Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Some of you don't like me due to my opinions and thats fine but pls don't come to my thread to start trouble. So from some of my past threads I'm getting out of a very unhealthy FWB situation. I have also decided I myself am not really ready or wanting a relationship. I started speaking to this guy say about 6 months ago. We have made several plans to meet which one of us always back out of. To be honest I don't really feel like meeting anyone right now even as a "friend". I have made it clear to him in a phone conversation I'm not interested in anything more then friendship. He is also 20 yrs older then me and I'm not interested in dating someone who could be my father. He made it clear that he was interested in only friends. We txt pretty regularly but this evening he left me a txt mentioning his football team winning and then (How are you baby?) I hate being called baby by guys unless were together. This insuates to me that he is lying about wanting to be friends. You don't call your friends baby! Am I over thinking this? I have not yet answered the txt. I have in the past been honest letting a guy know that I am uncomfortable with it. Lets just say after that it became awkward and they seemed upset by my request. I don't want to be a b*tch but I am thinking of just completley ignoring him. Now I'm glad I didn't meet him. I don't want to string the poor guy along thats why I was upfront from the beginning.
dasein Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Don't know whether it rises to lying, but when many men hear, "I just want to be friends," they think their job is to change your mind and win the girl. Not the way to go, but many men get bad advice or have bad movie type ideas of how dating happens and how women form attraction. Cutting ties is probably the right thing to do. Good luck.
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Ty for your reply.. See thats what I thought. It is kind of annoying because I told him strait out what the score was. I'm not going to blame the guy for trying. I don't want him to waste his time on me. So calling me baby is def a sign he wants more right? I feel like an idiot who should know the answer to somthing as simple as this. LOL But that kind of puts me in a weird situation. What do I say? I'm sorry but you calling me baby sounds to me like your looking for more then what I want. I don't want to just ignore him but at the same time I don't want to look crazy either. Him thinking wow she is blowing that way out of proportion!! You know what none od this would be an issue and it would be easy to just ignore him. But we have been friendly for a good while now.
dasein Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 If you want to do the most humane thing, just tell him you feel like he wants more and he should spend that energy and time elsewhere. Cut him loose entirely. If you want to take the lower % route and try to preserve the friendship, tell him straight up, "baby isn't what friends say, I value your friendship, and don't want to feel I have to start ignoring you when you start with "baby," but will if I have to." then go from there. If he gets surly, then just cut him loose. If he changes his tone and gets the message, maybe friendship is possible. Saying again, though, low %.
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Thanx daesin. I appriciate it. I haven't done anything. Infact I'm feeling like a complete spinless coward lol. I just don't want to deal with it honestly. I don't want to deal with another confrontation with a SO called friend. Bad attitudes bad blood. I am about to do it now I really hope he dosen't turn into a d|ck about it.
clia Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Am I right that you've never met this guy in person? If that is the case, why are you even stressing about this? I have made it clear to him in a phone conversation I'm not interested in anything more then friendship. He is also 20 yrs older then me and I'm not interested in dating someone who could be my father. He made it clear that he was interested in only friends. We txt pretty regularly but this evening he left me a txt mentioning his football team winning and then (How are you baby?) I hate being called baby by guys unless were together. This insuates to me that he is lying about wanting to be friends. He wants to have sex with you. This doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out. Why else would a man 20 years older than you be chatting you up? You and he are on the same page -- neither one of you wants a relationship. Now I'm glad I didn't meet him. I don't want to string the poor guy along thats why I was upfront from the beginning. I really don't think you need to worry about stringing him along. You said yourself that he made it clear he only wants to be friends. He's hoping you will agree to have sex with him. That is the only explanation that makes sense. I'm not sure why you want to be "friends" with someone you've never met who is 20 years older than you anyway, but to each his own, I guess.
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 No not exactly accurate. I made it clear to him I wanted nothing more then friends he agreed. saying(its always good to have friends). I've never dated a guy that age but honestly I couldn't say for sure that I couldn't or wouldn't. Same for friendship I don't see anything wrong with being friends with anyone for any reason. We have known eachother for a good while and talk frequently. He has a lot going on at the moment as he just lost an aunt a few weeks ago and recently a friend of his aswell. Sure he could be just looking for sex. But you really don't know him well enough to know that. Either way he ain't gettin any. I care about my friends I care about ppl pretty easily infact its just who I am. So I feel bad about potentially losing a friend. Wether we have met or not makes no diffrence. Most of all I just didn't want to deal with the confrontation or what not. I did txt him though. Hey sry I didn't get back to you. I was thinking how best to put this. I think calling me baby is crossing the friend line which I'm uncomfortable with.I do value your friendship but am thinking you are wanting more then what I can offer.So I'm going to be strait with you because I don't want to waste your time or string you along. He hasn't answered and maybe he won't which is fine with me.
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