PennGuy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Texted the ex about getting my Christmas tree up and how decorating the tree with her was always my favorite memory and said I hope all is well her way. She replied within minutes saying she has ornaments of mine and wished me well. I said she should stop by and drop them off and check out the new place once my tree is up. Also told her of joining a band and getting back my love of music.... Kept it light...kept it fun...reminded her of good times and what she found attractive about me. Asked her out to lunch sometime to catch up. She agreed as long as I don't get the wrong idea from it. That kinda sucked to hear, but I planted the seed. Thoughts?
Drseussgrrl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 She's plainly telling you not to expect anything if you have lunch. I know you think you're being sweet but she's just being polite. She won't miss you if you don't go away. 1
Author PennGuy Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I know that's what she's telling me...and I did go away for about a month. Maybe this will work and maybe it won't. The breakup was very very civil. We will just see where it goes. I didn't expect to her to fall at my feet and be head over heels for me right away.
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Thoughts?...okay. HI FRIEND!! I'm glad we don't hold grudges and you can become one of my very best friends inside the "friend zone"! And I'll let you take me out to lunch but that's it because we're just "friends" and nothing more. Dude, sorry....But your wasting your time. Sorry to tell you that. Why don't focus on trying to meet a girl that would love to spend time with you because at that moment, there's no other place in the world she would rather be. 4
Cl0udy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Okay from experience... Yes she wrote to you right away... She misses you, but does she miss you enough. You already wrote to much through text. Asked for a date. Then she shot you down. Cause she knows your intentions. If you asked me for advice I will say something came up that day. Would have loved to see her, but maybe another time. TRUST ME.... as bad as you want to see her. YOu have to resist. She will feel rejected and that is where you plant the seed. After that leave it alone. She needs to see what life is like without you for her to come back. Trust me!!! 1
Treasa Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'll be uncomfortably honest. This would be a huge turnoff for me. She's giving you loud hints (she has ornaments of yours that she'd like to return) that she doesn't want to be with you. She's probably too polite to tell you to leave her alone, or maybe she really does want to be friends. But I bet she feels awkward and knows you want to get back with her. Why not just move on? Find a girl who you don't have to scheme to get to like you again?
Author PennGuy Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 She asked what was going on in my life....so I told her about the band and whatnot. I didn't throw that all out there in one message.
Treasa Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 "Listen, this may be wrong and I'm not looking for moral advice here, but after a three year relationship and living with someone, I feel I deserve the truth. The night before she broke up with me and went out and never came home she bumped into an ex and ended up "kissing him a lot". She denied everything about someone else being in the picture. I had a sinking feeling when I stopped into our apartment and she wasn't there, I needed to get my mail and check messages and saw her ex's number on the caller ID last week. How did I find this out you ask? I logged into her facebook. I knew something was going on. I also found other messages how toward the end she couldn't stand me and she's fine and blah blah blah. Her friends said, yeah, you've been saying you couldn't stand him since so and so's wedding. (which was months ago) This is my closure. This is the end. I need to get my crap out of there and into a new place ASAP. She betrayed me and lied." Does this look familiar to you? When she texted you, you should have told her to piss off. Or not have texted her first.
flitzanu Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I know that's what she's telling me...and I did go away for about a month. Maybe this will work and maybe it won't. The breakup was very very civil. We will just see where it goes. I didn't expect to her to fall at my feet and be head over heels for me right away. i can tell you where it will go. nowhere. she has again reiterated to "not get the wrong idea" meaning this is not a date and she is not trying to date you. keep doing this and you're gonna drive yourself crazy looking for "meaning" that isn't there.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Yep, she's offering you an exit to the friend zone. When I broke NC with my ex after a month a few months back, I got a similar response. She responded quickly, wanted to know how I was, then the next day invited me to an event but made sure to say "bring some friends with you", reiterating that it wasn't meant to be a one-on-one hangout lovey-dovey thing. And the fact that she was cheating on you and you are chasing her is bad.
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 She asked what was going on in my life....so I told her about the band and whatnot. I didn't throw that all out there in one message. Uh huh.....well, sounds all pretty "friendly" to me!
KatZee Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Asked her out to lunch sometime to catch up. She agreed as long as I don't get the wrong idea from it. That kinda sucked to hear, but I planted the seed. You didn't plant any seed. Stop being deluded and squash the denial. She's only agreeing to go as friends, and she'll be able to tell immediately that you're still into her and have invited her out under false pretenses. Expect this to be your first, and last meeting post breakup. She's reiterated NUMEROUS times that you shouldn't be getting any ideas.
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Okay from experience... Yes she wrote to you right away... She misses you, but does she miss you enough. 100% true! I've missed plenty of ex's in my past.... While I was seeing and having sex with other people.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Texted the ex about getting my Christmas tree up and how decorating the tree with her was always my favorite memory and said I hope all is well her way. She replied within minutes saying she has ornaments of mine and wished me well. I said she should stop by and drop them off and check out the new place once my tree is up. Also told her of joining a band and getting back my love of music.... Kept it light...kept it fun...reminded her of good times and what she found attractive about me. Asked her out to lunch sometime to catch up. She agreed as long as I don't get the wrong idea from it. That kinda sucked to hear, but I planted the seed. Thoughts? Dealing with this currently man. Exact same thing. If they mentioned "Don't get the wrong idea", that screams she is not wanting anything right now. Here is another thing I'm going to ask....you said you text her about the tree then she texted you about your stuff then you sent a message about seeing the new place THEN a message about joining a band THEN a message about getting lunch. So, unless I'm mistaken, you sent 4 messages to her and she sent 2....with her two being "I have your stuff and dont expect anything" she is clearly not ready to see you in that light. I've read your other post on here and you said that you gave it it a month...now is that still contacting her through any sort of text? Did she text you and you replied? If it was straight NC for a month then GOOD for you because I'm only on three weeks and its awful...BUT it still seems like she is not ready for that. I'm still a noob when it comes to relationship advice, but it sounds like seeing her is not a good option. I would continue NC for a bit, see if she messages you. Throwing out breadcrumbs sure, but answer those text like you dont care too much. See where that takes you. Ive been on the end where I text like 4 messages and get nothing back. It makes you look weak trust me. I didnt see it until afterwards.
beyond Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 She has missed you a bit - while getting together with her ex (I presume Teasa's post was quoting one of your old posts on why you split up?) She is feeling guilty about how you ended - kissing an ex, lying to you about it and then you finding out she had been fed up with you for a while. She feels sorry for you - even after what she did, you text her saying you miss her. She wants to feel better about herself, relieve her guilt, meet you as a friend (she even was honest enough to spell that out to you!) and then go and celebrate christmas in the arms of her new man. Sorry, I know it hurts like hell, but you need to take the rose coloured mistletoe edged glasses off and see things as they really are. xx
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