Nina Galileo Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Hello. I've broke up with my fiance after 4 years being together. That's because he got someone else pregnant and he secretly marrying her. After 3 months waiting,I met a single man through online. We both are very active at 1 forum.At first,I decided to be his friend and then things changed.I found my chemistry with him and this is so different with what I had with my fiance.This man is 19 years older than me and I was so surprised that we have so much in commons.I'm 20 and I admit that I'm very mature than my actual age because of my job and my life. Fyi,he's in US (country not city) and I'm somewhere in Asia. Also,the last time he dated a woman was in 1991. A month later,I confessed to him and he said the same thing too.We decided to let the future to decide the best for us.What keeps me wondering is,we act little bit more than friends ever since the confessions.We become closer and recently,we started to talk about our future like our kids,our life and he did ask me whether I want to move to US with him. What I to know is,is this a clear sign that he's not fooling around because I don't.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 He may want you indeed. But I'd take precaution. Don't just come and move in...visit and see how he is in the real world. It's alright you seem to like him(once again use caution please.) 1
clia Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 So you are talking to a 39 year old man in the U.S. who hasn't had a date since he was in high school? Oh, this will end well. It should be an incredibly huge red flag to you that he hasn't been on a date in over 20 years! Why not? Does he live with his mom? Do yourself a favor and meet a guy your age who lives in the same city as you. Date him. Don't fall into a fantasy relationship with a creeper old man who is thousands of miles away. You have no idea who he is or what he is doing when he is so far away. Also, how can you possibly have chemistry with someone you've never even met? 1
AngrySpider Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Far be it for me to judge a relationship where there is an age difference as I've got a few years on my current long-distance girlfriend.I figure that as long as a relationship is between two consenting adults and there is a genuine connection between them,it shouldn't matter what difference there is in age,color,etc. Now,though not all of us guys who date younger women are the "creepy" type,just be cautious and get to know him more.You have a better idea than the rest of us how the chemistry is between you two and the commonalities that you both have.But here's where I do have to be honest with you. For one,you're only three months removed from a four year long relationship.It wouldn't be fair to either one of you if this is just a rebound relationship.It takes time to heal from a breakup of a long relationship and,considering just how badly your last one ended from the sounds of it,you need to make sure that you have resolved the feelings that you have from your previous relationship.I was single for nearly two years after being with my previous girlfriend for 7-1/2 years.I wasn't really looking for love until my girlfriend and I began talking on Facebook. Two,I am a bit skeptical that your boyfriend hasn't been in a relationship for 21 years.Unless he is very shy or extremely selective on who he involves himself with,I don't see this as being possible (unless he's been incarcerated or something).Has he told you why he hasn't dated in so long? Age is nothing but a number and it all comes down to an individual's level of maturity and what they've experienced in their time so far.My girlfriend is the same age as you and seems to get what relationships are all about whereas I know girls in their 30's where I'm from who are the lying/cheating type.Obviously,you have no problems committing to a relationship when you just gave four years of your life to someone. However,if you are seriously interested in this guy,plan a visit first before considering a permanent relocation.I live in Canada and my girlfriend is in the UK.I would never ask her to come here permanently without allowing her the opportunity to visit and feel things out with me first.Face-to-face time is important and you can get more information on someone when they're before your eyes because you have the chance to see everything from body language to how the dynamics of the relationship might likely be when there is less in the way of mileage between you. I will give you a heads-up though.A lot of us North American guys have a real thing for Asian women and you don't want to be just some hot Asian girl that he can live out a fantasy with.Not saying that he would.In my case,my British babe is extremely attractive but my attraction to her goes far beyond a physical one.I wouldn't want you to end up in a situation where you're just being used to fulfill a steamy fantasy of his.Like I said,just a heads-up.I don't know this fellow to say this for sure. As for him fooling around,you never know when someone is seeking attention from someone else (be it in a local or long-distance relationship) unless they're really bad liars or their behavior causes some serious red flags to wave in front of your eyes.It just depends on whether he is the type who is inclined to cheat or if he's someone who doesn't have it in him to mess around.Again,speaking personally,I have no desire to fool around on my girlfriend and I would never use her being so far away as an excuse to cheat on her.(Then again,I'm not the cheating type). I hope that it does work out for you and that this is something good that came out of a disastrous situation with your ex-fiance.Some people think that it's more sensible to date someone within your own commuity and,to a point,they're right.But love doesn't know international borders or geographical distance and the right person for us may just reside in a faraway place and it's just a matter of finding our way to each other.You'll probably have doubters and critics who will tell you,among other things,that the relationship that you're in isn't "real." Just be careful,be attentive,get to know him,and try to enjoy it for what it's worth.Do what makes you happy but don't put yourself in the positio where you may be hurt.Easier said than done,I know. 1
FitChick Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's not the age gap that is the problem. It's him not having a date in over 20 years, as the previous poster mentioned. Either he is gay and still in the closet or is a virgin who is afraid of women. Virtual women are safe.
AngrySpider Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 @FitChick, Thought of some of those possibilities as well.(Well,except the gay part! lol)
justwhoiam Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's not the age gap that is the problem. It's him not having a date in over 20 years, as the previous poster mentioned. Either he is gay and still in the closet or is a virgin who is afraid of women. Virtual women are safe. Or who knows what else. To me too it's really strange. He's 39 and last time he dated a girl he was 18. This doesn't sound normal. I hope there's a reasonable explanation for that. Totally uninterested in women? Some kind of Einstein? Some weirdo? Who knows... 1
aussietigerwolf Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I'd want to know why he hasn't dated in so long too.
bluegreen Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Rather curious but I had a friend who did not date in decade as much as I hate to say it was just because he was plain looking and he openly admitted to being told that. Maybe he did not have financial means his own place or car maybe he had ahem performance issues maybe he was workaholic am just trying to look at it from every angle possible.
