AD1980 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) I feel much less down about my situation when im either hanging out with my married friends who arent looking for women or men in the same boat as me unattractive guys struggling to attract women When im with my very good looking friend who gets approached by women whenever we go out to a place i get depressed about my situation and think about how much easire my dating life would be if i was as good looking as him. It reminds me how much of a loser iam with women and how undesirable iam to them I feel bad about being jealous and dont like im that way but its just an honest emotion i fee olwhen thigns come so easy to him and im invisible I think maybe there should be leagues with looks in friendship too it would make it easier for people:laugh: Edited December 3, 2012 by AD1980
naviis Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 naaw don't worry -- ugly people need friends too, I'm sure you can find some
DC4 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Take his cast offs! If he is that good looking his run off should be worth pursuing. Silver lining my friend, silver lining.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Think of it as a positive. His looks attract women to your friend group. That gives you the opportunity to charm her with your personality, wit, humor and lifestyle (that's why you need to develop those qualities). He may attract, but you could intrique and entertain. Although people are initially attracted by appearance, a person's personality, wit and humor are what can attract a person also once you are in a position to talk to them. That is where your friend comes in. He can do the initial attracting to your group, and then you have the opportunity to show what you have going. Develop those other qualities, and you'll have an advantage over him in those ways. 3
Failboy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I cut ties to a friend of mine who was very good-looking and also had amazing social skills. It wasn't even his fault, he would always try to hook me up but it just wasn't possible and turned out to be awkward or hurtful more often than not. He was like "I don't have a phone right now, but I could give you his number!" and the girl was then like "What in the bloody hell would I wanna do with his number?!" Either way, at a certain point that crap was too much to bare and we don't hang anymore.
USMCHokie Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Think of it as a positive. His looks attract women to your friend group. That gives you the opportunity to charm her with your personality, wit, humor and lifestyle (that's why you need to develop those qualities). He may attract, but you could intrique and entertain. Although people are initially attracted by appearance, a person's personality, wit and humor are what can attract a person also once you are in a position to talk to them. That is where your friend comes in. He can do the initial attracting to your group, and then you have the opportunity to show what you have going. Develop those other qualities, and you'll have an advantage over him in those ways. Actually, I'd tend to agree with this only if you are in a non-social environment. When a girl meets my friends and I as a group, she will always latch onto the best looking ones and get to know them first. I usually don't get noticed. However, as time goes on and if we all ever meet up again, once they get to know me, I somehow tend to get their attention and never lose it...I usually end up being their favorite guy in the group. But in your normal social environment, there usually isn't enough time to build rapport with any women because they're too busy ogling my better looking friends. Such is life.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Actually, I'd tend to agree with this only if you are in a non-social environment. When a girl meets my friends and I as a group, she will always latch onto the best looking ones and get to know them first. I usually don't get noticed. However, as time goes on and if we all ever meet up again, once they get to know me, I somehow tend to get their attention and never lose it...I usually end up being their favorite guy in the group. But in your normal social environment, there usually isn't enough time to build rapport with any women because they're too busy ogling my better looking friends. Such is life. It can actually work to your advantage in social situations/bars/clubs as well. If your personality/humor/wit outshines that of your friend(s). People are attracted to the guy who is the life of the party. The guy who can make everybody laugh. Or has an extremely charming personality. 2
Author AD1980 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Actually, I'd tend to agree with this only if you are in a non-social environment. When a girl meets my friends and I as a group, she will always latch onto the best looking ones and get to know them first. I usually don't get noticed. However, as time goes on and if we all ever meet up again, once they get to know me, I somehow tend to get their attention and never lose it...I usually end up being their favorite guy in the group. But in your normal social environment, there usually isn't enough time to build rapport with any women because they're too busy ogling my better looking friends. Such is life. lol yeah thats the story of my life..In a normal social environment most girls flock to him and i dont have time or opportunity to show my personality.. Also like you in our social circle most women will say what a great guy iam gentleman etc and talk about my friend and how arrogant he is yet im still always friendzoned and they still even the married ones are flirting with him. You're better off being good looking and arrogant[theyll claim its confidence] then blah looking and a great guy imo in the dating game ive learned
USMCHokie Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It can actually work to your advantage in social situations/bars/clubs as well. If your personality/humor/wit outshines that of your friend(s). People are attracted to the guy who is the life of the party. The guy who can make everybody laugh. Or has an extremely charming personality. Perhaps, but my brand of humor isn't really the "life of the party" kind of humor...sure, I'm fully capable of making large groups laugh, but I try not to draw too much attention to it. It's a lot more subtle...and it'll make a person or small group laugh...so if a girl manages to notice me in a sea of my good looking friends and actually engages in conversation with me, then I can do reasonably well. I don't use my humor or personality to "outshine" my friends...because that really isn't in my nature... 1
FitChick Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It can actually work to your advantage in social situations/bars/clubs as well. If your personality/humor/wit outshines that of your friend(s). People are attracted to the guy who is the life of the party. The guy who can make everybody laugh. Or has an extremely charming personality. This describes two brothers I know. One is extremely good looking but very moody and withdrawn. His brother looks like Howdy Doody and has a very infectious, engaging manner about him. Howdy has more luck with women than his gorgeous Mr Darcy brother.
