Eternal Sunshine Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I am OLD veteran and I want to meet or at least talk on the phone ASAP. Lengthy e-mail exchanges and IMs only lead to wasted time. I fit them in my schedule, they typically come close to where I work and either have coffee/lunch or a drink after work. I also suggest meeting up if the guy didn't do so in one week or so. I have even had great chemistry on the phone, only to find that I wasn't attracted to them in the person. But yeah, never met anyone without phone number exchanges.
dasein Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I wouldn't ever go out on an OLD without a phone call either. If she doesn't want me to have her number, she can call me and hide her number. Once more, got over 50 numbers or calls after one email exchange with never any hesitation, 15-20 of those before I was any good at OLD. No woman ever told me "let's email for awhile." Not being willing to set dates without calls also has the fringe benefit of discouraging flakes. People, unfortunately, are more likely to behave courteously if you know their name and phone number. Was never stood up in over 50 dates, probably would have been without knowing names and phone numbers on the front end. Couple of other things I forgot, had another phrase before the "be ready" in my profile, "Not interested in penpals or interminable email exchanges before meeting, be ready to go out on a fun date and we will." Admittedly, this may have prevented women from replying, and I wouldn't know it, but based on later results after gaining OLD experience, I don't think many were put off.
Estate Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Yes, but she doesn't KNOW if she likes him until she meets him. I'm just saying, a lot of women don't want to give out the number until they've met you first, because they don't want to be called by these guys that they find they have no interest in after meeting him, and most dates from online dating turn out to be duds. Can you imagine giving out your number to five guys a week that showed interest? That would be twenty guys a month calling you that you had no interest in after meeting up with him and finding out he was not what you would want. Agree Kathy, But if a girl is meeting 5 guys a week and not really too bothered about any, sure, 1 guy might turn out to be amazing but the likelihood is pretty slim. I did it myself. When I got good at getting dates I set up as many as I could but the result was that they were all kinda "blah".. I wasn't screening the girls enough. I was just getting better at going on dates which helped me screen girls more. After a while I was just burned out. I was spending my evenings going out to meet up with girls and spending a lot being out every night in a bars, resteraunts, cafes, etc and picking up the bill. I stopped going on 5 "Eh" dates a week and started going on 1 or 2 where I thought the girl seemed cool, and generally this led to more follow up dates. I wasn't spending my time trying to jump through the girls hoops and "prove" myself. There was attraction on both sides off the bat and we BOTH made an effort making the dates much more enjoyable. It also stopped either of us wasting each others time. I know your friend may go on those 5 dates but I suspect that may be the reason she's not finding the right guy. It prevents the awkward moment at the end of the date where you're unsure if you should be asking for the number or not. Both people already have the number and if its worth following up, you can do so in a day or 2. While each of these 5 guys who go on a date without so much as a number or really talking to the girl may end up being clingy, thats the reason right there! If I have to jump through too many hoops to meet a girl I loose interest. I'll be spending my friday night wining and dining with a girl who's interested in ME, not any old date. And if it doesn't work out, so be it, I'll move on to something else. I think focusing on going on dates which are worth going on instead of going on as many as possible will lead to finding a much better person in the long run. If it was me, I wouldn't meet your friend. I'd meet a girl who seems interested. Those 5 other guys may well go on the date but I'm no surprised if they turn out to be the clingy or creepy ones if they are willing to jump through so many hoops just to get a date, they probably dont have a lot of options and WILL be clingy. Don't date those guys. Online dating creates this very artificial small pool of the same people from an area. Its not very often that you find that gem of a person on there. Sometimes I've found a girl who is cute, pretty, has it all together but she is genuinely just too busy to have met someone, these girls are the best. There is no games, no hoops, they genuinely want to meet someone great and are open to it, they just dont come along very often online.