Author Nina Galileo Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 (edited) Dear all,I hope you guys still here. I asked him why and he said,feminism issue made him afraid to get married.American women made him afraid to get married. At the same time,I see him more to a solitary person and that makes him anti social.That explains why we met at that forum and why the last time he dated was on 1991.He met few women through the same forum,one almost near to be his gf but she ran away because of his fatness,baldness and he's just a welder. I ask myself why too regarding him last dating was on 1991 etc. Then I remember my father was like that.Haha,he dated one woman and then she dumped him and later,he found mom and they got married and still together until now.The welder man's story sound similar like my father.So I guess,it's not that bad. I will play on the safe side and that,I will not easily say yes to this and that.I have talked to my parents and they agreed with me.Him and I,we decided to get to know better and when the right time comes,we will do what we should do best.I thought he's lying at first but after I met his parents through cam,I know I shouldn't think that way.Futhermore,he's just a country man. I said I found chemistry with him because my ex fiance didn't treat me that way.I mean,we lose respect,tolerance and honesty in our relationship.But I still not give up and try my best to save the relationship.But seeing him secretly marrying someone else broke my heart.The truth is,Dec 5th suppose to be our wedding.It was so sad that he got married to someone else,not me.Previously,I dated someone for a year and 4 months and also,I didn't find the chemistry like what I have with this welder man.So I know it's different. I asked opinion from both of my parents,they said if he is meant for me,he is.If he's not,I should let him go.My parents never like my ex fiance and as I told them about this man,I wonder why they always say this to the welder man "It's good to see her back after so many years being miserable". I hardly fall in love and once I do,I just do.After the break up,I met few men beside than this welder man but I felt nothing with them.I just feel it with this man. ADD.Info :- One more thing,as I can see.He loves his job so much and I consider him as a workaholic.Also,through what I see too...he told me if he got married,he wants to bring his parents to live with him too because he is very close to them.His dad is his best friend.I feel awkward because that's an impossible thing for an American man but who am I to judge that because some men at my country are like that too and all of them have good relationships with their parents.Also,kinda anti social like him too.huh Edited December 6, 2012 by Nina Galileo -
FitChick Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Wow, you must really be desperate to get a Green Card. You would be willing to marry a middle-aged, fat, bald, low paid, socially inept man who is afraid of women and still wants to live with his parents. 1
Author Nina Galileo Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 Dear FitChick Wow...you're right.I do sound desperate,hahaha.However,don't say that to me.That's kinda too much,friend.I'm not offended.Wow,you're very sarcastic.
clia Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I asked him why and he said,feminism issue made him afraid to get married.American women made him afraid to get married. He is looking for a demure, submissive young woman who won't challenge him, and will wait on him hand and foot without complaint. Sounds like you fit the bill, so congratulations! .He met few women through the same forum,one almost near to be his gf but she ran away because of his fatness,baldness and he's just a welder. Ooh, not only is he old enough to be your father, but he's fat and bald, too! He sounds like a real catch! I will play on the safe side and that,I will not easily say yes to this and that. Yes, please be careful. I said I found chemistry with him because my ex fiance didn't treat me that way. Just so I'm clear -- you've never met this man in real life, correct? So, explain to me how you can have so much chemistry with a man you have never even stood next to or touched? And further, how can you possibly know how this man will treat you when you've never even met him? Do you see how crazy this sounds? Previously,I dated someone for a year and 4 months and also,I didn't find the chemistry like what I have with this welder man.So I know it's different. Imaginary chemistry. I hardly fall in love and once I do,I just do.After the break up,I met few men beside than this welder man but I felt nothing with them.I just feel it with this man. You are in love with a fat, bald, old man who you have never met? Also,through what I see too...he told me if he got married,he wants to bring his parents to live with him too because he is very close to them. Do you have any idea how strange this is for a man in the United States? I wish you the best, but this sounds like a disaster. 2
Nyla Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 If you seek advice, you have to be prepared for whatever opinions are given. This man wants a naive young woman that he can control. He hasn't been on a date in 20 years because there is something that turns women off about him. My husband is older than me but only by eight years. He is an introvert yet that never stopped him from getting dates. So, stop using your virtual boyfriend's "solitary" ways as an excuse. I can see desperation dripping from your words. He's an old fat bald man whom you have never met, yet you claim to be "in love". 1
justwhoiam Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I partly agree with what people said so far... but not entirely. I am not American and in love with an American guy. Looks are not important to me, other things are. Of course I'm attracted to him, so as long as he doesn't turn her off, it's fine I guess. I mean Pitbull is bald and can't be considered thin or slender, still he's the kind of guy who surely has lots of women. Ok, he's a singer with a style, the other is a welder... but well. About fat, that's relative. I mean is he 400 pounds or 200? Does fat mean overweight or obese? That said, good luck. Not all the couples must be fashionable and cool.
AngrySpider Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Ummm.....I've seen some comments with respect to having chemistry with someone you've never met.It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility.Doesn't a lot of long-distance relationships start out as "virtual?" I haven't met my girlfriend yet (and there's a sizeable age gap between she and I) but I have a better connection with her than I've had with anyone I was with in a local relationship.
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