im about to let rip into ths guy

[fucpcg]

Deja Vu girl...

 

I'm getting close to 2 years out from being dumped by a girl I was discussing marriage and children with. I've questioned many times if I should be dating yet or not. Went on my first dates about 7 months post breakup, way too soon. Then tired a year out, year and a half out, none were going well as I wasn't ready, so I pulled back. I decided just not to date anymore, indefinitely.

 

Met a girl who literally chased me for 2-3 months before I finally gave in and decided to give her a chance. We met to watch a 1pm soccer game, and ended up spending the rest of the day together till I dropped her home at midnight. It was probably the best first date I ever had, and just a great day overall. We had a blast and laughed our asses off. All of the sudden I felt yes I guess I can open up my heart again and move on from my ex. From that date on, she has blown me off. She told me she had something going on every weekend for a month straight after that weekend, which brought us to end of November. She would only respond to a text from me, never initiate communication. I didn't believe the busy for a month story, but I thought I'll wait and see without judgement. End of November I text her, she says she's busy now till after New Year's. I didn't respond, I deleted her number from my phone, deleted her from my friends list on FB, and bit my tongue the whole way even though I had a few choice comments for her.

 

After all my stuggles with my ex, I really didn't need some girl to go on one all day date with me, act enthralled with me, get me feeling like I could finally move on, then basically totally ignore me. To add a little irony to the story, a couple of days after deleting her on FB, guess who decides to text me to see how I am doing... My response? "Fine"

 

Absolutely uncalled for behavior on her part, and now I am back to keeping myself off the market.

[Eternal Sunshine]

What the hell is wrong with these people?

 

When I reject someone, I feel so bad that I always offer explanations, often I even over-explain. I have never faded on anyone.

 

Yet, people choose to do this to me.

 

Especially someone who has already met me and spent time with me and went through 6 months of mad chase. Surely you knew then that you weren't that into me?

[Estate]

Ok, so I read this thread but I feel like I am totally missing something here.

 

 

So from what I gather... I guy asked the OP out on a date, presumably more than once before she agreed.

 

They went out, had their date and now he hasn't called. So somewhere on the date I guess he figured they weren't as compatible as he had hoped.

 

So that was ONE date. He hasn't called. Um... what is wrong here? What am I missing?

Do people here REALLY think it is normal to call/text/email a guy and freaking out at him over not asking for a SECOND freaking date. We're not talking about a 10 year relationship here, but ONE date????? What am I missing, please?

 

This is insane. The OP is obviously hurt he didn't like her. We've all been there. To be honest the last thing I want after a first date is a run-down of all my flaws. If we've only had one date then either we didn't click and it's that simple or if there IS a rundown of things she disliked then I'd find it extremely judgemental of someone to say such things after meeting me once and wouldnt be bothered anyway.

 

I don't want to hear the rundown from anyone. I'd rather she just not follow up if she's not interested. I don't mind if a girl were to get something nice like "Thanks for a nice evening, seem like a nice guy but didn't feel a spark"... It's one date, I can accept that it didnt click for us both and move on....

Write her back a big angry message? Cray cray.

[2sure]

i am not taking any

advice from someone

that chooses to write forum messages

like he is writing a poem

 

not only is it really annoying

it detracts from what you are saying

which coincidentally

is irrelevant and also annoying.

 

fin.

 

I had to like this post, I think if he is writing in that format he should adhere to some kind of rhythm and meter. And rhyme.

 

But anyway....the fade, sudden and not - has happened to us all and it is rude.

I do have a response, I've used it, it is equally as rude...and I'm not saying you should do it...but it did get a response.

 

Tell him: I was telling my friend about you, she is new in town and doesn't know a soul. So, I explained that although WE didn't have chemistry...well, I thought you were just great and pretty hot...Turns out , I think you would really enjoy each other...but, she is just a little bit..um, forward. Shoot me a picture I can send her with your number.

 

He will. When he calls to ask if you gave her his number: Oh, geez, yeah. Uh, I don't know what she is looking for physically...so, I dunno, sorry, she isn't going to call.

 

Im not saying its right, just that it hurts.

[ascendotum]

^ touché

It would work on the suddenly gone quite male, but I don't think the suddenly gone quite female would take the bait, given guys really don't pursue & get involved with a girl then handball her on to one their mates.

[ScreamingTrees]

What the hell is wrong with these people?

 

When I reject someone, I feel so bad that I always offer explanations, often I even over-explain. I have never faded on anyone.

 

Yet, people choose to do this to me.

 

Especially someone who has already met me and spent time with me and went through 6 months of mad chase. Surely you knew then that you weren't that into me?

 

Y u mad, doe? Seriously, what more could you expect from a nitwit who actually made the conscientious decision to "pursue" you over the course of SEVERAL MONTHS.. Poor schmuck didn't know when to quit. He probably realized how pathetically stupid he was acting, and grew a pair by the time you came to.. Perhaps he'd prefer to be alone rather than the less-than-ideal last resort of someone who he'd previously desired?

