sugar32288 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 My ex and i dated for 5 months, he broke up with me a month ago because of poor communication between us, because he was very stressed from work, and because he has trouble dealing with his emotions. His work has now gone back to normal and i know the feelings are still there. We had a wonderful relationship for the first 4 months, but our relationship suffered when he started working 7 days a week. We spoke two weeks ago and he said he has very strong feelings for me but he just doesn't know if it feels right. He said he will be second-guessing his decision for a very long time. I'm still convinced it didn't feel right because he was too immature (he is 25, I am 24) to put work into a relationship and because he was very stressed from work. There is so much potential for us had we even talked about our issues, which we didn't at all because we both are not so communicative. We met 2 days ago for me to get some clothes back. I was happy and confident and he looked so sad. We caught up for 30 minutes and when i said I was going to leave, he asked me to stay a little longer. We continued chatting and he just looked so sad. He pulled me to lay down with him and he proceeded to hug, cuddle, and cling to me for 2 hours. He was holding my hand and rubbing my back and staring at me. Eventually he asked to kiss me and I didn't say anything. He continued to hold me then we kissed each other for a long time. We did have sex. He held me tightfor a long time after and kept kissing my cheek and holding my face. As we were laying there, I told him not to worry, that I know this didn't change anything. He replied that he doesn't understand why I think things are so simple. We held each other for a bit longer then I got up to get my coat. He kissed me passionately for a bit more then walked me out and kissed me again. What do I do now? I love him very much and I know he has feelings for me, but I don't want to scare him away by talking about getting together. He really is bad with dealing with his emotions and shows how he feels through physical affection and touch. I don't know if I should contact him and ask if we should talk about what happened, ask him out to see a movie, or just do nothing.
KatZee Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 but I don't want to scare him away by talking about getting together. He really is bad with dealing with his emotions... This is where you're going to find yourself being screwed. Literally, and figuratively. It's perfectly OK for him to act like you're in a relationship, use your body for sex, and then still uphold the split. What reason at all does he have to make you a girlfriend if you give him everything he would get in a relationship without committing to you? It's at THIS point after he just used you for sex where you need to open your mouth and set your boundaries. The fact that you're too scared to even discuss the relationship shows that this is NOT a relationship with a secure and solid foundation. Communication is ESSENTIAL and MANDATORY in a relationship. It speaks volumes that you can't go to him and say, "I love you, and I want to be with you, but we can't have sex if we're not together." You're essentially letting HIM guide the relationship, you're letting HIM guide the breakup. Everything is on HIS terms. What are YOUR TERMS? If things aren't so simple he needs to open his mouth. He's 25. Not 14. He's a young man at this point. An adult. Capable of expressing needs and wants. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions as to say, "We're so close to getting back together." You're no closer to getting back together at all. He did what virtually ALL red-blooded males who just end a relationship do. Wind up second guessing, dipping back into their ex-girlfriend, stringing her along, and then going "We're still not right together. Sorry." You don't want this to be you because you'll be even more devastated. Lack of communication is a deal breaker. It destroys relationships. If you can't even communicate, believe me this is NOT the guy you want to be with or marry. 3
flitzanu Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 kat nailed it above. just because he banged you doesn't mean he wants to get back together with you. sex does NOT EQUAL relationship/emotion. 1
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