RDM27A Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I am living 1500 miles away from my wife for a year. This is not by choice. The military has me here temporarily. I am having a hard time with this. I am completely attracted to my wife and want to be with her all the time. The problem is that as frustrated as I am by all this my wife doesn't seem to be showing any attraction to me at all. I realize we are separated, but it would be nice to feel like she misses/wants me the way I miss/want her. When I talk on the phone with her the conversations are like I'm talking to a friend, not my wife. Any advice on how to keep a wife interested/attracted long distance? 1
karacan Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 What has she said that made you feel like you she is percieving you as a friend? Did she act this way before you left? How does she react when you tell her you love and miss her? Does she say it back, if not what does she say?
Author RDM27A Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 She replies with the "i love you too" and all, but really never talks about missing me, missing sex....anything like that. I guess I just want to know she actually misses having me around as a husband, not just as a friend.
USMCHokie Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 That's a tough situation... As karacan has asked, is she usually affectionate and intimate when you are at home, or does she blow you off when you tell her you love her? Does she miss you if you're gone for a few days at home? She might also be acting distant as a defense mechanism to cope with the separation. Or to help you cope with the separation by acting "strong." The logic is that you knowing she's doing fine back at home gives you one less thing to worry about while you're forward.
seren Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 My H has recently left the military (UK) after 26 years, we have been together 28, so during this time we were apart for many, many dets a lot of it before Internet, computers etc. He sent me love letters, which are far more intimate than any emails or e blueys, not always sexual, but beautiful and full of love, he doesn't talk that way in 'normal' life, but in letters? lovely things. maybe start sending the odd letter that says how you feel about her and concentrate more on romantic thoughts than sex. I used to draw funny pictures to make him smile and would ramble for pages and pages about stuff, he would often just write a few lines, but that he had taken time to write meant he was thinking about me. Very often for those left behind, life just ticks along, we almost shut out our longing for the one away, but it doesn't mean they aren't loved. My H once wrote to me about a beautiful sunset when he was out in Iraq, it was so beautiful and he spoke about missing me and wanting to share it with him and how my being there with him would have made it perfect. It was so simple, but that he had thought to write to me about it was beautiful. My H is so not the flowery letters type man, neither am I, just keep writing, talk about how you feel and you don't have to shield her from how crap you are feeling either. You can send flowers, perfume and all manner of things ordered online these days. A bunch of flowers now and again was lovely. A year is a long time, US dets are longer than UK one's but our men and women go more often, mine was away for 4 months back for 2 and away for 4 months etc etc. I hope it all works out, goes quickly and you keep safe x
karacan Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I'm still wondering how she acts when you are home together? But regardless, there are two thoughts going through my head right now. The first is that you are so worried about her not missing/loving you that you are seeing signs that aren't there. Don't be offended by that because almost everyone has done it at some point. The second thought is that she does miss you and want you but doesn't voice it because, no matter how she feels, it doesn't change the fact that you are 1500 miles away and if she sits around and dwells on that it makes it harder for her too.
mammasita Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I come from a long line of military relationships. My dad deployed, my ex husband deployed, one of my boyfriends deployed, I've deployed..... Bottom line is that it's hard. It takes dedication to stay faithful and commited to your relationship. Is this your first separation?
mhaurice Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 dont be scare many women express very hardly and whit dificulty what they realy feel; that the nature of women just be calm and dont stop calling her and assuring her of ur feelings
Ielz Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 It's kinda weird that your wife is not that into you or not what you are expecting/wanting.. I am sure that usually women are more expressive and emotional especially in your situation. How old is your wife? Is she working? Some women (not sure if because of age or just they prefer) like guys that are not too mushy. Or maybe she is resenting you a bit because she feels so alone, because supposed to be married couples should not be far away from each other. In your case, not used to the military life. a lot of factors can cause her behavior. But the things you can only do for her to stay attracted to you are already suggested. If there's still no change.. Well..the problem is not you..
swishwick Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 To maintain a relation strong you need to keep in touch with them. If she is not showing interest towards you also, you keep talking to her. Express your love to her in many ways. Keep sending mails to her about your past spent incidents. Send flowers, gifts and greetings to her which shows your care towards her.
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