bobsmith76 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Women, Say a guy on online dating emails you, you email back positively, then he emails you again and asks to meet you. Are you going to be upset or turned off because he asks to meet you so quickly?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Women, Say a guy on online dating emails you, you email back positively, then he emails you again and asks to meet you. Are you going to be upset or turned off because he asks to meet you so quickly? Not upset -- maybe turned off.. I am not great with online dating anyway. It just feels awkward to make the "move" from online to real life. In real life situations, you never have that problem. A lot of the time, I find that people's online and offline personalities differ quite a bit; that they have different styles of talking/conversation than they do while "chatting" online (typing, not voice-chatting). If he suggests that we meet up right away, without ever having exchanged messages or chatted , I'd turn it down and say that we should slow down a little and get to know each other a bit, to see if we even should get to that point. However, if I were "meh" about the guy to begin with, I would totally ignore his mssg... it is a turn-off when a man asks to meet up in his first mssg (without me having said a word). It just shows that he might be judging me based only on my looks. What if I were totally dumb? Doesn't he want to know how I talk (type)? You can tell a lot by the way someone types, and the manner in which they carry on an online conversation... I'd like to think that there is more to me than my looks, and I'd like a guy to show interest in meeting me for more than my looks...
soccerrprp Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 okay, not a lady, but i would make it clear that a little communication online is desired. frankly, i would think that he was interested in getting involved so quickly because, perhaps, he was eager for a physical relationship so early...besides that, i know it doesn't guarantee anything, but online dating is potentially dangerous and any chance to get to know how the person thinks is preferred. i would also require a conversation over the phone before meeting... 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Women, Say a guy on online dating emails you, you email back positively, then he emails you again and asks to meet you. Are you going to be upset or turned off because he asks to meet you so quickly? Tone and the way you ask is important. Assuming the content and tone of a guy's emails are good, and he asked me nicely and provided his number, I'd consider that approach ideal! In fact, I prioritized guys who did that and guys who had just initiated contact over those who were still at it almost a week later. I look for guys who are self-confident, sure of themselves, decisive, and excited about meeting me. I got what I wanted by focusing on those who quickly got to asking me for a date. Besides, why waste extended time on email, meet the person only to discover he's not what I expected or there's no chemistry. Pointless! A lot of guys asked for a date directly, not a call in their email. I typically countered with a suggestion to have a phone call first. Many of my friends don't bother with a call and prefer to just meet. I personally want a call to make sure you "match" the picture you've painted so far. Met a bunch of really great guys. Enjoyed all my dates. Certainly no dates that I regretted. No horror stories. It really just came down to chemistry and connection. That ranged from off the charts to nada. No way to predict who would be which until we met in person. I was always wrong when I tried to guess. Thus my preference for a more pragmatic approach to not waste time exchanging emails with guys who seemed like perfect boyfriend material online, but felt like a friend/brother when we finally met.
zebracolors Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Isn't the idea of online dating to eventually meet in person?;) But I can see how a phone conversation before in-person meeting would be desirable for the reasons CutiePie mentioned. If you are willing to have a phone conversation first, then a woman might not be so quick to think you're only after one thing. If I was on any dating sites, Id probably suggest a few phone conversations myself.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I think there are a lot of people who are not fans of writing back and forth, and would rather get the meet up out of the way early on, rather than waste time Emailing back and forth, only to find out there is no chemistry/attraction once they meet up.
GirlontheLam Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I think it depends on a couple of things: Yes: 1. if we had a bunch of common interests and a good email exchange or two, sure 2. if I think you are attractive enough, and the meeting place is right by my house or work Maybe: 1. if you said, I'd love to meet, do you have time for a phone chat first 2. your profile was super amazing No 1. you asked me to meet you at your house before we exchanged names 2. your lead in was something about your physical attributes or sexual prowess I am open to meeting as long as there aren't too many obstacles. Like stuff in common, or location of meeting place. If we exchanged 1-2 good emails and have stuff in common, I am open to an in person meetup quickly, but I am also the type to make new friends in line at the grocery store or on the bus. For me OLD is an excuse to meet new people, no matter. I don't care if the meeting leads to nothing as long as it was fun.
