wonderful end to a wonderful date. I truly thought I had met a great guy who was accepting of the physical limitations that I have. During the first two weeks of dating, we went on numerous dates, seeing each other practically every other day. Things were going very well, or so I thought. As time went on, he seemed to grow distant. He was very busy with extra activities and was unable to see me. We would go for two weeks without seeing each other and I would always have to be the one to initiate conversation or ask to hang out. It got extremely tiresome. I decided to be direct and flat out ask what the status of our relationship was-- if he was truly interested in me. He stated that he was interested, just very busy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Flash forward a couple of weeks. We still were not seeing each other very frequently, but when we did, we would kiss, cuddle and joke around/enjoy each others company. Finally, after being turned down numerous times when I asked him to hang out with me, I flat out asked if we were or were not in a relationship. He didnt reply. I decided that that was a sufficient answer, and prepared to move on. I didnt speak to him at all the next day. To my surprise, he called me the next evening. Again, I asked what the hell was going on. He responded that, more often than not I didnt fit in to his life style. He didnt explain what any of that meant, and that was the only thing I was told. He then tried to continue conversation as if nothing had happened. I said that was fine, played it off and figured that was that. A few days went by with no communication. One day, we briefly exchanged texts and started a conversation. Again, to my surprise, he called me to talk on the phone. I figured he was just being nice and didnt want to hurt my feelings by ignoring me. To the advice of friends, I began to not communicate with him unless he initiated the conversation. Four days went by until I finally heard from him again. That evening he came over and we spent some time together. Everything was strictly platonic. So here I am, trying to interpret something I don't understand. Do I still have a chance? Should I be the one to initiate conversation or do I let him? We are attempting to be friends, but do guys "friend-zone" girls they once dated? Im terribly confused, especially because everything was going so well initially. Where do I go from here?
pteromom Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 No matter how this relationship is defined, it's not healthy. Whether he's a friend or more than a friend, the fact that he can't communicate with you and give you answers, leaving you analyzing every interaction looking for clues means he is not a healthy fit for your life. I would just stop contacting him at all, and keep it short and to-the-point when he contacts you, until he just goes away.
pteromom Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Do I still have a chance? The question here is why would you WANT a chance with a guy who has told you that you don't fit into his lifestyle? Demand more for yourself. 1
DC4 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 The question here is why would you WANT a chance with a guy who has told you that you don't fit into his lifestyle? Demand more for yourself. Totally agree. I have one of these things going on, too. The guy is super nice and we have a great time, but he has huge work and family obligations. Now that my novelty has worn off, I hear from him less and find myself doing the initiating. Well, no more of that. Too bad, we have a great time together but I don't want to feel I'm chasing someone around.
Author arex09 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I have to be very honest-- Im not entirely sure WHY I would even consider another chance. Its strange, because the only way I can describe it to others is that something just doesnt feel "finished". Im sure that makes no sense, but its just a very strange feeling.
DC4 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Relationships don't always have a grand finale. Often they just peter out without any fanfare or even explanation. I've been seeing the guy I mentioned for like 5-6 weeks now. We've made plans to take a trip in the spring among other things. I feel like this little thing we've been doing is like a toy with its batteries winding down. I'm not chasing him anymore. Let's band together and not call or text these clowns moving forward. 1
Author arex09 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Im in the exact same spot--made plans as well and now, POOF!
pteromom Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 the only way I can describe it to others is that something just doesnt feel "finished". Sometimes, the "finish" doesn't involve the other person at all. Sometimes, the "finish" is just the lesson you learn from a failed relationship. In your case, the lesson to learn is this: Don't put energy into a person who doesn't do the same for you. 1
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