 

Would you honestly waste all of that time on "pursuing" a guy you really liked, for up to a several month period, even if there's barely IF any reciprocation beyond a platonic friendship sort of level, and it's clear from the beginning that it's not likely in the cards?

[ChatroomHero]

I just got a different version of ignoring me:

 

Me: "do you want to see me again?"

Him "I don't know."

Me: "Can you tell me why?"

Him: "I don't know. I don't know what to say."

Me:"Do you think we lack physical chemistry?"

Him:"I am not sure that's the reason. I can't put my finger on it. I just don't know"

 

 

I've gone out with women i found attractive and seemed like we would get a long but sometimes just got a feeling that it just wasn't going to work. Part of me would think that I did initially see something and I couldn't think of anything specific that turned me off.

 

Sometimes people look better on paper. To be fair, I think some of those times the more I got exposed to their personality the less compatible I felt. Not that they were flawed or had a bad personality, but some of their likes and dislikes made me think we thought about things completely differently.

 

In those situations I felt that it was kind of an, "I can't put my finger on it" type thing but it still came down to a matter of being initially attracted and then losing the attraction. It's kind of tough to explain that to someone you initially expressed attraction to so you get kind of an non-answer.

[annabelle26]

I've gone out with women i found attractive and seemed like we would get a long but sometimes just got a feeling that it just wasn't going to work. Part of me would think that I did initially see something and I couldn't think of anything specific that turned me off.

 

Sometimes people look better on paper. To be fair, I think some of those times the more I got exposed to their personality the less compatible I felt. Not that they were flawed or had a bad personality, but some of their likes and dislikes made me think we thought about things completely differently.

 

In those situations I felt that it was kind of an, "I can't put my finger on it" type thing but it still came down to a matter of being initially attracted and then losing the attraction. It's kind of tough to explain that to someone you initially expressed attraction to so you get kind of an non-answer.

 

it just leaves the other person in limbo though, wondering wtf they did wrong. offering no explanantion is cowards way out.

[Balzac]

I'm not a buyer of "what I did wrong" theories. If you present yourself honestly, it's never about committing a "wrong". What it's about is the criteria set by the other person. Excess worry, curiosity or concern about their criteria, particularly after just a few dates, that's abnormal. It's then about your insecurity.

[Tara247]

Annabelle, what were the 20 questions at dinner about?

[annabelle26]

Annabelle, what were the 20 questions at dinner about?

 

relationship with my parents - dont speak to my dad but thats hypocritical if thats the reason because he slagged his dad off to me for 20 minutes

 

my loan payments for college and exactly how much money i get and when

(ridiculous as i support myself and im careful with money but i guess out loud the loan amount is quite bad - he then went on to divulge that his dad pays for his massive car etc etc)

 

when was my last job

 

what did i do after leaving school and why have i gone to college later in life

 

what i want to do with my life after college

 

have i always lived with my parents (no but i am now as financially it is beneficial)

 

im sure there was some other weird **** but i cant remember tbh. the more i write about this guy the more i wonder why im upset. on paper, he is a dickhead.

[suladas]

That's so weird. But really what's so bad about vanishing after a first date? You could of messaged him after if you wanted. After my last date, I never messaged her, during it I got the vibe she was hinting at another, but the way it ended I didn't think so, and frankly that was fine with me. Never messaged her, she never messaged me I have no hard feelings. If she wanted some kind of explanation, or wanted another date she could of easily contacted me. I don't see where he was a jerk, besides for the horrible questions.

[TheFinalWord]

someone stop me. i know its a bad idea but i just want to send a really vile message. this is the creep that pursued me like it was going out of fashion then gave me 20 questions at dinner then has the cheek to ignore me/ blank me from there on in.

 

im surprised how much this has got under my skin tbh. i didnt want to date him or anyone else. i was doing so well. i feel like this guy has made a complete idiot out of me.

 

i know its probably a bad idea but i just want to tell him exactly what i think.

 

stop me? or shall i just do it?

 

I've done both.

 

Years ago, a girl that did that to me, I argued with her via e-mail. When I reflected, I found I was mainly trying to get revenge. That was the root emotion, and I didn't like that someone made me desire that emotion. There's a saying, revenge is a dish best served cold; meaning not when you're mad lol...but to me, having done it in this case, its best not to serve it at all. Why? It's a destructive emotion and the end result does not change anyone's mind and only places stress on you.