MrCastle Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Guy, you gotta get out there, man. Online Dating is a total fail. I've noticed the bulk of your threads deal with improving your profile and overall OLD success but it's futile in most cases. You will always do better in real life. If I remember correctly, you have a strong religious faith? Have you considered joining a faith based group of some sort or a congregation where you can meet like minded people? A lot of Churches have functions and whatnot that allow members of the congregation to mingle and stuff. You may have some success there. 1
NateC Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Right away is a bit bold...it's really personal preference if you'd rather get to know the person completely in-person. Personally, I need to get to know them first - then ask. It's worked so far. It may not work out in the end but meeting new people is a great confidence booster (as I need it).
aussietigerwolf Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I once had a guy who as his opening message said I should spend the weekend at his beach house.
MyPoutine Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would run, I would suggest email for at least 2 weeks then phone conversation for about a week then meet in a public place in broad daylight. Nowadays with more and more creeps cropping up it's important to make the potential date comfortable with you and to take things slow. If you want something faster try speed dating.
Author bobsmith76 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Guy, you gotta get out there, man. Online Dating is a total fail. I've noticed the bulk of your threads deal with improving your profile and overall OLD success but it's futile in most cases. You will always do better in real life. I do both. Each week I spend about 6 hours going out and 6 hours on online dating. Besides, if online is such a fail then why is it that 25% of marriages start on OLD. If I remember correctly, you have a strong religious faith? Have you considered joining a faith based group of some sort or a congregation where you can meet like minded people? A lot of Churches have functions and whatnot that allow members of the congregation to mingle and stuff. You may have some success there. I believe strongly in God but I do not belong to any of the established religions. I haven't yet met a strong christian for whom my religion was not a problem.
Author bobsmith76 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I would run, I would suggest email for at least 2 weeks then phone conversation for about a week then meet in a public place in broad daylight. Nowadays with more and more creeps cropping up it's important to make the potential date comfortable with you and to take things slow. If you want something faster try speed dating. I generally avoid women who are this paranoid. They have a lot of trouble dealing with reality and tend to lack very poor judgment skills. Moreover, they routinely misinterpret my intentions.
movingon12 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I generally avoid women who are this paranoid. They have a lot of trouble dealing with reality and tend to lack very poor judgment skills. Moreover, they routinely misinterpret my intentions. That is in no way paranoid, that is just plain and simple common sense.
grkBoy Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Women, Say a guy on online dating emails you, you email back positively, then he emails you again and asks to meet you. Are you going to be upset or turned off because he asks to meet you so quickly? You have to bear in mind some men/women join OLD simply to seek attention. They're the ones who tell to death to people offline how "online dating is full of losers" and thus believe they are of a high enough echelon to find a mate offline. Yet, they fail in real life, so they go on OLD looking for men or women to chase them, and thus boost their ego. With women, I still personally believe many see OLD as a place for "losers" and thus worry someone they know will see them on a site...thus they will feel embarrassed. It's like the old humiliation when the single woman goes home for the holidays, and some evil cousin or sister or "frenemy" makes a snide remark on how said woman can't seem to find a man and get married. I believe these same fears resonate with many in OLD. They fear the stigma of being seen as the person who had to turn to the internet to find someone. I DON'T AGREE WITH THIS IDEA. However, I'll still hear of many who seemingly have their finger on the "delete account" button all the time, simply because their loneliness is conflicting with their traditional sense of how they think they should find a mate. In any case, it sucks, but there isn't much you can do. In OLD men and women can easily reject people without manners or repercussions. All you can do is keep trying, or go down other avenues. Edited December 3, 2012 by grkBoy 1
dasein Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 When doing OLD, put a sentence in your profile along the lines of "Be ready to go out on a fun date and we will." When you get a reply to a first email, ask for the phone number in your reply, and give yours in that email, "Let's talk on the phone. Please send me your phone number, or if you are more comfortable calling me, here's my number." Even before I learned the OLD ropes, I got 100% phone numbers, or a call to me by them. Never had one tell me they weren't ready or wanted to talk more out of 50 or so dates. If you take the reins in a "this is how it's supposed to work" way, they will feel it's natural. If you are hesitant with "I understand if you think it's too soon to talk on the phone..." IMO they will feel less comfortable. Get face to face as quickly as possible. Good luck. 2