Author AD1980 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Perhaps, but my brand of humor isn't really the "life of the party" kind of humor...sure, I'm fully capable of making large groups laugh, but I try not to draw too much attention to it. It's a lot more subtle...and it'll make a person or small group laugh...so if a girl manages to notice me in a sea of my good looking friends and actually engages in conversation with me, then I can do reasonably well. I don't use my humor or personality to "outshine" my friends...because that really isn't in my nature... Same here im more dry sarcastically funny where if its a one on one convo i can be kinda of charming and funny to those who get my humor but in a big crows i can get kind of lost in the crowd..Im not the over the type life of the party loud guy at all..
KraftDinner Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Agreed. I'm usually close to equal attractiveness with most of my friends but I have one who looks like a porn star (doesn't help that she dresses provocatively) and when I'm with her nobody even talks to me. You'd think a hot guy would talk to her and his ugly friend would talk to me, but no -- they both talk to her. Makes me feel like dog meat! And I'm decent-looking for my age (39).. I normally get approached quite regularly.
USMCHokie Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Agreed. I'm usually close to equal attractiveness with most of my friends but I have one who looks like a porn star (doesn't help that she dresses provocatively) and when I'm with her nobody even talks to me. You'd think a hot guy would talk to her and his ugly friend would talk to me, but no -- they both talk to her. Makes me feel like dog meat! And I'm decent-looking for my age (39).. I normally get approached quite regularly. It's even better when you manage to start talking to someone, and when your good looking friend stops by with a round of drinks and leaves, she immediately gets up and follows him. That's fun.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Maybe some of you guys should try being more assertive. That will lead to some of the women who aren't attracted to you at all thinking your a creep or what the heck ever but who cares? If they weren't attracted to you and are nasty enough to then call you a nasty name because of it what have you lost? In such a social situation with such a friend try the following. Work with him to manipulate the women, sounds horrible but this could work. He will attract them with his looks, then act with low confidence, low intelligence, and un generally attractive and submissive to you. This will lead those women to view you as the more desirable of the two. Remember sexual selection worked and works not only on appearance and physical traits but on mental qualities and behaviors. If this wasn't true we would still be like Australopithecus Africanus or something.
truth_seeker Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I cut ties to a friend of mine who was very good-looking and also had amazing social skills. It wasn't even his fault, he would always try to hook me up but it just wasn't possible and turned out to be awkward or hurtful more often than not. He was like "I don't have a phone right now, but I could give you his number!" and the girl was then like "What in the bloody hell would I wanna do with his number?!" Either way, at a certain point that crap was too much to bare and we don't hang anymore. I think it's a bit extreme to break off a friendship over this. Just don't INSULT the girl with making her feel like she's not good enough and passing her off to another guy. I had that happen to me with a girl. She said: "I'm not available but my friend is!" I was insulted. What would make her think I would want her friend? It's not that her friend was ugly or undesirable, it was the notion that I was desperate to take anything I could get.
KraftDinner Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's even better when you manage to start talking to someone, and when your good looking friend stops by with a round of drinks and leaves, she immediately gets up and follows him. That's fun. Sounds great, yeah. Or in the case of my porny-looking friend, she just bats an eyelash and somehow I become part of the furniture. One time, she and I were at a bar. A guy came to talk to us. Asked 'us' our 'situations' (read: wanted to know hers, was being polite to me). Me: single. Her: getting married in 2 weeks. He still ignored me. Ouch.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Perhaps, but my brand of humor isn't really the "life of the party" kind of humor...sure, I'm fully capable of making large groups laugh, but I try not to draw too much attention to it. It's a lot more subtle...and it'll make a person or small group laugh...so if a girl manages to notice me in a sea of my good looking friends and actually engages in conversation with me, then I can do reasonably well. I don't use my humor or personality to "outshine" my friends...because that really isn't in my nature... You need to get yourself noticed, and stand out in some way if you want women to be interested over the guys who have more visual assets. I know a woman, a long-time friend of mine since childhood, and when our friend group would go out, she was always the life of the party--very charming, bubbly and engaging. All of the other women were better looking than her, but she always managed to grab a guy's interest and he'd ask for her phone number because her personality was so engaging. So she held her own with the better looking girls in the friend group because she compensated with her personality, which was very engaging. You guys need to work with what you can. You may not be able to change your appearance enough to outshine some of these guys, but you can work on your personality, your sense of humor, and your social skills, and that will get noticed by women.
