Drseussgrrl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You don't accidentally marry a douche. You go into it willingly. But your pattern worries me, too. You've dated abusive alcoholics. Posted threads about homeless dudes asking for money. Now this guy saying he wants you to have his baby and you haven't even met. I mean WTF. You've got to get a clue about men and stop being so naive. You need good, healthy boundaries and you seem so desperate to have a guy, ANY guy love you that you'll overlook even the most insane scenarios.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Ok. What would it matter if he was serious anyway? You never met him. Why would you even care if he was serious. You even knew he was drunk. Are you going to ask him if he is serious? Do you plan to try and start a relationship during his two years aboard? Has he shown any interest in getting to know you or seeing you during those two years? I asked him the next day and he said "I can see myself having a family with you". It was just really cute I guess in the end. I just liked that he said he wanted "beautiful babies" with me and he said he would treat me like a princess and take care of us, thats so sweet and nice and I just loved it. I mean if I don't meet anyone in 2 years I could see if he is still interested right? That isn't bad. I don't know, over all it was just super cute and sweet and perfect and we would be a really good dad I think, he seems really nice, he has always been really nice to me. He has told me that I should come see him in Peru and he would help me pay for it, I just don't know when I would ever go and I don't know if I want to be in a country that I don't know.
Drseussgrrl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I asked him the next day and he said "I can see myself having a family with you". It was just really cute I guess in the end. I just liked that he said he wanted "beautiful babies" with me and he said he would treat me like a princess and take care of us, thats so sweet and nice and I just loved it. I mean if I don't meet anyone in 2 years I could see if he is still interested right? That isn't bad. I don't know, over all it was just super cute and sweet and perfect and we would be a really good dad I think, he seems really nice, he has always been really nice to me. He has told me that I should come see him in Peru and he would help me pay for it, I just don't know when I would ever go and I don't know if I want to be in a country that I don't know. Any woman with a good head on her shoulders wouldn't think this was sweet and perfect. YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON. Sometimes I think my head explodes reading your posts.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 You don't accidentally marry a douche. You go into it willingly. But your pattern worries me, too. You've dated abusive alcoholics. Posted threads about homeless dudes asking for money. Now this guy saying he wants you to have his baby and you haven't even met. I mean WTF. You've got to get a clue about men and stop being so naive. You need good, healthy boundaries and you seem so desperate to have a guy, ANY guy love you that you'll overlook even the most insane scenarios. They all seemed good at first, and most of them went on to date other people and have kids or get married so it is probably just me. The alcoholic marine moved away to another state to take a job as a police officer, I think that the age difference was a problem too, he was 32 and I was 20. The homeless guy was not my fault, I thought he was genuinely interested because I looked really cute that day and I was smart and funny. Then he assumed I was rich and tried to get me to give him money, BUT a good thing about that is I didn't, and now I know that I will likely not ever give a man money unless he is a fiance or husband. I think I learned lessons from all these experiences, avoid men who can't control their alcohol, avoid men who have kids (that is an issue for me now), avoid men on probation for domestic violence, avoid men who tell you they are homeless.. At least I am learning these lessons now compared to being 30 and just learning them. I'm just going to be optimistic about the whole situation, I had a good therapy session the other day and she told me that I just need to find ONE PERSON who I like and likes me. I think I can find 1 person out of the few billion in the world. I have already done good in attracting men, I just need to find 1 that I attract and I like and likes me and doesn't have really bad red flags.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I asked him the next day and he said "I can see myself having a family with you". It was just really cute I guess in the end. I just liked that he said he wanted "beautiful babies" with me and he said he would treat me like a princess and take care of us, thats so sweet and nice and I just loved it. It's really NOT sweet, cute or nice for a drunk guy to call a girl he doesn't know from Adam and tell her he wants to have babies with her. It would behoove you to understand that for the rest of us, this would signify a loser. And please stop insisting that you "know" him. You don't, and he doesn't know you either. You are complete strangers. Are you aware that if you are really who and what you say you are (a 21 year old woman), your emotional maturity is many years behind your chronological age? 3
