ls32ssibm Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Dated this girl I met on OKC for the better part of a month, things were going great. We had disabled our accounts because we were close to the relationship phase. Get a text saying "Hey, you're really nice blah blah but I'd like some space". Reactivate my OKC out of curiosity and she's Online Now! lol.
Under The Radar Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Dated this girl I met on OKC for the better part of a month, things were going great. We had disabled our accounts because we were close to the relationship phase. Get a text saying "Hey, you're really nice blah blah but I'd like some space". Reactivate my OKC out of curiosity and she's Online Now! lol. Sorry man . Hopefully, the next guy she meets OLD will give her some "space" . Edited December 3, 2012 by Training Revelations 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It happens at least she actually deactivated for you, my ex didn't even do that, and I didn't know until after we were done because I hadn't been on mine since I met him. It happens, find a new girl good luck
NateC Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Happened to me not too long ago. She told me the whole "I don't think of you as more than a friend" over a text message - which was whatever, but she hasn't said much since...and it's been about two weeks. A dime a dozen as they say.
MyPoutine Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 What is with the habit of text dumping? Anyway, tough break there but more fish in the sea etc etc
grkBoy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Dated this girl I met on OKC for the better part of a month, things were going great. We had disabled our accounts because we were close to the relationship phase. Get a text saying "Hey, you're really nice blah blah but I'd like some space". Reactivate my OKC out of curiosity and she's Online Now! lol. Sorry to hear...but most of us have been there. Met many women who started off into me, interested, attentive, dating, etc. Then one day she would just do a 180 and suddenly tell me how there's no spark or she's not sure what she wants, or one of those BS "I need space" excuses. I have a feeling yours has some baggage. Just my own intuition...but I tend to notice the women who flip like that usually have some deep baggage they haven't shown you yet. What is with the habit of text dumping? It avoids possible confrontation and thus she can simply ignore his responses or calls back when a guy tries to then go on the "convince her to give him a shot" logic.
phineas Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I've experienced - "I don't want a relationship" - then she updates all her photo's. LOL! I've come to not expect much from women I go on dates with & even less from women I meet on OLD. I'm in a constant state of just waiting for the flake to happen which is sad. But it's the reality these days. 1
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I got off OKC for now. I don't think I'll be back to that one personally. OLD is good in the sense that you can, obviously, meet people, but it makes you as replaceable as a pair of soiled underwear because between your first and second date 20 other guys have sent her messages. 1
grkBoy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm in a constant state of just waiting for the flake to happen which is sad. I was in the same boat...even without the OLD. My only way to deal with this is to go into dating with no expectations. Before I met my fiancee, I would be trying to "make it work" with every woman I found attractive who also found me attractive in return. Unfortunately, most of those women also had baggage/issues and thus they flaked. When I met my fiancee, I took it differently. I was cordial, fun, charming, a gentleman, etc...but I didn't go out with her "expecting" anything. I didn't think about how I'd make it to date 2 or if she would contemplate me as a potential boyfriend. I simply took things as "I'm out with a pretty girl". Nothing more. I honestly had it in my head that she would see me for a few weeks or a month or so, and then probably have issues or baggage break out and thus end it in some way...probably vanishing. She never did...which surprised me...and why I didn't let her go. Stop hoping or desiring something to happen...just enjoy an evening out with a girl and nothing more. In many cases, the flakes won't be flakes to you because you won't care...but the better ones will then turn around and pursue to make you their RL. 6
NateC Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I was in the same boat...even without the OLD. My only way to deal with this is to go into dating with no expectations. Before I met my fiancee, I would be trying to "make it work" with every woman I found attractive who also found me attractive in return. Unfortunately, most of those women also had baggage/issues and thus they flaked. When I met my fiancee, I took it differently. I was cordial, fun, charming, a gentleman, etc...but I didn't go out with her "expecting" anything. I didn't think about how I'd make it to date 2 or if she would contemplate me as a potential boyfriend. I simply took things as "I'm out with a pretty girl". Nothing more. I honestly had it in my head that she would see me for a few weeks or a month or so, and then probably have issues or baggage break out and thus end it in some way...probably vanishing. She never did...which surprised me...and why I didn't let her go. Stop hoping or desiring something to happen...just enjoy an evening out with a girl and nothing more. In many cases, the flakes won't be flakes to you because you won't care...but the better ones will then turn around and pursue to make you their RL. I definitely agree with this. If you go out with the expectation that "she could be my potential GF" you'll set yourself up for failure because when she's not into you it'll hurt more than it really should. Solution is to go without expectations and just see what happens. Sometimes good things come without expecting it.
