sixsidedsock Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 On Friday, I left my marital home of ten years, after a lot of things came to a head. I left because it had become impossible for us to spend any time together without arguing, or without mean comments. I also left because of minor physical abuse on her part - in the past she's grabbed and hit me, and recently she did it again. Today I called her to arrange to pick up some more of my things - I'm supposed to be moving into my own place tomorrow. We ended up having lunch, and she told me that she's realised how much things need to change. She's agreed to get counselling for her anger problems, and to fix all the things that I've been saying needed fixing for the last couple of years. I'm honestly completely confused as to how to proceed now. I'm supposed to sign my lease tomorrow - I've already wired the deposit to the landlord - but at the same time I feel like I should move back home and try again if I'm to be a good husband. I do love my wife, but we'd gotten to the point where we were just making each other miserable; I don't know whether i can trust that everything's going to just change the way she said. I was looking forward to being able to start afresh, but now I wonder whether I shouldn't seize this chance with both hands. Does anyone have any advice at this point? How the hell am I supposed to proceed?
Neith Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 On Friday, I left my marital home of ten years, after a lot of things came to a head. I left because it had become impossible for us to spend any time together without arguing, or without mean comments. I also left because of minor physical abuse on her part - in the past she's grabbed and hit me, and recently she did it again. Today I called her to arrange to pick up some more of my things - I'm supposed to be moving into my own place tomorrow. We ended up having lunch, and she told me that she's realised how much things need to change. She's agreed to get counselling for her anger problems, and to fix all the things that I've been saying needed fixing for the last couple of years. I'm honestly completely confused as to how to proceed now. I'm supposed to sign my lease tomorrow - I've already wired the deposit to the landlord - but at the same time I feel like I should move back home and try again if I'm to be a good husband. I do love my wife, but we'd gotten to the point where we were just making each other miserable; I don't know whether i can trust that everything's going to just change the way she said. I was looking forward to being able to start afresh, but now I wonder whether I shouldn't seize this chance with both hands. Does anyone have any advice at this point? How the hell am I supposed to proceed? Three questions regarding what you should do. The answers should tell you what to do, one way or the other. Do you love her enough? Do you want your marriage to be over? Do you want to make it work? Look at the bit in the quote I put in bold..while her actions are 100% wrong, I just wanna make sure you understand something important if you want this to work.. (I'm not saying this to patronize you or preach, just going by your OP) In the original post, you didn't mention anything you, specifically, have done wrong. SHE's the one getting counselling to fix the things YOU say need to be fixed? If you want it to work, you need to listen to her and accept anything she says you can improve on too. Her problems being more severe and prominent don't excuse you from trying to get better as well. It's a two way street. Couple's therapy might be good for you both. If you blame deflect everything onto her, you may as well file for divorce tomorrow.
Balzac Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Welcome to LS. Physical aggression is reason enough for you to sign your lease. You have not mentioned children? Just because you have an apt does not mean you have to stay there every night for 12 months. 1
denxnis Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Move out. This change in your life will truly determine whether or not you two should stay together. I would inform your wife that you would like to spend at least a month apart and see where the counseling takes you. During this time off make an effort to not contact your wife - also inform her you are doing so in respect for each other. Work on making yourself a better person, think of ways you can improve in being a better husband. I don't think you can accomplish this within a few days mainly because the first couple of weeks you will be filled with many different emotions and won't be able to think rationally. Let us know how things pan out.
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