SmileFace Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I asked him the next day and he said "I can see myself having a family with you". It was just really cute I guess in the end. I just liked that he said he wanted "beautiful babies" with me and he said he would treat me like a princess and take care of us, thats so sweet and nice and I just loved it. I mean if I don't meet anyone in 2 years I could see if he is still interested right? That isn't bad. I don't know, over all it was just super cute and sweet and perfect and we would be a really good dad I think, he seems really nice, he has always been really nice to me. He has told me that I should come see him in Peru and he would help me pay for it, I just don't know when I would ever go and I don't know if I want to be in a country that I don't know. I am not even sure how to reply. Sigh. I hope age is good to you and you grow up and enter the real word one day.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 It's really NOT sweet, cute or nice for a drunk guy to call a girl he doesn't know from Adam and tell her he wants to have babies with her. It would behoove you to understand that for the rest of us, this would signify a loser. And please stop insisting that you "know" him. You don't, and he doesn't know you either. You are complete strangers. Are you aware that if you are really who and what you say you are (a 21 year old woman), your emotional maturity is many years behind your chronological age? I am mature in some senses, just not when it comes to my dating and wanting kids. That is my illogical immature side. Good part about that is, even though I want desperately to have all those things, they aren't happening for me. Maybe God is like "wow this girl is super immature, I better wait to bless her with a man and a baby" I figure that's probably what it is.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I am mature in some senses, just not when it comes to my dating and wanting kids. That is my illogical immature side. Good part about that is, even though I want desperately to have all those things, they aren't happening for me. Maybe God is like "wow this girl is super immature, I better wait to bless her with a man and a baby" I figure that's probably what it is. The frightening part is that you have told us dozens of times that if ANY guy showed up willing to marry you, you'd be, like, super happy and do it, cuz that's all you want out of life. And I'm surprised you haven't become pregnant "accidentally" with your attitude and sexual behaviors. And, your lack of personal responsibility for your behavior. It's not up to God whether you make terrible choices and behave like an out of control 12 year old. You have freedom of choice. So when the random drunk guy off of a free dating website knocks you up or even agrees to marry you and you go for it, I hope you won't take that as God delivering you a man and a baby. That would be God delivering you an opportunity to make a choice.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 The frightening part is that you have told us dozens of times that if ANY guy showed up willing to marry you, you'd be, like, super happy and do it, cuz that's all you want out of life. And I'm surprised you haven't become pregnant "accidentally" with your attitude and sexual behaviors. And, your lack of personal responsibility for your behavior. It's not up to God whether you make terrible choices and behave like an out of control 12 year old. You have freedom of choice. So when the random drunk guy off of a free dating website knocks you up or even agrees to marry you and you go for it, I hope you won't take that as God delivering you a man and a baby. That would be God delivering you an opportunity to make a choice. I think God helps guide your life so I think that everything that happens happens for a reason so my failed situations were just to teach me a lesson. I obviously am not just agreeing to marry anyone because if that was the case I would be finding a way to Peru like RIGHT NOW. I know what I need to do to be a good wife and mother and I know that it probably wouldn't be right now.
Nyla Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 We haven't met in person, so it is odd, we want to and were going to when he came home before he left for Peru but he got caught up with his family. We have skyped a few times though. Who cares if he is serious? The man is obviously disturbed if he wants to have a family with a woman he has never met. Desperation is never a good sign.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Who cares if he is serious? The man is obviously disturbed if he wants to have a family with a woman he has never met. Desperation is never a good sign. It's cute! It's like spontaneous and cute that he wants a family and I doubt it'll happen it was just a cute convo
LittlePrince Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Who cares if he is serious? The man is obviously disturbed if he wants to have a family with a woman he has never met. Desperation is never a good sign. A man who wants a child is desperate and disturbing. Men who don't are the pinnacle of mental health and stability then.
Nyla Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 My issue was with how quickly he was talking about babies and marriage with IB. He hasn't even met her yet! It is not as if they both come from a culture where arranged marriages are common. Wanting to have kids and get married is very normal. It is NOT healthy to discuss marriage and children so early in a relationship, especially when the couple has not even met yet.
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