 

I've also just let it go. Girl made up some silly excuse. I just wished her well and respected her decision. No need to get angry and let her get a rise out of me. She has no influence on my life and mind set. Her loss. For me, I found taking this approach helped to mature me emotionally and mentally. Yes, what they did hurt, but b/c mainly I found it was an ego thing "how dare you not desire me". But it's her right not to, and that is okay. I have rejected in the past, and they have as much right as I do. Yes, some people could be more courteous and classy about it. But, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. All you can do is vent on this guy, and solidify in his mind that he made the right choice. Or you can let it go, free your mind of stress, and make him wonder if he made the right choice. Main thing is, do not re-open yourself to this man. You also have a right to also no longer trust him

[Eternal Sunshine]

I've gone out with women i found attractive and seemed like we would get a long but sometimes just got a feeling that it just wasn't going to work. Part of me would think that I did initially see something and I couldn't think of anything specific that turned me off.

 

Sometimes people look better on paper. To be fair, I think some of those times the more I got exposed to their personality the less compatible I felt. Not that they were flawed or had a bad personality, but some of their likes and dislikes made me think we thought about things completely differently.

 

In those situations I felt that it was kind of an, "I can't put my finger on it" type thing but it still came down to a matter of being initially attracted and then losing the attraction. It's kind of tough to explain that to someone you initially expressed attraction to so you get kind of an non-answer.

 

Yeah, I figured it was something like that. It's just the nature of dating.

 

Thanks for the explanation. I love hearing guy's point of view

[NiceGuyDTW]

I've done both.

 

Years ago, a girl that did that to me, I argued with her via e-mail. When I reflected, I found I was mainly trying to get revenge. That was the root emotion, and I didn't like that someone made me desire that emotion. There's a saying, revenge is a dish best served cold; meaning not when you're mad lol...but to me, having done it in this case, its best not to serve it at all. Why? It's a destructive emotion and the end result does not change anyone's mind and only places stress on you.

 

I've also just let it go. Girl made up some silly excuse. I just wished her well and respected her decision. No need to get angry and let her get a rise out of me. She has no influence on my life and mind set. Her loss. For me, I found taking this approach helped to mature me emotionally and mentally. Yes, what they did hurt, but b/c mainly I found it was an ego thing "how dare you not desire me". But it's her right not to, and that is okay. I have rejected in the past, and they have as much right as I do. Yes, some people could be more courteous and classy about it. But, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. All you can do is vent on this guy, and solidify in his mind that he made the right choice. Or you can let it go, free your mind of stress, and make him wonder if he made the right choice. Main thing is, do not re-open yourself to this man. You also have a right to also no longer trust him

 

I second this. There is nothing to be gained by going off on him. Let him drown in your silence. Don't given him anything.

[Eddie Edirol]

7 yr relationship guy cheated. dated a long time friend after that, he turned out to be after sex only, and then told everyone we had slept together etc etc when we hadnt after i said i wasnt rushing into it. then another guy that was a fairly good acquaintance more or less did the same thing. swore off guys for a while, then this prat came along. im fed up of it. and i appreciate your viewpoint but i dont know any girls that think with their crotch.

 

This sounds like your man picker has a major glitch. If you keep running into these kind of men, then youre picking the wrong ones. Many guys think with their crotch, especially at your age, you have to learn how to filter these guys out before you actually date them. Might want to invest some time in asking your friends how they filter out guys that just want sex.

 

relationship with my parents - dont speak to my dad but thats hypocritical if thats the reason because he slagged his dad off to me for 20 minutes

 

my loan payments for college and exactly how much money i get and when

(ridiculous as i support myself and im careful with money but i guess out loud the loan amount is quite bad - he then went on to divulge that his dad pays for his massive car etc etc)

 

when was my last job

 

what did i do after leaving school and why have i gone to college later in life

 

what i want to do with my life after college

 

have i always lived with my parents (no but i am now as financially it is beneficial)

 

im sure there was some other weird **** but i cant remember tbh. the more i write about this guy the more i wonder why im upset. on paper, he is a dickhead.

 

Im sorry, but this guy has a checklist and an agenda, which is obvious by the questions. Your loan payments, how much money you get and when is NONE of his business whatsoever. You dont even have to tell him why you dont speak with your dad. Or why you went to college late. maybe he thinks you were a kept woman that had a wake up call after your last relationship ended and he didnt want to deal with it. Thats a lil personal on a first date. You are way too eager for approval if you are giving out that kind of info, and then wondering why he blew you off. He probably got bled dry by a woman and thats why he is asking these questions.

 

BTW if you really are as pretty as you said in other threads, no guy EVER wants to be just friends with you, dont ever think they do. WHoever you blew off as just friends, they all want a shot, get used to it.

 

And as people have told you in the other 3 threads you started about this guy, dont put all your eggs in one basket. Dont get attached to the results of these initial dates so quickly,if you keep picking these guys, you will keep getting the same results.

[kaylan]

My "I don't know" guy pursued me for 6 months, only to pull this crap once I was interested. WTF.

Why would a guy want to seriously date you if he had to chase you so long before you showed any interest. Its obvious and logical why theyd back off after a certain point.