GirlontheLam Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I think most women won't give out their phone number unless they've met the guy in person first. That's what I've been told by the women I know who do online dating. They don't want to give it out unless they've met you in person first and you've passed the sniff test. This is why I give out a special number. Just for this purpose. If the person terns too clingy or creepy then I just block them. [Thanks Google Voice!] I would NEVER have met a guy without having spoken with him on the phone. I can tell a lot about certain aspects of "connecting" by having a conversation using our voices rather than typing. I am open to meeting, in a public place. But I also have a low bar for agreeing to coffee or a drink. Even with people I've met on the bus or in line, if the timing works out I'll happily meet for a coffee date or friendly outing. No phone conversation needed, just a minimal level of "chemistry" via email etc. It is the nature of my personality to be fairly open and social. So I struggle to balance this with the caution you sometimes need when doing these online dates. But for me, it is rarely awkward to make small talk with a stranger. That said, I also don't agree with the poster above who had the very lengthy time frame for emailing and talking before meeting. I did something similar for a while, and IMO it lead to no good. It's common for a sort of false intimacy to get established that way, and then when the real meeting happens and there is not any attraction, it's pretty awful. I agree. I think I've exchanged far too many messages, with someone online at this point. Due to conflicting schedules, we probably won't meet for another week or 2. But at this point I am getting daily messages after a flurry of initial ones. Probably way too much false intimacy. But I guess we'll see. Messaging a few more who live closer, but my weeks are packed with holiday parties etc. Not sure why I even started OLD this time of year!
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Agree Kathy, But if a girl is meeting 5 guys a week and not really too bothered about any, sure, 1 guy might turn out to be amazing but the likelihood is pretty slim. I did it myself. When I got good at getting dates I set up as many as I could but the result was that they were all kinda "blah".. I wasn't screening the girls enough. I was just getting better at going on dates which helped me screen girls more. After a while I was just burned out. I was spending my evenings going out to meet up with girls and spending a lot being out every night in a bars, resteraunts, cafes, etc and picking up the bill. I stopped going on 5 "Eh" dates a week and started going on 1 or 2 where I thought the girl seemed cool, and generally this led to more follow up dates. I wasn't spending my time trying to jump through the girls hoops and "prove" myself. There was attraction on both sides off the bat and we BOTH made an effort making the dates much more enjoyable. It also stopped either of us wasting each others time. I know your friend may go on those 5 dates but I suspect that may be the reason she's not finding the right guy. It prevents the awkward moment at the end of the date where you're unsure if you should be asking for the number or not. Both people already have the number and if its worth following up, you can do so in a day or 2. While each of these 5 guys who go on a date without so much as a number or really talking to the girl may end up being clingy, thats the reason right there! If I have to jump through too many hoops to meet a girl I loose interest. I'll be spending my friday night wining and dining with a girl who's interested in ME, not any old date. And if it doesn't work out, so be it, I'll move on to something else. I think focusing on going on dates which are worth going on instead of going on as many as possible will lead to finding a much better person in the long run. If it was me, I wouldn't meet your friend. I'd meet a girl who seems interested. Those 5 other guys may well go on the date but I'm no surprised if they turn out to be the clingy or creepy ones if they are willing to jump through so many hoops just to get a date, they probably dont have a lot of options and WILL be clingy. Don't date those guys. Online dating creates this very artificial small pool of the same people from an area. Its not very often that you find that gem of a person on there. Sometimes I've found a girl who is cute, pretty, has it all together but she is genuinely just too busy to have met someone, these girls are the best. There is no games, no hoops, they genuinely want to meet someone great and are open to it, they just dont come along very often online. Actually, a lot of what I said has been my sister's experiences with online dating, although I know many people who have also done it, and this has been their experience. They want to meet up early on. The guys that get into the habit of several Emails first lose out. My sister met her husband on a dating website. My niece met her long term boyfriend on a dating website. Many people I know do online dating, because it's an easy way to meet a large number of people who are interested in a relationship.
FitChick Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I prefer waiting unless I am very attracted to him and respond to everything in his profile. I'd still want to talk on the phone beforehand, though.
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