Estate Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Online dating is easy and sucks all in one go I'll explain For guys, yeah, it's a numbers game. I know every girl would like to think we all spend hours laboring over the perfect email for them but sometimes unless she looks extremely special, the rate of return is just too low. Find something nice but genuine that you start with, and use something similar but maybe mke a nice comment for her. Keep it short anyway. If she replies, great. If not, let it go... I see guys not letting it go a lot and it really doesn't come across well, chances of a second desperate message changing her mind? Zero. Don't spend weeks emailing back and forth, it gets stale, both parties interest wanes. Don't ask for a number right off the bat. She doesn't know you. However, if you maybe exchange one mail a day and her replies are not one liners, she's probably somewhat interested. Ask for a number somewhere between 3-4 mails, take it offline then so your not just the guy on the internet. Call or text? Hmmm, everyones different. I think a text to say hi is better and set up a date. Some girls prefer you call but some will be put off by this if you haven't exchanged some banter by text first. Final, there's exceptions to every rule, it's lot a structured list... but keep it light and fun, exchange 3-4 mails and if she seems cool, ask for the number and set up a date. If it fails somewhere along that line, forget it and try someone else. Don't be needy or creepy. Its pretty simple.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would say don't ask for the phone number before meeting the woman in person. Most women will not give it out before meeting anyway, in case the meeting is a dud, then she'll have to deal with every Tom, Dick and Harry that she once exchanged Emails with calling her up. Set up a time and place to meet through Email if she responds favorably to your initial Email, and get that out of the way as a first thing. No multiple Emails, unless she says she doesn't feel comfortable meeting right away (although that may be a red flag in itself). Most people are on dating websites to meet people, not to find penpals. Those that are hesitant to meet are usually either: (a) still in a relationship and looking to get out of it, but are only testing the waters to see who is out there, and are therefore not available; or (b) they've misrepresented themselves on their profile and are afraid of being rejected if meeting too early, so they want to build an emotional connection first so you won't reject them so easily when you do meet them. Ask to meet (for coffee or a walk or whatever) early on, while she is still interested. Otherwise, the more aggressive men will beat you to the punch. The good ones don't stay on the dating websites for long, and they have a lot of offers to meet, so you need to be more aggressive in arranging the meet up. No multiple Emails before arranging a meet up.
Estate Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'd be seriously concerned about someone who didn't exchange numbers. It doesn't come off well. Instant red flag & secretive. After talking online you need to set a date on the phone. Call or text. But purely online is weird and it doesn't feel like your talking to a "real person". And if she's unwilling to give you her number it shows a serious lack of interest, I wouldn't really waste my time on the date. It depends what you want but I want to meet someone I'll want to see again. When girls just want a free date but show zero active interest, its not worth my time. I think you'd be more likely to meet a creeper when all interaction has been purely online than any other way. Not everyone online is a weird creepy stalker. And if some guy ends up being clingy, just block his number and don't deal with it, simple enough I feel.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would say don't ask for the phone number before meeting the woman in person. Most women will not give it out before meeting anyway, I am a veteran of many meetings from online dating sites - one of which resulted in marriage. I disagree with you. I would NEVER have met a guy without having spoken with him on the phone. I can tell a lot about certain aspects of "connecting" by having a conversation using our voices rather than typing. That said, I also don't agree with the poster above who had the very lengthy time frame for emailing and talking before meeting. I did something similar for a while, and IMO it lead to no good. It's common for a sort of false intimacy to get established that way, and then when the real meeting happens and there is not any attraction, it's pretty awful. I'd exchange a few emails, one or two phone talks, and if we both felt like it after that, a VERY short meet for coffee and a walk, or something similar - easy for either or both parties to escape from if necessary without any significant ego bruising, and with open lines of communication in case there was promise. Except, for when I met my husband all those parameters went out the window!
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I think most women won't give out their phone number unless they've met the guy in person first. That's what I've been told by the women I know who do online dating. They don't want to give it out unless they've met you in person first and you've passed the sniff test.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I am a veteran of many meetings from online dating sites - one of which resulted in marriage. I disagree with you. I would NEVER have met a guy without having spoken with him on the phone. I can tell a lot about certain aspects of "connecting" by having a conversation using our voices rather than typing. I can understand that. I'm just going by what other women I know have told me. They don't want to give out their number until they've met the guy, in case he's a dud, because they don't want to have to screen calls from the guy afterwards. To each his own. That would be my preference also if I were in that situation--not give out the phone number until I've met the guy first. A lot of women are guarded with their phone number until they've had a chance to check you out in person. That said, I also don't agree with the poster above who had the very lengthy time frame for emailing and talking before meeting. I did something similar for a while, and IMO it lead to no good. It's common for a sort of false intimacy to get established that way, and then when the real meeting happens and there is not any attraction, it's pretty awful. Agreed. I'd exchange a few emails, one or two phone talks, and if we both felt like it after that, a VERY short meet for coffee and a walk, or something similar - easy for either or both parties to escape from if necessary without any significant ego bruising, and with open lines of communication in case there was promise. Except, for when I met my husband all those parameters went out the window! Some guys really know how to sweep a woman off her feet.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Some guys really know how to sweep a woman off her feet. But actually, in our case, we emailed and talked on the phone daily for over 2 months before meeting, because he was away from home - and our first meeting was a very romantic and extravagant dinner date planned by him. Our second was a family barbecue a his sister's home, and our third was a dinner at my house that included his son (visiting from across the country) and my adult daughter and her bf. We never looked back! But, I'm derailing the thread, which has me confused. What do you mean, OP, that "too many woman leave the ball in their court"? If the ball is in their court, that's all there is too it, right? And what constitutes "too many"?