Necromancer Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You need to get yourself noticed, and stand out in some way if you want women to be interested over the guys who have more visual assets. I know a woman, a long-time friend of mine since childhood, and when our friend group would go out, she was always the life of the party--very charming, bubbly and engaging. All of the other women were better looking than her, but she always managed to grab a guy's interest and he'd ask for her phone number because her personality was so engaging. So she held her own with the better looking girls in the friend group because she compensated with her personality, which was very engaging. You guys need to work with what you can. You may not be able to change your appearance enough to outshine some of these guys, but you can work on your personality, your sense of humor, and your social skills, and that will get noticed by women. If she doesn´t find you a little bit attractive from the start non of those things will matter, I have seen guys with great social skills and funny personalities get called ugly behind their back by women but claim they are good guys to but by some reason they need to tell me that they are ugly wtf. Getting noticed by personality is the same for men and women and how often really do you think women charm men with personalities?. Very rare. 3
IT Geek Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Remember sexual selection worked and works not only on appearance and physical traits but on mental qualities and behaviors. If this wasn't true we would still be like Australopithecus Africanus or something. You are correct to a point. However, the "mental qualities and behaviors" never come into play without an initial physical attraction.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 If she doesn´t find you a little bit attractive from the start non of those things will matter, I have seen guys with great social skills and funny personalities get called ugly behind their back by women but claim they are good guys to but by some reason they need to tell me that they are ugly wtf. Getting noticed by personality is the same for men and women and how often really do you think women charm men with personalities?. Very rare. Actually, not rare at all, that both women and men charm with their personality, and score dates based on that. Of course, I'm not talking about butt ugly people (sorry if this offends) being able to interest a girl/guy far above their "league" with their personality alone as outwinning their very good looking friend. But I'm talking about average looking people making a huge impression because of their attractive personality, and garnering interest because of that. I know of several people in my own social circle where one would wonder how they managed to land such an awesome partner, and the answer is their magnetic personality. So work on that, because it is very attractive to people, and will give you an advantage in an area that you can compete. Work on what you CAN change, rather than moping over what you can't. There are men who have won some pretty awesome attractive ladies based on their personality alone. I can think of at least four couples off the the top of my head from my own social circle where the guy or girl, who was average in appearance, ended up with an awesome partner because their personality was so amazing.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You are correct to a point. However, the "mental qualities and behaviors" never come into play without an initial physical attraction. Really? IME that's only true for people who are practically deformed. This guy isn't tall, brawny, or conventionally good looking but he got married...twice. http://newspaper.li/static/d88318ad802cbc1030c729f7a52cfc88.jpg Even cheated on his first wife while confined to a wheel chair and talking via a computer. Intelligence, properly demonstrated is sexy. You need to be outgoing enough to demonstrate it. Do this next time you go out. Wear a brightly colored shirt... A Hawaiian shirt or a red T-shirt. Red is one of the sexiest colors on a man or woman for evolutionary reasons. Intelligence..like I said.
IT Geek Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 This guy isn't tall, brawny, or conventionally good looking but he got married...twice. http://newspaper.li/static/d88318ad802cbc1030c729f7a52cfc88.jpg Even cheated on his first wife while confined to a wheel chair and talking via a computer. Intelligence, properly demonstrated is sexy. You need to be outgoing enough to demonstrate it. He's better looking than me. I've tested multiple times at a genius IQ and am hell at trivia. I guess I'm just not demonstrating it properly. LOL
KathyM Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 He's better looking than me. I've tested multiple times at a genius IQ and am hell at trivia. I guess I'm just not demonstrating it properly. LOL You guys need to learn to work your assets and develop your assets. You claimed to be wealthy. There are tons of women who are attracted to a successful man. Buy some designer clothes, a high end car, and work that image to your advantage. There will be women who admire you for that. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 He's better looking than me. I've tested multiple times at a genius IQ and am hell at trivia. I guess I'm just not demonstrating it properly. LOL You really need to gain confidence. Or perhaps get on anti depressants. You really feel less physically appealing than a man with als who walked, poorly, with a cane?. Unless your the elephant man, your more physically fit than he was. . I know it feels bad but it does get better.
yongyong Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Women will judge you by your friends. It's better to hangout with better looking friends than fat slobs. Your insecurity is the problem. It's like you feel bad by looking at rich people. then why don't you move to ghetto area so you can feel rich? 1
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