Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I found out my husband of 14 yrs,father of my 2 kids,and best friend was cheating on me. I found the text message on his phone from the OW on Oct. 13 and to find out they have been texting one another since the end of Aug. I confronted him about it and at first he told me lies then the truth came out. We were staying at his moms at the time bc we were building our dream home. I think staying there did put stress in our marriage. I moved out if his moms house on Oct 18 and he moved in with her the same day. I did the whole begging and pleading with him until the first of Nov but stopped bc i realized it was pushing him away further. He still denies their relationship and says he doesnt stay there all the time but yea right!! He has not filed for divorce yet and when I ask him why he has not he only says I dont know very sincere like. I want my husband back and I know i shouldnt but this blind sided me. Of course we had our problems and living with his mom didnt help anything but I still love this man. I just dont want to give up on our marriage even though he did. What are the chances that he could come back? What are the chances of their relationship lasting? I think she does it out of spite but post pictures of them together on her FB page. She is so ugly. We use to make fun of her now he is with her!! This is driving me crazy. I just want my husband and life back!!
BrokenPrincess Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) You used to make fun of your best friend for being ugly? Edit after re-reading: you meant your husband was your best friend and his OW is I guess is a random (ugly) acquaintance. Edited December 3, 2012 by BrokenPrincess Had to read that one again
Steen719 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You used to make fun of your best friend for being ugly? I'm sorry, OP, but that was my initial feeling about your post, also. You and he used to make fun of her because she was ugly? Wow! That is pretty mean to do about anyone, but a friend? hmmmm! Ugly can be inside, too.
Furious Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I found out my husband of 14 yrs,father of my 2 kids,and best friend was cheating on me. I found the text message on his phone from the OW on Oct. 13 and to find out they have been texting one another since the end of Aug. I confronted him about it and at first he told me lies then the truth came out. We were staying at his moms at the time bc we were building our dream home. I think staying there did put stress in our marriage. I moved out if his moms house on Oct 18 and he moved in with her the same day. I did the whole begging and pleading with him until the first of Nov but stopped bc i realized it was pushing him away further. He still denies their relationship and says he doesnt stay there all the time but yea right!! He has not filed for divorce yet and when I ask him why he has not he only says I dont know very sincere like. I want my husband back and I know i shouldnt but this blind sided me. Of course we had our problems and living with his mom didnt help anything but I still love this man. I just dont want to give up on our marriage even though he did. What are the chances that he could come back? What are the chances of their relationship lasting? I think she does it out of spite but post pictures of them together on her FB page. She is so ugly. We use to make fun of her now he is with her!! This is driving me crazy. I just want my husband and life back!! I wish I could help, but your post is confusing. Your post shows that your very upset and your really hurting. Can you clarify what happened so we can help you. Is your husband living with his mom, or with the OW? Was the OW your friend? Are the children with you?
KraftDinner Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm sorry, OP, but that was my initial feeling about your post, also. You and he used to make fun of her because she was ugly? Wow! That is pretty mean to do about anyone, but a friend? hmmmm! Ugly can be inside, too. Give her a break. The OP doesn't need to read this nonsense.
alexandria35 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm sorry, OP, but that was my initial feeling about your post, also. You and he used to make fun of her because she was ugly? Wow! That is pretty mean to do about anyone, but a friend? hmmmm! Ugly can be inside, too. She was refering to her husband as her best friend. Nowhere in her post does she call the OW a friend.
Author Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Sorry to confuse. My husband was my best friend and when I moved out he moved in with the OW.
Author Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 What happened was on Oct 13 the day of my daughters bday i found a text message on my husbands phone from the OW. I looked at phone records and it showed he and the OW had been texting one another since Aug. I moved out of his moms house bc we were living there bc we were building a house. When I and the kids moved out he moved in with the OW. He was my best friend. I knew of the OW but was not a friend of hers. Sorry to confuse you.
Furious Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) So sorry for what you're going through. Even though it hurts, the best thing you did was to stop begging for him. Your husband knows you want him, and as long as he thinks he can be with the OW and knows you'll take him back ,he can keep you in limbo. This is the time to shift your focus on yourself. You need to go 180 on him. You need to take care of yourself, you need to get legal advice, get your ducks in order, you need to know your rights. The 180 is not meant as a ploy, it is meant to empower you and to regain your self esteem and enable you to survive with or without him. Edited December 3, 2012 by Furious Correction 3
Steen719 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Give her a break. The OP doesn't need to read this nonsense. I will apologize to the OP for reading it incorrectly. I think any time you laugh at someone because they are ugly is telling about you. I am sorry for her pain and as a BS, I certainly know how it is. I will say what I want despite your disapproval or disagreement, but thank you for your comments. 1
Steen719 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 What happened was on Oct 13 the day of my daughters bday i found a text message on my husbands phone from the OW. I looked at phone records and it showed he and the OW had been texting one another since Aug. I moved out of his moms house bc we were living there bc we were building a house. When I and the kids moved out he moved in with the OW. He was my best friend. I knew of the OW but was not a friend of hers. Sorry to confuse you. I apologize for making the mistake that you meant the best friend was the OW. I am sorry for your pain.