DC4 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Before I met my fiancee, I would be trying to "make it work" with every woman I found attractive who also found me attractive in return. Unfortunately, most of those women also had baggage/issues and thus they flaked. I am just now figuring this out. I haven't dated in a LONG TIME (been married, had LTR before that). I've dated a couple of guys who seem to want the girlfriend experience without actually being a boyfriend. I'm not talking about sex-I mean they want emotional support, they want to come to my house when their kids/work/whatever has them stressed out. Not anymore you won't! It's saved me a lot of heartache when I finally realized it's just a damn dinner-nothing more. 1
phineas Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I was in the same boat...even without the OLD. My only way to deal with this is to go into dating with no expectations. Before I met my fiancee, I would be trying to "make it work" with every woman I found attractive who also found me attractive in return. Unfortunately, most of those women also had baggage/issues and thus they flaked. When I met my fiancee, I took it differently. I was cordial, fun, charming, a gentleman, etc...but I didn't go out with her "expecting" anything. I didn't think about how I'd make it to date 2 or if she would contemplate me as a potential boyfriend. I simply took things as "I'm out with a pretty girl". Nothing more. I honestly had it in my head that she would see me for a few weeks or a month or so, and then probably have issues or baggage break out and thus end it in some way...probably vanishing. She never did...which surprised me...and why I didn't let her go. Stop hoping or desiring something to happen...just enjoy an evening out with a girl and nothing more. In many cases, the flakes won't be flakes to you because you won't care...but the better ones will then turn around and pursue to make you their RL. This is how i've started doing it also. I look at meets as a chance to just get out of the house & have some fun. Oh, and i've learned to recognize time waster's early on & to forget them. 3
truth_seeker Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I was in the same boat...even without the OLD. My only way to deal with this is to go into dating with no expectations. Before I met my fiancee, I would be trying to "make it work" with every woman I found attractive who also found me attractive in return. Unfortunately, most of those women also had baggage/issues and thus they flaked. When I met my fiancee, I took it differently. I was cordial, fun, charming, a gentleman, etc...but I didn't go out with her "expecting" anything. I didn't think about how I'd make it to date 2 or if she would contemplate me as a potential boyfriend. I simply took things as "I'm out with a pretty girl". Nothing more. I honestly had it in my head that she would see me for a few weeks or a month or so, and then probably have issues or baggage break out and thus end it in some way...probably vanishing. She never did...which surprised me...and why I didn't let her go. Stop hoping or desiring something to happen...just enjoy an evening out with a girl and nothing more. In many cases, the flakes won't be flakes to you because you won't care...but the better ones will then turn around and pursue to make you their RL. This is how to approach dating. No expectations. If they flake, don't take it personally. Early on, I took it way too seriously. Now, after some experience, I built up thicker skin. 1st Date) Drinks. Keep it very light and cordial. 2nd Date) Dinner or an activity. 3rd Date) Naked Twister. 2
mysteryscape Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Yeah, women online are probably worse, much worse than in real life. They can be really flaky, they're getting all this unreal (and usually unwarranted IRL) attention. Beyond a certain age they tend to come with a lot of baggage. Probably a lot of them are there because they messed things up IRL. The men in OLD are probably correspondingly damaged. Certainly, women complain about them enough!