Estate Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Kathy, I accept that IS some girls views on it but these are also the people who will spend a LONG time on the site or just give up in frsutration. Sure, girls want a guy to persue them but honestly. If a girl is just putting in so little effort, being highly cagy and skeptical and doesn't even want to exchange numbers with me... then I really don't take it she has much interest. I won't waste my time going on a date with her, I'll take out the next girl who IS making the effort. Honestly, the few girls I've had the BEST time with online, have actually called or text ME first, given, it isn't always the way but if a girl has enough interest that SHE doesn't wait for me too call and decides to get in touch before I do, then it's pretty obvious she is interested and will probably make an effort on the date. If I'm interested too, these dates go great. When a girl acts stand-offish, cagey, very skeptical and basically views you as a creep before meeting then she really isn't invested in it and just wants the validation of a guy chasing her. I've gone on plenty of those types of dates and I've learned to screen women better online now. Its easy for a guy to fall into the trap of being all excited because he gets ONE date online but first dates online mean nothing. I went through a phase where I'd meet up with a whole bunch of girls if they were willing to meet up but some were aweful, some girls were there for validation, some for a free night out, some literally ordered the most ridiculous things on the menu, sat on their hands when the check came "testing" me.... Honestly, some guys may go for this and chase her, maybe thats what she wants, but as a grown man whos good looking, fit, successful, I really don't waste time on this behaviours, there are many women with better attitudes to dating than this out there, I'd rather take one of those girls to dinner again next weekend than a dead fish. Meeting a girl before she even gives me her number? Flat out weird. Guys shouldn't be jumping through such hoops... if she liked the guy that much she would WANT him to have the number, if she doesn't, the date isn't worth your time guys.
KathyM Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Kathy, I accept that IS some girls views on it but these are also the people who will spend a LONG time on the site or just give up in frsutration. Sure, girls want a guy to persue them but honestly. If a girl is just putting in so little effort, being highly cagy and skeptical and doesn't even want to exchange numbers with me... then I really don't take it she has much interest. I won't waste my time going on a date with her, I'll take out the next girl who IS making the effort. Honestly, the few girls I've had the BEST time with online, have actually called or text ME first, given, it isn't always the way but if a girl has enough interest that SHE doesn't wait for me too call and decides to get in touch before I do, then it's pretty obvious she is interested and will probably make an effort on the date. If I'm interested too, these dates go great. When a girl acts stand-offish, cagey, very skeptical and basically views you as a creep before meeting then she really isn't invested in it and just wants the validation of a guy chasing her. I've gone on plenty of those types of dates and I've learned to screen women better online now. Its easy for a guy to fall into the trap of being all excited because he gets ONE date online but first dates online mean nothing. I went through a phase where I'd meet up with a whole bunch of girls if they were willing to meet up but some were aweful, some girls were there for validation, some for a free night out, some literally ordered the most ridiculous things on the menu, sat on their hands when the check came "testing" me.... Honestly, some guys may go for this and chase her, maybe thats what she wants, but as a grown man whos good looking, fit, successful, I really don't waste time on this behaviours, there are many women with better attitudes to dating than this out there, I'd rather take one of those girls to dinner again next weekend than a dead fish. Meeting a girl before she even gives me her number? Flat out weird. Guys shouldn't be jumping through such hoops... if she liked the guy that much she would WANT him to have the number, if she doesn't, the date isn't worth your time guys. Yes, but she doesn't KNOW if she likes him until she meets him. I'm just saying, a lot of women don't want to give out the number until they've met you first, because they don't want to be called by these guys that they find they have no interest in after meeting him, and most dates from online dating turn out to be duds. Can you imagine giving out your number to five guys a week that showed interest? That would be twenty guys a month calling you that you had no interest in after meeting up with him and finding out he was not what you would want.
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