2sunny Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Consequences will help him realize what damage he's causing. Swift and harsh consequences work best. File for D - move money - don't discuss things with him. See how he handles that cold, hard reality he's created. 2
ComingInHot Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's time to consult a divorce attorney to find out what your rights are. Be honest w/your husband about it. Usually this is a wake up call for the WS. He will be forced to take a look at his actions and the consequences and possible outcome. But overall a consult will offer you knowledge and knowledge is power. Your power. My heart goes out to you!! 2
10132 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 so sorry for u and the kids...lawyer up...fast....i know your hurting but u will feel better after talking with a lawyer...anyway, its going to cost him huge for what he has put u and the kids through....and you have him by the short hairs!!
Artie Lang Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 how can he deny anything "going on," when he's already moved in with her. how stupid is that?!
Author Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 My thoughts exactly he deny anything he lives with her!!! I have spoke to 2 different lawyers and yes it is going to cost him but for some reason i want him to file first that why he has to own up to messing up! But if he hasnt by January i am going to...if only to see what happens! Do you all think their relationship will last? I know she wants it to she says she loves him!
Artie Lang Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 whether it lasts or not, you need to move on(i know "easier said than done"). don't become his doormat, as this will NOT bring him back. have have you exposed him to friends and family? 1
turnera Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do the "I want him to file first" routine. That's a psychological ploy that you think is going to make you feel good, but it won't. Trust me. I've seen that exact statement in about 200 cases of infidelity, and the BS always ends up just filing to get it over with because by then the WS just makes them sick to their stomach. You will NOT get the 'feel good' you think you will by making him file. In fact, psychologically speaking, and based on my 10 years of giving advice on forums, the #1 BEST WAY to get your husband back is for you to file NOW, TODAY, and show him no leniency. Why? Because we want what we can't have. We respect those who stand up for themselves. We want our spouse back if they are appalled at what we did and suddenly the OW doesn't look so great. Do his parents know why you left? 4
Author Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I understand your point on filing first..thanks! Yes all of our family and friends know! It's like he took my life away and gave it to her! Everyone family or friends that I thought loved me or liked me threw me away like yesterdays trash!! The OW has posted all kinds of comments and pictures of the two on her facebook page!
Artie Lang Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 you mean your family and these so-called "friends" are OK with his
Author Rach27 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Not my family but his did nothing. His family and our friends did said nothing to him! His stepdad is a preacher!! I am so hurt by everyone!!
RickFox Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 As one who was a cheater, I will tell you that you cannot have your life back. It won't ever be the same, even if he were to drop his side piece and come running back to you. You have alot of unresolved feelings swirling around inside and you haven't even begun to experience the pain and anger that is to come soon and you will turn on him and he will deserve it all ( I did). Since he jumped so fast to be with the OW, consider him done, consider yourself done and move on without him. The odds are against him and this woman, they will not make it, the fantasy is now the reality and he has no idea of the reality he is entering into........... but cut the rope on this guy, his actions have shown you all you need to see for now. Should you choose to reconcile, before or after divorce, he will need to jump through hoops to show you what you mean to him....and it doesn't stop, he shouldn't stop and expect you to forgive and forget, not right away. I am still working on my marriage from my idiocy. Cut this fool loose, don't fight for him anymore, simply tell him to enjoy his life with his newfound love and slam the door in his face. I agree with the poster who said to just file for D on him, don't wait around. Easier said than done, you're in pain, hurting, angry, sad, your world has been ripped apart.... Take care of yourself and good luck. 1
Furious Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Not my family but his did nothing. His family and our friends did said nothing to him! His stepdad is a preacher!! I am so hurt by everyone!! How are your kids handling this, does your husband see them regularly. Are your children close to their grandparents.
Author Rach27 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 My son is 8 and my daughter is 5. They are used to seeing both mom and dad every single day! My husband was the best dad ever snd now well he has seen hos kids maybe 7 hrs in the past 2 wks. We live with my mom which her and i do not get along never had and my son hates it here. My parents are so hard on my kids which is something they are not use to. They had this free life where they lived on a 50 acre farm and could run wild. My son is taking it real hard. The OW used to work at his school and she was his teachers aide in 1st grade. He knows what is going on, my daughter not so much. My son has really been the person who has been there the most for me!! I love kids so much but it is hard being the single mom knowing he use to have this life and now he is out partying snd hanging out with our friends with his new found love!! He has not responsibilties righg now and it is not fair!
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