DC4 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Yeah, women online are probably worse, much worse than in real life. They can be really flaky, they're getting all this unreal (and usually unwarranted IRL) attention. Beyond a certain age they tend to come with a lot of baggage. Probably a lot of them are there because they messed things up IRL. The men in OLD are probably correspondingly damaged. Certainly, women complain about them enough! So basically everyone is damaged?
mysteryscape Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Don't know if everyone is serious damage, but an awful lot are. Face it, we get damaged by life. And I think OLD attracts people who've failed IRL. I'm not saying everyone, but an awful lot of them. My experience with OLD was that there were a lot of women who were dishonest, or neurotic, or very flaky, or all of the above. And guess what, I also exchanged email with quite a few who dropped off of OLD because it was turning out to be just a time-waster for them. Some of these I'd include in the above categories, and some I just don't know enough about to say. But I don't know any women personally who've said it worked out well for them.
Drseussgrrl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Meh - I know some folks who have been successful with it. I know two women personally who met dudes and got engaged/married within a year. To good-looking dudes, too.
AsItIs Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I got off OKC for now. I don't think I'll be back to that one personally. OLD is good in the sense that you can, obviously, meet people, but it makes you as replaceable as a pair of soiled underwear because between your first and second date 20 other guys have sent her messages. Yes! Online dating is like a people supermarket. Keeping It Real About Online Dating – The People Supermarket | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue (This whole site is very informative,interesting & reader friendly.If you guys have never checked it out,browse around when you have some time.) Btw-I I hope you don't soil your underwear that often!Lol!
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I've sent her a few texts since and she's full blown ignoring me now. I wasn't in love or anything, but it's pretty irritating after a month of time and money to be blown off like that.
RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I've finally gave up on online dating a couple of months ago. Some people have luck, but it's just not for me. When it comes to dating in general, I try not to have any expectations. I can always figure out someone's intentions. A lot of times people give themselves away and we don't see it/listen because have stars in our eyes and violins playing in our ears lol.
phineas Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I've sent her a few texts since and she's full blown ignoring me now. I wasn't in love or anything, but it's pretty irritating after a month of time and money to be blown off like that. This is why I don't spend much on a woman until she is my GF & performing GF-ly duties.
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 This is why I don't spend much on a woman until she is my GF & performing GF-ly duties. I actually brought her on what she proclaimed to be the "best date of her life" last week that, let's say involved a horse and carriage. No joke. A week later, she's back on OKC, LOL. She must have been messaged by Captain America or some other dreamboat.
pbjbear Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Ive had several guys from OLD sites do this to me so its not just a female thing. Ive learned to let go of flakers early too. The most recent OLD flaker I had flaked out on our second date, then almost flaked out on our third (why would a guy say OK to a date on a Sunday if he knows hes going to want to watch the game? I dont care if you watch football just dont say "I can do that day"...inconsiderate) then flaked on our fourth. I told him I didnt think we were a good match and I dont think he cared. Flakiness = not that interested
Under The Radar Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I've experienced - "I don't want a relationship" - then she updates all her photo's. LOL! I've come to not expect much from women I go on dates with & even less from women I meet on OLD. I'm in a constant state of just waiting for the flake to happen which is sad. But it's the reality these days. This depressed the hell out of me . Don't worry, I'll be better in a few minutes .
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) *UPDATE* In an unexpected turn of events, she texted me back. Basically explained she still likes me but thought we were moving way too fast and needs some time to "process" it. Were we moving too fast? I guess it's subjective. Had several dates, no sex, didn't even kiss her until #3. Taking it as "well let me date some other guys and get back to you". Not sure what I'm going to do if she wants to go out again, we'll see. My OKC account is toast but if I google her username I can see (from a not logged-in status) that she is online, and basically is all night if I check once every several hours. Edited December 4, 2012 by ls32ssibm
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